Wednesday Rankings - 1990 College Hoops

Before getting to the rankings this week, if the NBA ever has another labor issue, I’m pretty sure the owners can just play this video to make their case that the players are overpaid. Marquis Daniels……..pause for the collective “Who?” from the audience………of the Boston Celtics had this piece of bling made: a diamond-studded replica of his own head. Just watch it being made:

Diamond Head Made by Jason of Beverly Hills from vKofJBH on Vimeo.

If you read yesterday’s post, I teased today’s rankings with a mention that currently #1 ranked Syracuse hasn’t held that top spot since 1990. Well, these rankings will rank today’s top 8 teams, and compare them to a team and a song from 1990. I’ve already covered my thoughts on Syracuse and their fans after watching them dismantle UNC at the Garden early on this season, so let’s get right to comparing teams of 2010 with 1990…………

1. Syracuse
1990 Hoops Doppleganger: UNLV Runnin’ Rebels (#1 seed, national champs)
1990 Hit Song: “The Humpty Dance” by The Digital Underground

The currently #1 ranked Syracuse team has one big thing in common with the 1990 champs, and it is not pictures in a hot tub with a known gambling kingpin. It is the presence of a transfer named Johnson elevating the team to new heights – Wes at Syracuse this year and Larry at UNLV in 1990. Wes Johnson took an extremely round about path to Syracuse but he has now solidified the Orange attack. (The NY Times had a great article on that path – better than I could recap here) The biggest difference between the two teams is that UNLV was the consensus #1 to start the 1990 season, and this year’s Syracuse squad was unranked (and lost to a D-II school in an exhibition game).

Why the Humpty Dance? Because the Digital Underground was a compilation of unknowns which together produced the #63 song in 1990, but the song that is still a party-starter at any bar at any time. Syracuse is a combination of unknowns – not a single “top 50 recruit” among the entire roster. Is Wes Johnson the Tupac Shakur? Tupac was a young unknown with a checkered past when he joined the group and went on to be the greatest lyricist the hip-hop/rap world has ever seen. Johnson could be playing himself to a lottery selection and his own version of “America’s Most Wanted.”

2. Kansas
1990 Hoops Doppleganger: Duke Blue Devils (#2 seed, national runner-up)
1990 Hit Song: “Just A Friend” by Biz Markie

The 1990 Duke team was in the middle of their 4 straight trips to the Final Four, and was led by sophomore Christian Laettner and freshmen Bobby Hurley. Yet their leading scorer was actually senior Phil Henderson and they also had one of the best names in the history of college basketball in Alaa Abdelnaby manning the center position. This year’s Kansas squad has strong point guard play in Sherron Collins, and also has a big man similar to Laettner that can dominate games in college, but his lack of athleticism will challenge his pro prospects. The Jayhawks also have the athletic Morris brothers, which makes them stand out from the 1990 Blue Devil team that would eventually get run off the court by UNLV.

For the song, why Biz Markie? Why not. Before the song got reintroduced to the world through the Heineken cab driver commercial, it was one of the catchy songs that will be stuck in your head for the rest of the day. Kind of like that Duke team, and like this year’s Kansas team – they may disappear for a while, but when you look up and see them, they’re pretty damn good.

3. Kentucky
1990 Hoops Team: Illinois Fightin’ Illini (#5 seed, 1st round upset) or LSU Tigers (#5 seed, lost 2nd Rd)
1990 Hit Song: “I Wanna Be Rich” by Calloway

This year’s Kentucky team had to be split between two teams from 1990, one of which is more aligned with their coach, and the other with their players. The 1990 Illinois squad was remembered as the “Flyin Illini” because of the guard play of All-American Kendall Gill combined with Nick Anderson and Marcus Liberty. That’s not the key similarity with Kentucky – the common ground is that Illinois went on probation the following year after recruiting violations regarding offering money to Deon Thomas. (side note – that was the situation where now Tennessee coach Bruce Pearl blew the whistle on UI-Chicago’s current coach Jimmy Collins, an Illinois assistant at the time. The end result was that Pearl was blackballed from coaching for years before getting a restart at UW-Milwaukee.) And since John Calipari is coaching Kentucky, well, judging by his track record, it’s just a matter of time until Kentucky ends up on probation, just like UMass and Memphis previously.

