Final NFL Power Rankings - Jersey Shore

It’s time for the final installment of the NFL Power Rankings. And this week’s rankings are going to be full of fist-pumps, hair poofs, fake tans, cases of hair gel, fake boobs, and wife-beater tank tops. Those things can only mean one thing…….Jersey Shore. The much-maligned show from MTV where they take reality television to lows that no one thought were possible. Yet, much like a car crash, it’s hard to look away. I mean, at the end of the day, it is entertaining.

The Ronnie Category

Ronnie is the big meathead - they’re all meatheads, but Ronnie is the biggest - with the faux-hawk haircut and aversion to wearing a shirt. He is from the Bronx, and makes the statement in his opening “You never fall in love at the Jersey Shore” and yet by the end of the first episode, he’s entered a relationship with one of his housemates and she’s meeting his parents. Overall, Ronnie - the creator of the “Ron-Ron Juice” cocktail - is thus far the least out of hand guy on the show, and the leader of the group. The teams in this category are the biggest teams with the best chances to go all the way to the championship.

1. Chargers (last week: 1) - The hottest team in the league and for the first time in years, the inevitable LT injury won’t cripple the team.

2. Colts (2) - Any team with Peyton Manning calling the shots has a great chance, but they have to be fearful of the Colts & the Patriots. I don’t buy that crap about how they only won the Super Bowl the year they didn’t rest their starters - if they lose, it’s not because of resting their starters.

3. Vikings (8) - They rebounded well and will not have to play any more games outdoors unless they get to Miami for the Super Bowl. They are the biggest threat in the NFC.

4. Saints (4) - New Orleans has a week to try and regain the momentum they let go with 3 straight losses. They might need some Ron-Ron Juice to get the party started.

5. Packers (6) - The engine is clicking on all cylinders right now, they catch a break with Boldin unlikely to play and they may be the most dangerous team in the NFC not in Minnesota. Would it be sweet revenge to knock off Favre and the Vikings? Kind of like if the Situation somehow swoops in and steals Sammi back from Ronnie?

6. Cowboys (10) - This team has more uppers and downers than the medicine cabinet of a Hollywood starlet or shampoo heiress (too soon?). So after a couple of big wins, we’re all back on the bandwagon, right? Until they lose to the Eagles and Wade Phillips gets booted out of town.

7. Patriots (7) - They do have “Wes Welker Light” in Julian Edelmann, but they will miss one of the best WR in the game. Do you realize Welker had 123 catches in barely over 13 games? They might beat the Ravens, but don’t expect them to beat the Chargers in San Diego.

The Jenni “J-Woww” Category

This girl is a serious firecracker…..well, a firecracker with two watermelons strapped to the front of it. She is a party girl and a complete animal, stating in her intro “after I have sex with a guy, I will rip his f#ckin head off.” Okay then. After watching a few episodes, it’s obvious that she is a complete freak, but at the same time, she’s not a bad person.

Basically, these teams are like J-Woww, they are entertaining and can put on a show, but they have some fake parts that give you legit concerns about their staying power.

8. Cardinals (5) - Matt Leinart is thrilled to be in the J-Woww category - he’s about to invite her to Arizona for the game.

9. Eagles (3) - That was a scary loss last week, where the offense was exposed and the defense was eaten alive. We’ll see how they rebound, but it seems unlikely that this team suddenly grew a pair to allow them to win on the road.

10. Ravens (11) - They have the type of team that can advance in the playoffs with a strong running game and strong defense. Yet they have a tough matchup in Foxboro this weekend.

11. Jets (15) - I would bet J-Woww, a Long Island native, is a Jets fan. Yet, she’s probably never played football or even went for a run because she would give herself two black eyes.

12. Bengals (9) - Like the Eagles, they failed to show up for a game they wanted to win at the start. Didn’t Carson Palmer used to be a prolific passer?

