Showing posts with label Ashley Greene. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Ashley Greene. Show all posts

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Lane Kiffin is An Ass

I have no affinity for Tennessee on any level. In fact, I probably dislike the state due to a speeding ticket last summer. I drove to Nashville for a wedding, and on Sunday morning, I’m headed back to NY, tired, head hurting, and facing a 13 hour drive. So Barney Fife of the Tennessee State Police pulls me over going 82 in a 70 mph zone. Give me a break dude, it’s 12 over. Anyway, he gives me the ticket and tells me to call the number on the back of the ticket in 10 days to find out how much the fine is. What? Why is there not a simple system that tells you, 12 over = $100. Move on. No, out here, the hillbillies need to consult with their cousin/wife – the only one in the county with at least a 7th grade education – to figure out how much they can stick you with. So after ten days, I call. No response. I call 3 times that day and leave 3 messages within 5 days. On the advice of Hildo, I google the citation # and find the table of fines in Kingston, Tennessee. It starts at 15 over and $150. I didn’t even make the minimum threshold. So I send them a check for $100 with a note that I called 10 times, no one called me back and according to their website, I am now clear. A month later I get a letter from MaryJoeMarieBettySueBobbby Hicks, the city clerk, saying I still owe $100 because the fine was $200. Assclowns.

Anyway, that was a really long intro to prove that I don’t really like Tennessee. Yet I like Lane Kiffin less. Kiffin is the douchebag who obviously has the gift of persuasion and he definitely learned a thing or 10 about taking the money and running from his mentor, Pete Carroll. (side note: Pete – give up the “right situation” act about taking the Seahawks job. You and Mark McGwire really believe that everyone else is an idiot when the reality is you’re more transparent than Ashley Greene in a body paint bikini. Back to your regularly scheduled rant on Lane Kiffin.) Kiffin was the defensive coordinator under Carroll at USC and somehow parlayed that into a gig with the Raiders. That was the same Raiders job that Steve Sarkisian (the USC offensive coordinator) turned down before Kiffin took the payday despite never having been a head coach at any level. To absolutely no ones surprise, Kiffin rubbed his rich older players the wrong way and he couldn’t control them the same way he could control poor young guys at USC (at least they were poor until they became stars at USC and then were given houses for their family – Reggie Bush, or cars – Joe McNight). He butted heads with the owner and as crazy as Al Davis is, he’s the boss. If you want to keep your job, you can’t publicly call out the guy who signs the checks. So after one horrid year, he was canned and bashed in the most bizarre press conference I’ve ever seen by the Crypt Keeper, Al Davis.

He then somehow parlays that public failure into the head coaching job at Tennessee, one of the premiere fan bases in the SEC. He uses the Pete Carroll model of recruiting great athletes regardless of whether they have the academic capacity or maturity to handle college. He committed a minimum of 6 NCAA infractions during his one year, and also had to dismiss players from the team due to their off the field problems. On top of all that, he tried to tweak the tail of Urban Meyer’s recruiting practices at Florida. Lane, Urban wouldn’t even hire you to get him coffee. He has national championships and Heisman winners at Florida. You have never had success. Remember those great USC teams? Defense was their problem – not the offense with Matt Leinart, Reggie Bush, LenDale White, Steve Smith & Mike Williams. So while on the field the Volunteer team improved during his one year, his off the field issues make it a tumultous tenure at best.

Yet, there must be something that Lane Kiffin has in his ability to smile and say the right things to your face that these places keep hiring him and believe him. He obviously can recruit - look at the guy’s wife as a prime example of his ability to convince someone that has no business being with him to buy what he’s selling. He definitely outpunted his coverage there. He’s the epitome of what’s wrong with the college coaching carousel, and also the perfect picture of a snake oil salesmen. Beware USC – you have a guy who will get your fan base excited, but there are fires in the building, and Lane loves to jump at the next payday instead of ever facing the music.