The similarity with LSU? LSU was led by a dynamic point guard in Chris Jackson (later known as Mahmoud Abdul-Rauf) and a freshman center that you might have heard of – Shaquille O’Neal. Kentucky is led by a dynamic point guard in John Wall and a freshman big guy in DeMarcus Cousins. Perhaps if Illinois & LSU had combined and paired up Nick Anderson with Shaquille O’Neal they would have had as much success as the two had in leading the Orlando Magic to the NBA Finals half a decade later.

As for the song, since John Calipari is involved, there are going to be one-and-done players who are more focused on getting rich. And who knows, they may already be getting rich just playing for Calipari. (I have no proof and am not accusing Calipari of anything…….directly. The guy is a weasel and I wouldn’t put anything past him.)

4. Duke
1990 Hoops Team: UConn Huskies (#1 seed, Lost Regional Final)
1990 Hit Song: “Step By Step” by New Kids on the Block

Duke is one of only 2 teams to be among the top ranked current teams that is also one of the dopplegangers from 1990. Kind of like Cindy Crawford, the top model in 1990 and still capable of bringing the heat in 2010. This year’s Duke squad is a donut team with a huge hole in the middle. They are dominated by perimeter players like John Scheyer and have no internal toughness (Kyle Singler is softer than Kirstie Alley), which is very much like the 1990 UConn squad, which relied on Chris Smith, Tate George and Scott Burrell.

Why the song? Well, I could try to make the case that the Duke team has slowly crawled their way into position for a #1 seed in a “step-by-step” process. Or I could make the case that Duke and New Kids are both a group of unathletic white guys trying to show they have some rhythm. Or I guess I could just say that it’s New Kids on the Block and they seem the most fitting music group to describe Duke. I think we’re good, here. Also, doesn't Joey McIntyre kind of look like Bobby Hurley? Just a little? Maybe it's just the hair. And the guy in the back left kind of looks like Mike The Situation from Jersey Shore...

5. Kansas State
1990 Hoops Team: Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets (#4 seed, Lost in Final Four)
1990 Hit Song: “Poison” by Bel Biv Devoe

The 1990 George Tech team with “Lethal Weapon 3” was among my favorite teams. They had Kenny Anderson, Dennis Scott and Brian Oliver launching threes and flying up and down the court with reckless abandon. Defense was a foreign word to them, but when they were hot, they were as good as anyone, evidenced by their run to the Final Four. This year’s Kansas State squad has some similarities based on the frenetic pace that Denis Clemente runs the Wildcat offense and distributes to Jacob Pullen and Curtis Kelly. Kansas State has the potential to make a deep run in the tourney, but they also look like het classic team that gets a high seeding and bows out early.

Another strong three-name squad from 1990? Bel. Biv. Devoe. Poison was the greatest song from Bel Biv Devoe, and it just seems appropriate for Kansas State. I want to see Frank Martin stomping up and down the sideline belting it out: “It’s drivin’ me outta my mind…..that’s why it’s hard for me to find…..can’t get it outta my head…..”

6. Ohio State
1990 Hoops Doppleganger: Syracuse Orangemen (#2 seed, Lost in Regional Semi)
1990 Hit Song: “I Remember You” by Skid Row

This is the doppleganger that the rankings were made for, the 1990 Syracuse team led by the best player in the country, Derrick Coleman and supported by Billy Owens and LeRon Ellis. This year’s Ohio State squad is led by the best player in the country in Evan Turner, with a strong supporting cast of David Lighty, Jon Diebler and William Bufford. The 1990 Syracuse team was a few years removed from their loss to Indiana in the National Championship, and the current Ohio State team is a few years removed from their loss to Florida in the final game.