The Mike “The Situation” Category

I am thoroughly entertained by the guy because he claims his abs are so ripped they are a situation. I mean, the guy is a complete scumbag, illustrated perfectly by his reaction after Snooki gets punched in the face. He’s right behind the guy that punches her, and he just stands there and doesn’t do anything, and then when the group is all going home, he’s outside trying to get some random skank to come home with him. Really? Way to be a friend. In addition to being a stripper before coming on the show, I’m pretty sure the guy would try to hook up with a mop if it had a hole. The Situation is much like these teams in that they try to pretend that they are a ladies’ man (contender) but in the end, they struck out from scoring a playoff birth.

13. Panthers (14) - Carolina finished the season strong, but their “Situation” is Jake Delhomme. His ability to turn over the ball is a situation.

14. Texans (13) - Congrats on the first winning season in franchise history. Your prize? No playoffs and your offensive coordinator is leaving for Washington to coach under his father.

15. Falcons (17) - Congrats on the first consecutive winning seasons in franchise history. Your prize? A seat on the couch for the playoffs.

16. Steelers (12) - A leaky offensive line, poor secondary, and a brittle star safety are all part of the situation in Pittsburgh. Letting go of Bruce Arians is the first step in addressing their problems.

17. Titans (16) - Will Jeff Fisher attempt to get out of town if the Cowboys lose and Wade gets canned?

18. 49ers (20) - They got to 8-8 and what does that get them? The same number of girls that The Situation has landed so far - none.

19. Dolphins (19) - Parcells has this franchise pointed in the same direction and has found himself a quarterback in Chad Henne.

The Angelina “Jolie” Category

Jolie came out of the gates with her guns blazing, wearing a skimpy outfit and calling herself the “Kim Kardashian of Staten Island” in her intro. Umm, lady, you are nowhere near Kim Kardashian. And as soon as she got into the mix of the show, we found out she was a lazy, spoiled, c#ck-blocking biyatch. My favorite quote from her was “I’m a bartender, I do great things.“ What does that even mean? Pretty sure that sums up your life. Random side note - she moved in with her stuff in a garbage bag. And when she got kicked out of the house for failing to show up for work, she left with her stuff in the same garbage bag. Seriously? You couldn’t borrow some luggage or a duffel bag at worst? And then you kept the garbage bag to pack your stuff back up to go home? Oh, and we haven’t even covered the issue that her boyfriend whom she breaks up with was some married guy. She is a train wreck.

20. Broncos (18) - Started off the season with a bang - 6-0. Then crashed and burned to an 8-8 finish. More concerning is the state of the franchise: the star WR hates his coach and they don’t have a legit quarterback on the roster.

21. Giants (21) - Ditto the Broncos comment, substituting 5 for 6 wins to start the season. They were weak mentally and worse physically on defense.

The Sammi “Sweetheart” Category

Sammi is the only cast member who is actually from New Jersey. She may be the most normal looking girl in the house, which is kind of like being the tallest midget. She starts out the show “vibing” on The Situation but by the end of the episode is shacked up with Ronnie, and has fallen for him. A complete change of heart for the self-proclaimed “sweetest bi#ch you’ll ever meet.” What does that even mean?

22. Browns (24) - Mangini somehow seemed to have righted the ship and has the support of the team that is left in the locker room. Will Holmgren keep him for one more year and then move himself into the coaching chair?

23. Bears (23) - Fans started the year in love with Jay Cutler, and much like Sammi have had a change of heart. Lovie Smith will be kept as coach since the owners are cheaper than a south side Polish immigrant, but they cut out almost everyone underneath him.

The Vinnie Category

Vinnie is the prototypical mamma’s boy on the show. Pretty dull guy overall, he hasn’t been a leader in any of the skank-chasing, and he seems to show up for work on time. His one contribution thus far has been the demonstration on fist-pumping.

24. Jaguars (22) - We were saved from this horrendous team being in the playoffs thankfully. Now we have to see if the team is sold, if they draft Tim Tebow, and if anyone will care.

25. Bills (25) - Another boring franchise with a ton of holes. Will Bill Cowher be desperate enough to get back into coaching to go to Buffalo? He probably should because each year the shine on that 2006 Super Bowl gets less shiny.

The Nicole “Snooki” Category

She is the pudgy little troll on the show who announced “The party’s here” upon entering the house, then got hammered, semi-naked in the hot tub and passed out before the group could go out for the night. Oh, and then she got punched in the face by a dude. She is awkwardly orange, claims to have made the “poof” in her hair famous, and constantly waddling around trying to get some action from drunken dumbasses that will hate themselves in the morning when they sees the round mound of fun they brought home the night before.

