Degenerate Friday - NBA Dunk Contest?

Now that the football season has officially ended, Degenerate Friday needs to find other things to bet on. And as I covered a few weeks ago, the way to make money in college basketball is on the smaller conferences with less available data. I’m not going to get into discussing those games because let’s face it, as soon as I start mentioning the Ivy League, I start to get sleepy, so I’m sure you do as well.

I was boarding a flight to Milwaukee to help my sister move (at least it’s my sister and not Keith Hernandez asking me to move) and Devin Harris of the New Jersey Nets was on my flight. We chatted very briefly while we were boarding the plane, asked him how his injuries were (he’s sore but feeling pretty good), asked if he was headed home to see his family (a quick stop before going to Orlando for some sun over the All-Star break), and I wished him well for the rest of the season. While he’s still thin, he definitely has bulked up some since his days at the Kohl Center in Madison.

It got me thinking about the All-Star break, and what used to be the greatest night of the NBA season – All-Star Saturday Night – when all the best talent in the league would compete in the 3-point shoot out and the dunk contest. I remember hanging out at my buddy Sally’s (a guy – nicknamed Sally as a mocking of his manhood. He calls my Nancy) parents house eating pizza, listening to his dad pass gas and watching the festivities. Those were the days where the biggest stars – Larry Bird, Michael Jordan, Dominique Wilkins, etc. – competed in the events. And while the dunks may not have been quite as high-flying back then, they were extremely majestic and powerful. Check out these Jordan highlights:

Being that we have to bet on something over the weekend, let’s take a look at the contestants in this year’s competition and where we should bet. Below are the odds I could find from bodog.com:

Dwight Howard (Orlando): 20-31Rudy Fernandez (Portland): 13-4J.R. Smith (Denver): 7-2Nate Robinson (N.Y. Knicks): 19-4

The biggest factor to consider for this year’s competition is that part of the judging will be done via text message. That has a huge benefit for Rudy Fernandez who may secure all of the European text votes. Spaniards are big on hoops and definitely would take some pride in having one of their own bring home a dunk crown. It would also continue to improve the perception of the foreign-born players as more than just finese jumpshooters.

Dwight Howard is the overwhelming favorite with his Superman persona and big smile to sway the audience. While his athleticism is impressive, for me, the fact that he’s a 7-footer just kind of diminishes all of his dunks. He’s already closer to the rim than any of us, so he should be able to throw down nasty dunks, right? So then I should probably go with Nate Robinson as the shortest contestant at somewhere around 5’9”, right? While I like the “Krypto-Nate” routine that he pulled, I can’t see him pulling enough of the text votes, particularly from Europe to come away with the win.

J.R. Smith has the ability to win this contest, as he has the perfect combination of insane hops, size to make the aerial displays look impressive, and craziness to try any dunk. The reason he won’t win? Who knows who J.R. Smith is outside of Denver? No one. There will be very, very few overseas texts voting for the tattoo’d guy who looks more like the black guy on Scrubs than he does an NBA player. He also strikes me as the guy that will try to do something so insane that he misses and gets eliminated because he keeps missing.

So where do we bet? I think the best value lies with Rudy Fernandez. At 13-4 odds, it’s a decent pay day on a guy who can throw down and has European support. It also helps the NBA increase its global presence by being able to promote another of its foreign-born players as an up-and-coming star on an up-and-coming team in Portland. Then again, others that have won the contest include JR Rider, Desmond Mason and Brent Barry. Being dunk champ didn’t exactly boost their careers.

All that said, if Dominique Wilkins, Shawn Kemp (before he pulled a Kirstie Alley) or Kenny “Sky” Walker entered this year’s competition, I’d bet on them.

--------------------------------------------------------

Have you ever heard the phrase “It’s better to keep your mouth shut and be thought an idiot than to open your mouth and remove all doubt”? Pretty sure John Mayer should have that tattoo’d on both of his hands, Sarah Palin-style, as a constant reminder. In one interview with Playboy he proved beyond a doubt that some long, wavy hair and the ability to play the guitar are all it takes to get laid by some of the hottest women in Hollywood. He managed to call his junk racist, dromb an “n-bomb” and complement Jessica Simpson’s ability in the sack.

He then backpedaled faster than Deion Sanders in his prime, arguing that he should have known that he wouldn’t be able to “intellectualize” his use of such a derogatory word. John, you may have a way with words with bimbos, but you did a hell of a job of making an ass of yourself. It doesn’t even matter what your intentions were – you just have to be smarter than that to know that it’s a lightning rod that you don’t want to be anywhere near.