People kind of forgot about Ohio State when Evan Turner missed some time with broken vertabrate after falling on a dunk. Yet, slow and steady they have worked their way back into the national picture, and people are going “I Remember You” when they see them on television and realize they are almost in the top 5. And if those people are living in North Dakota? Then they probably even look like Skid Row. (side note – got into an argument about the popularity of Skid Row last night. My wife claimed I only know them because I’m old, and my brother-in-law said he was break dancing in 1990, when he was 3, so he only knew rap. But everyone knows “18 & Life” right? Right? Anyone? Skid Row is hair band classic – and I would argue they are as known as Claudia Schiffer. My friend Mack said she didn’t recognize the name, but I feel pretty confident that she would know the words if she heard it. Mack is the same girl who can rap every word to Tupac, Dr. Dre, Vanilla Ice and Rob Base.)

7. Villanova
1990 Hoops Doppleganger: Arkansas Razorbacks (#4 seed, Lost in Final Four)
1990 Hit Song: “Pump Up The Jam” by Technotronic

The 1990 Arkansas team was part of the Nolan Richardson “94 feet of hell” teams that would press the entire game regardless of the score and got up and down the court as fast as any team not named Loyola Marymount. The 1990 squad was the MayDay connection of point guard Lee Mayberry and shooting guard Todd Day (who both went on to very average careers playing for the Milwaukee Bucks. Neither could quite live up to the previous Razorback the Bucks had success with: Sidney Moncrief). This year’s Villanova team has the guard combo of Scottie Reynolds and Corey Stokes and the team will only go as far as their guards can carry them. The big difference is that Villanova doesn’t play defense at all – they are 14th in the Big East in points per game.

Why Technotronic? Because the pace of a game between this year’s ‘Nova team and the 1990 Arkansas would be as frenetic and hypnotic as the “Pump Up The Jam” anthem. From the opening tip to the final buzzer, you’d be stomping your feet and bobbing your head just like you do as soon as the song comes on. You can’t help it. There are certain songs that automatically make you bob your head – “Lose Yourself” by Eminem, “Nuthin’ But A G Thang” by Dr. Dre, “Sweet Home Alabama” by Lynyrd Skynyrd, etc. Pump Up The Jam……Pump it up…..

8. Purdue
1990 Hoops Doppleganger: Loyola Marymount (#11 seed, Lost in Regional Final)
1990 Hit Song: “How Am I Supposed To Live Without You” by Michael Bolton

Alright, absolutely no disrespect to Hank Gathers at all. Obviously losing a guy to a knee injury does not even come close to comparing to having one of your stars dying on the court. But Purdue is trying to figure out a way to replace their emotional leader and a regular double-double machine. The run by Loyola Marymount under Paul Westphal was an emotionally driven and great story that probably could have went even further had they not run into a juggernaut in UNLV that played the same style of basketball, only better. Hard to believe that they scored 100 points against UNLV…and still lost by 30. This year’s Purdue team is much more highly regarded than the LMU team was in 1990 and will definitely have a better seeding, giving them more time to adjust to the loss of Robbie Hummel.

The sappy song from Michael Bolton – not the guy from the Office Space movie – is fitting and is so anti-Matt Painter. That’s why I’m giving it to Purdue. They are a hard-nosed, tough team, so what better song than a cheesey love ballad from a guy who stole Dee Snider’s (Twisted Sister) wig for a few years before he passed it on to the lead singer from Nickelback.

Weekly Rankings - College Professors

Yesterday’s story about the NYU professor got me thinking about my college professors and since we haven’t had a much to rank in a while, I decided to rank my top 5 college professors during my time at the University of Wisconsin. Whether or not you went to UW, you may have had professors like these gems……..or maybe not. And after looking at the list, what stood out to me is the classes I took more than the professors. How did a Finance major end up in Linguistics, The History of African Music, Puerto Rican History & Nursing 101? I tend to be an optimist, so at least this proves I have memories from college that don’t all include some combination of beer, women and sports.