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Tough break (literally) for the Wisconsin hoops team losing Jon Leuer to a broken arm. That will be a crushing blow to a team that needs his ability to score from the post and step out and knock down three’s. Without Leuer, the Badgers don’t have anyone capable of drawing attention in the post which opens up Bohannon, Taylor and Hughes from beyond the arc. While I like Keaton Nankovil’s hustle and rebounding ability, he will not command any attention from opposing defenses. The Badgers will struggle against very good defensive teams the next time through the league like Ohio State, Michigan State and Purdue.

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Friday, January 1, 2010

Degenerate Friday!! Week 17 NFL Picks

New Year’s Resolution #3,217: Pick more games correctly. Last week was another .500 week with an 8-8 record.

New Year’s Resolution #3218: Figure out how to say “rural”


Say the word “rural” out loud a couple times in a row - how do you say it? Is it RU-ral? Rrrrl? Roorl? It’s just one of those words that sounds like you’ve just come from the dentist and your mouth is numb from Novocain whenever you say it. Just a window into my messed up mind while dealing with a solid hangover by eating pigs in a blanket and having a couple beers during the Rose Bowl. Oh, and someone tell Joe Paterno that he won the Capital One Bowl - pretty sure that old bastard has no idea.

Anyway, on to the week 17 NFL picks with plenty of games that could affect the playoff picture. It also has plenty of teams that will be playing their second stringers…..the guys who couldn’t land Megan Fox, but would have a pretty good shot with Ashley Greene. No categories this week because the only categories I can think of are the different drinks I had last night: wine, champagne, gin, tequila and beer.

Standard Disclosures: Recreational Use, Home Teams in CAPS, spreads from the Post, etc.


VIKINGS (-9) over Giants - Favre & company find solace back home against the banged up G-men.

JETS (-10) over Bengals - Cincy will be resting their starters and not showing anything they will use next week when they crush the Jets in a game that matters.


BILLS (+3) over Colts - If Indy didn’t play Peyton last week, why would you expect them to play him out in the elements in Buffalo? I just suggested betting on Brian Brohm…….that must be the booze talking.

PANTHERS (-3) over Saints - Panthers are playing as well as anyone, and even though the Saints would like to regain some momentum, they don’t want Julius Peppers dropping Drew Brees like Taylor Swift dropped that other Taylor dude from the Vampire Movies.


BROWNS (-1.5) over Jaguars - Hard to imagine a tyrant like Holmgren keeping a tyrant as Mangini for his coach, but has a coach ever been fired after a 4 game winning streak?


Eagles (+3) over COWBOYS - Dallas wants revenge from last year’s season ending thumping and can win the NFC East and have a chance to get a first round bye. Yet the Eagles are more talented and can secure the bye for themselves with a win.


Bears (-3) over LIONS - Lions give themselves a shot at the first draft pick by doing what they’ve done all year - get their rear ends kicked.


Patriots (+8) over TEXANS - The Texans are more desperate than the Pats, but Houston will not be facing the New England second string as long as they were hoping.


Steelers (Pick) DOLPHINS - Pittsburgh is angry and the Dolphins are not very good.


49ers (-7) over RAMS - St. Louis locks up Nebraska’s Suh by getting crushed again.


Falcons (-2.5) over BUCCANEERS - Tampa is playing better, but Atlanta has a chance to get their first consecutive winning seasons in franchise history.


CARDINALS (-3.5) over Packers - Arizona has an outside shot at a round 1 bye and the Packers are locked into their wild card slot. Green Bay will not want to show anything to a team they will likely play the following week.


BRONCOS (-13) over Chiefs - Kansas City is terrible. Even though Denver only has 3 healthy WRs, it will be enough to knock the Chiefs over.


RAIDERS (-10.5) over Ravens - Ravens lock themselves into the playoffs with a win, but after the cross country flight, they won’t dominate the plucky Raiders.


Redskins (+4) over CHARGERS - San Diego has less than nothing to play for which will allow them to win a close game over the hapless Skins. At the beginning of the year, it appeared Norv Turner had a better chance of being fired than Jim Zorn. Now Turner is likely the Coach of the Year.