-----------------------------------------------------------

Last add: Yesterday was the 20-year anniversary of Mike Tyson getting knocked by Buster Douglas in Tokyo. I think sometimes it’s hard for those that are too young to have been around when Tyson was the most feared man in the world. Now he’s only known as this complete lunatic who does a great karaoke of Phil Collins and has a tattoo on his face. Back in the day he was among the biggest stars in the entire world and opponents were generally scared out of their minds before the fight would even begin. Just watch the highlights

Tuesday Ramblings - Awards Show!

The Oscar Nominations came out today which means people with even more free time than me will be trying to argue whether computer generated 3-D is more impressive than movies set in reality with people doing mostly realistic things. I haven’t seen Avatar – yes, I’m one of the 5 who haven’t – and I don’t have any desire to see it. The whole 3-D thing is not of interest to me, and I’m not a science fiction fan, with the exception of Star Wars, so I probably will never see it.

Anyway, so how do I link that to today’s post? How about handing out some awards for the NFL Playoffs thus far? Sure, why not? And since we’re holding our own awards show, I’ll make sure to invite Katy Perry to the show, just for entertainment for you. You’re welcome.

Best Performance – Male: Peyton Manning – QB Colts

This one is more of a slam dunk than Jerry Rice being elected to the Hall of Fame on Saturday. Manning went through two of the toughest defenses in the league in Baltimore and the Jets on his way to the Super Bowl. Even if the Ravens and Jets were the #5 and #6 seeds, they were the most physical teams in the playoffs, and Manning was masterful in dissecting them. The only thing left for him to do is to claim the Lombardi trophy on Sunday night. He’s marching his way up the list of all-time quarterbacks (as we discussed last week).

Best Supporting Performance – Female: Kim Kardashian

Whatever she did to motivate Reggie Bush before the playoffs started seemed to work. Whether the alleged threat of marriage to Kim was a motivator or not can be debated, but something got into him against the Cardinals and he looked like that guy with an extra gear that he was during his career at USC. Kim will be at the Super Bowl this weekend, and I’m sure that we’ll be treated to numerous shots of her up in a luxury box, wearing her Saints gear and rooting for her own ring to match Reggie’s Super Bowl winning ring.

Best Director: Rex Ryan – NY Jets

The outspoken, rotund coach of the Jets got his team to believe that they were the best team in the playoffs and advanced further than no one but him thought was possible. While he fell short of the ultimate goal of getting to the Super Bowl, he had a rookie quarterback, a rookie running back and a wide receiver who couldn’t catch the ball. He was basically the equivalent of that guy who made Napoleon Dynamite – a cast of nobody actors and actresses that somehow turned into one of the funniest movies of the decade.

Worst Best Performance: Adrian Peterson – RB Vikings

Another slam dunk that is almost as sure of a bet as whether there will be fireworks in Chicago between perpetually angry Mike Martz with his perpetually pouting quarterback, Jay Cutler. Peterson busted off over 100 yards and 3 TDs against the Saints, yet all anyone wanted to talk about was his penchant for fumbling. He is on the verge of losing his standing as the best running back in the league. If they gave out this award in movies, Megan Fox would win every year. There is no worse actress who still gets roles in bad movies.

Fastest Deterioration from a Franchise QB to a Mediocre Game Manager: Carson Palmer – QB Bengals

This was a guy that in his 2nd through 5th year in the league averaged 4,000 yards and over 28 touchdowns per season. Yet this year he barely threw for over 3,000 yards and in the playoffs against the Jets, he threw for 146 yards. What happened? I get the knee injury which cost him a full season of trying to get back to full strength but he doesn’t even resemble the same strong-armed quarterback with a pocket presence that he was when he came into the league. This would be the Jennifer Lopez award for someone that gained attention with one aggressively cut dress, and continues to try and convince people she’s talented, when we all know the truth.

Best Performance Blowing Team’s Chances: San Diego Chargers

So, you’re getting ready to play the best defense in the league in the divisional playoff game on your home field. How would you stay focused? Get a little extra film session in to make sure you are ultra-familiar with the Jets extensive blitz packages? Spend some quality time with your family to relax and allow yourself to conserve energy? Or head over to the Pure Platinum club and get boozed up with strippers? Yeah, we know what the Chargers chose, and that couldn’t have helped prevent them from choking against the Jets.

Biggest Disappointment – Team: New England Patriots

Before this season, there were a couple of things that appeared carved in stone: You don’t beat Bill Belichick and Tom Brady in New England during the playoffs. You don’t bet against Bill Belichick and Tom Brady in the playoffs. You don’t question any decisions by Bill Belichick on the field. All of those came crashing down this year, from the failed 4th and 2 against the Colts, Brady looking awful in the playoffs and the Patriots bowing out after losing at Gillette Stadium. It will be interesting to see where they go from here. Basically, they’re Jennifer Anniston after Friends ended and she was in a couple of poor movies like Rumor Has It. Are the Patriots going to bounce back and like Jen, look better with age?