5. The Watermelon – Linguistics

My roommate Archie & I signed up for linguistics because it met some crazy requirement in order to graduate. We really didn’t care about the origins of language or whatever the class was about……because as you’ll see in a minute, I didn’t complete the class. We settle into our seats in the middle of Bascom Hall among roughly 200 students. We’re slightly punchy because it’s the first day of class to start a new semester and we may or may not have been out drinking the night before. The professor takes the stage and she’s a rather robust woman, wearing what can only be described as a lime green moo-moo dress that also could have doubled as a parachute. Archie doesn’t miss a beat and cracks under his breath, “She looks like a huge watermelon up there.” I absolutely lost it and had to bury my head in my arms to keep from laughing out loud. Every time I looked up, all I could see was a huge watermelon, so I spent the rest of the class with my head down shaking with laughter. I dropped the class the next day.

4. Unknown Professor – Nursing 101

I really have no idea whether this professor was good or bad. As I’m starting my final semester, I get the dreaded call telling me I was one credit short of graduation. I assume one of my roommates is messing with me in a knock off of a Saved By The Bell episode, and proceed to tell them they don’t know what they’re talking about and they should recount them and call me back. They do, and they walk me through how I am actually 1 credit short, and it’s already almost 2 weeks into the semester, so all of the phy ed classes are already full. The only 1 credit class I can find Is Nursing 101. My roommate Diggity assesses the situation as this: “Perfect. Freshmen girls who want to be naughty nurses. I’m signing up with you.” And we both register for the class. I went to the first class to scope the talent and pick up the class agenda for the semester. Turns out it was a jackpot – two short papers and one take home exam. I never returned to the classroom other than to turn in the papers. Oh, and I may or may not have gotten some help on the exam from a friend’s sister who was taking the class seriously.

3. The Dude - History of African Music

Picture in your head the perfect teacher for a class about the African music beginning in the early 1900’s and running up until Tupac and Dr. Dre. Who are you picturing? My thought would be someone that might look like Red Foxx or James Earl Jones. Imagine my surprise when on the first day of class an older white guy who resembled The Dude from The Big Lebowsky begins the lecture. The Dude also showed up for every class wearing a Colorado Avalanche “Starter” jacket. But The Dude knew his music and the class was a phenomenal way to rack some credits just by listening to great music from Marvin Gaye, Michael Jackson, Smokey Robinson, and Tupac. The class was an hour and a half of listening to a song, then listening to The Dude talk about that time in history, then playing another song. I’ve never been more relaxed after a class.

2. Bulent Paker – Finance

Paker was one of the nicest and most caring professors I encountered during college. He was maybe 5’3” and of Indian decent, teaching in a huge 350 student lecture hall with a sliding chalk board system at the front of the room. Due to his lack of height, he would have to jump up and down to fully erase the board during his lecture, which led to some great unintentional comedy (and the opportunity to wager on how many times he would jump during each class). I learned the CAPM (Capital Asset Pricing Model) from him, and if I didn’t know any better, I would think that the only thing you ever needed in finance was the CAPM formula. He was obsessed with it, and he would get so excited that he would stop class and repeat over and over: “Don’t write thees down, just leeesen (listen) and understand.”

1. Bruce Harms – Business Law

This is the guy that most closely resembled the NYU professor from yesterday’s post. Harms was known as a prickly guy with an ego too big for his cubicle which led to extremely difficult exams. I actually thoroughly enjoyed his class and found the cases really interesting. Yet, my favorite moment came after the first exam and he put the distribution of grades on the board: A – 4, AB-10, B – 15, BC-35, C – 30, D – 35, & F-15. (Let’s just say I was not in the top 3 categories) He then proceeds to point to the top 3 categories and explain that these people are in trouble because they will relax and do poorly on the next exam. And then he circles the bottom groups and adds this gem: “These people are in the sweet spot because they will study more for the next exam and pass those people that are currently at the top.” What? I’m sitting there with a C. I do not consider that the sweet spot. No matter what I get on the NEXT test, I’m still sitting here right now with a C on this test, you toolbox.

NFL Power Rankings - The Fresh Prince of Bel Air

For this week’s NFL rankings, I went back to another great television show from the early 1990’s – The Fresh Prince of Bel Air. The show ran from 1990 to 1996, and right now I guarantee everyone out there is singing the theme song in their head, “Now this is a story all about how my life got flipped, turned upside down. I’d like to take a minute, just sit right there. I’ll tell you how I became the prince of a town called Bel-Air. In West Philadelphia, born and raised, on the playground is where I spent most of my days...........”

Thankfully this is the final week of byes in the NFL, and it will be a full slate of games from here on out. This week’s big movers on the upside are the Chargers and Cardinals, and on the downside it’s the 49ers.

The Will Smith Category
The Fresh Prince was the engine for the show, the comedic star and the sympathetic dope. Whether it was his macking of the co-eds, his crazy crooked hat, or his general soft gansta style, he always managed to skate through with a little scheming and a little swagger walk. He toyed with the other characters on the show, but in the end, you knew he was always going to be the one to walk away the winner. These are the top teams in the league and the most serious threats to win the Super Bowl. They may toy with the teams below them, but if they lose to any team outside this top tier, it is a disappointment.

1. Saints (Last week: 1) – Eventually it has to catch up them when they continue to spot teams a couple TD start, right? Maybe not when you have the offensive weapons the Saints have. Yet they still have some tough challenges standing between them and a perfect second half of the season with the Patriots, and at Atlanta and Carolina still looming.

2. Colts (2) - Another week, another scare, yet another win for the Colts. And now they have to prepare for the Patriots. The Colts could be in trouble with a banged up secondary trying to slow down Brady, yet you can never count out Manning, the leading MVP candidate.

3. Steelers (3) – A very impressive performance this week in Denver, without a starting safety. The defense looks as good as it ever has, and the rushing game is rounding into form. Right now, the Steelers look like the class of the AFC, even with their two early losses.

4. Vikings (4) – The Vikes couldn’t have had a better bye week. Not only did they gain ground when the Packers and Bears lost, but they also have time for Brad Childress to help heal Brett Favre’s ailing groin.

5. Patriots (5) – The Patriots were ready for the wildcat last week, and now they have to be ready for the Colts. Brady is 7-3 against Manning, and he appears to be back to his 2007 form. They can get themselves in a strong position for home field advantage throughout the AFC playoffs with a win against the Colts.

The Geoffrey Category
Definitely the most underappreciated character on the show. He was witty, slick and always a step ahead of his rich “masters”. He always had a line for everyone, like when Uncle Phil asked him to get his tools, he responded quickly, “Do you mean your fork and knife?” These teams have some fast talking guys (Ochocinco, Roy Williams & Brandon Marshall), and are capable of slapping a loss on any team in the league. Yet, at the end of the day, they’re still a butler to the top teams.

6. Bengals (8) – Another impressive win for the Bengals against the Ravens, and now they go to battle with the Steelers this week. No one would have guessed that the Bengals have a defense on par with the Steelers and better than the Ravens half way through the year.

7. Cowboys (10) – Much like Geoffrey liked to put the fat black Uncle Phil in his place, the Cowboys managed to put a fat white guy (Andy Reid) in his place last week. And yet, everyone is still waiting to see how Tony Romo will play once the calendar reaches December.

8. Broncos (5) – Has the clock struck midnight on the NFL’s version of Cinderella? It’s not time to panic yet, but the concern is that the rest of the league has caught on to the fact that Kyle Orton resembles a lumberjack more than an NFL quarterback at times.

The Uncle Phil Category
Uncle Phil was the rich family patriarch who could shake the foundation of the Bel Air mansion with his angry yells or by jumping up and down. Everyone in the house was afraid of him, and not just when he was wearing those ridiculous dashikis every once in a while. And he also had a strange resemblance to Suge Knight, the head of Death Row Records and accused orchestrator of the murder of Tupac Shakur. These teams can scare every team in the league, but they are a little soft at their heart – which isn’t a good thing in the NFL.

9. Falcons (11) – They let the putrid Redskins hang around a little too long for my liking, but I loved how their coach went after the overpaid, underachieving d-bag DeAngelo Hall on the sidelines – a player he sent out of town 2 years ago. If Mike Smith really wants to mess with Hall, he should just dress up as a WR and Hall will be smoked.

10. Chargers (16) – Well, after their typical slow start, they seem to be finding their strengths – and it doesn’t include Tomlinson or Merriman. This is officially Phillip Rivers’ team, and his weapons are Darren Sproles and Vincent Jackson.