Most Expected Meltdown that Somehow Surprised Us But Should Not Have: Philadelphia Eagles

Let’s see, we have the worst clutch quarterback with a winning record and the worst clutch playoff coach in history going on the road against a divisional rival. And this same team had already lost in Oakland earlier in the year. Yet somehow we were convinced that the Eagles might actually have a chance against the Cowboys? Andy Reid and Donovan McNabb have made careers of collapsing in the playoffs and coming up short in big moments. Yet somehow the Eagles tempt us like John Mayer with all of the starlets in Hollywood (& now Nashville as it is rumored he’s seeing Taylor Swift). And it ends the same way, tears and disappointment.

Best Dramatic Performance: Cardinals beating Packers in Overtime

This was the best game of the playoffs, without question. There were a ton of blow outs in this year’s playoffs, but this one was not one of them, despite the Cardinals jumping out to a 21 point lead early. There were huge plays, controversial calls and non-calls, and tremendous performances from both quarterbacks. Obviously as a Packer fan, the result was crushing for me, yet taking the fan side of things and putting it aside, this game was beyond entertaining to watch.

Tuesday Ramblings

Went to a great Stephen Kellogg concert this past weekend. Despite having some issues with his guitars early in the show, he put on a hell of a show. It was his birthday, his parents and wife were in the audience, and he was taping the show for a CD and DVD, which all combined to create a high energy show where he showed his passion for his music, playing for almost 2 hours. Dressed like Tom Petty and sporting a shaggy beard that somehow works for him, he jumped and played guitar all over the stage keeping the crowd dancing and singing along. I also highly recommend for his newest CD “The Bear” which came out a couple months ago. The concert was a great mix of his new songs, his older songs, and some jam sessions showing off the considerable talents of his band, The Sixers.

----------------------------------------------------------------
Wait, Steven Seagal has been a cop for the past 20 years? Really? I thought he was just a bad-acting, martial arts guy who had dramatic lines like “Whoa. Shut the music off.” when he comes across a drugged out, topless Erica Eleniak jumping out of a cake on a cruise ship in Under Siege (yeah, I just dated myself a little, but it was one of those great HBO moments growing up). But I guess he ate his former actor self and now A&E is following him around as he corrects all the wrongs on the means streets of Jefferson Parrish, Louisiana. It’s basically “Cops” starring Steven Seagal, which sounds like a skit from Saturday Night Live.


---------------------------------------------------------------
A dominating performance last night by the Saints in New Orleans, as the Saints really took it to the Pats. While it would have been unlikely, didn’t it seem strange that Bill Belichick threw in the towel with five and a half minutes left, down by 3 touchdowns? I also think he again showed he has no confidence in his defense to stop a good offense (similar to in Indy) by going for it on 4th down 3 more times. But all that being said, the story should be the Saints, and how much faster, quicker, and well-prepared they looked on the big stage with the big lights against a big time team. The Saints and Colts are rolling through the league and playing “can you top this” like Justin Timberlake and John Mayer with the hottest chicks in Hollywood.


-------------------------------------------------------------
So they finally cut Charlie Weis off from the all-you-can-eat buffet at Notre Dame. You have to feel for him a little bit, as he was a student at the university and obviously coaching there had to have been a dream come true for him, only to have it fail miserably. Now the rumor mill gets going and all the coaches will give out their Nick Saban line “I am not going to Notre Dame” until the huge contract is placed in front of them, and then they suddenly show up wearing the leprechaun costume.

The latest is Bob Stoops of Oklahoma, who is supposedly at the top of Golden Dome list. While he earned the nickname “Big Game Bob” early in his career, he has lost 5 straight BCS bowl games, laying some bad eggs along the way. Then again, he has gotten to a BCS bowl in 5 of the last 6 years, which would be an enormous improvement from what Notre Dame has done recently.


------------------------------------------------------------------
Looks like Bobby Bowden is going to retire this morning. I guess they decided against making a sequel to Weekend at Bernie’s. The guy is a legend and led a Florida State program that was among the best in all of college football for a solid 20+ years. It’s kind of a shame the way he had to take a nudge to get out, but at least he saved himself a little bit of his dignity by not being fired. Tip of that dopey straw hat to you, Bobby, and there are likely a few tears behind those Oakley shades.

---------------------------------------------
And how do you think the mood was in the locker room after this game? Hockey player accidentally whacks his own goalie in the head when trying to hit the goal in frustration. Wow.