11. Cardinals (17) – After the smackdown they laid on the Bears, maybe they aren’t the underachievers we thought they were. Warner did his best impersonation of Rachel McAdams, a two-face that can look great in some lights (against Chicago) but awful in another light (against Carolina).

12. Eagles (7) – Coach Andy Reid (along with Tom Coughlin) made a run at Jim Zorn for dumbest coach in the NFC East. Down 7 with only a few minutes left, Reid opted for a field goal to cut the lead to……4. Still needing a TD. Maybe he was just hungry to get to the post game buffet table.

13. Texans (14) – If they want to be considered among the top teams in the league and want to win their division, they HAVE to win games like last week against the Colts. Throwing a bad interception and missing a FG at the end are the reasons they remain the frustrating Texans.

14. Ravens (9) – They are firmly entrenched as the 3rd best team in the AFC North, behind the Steelers and Bengals. Their defense is not the same, and the league is starting to figure out ways to slow down their quarterback, Bert. At least they’re still better than the Browns.

The Hilary Banks Category
Hilary was the pretty girl on the show with the fatal flaw that kept her reliant upon her father’s large bank account and understanding – she was an idiot. But she played the perfect bimbo role, spending money and going through life clueless about her shortcomings. These teams have pretty exteriors, but have major problems when you pull back the curtain and shine a light on them.

15. Giants (12) – A 5-0 start has deteriorated into 5-4 when they’ve faced better competition, and Tom Coughlin is officially in crisis mode. He didn’t do himself any favors with a few ultra conservative run calls when a TD could have put away the Chargers.

16. Jets (20) – The Jets are like a weatherman (Hilary’s big break for her career) in that they feel no pressure after making terrible forecasts, and continue to run their mouth that they have it all figured out.

17. Packers (15) – Mike McCarthy and Ted Thompson, your real estate agents are on line 1. They have some tremendous places in Wyoming for you to look at purchasing before January. No, you won’t need to look for places in Bel Air. They have to rally this week against the Cowboys after the debacle last week.

18. Bears (18) – After getting slapped around like Rihanna last week, the Bears are who we thought they were (it’s right up there with Herm Edwards “You play…… to win…… the game.” It just never gets old). Cutler can only do so much without receivers, and a poor defense.

The Aunt Vivian Banks Category
Aunt Viv was the fiery, woman-power and black-power matriarch of the family. She was a major character in the show, and yet somehow, we weren’t supposed to notice after 3 years when she suddenly was being played by a new actress. She went from a very skinny, darker skinned lady to a more relaxed, lighter-skinned lady. And it was never addressed at all, like we were just supposed to understand that Aunt Viv had an extreme makeover. Really? Was it too hard to just write in that Uncle Phil got divorced and remarried? Nah, maybe people just won’t notice. Maybe she was just getting a skin treatment like Sammy Sosa? Seriously Sammy – something went horribly wrong with whatever you were doing and you look like a scary extra from one of those vampire shows. Anyway, these teams have completely changed character after terrible starts, and one of them even changed their actress at quarterback.

19. Panthers (22) – The Panthers looked strong in jumping on New Orleans early, but weren’t able to finish it off. As long as they remain committed to the running game, the Panthers have a chance to play with every team in the league. And most teams won’t have the firepower of the Saints to erase early leads.

20. Titans (25) – Vince Young has taken over, and for whatever reason, it has lit a fire under Chris Johnson who is now leading the league in rushing. Young hasn’t done anything spectacular, but he continues to win. Maybe he’s going to go out and celebrate with a little tequila?

The Ashley Banks Category
Ashley was the little sister, and always was on Will’s side in every scheme. As she got older, they tried to make her into a singing star on the show, and of course, Will was involved making sure things stayed screwed up at every turn. She was young, but had potential, and actually turned into a very good looking girl after she got older. These are the teams have some potential, but have someone (like Will) that keep screwing things up.

21. Jaguars (21) – If anyone asked what the Jag’s record is, I would probably guess it’s 2-6 or 3-5, and yet they are actually 4-4 and on the fringe of the playoff hunt. This is a team that barely squeaked by the Chiefs last week and is playing in front of sparse crowds at every home game.

22. 49ers (13) – The Niners are in a serious tailspin after a hot start, and now face a must win tomorrow (Thurs) night against the Bears. Can they turn it around? They need to or it will be just another disappointing season in the Bay.

23. Dolphins (19) – They battled gamely against the Patriots, but they just don’t have the talent to play with the big boys. I think they kind of resemble Emmanuelle Chriqui, in that they have all the physical tools to be a powerhouse, but they don’t have the ability to make the big plays (or act in Emmanuelle’s case). But they have their big moments – beating the Jets, or being in a threesome in Entourage.

24. Seahawks (23) – They continue to battle despite the injuries, but they are only capable of beating the weaklings in the league. And they were barely able to get by the Lions, aided by the 5 INTs thrown by Matthew Stafford.

25. Bills (24) – Do you think Dick Jauron appreciated Tony Dungy suggesting Michael Vick could end up in Buffalo next year? Actually, he probably appreciated the break from discussing where he was going to buy a retirement/fired house next year. Interesting fact: Trent Edwards has been the best QB out of the 2007 draft, and that is the definition of being the tallest midget. Edwards is 14-15 as a starter, which is tremendously better than JaMarcus Russell (7-17), Brady Quinn (1-5), Kevin Kolb (1-1), John Beck (0-4), Troy Smith (1-1) and Tyler Thigpen (1-10).

26. Lions (28) – The good was that they jumped out to a 17-0 lead on the road in Seattle. The bad was that they blew that lead and lost by a dozen. Matthew Stafford turned it over 5 more times, and he was probably longing for his days back in Athens, Georgia when life was pretty simple and he was the big man on campus.

The Carlton Banks Category
Carlton was the nerdy cousin of Will on the show and always the butt of every joke or prank. He was the ultimate tool, always trying way too hard to be cool, and always the hardworking opposite of the slacker Will. And you can’t mention Carlton without mentioning his love for Tom Jones, and his memorable dance to his song – “It’s not unusual to be loved, by anyone…….it’s not unusual to have fun with anyone.” These teams appear to still be showing effort, but they are a laughingstock and continually get left behind by their popular teams.

27. Chiefs (26) – Well they at least finally rid themselves of the Larry Johnson distraction. And they added Chris Chambers, who responded with 2 TDs last week against the Jags. Todd Haley at least has the team buying into his philosophy, but no one could say Carlton wasn’t trying when he was dancing.

28. Buccaneers (32) – The Josh Freeman Era got off to a huge start with the upset of the Packers, so now we’ll see what he can do for an encore. And I’m not sure, but for some strange reason, I actually prefer those creamsicle orange uniforms for the Bucs. Maybe it just reminds me of when they were a perennial doormat.

29. Rams (27) – They’re coming off a bye week, so at least they couldn’t restart another losing streak until this weekend.

The Jazz Category
Jazz was the clown of the show, only really there for comedic purposes. Well, that pretty much describes these teams as well. They are a joke and really don’t have that much hope of turning it around in the near future.

30. Raiders (29) – The Raiders are actually favored this weekend against the Chiefs, which is the worst game of the weekend. They would be better off having Jazz play quarterback than JaMarcus Russell, and they will not be successful until they acquire a real quarterback.

31. Redskins (30) – Jim Zorn continues to do his best Weekend At Bernie’s impersonation on the sidelines for another 8 weeks.

32. Browns (31) – Eric Mangini is holding back who will be the starting quarterback for the Monday night game when the Browns get slapped around on national television. Really, Eric? Do you think the Ravens care? And now he’s claiming that he didn’t know about Quinn’s escalator contract based on the amount of playing time he receives. On top of being stupid, now he’s just flat out lying. Rumor has it the Human Walruss, Mike Holmgren is on the list for Randy Lerner to come in and run the football operations. Wasn’t he a huge failure as a personnel guy in Seattle, when he had the GM role stripped, and then 2 years later they went to the Super Bowl? How short are the memories of these supposedly successful decision makers?