26. Raiders (27) - Well, considering Tom Cable gave one of his coaches the “Snooki” treatment, they have to fit into this category. Something tells me Al Davis calls his coach “Tim” or “Jim” similar to how most of the housemates call Nicole “Snickers” or “Snicky.”

27. Redskins (26) - Wait, they aren’t keeping Jim Zorn? Knocked me on my tail when I heard the news. More on Mike Shanahan tomorrow, but let’s just say I’m not the biggest fan of a guy who has proved over and over again to be mediocre.

The Pauly D Category

Pauly is from Rhode Island and had never been to the state of New Jersey prior to the show. The guy packed a case of hair gel to make sure he had his “blow out” hairstyle ready for the Shore. Pauly is also the guy trying to get an up close examination of J-Woww’s snack trays, and he makes his move by showing her the piercing on his junk. Like Pauly spending 45 minutes on his hair, these teams spent time and money getting prepared for the big night out, bringing in a new coach. Yet in the end, they’re still here at the bottom, trying to get some girl with fake taters to look at his piercing.

28. Chiefs (30) - The Chiefs are boring - so more importantly, Randy Johnson retired yesterday. What is his legacy? The scary looking monster with a mullet who is among the all-time strikeout leaders? The guy who killed the bird with a pitch? Or the guy who yelled at the photographer in NY (great quote “Don’t talk back to me.”) after he signed with the Yankees? I think it might just be the mullet.

29. Seahawks (29) - Huge week for Wisconsin basketball starting tonight when the Badgers head to East Lansing to take on #10 Michigan State, and then Saturday they welcome #4 Purdue to the Kohl Center. A split in these games would be a victory for Bo and his squad.

30. Buccaneers (28) - They were supposedly considering letting Raheem Morris go to get Bill Cowher to coach them. Seems dumb considering they could have went after Cowher last year when they first gave Morris the job. What changed in one year?

31. Lions (31) - A two game improvement from last season got them, drum roll please…………..the second pick in the draft.

32. Rams (32) - They’ve won 6 games in 3 years. The Lions have won 9 games in that time.

Tuesday Ramblings

Gilbert Arenas and his Washington Wizards teammate Jarvis Crittenden pulled guns on each other in their own locker room after an argument about a gambling debt. Is any of this a surprise? The fact that Hayden Panttiere has boobs and that she’s dating boxing champion Wladamir Klitschko is a surprise. NBA players with guns in the locker room is not a surprise. But the one-liners or newspaper headlines are almost too easy……just a few samples:

Agent Zero and his not so secret weapons

Arenas is a Shooting Guard Gone Wild

Arenas takes the “Gunner” label to new levels

Agent Zero makes his case for the team to go back to the Bullets nickname

Arenas got confused playing at the Target Center in Minnesota

And so on, and so on, and so on. The story is just another example of how these athletes continue to test the levels of stupidity they can reach. These guys have the money, so your bodyguard, manager or your boys should be doing all of the gun carrying and driving after a night of downing Patron. That's the price they have to pay for being part of your celebrity athlete posse.

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While the Fiesta Bowl was entertaining to watch, I’m pretty sure it didn’t do anything to help the case for a playoff. Both TCU and Boise State would have been the Michael Spinks to Florida, Alabama or Texas’s Mike Tyson. They are good football teams but they do not have the athleticism, size or speed to truly play with the big boys. I loathe the current system of spread out bowl games (I almost forgot there were more games to play after a 2 day break), the playoff wouldn’t make a difference. Small schools with gimmicky offenses and trick plays (why are teams EVER surprised when Boise State fakes a punt??) may win one game against the powerhouses, but they would not be able to advance through multiple rounds of games. Can you see Boise State beating Georgia Tech and then following it up by beating Ohio State and then having to still beat Alabama in a championship? Neither can I. It’s kind of like Gwen Stefani - she’s not for everyone, and she’s not going to stack up against the most talented musicians or women, but she has her moments of brilliance and can be entertaining.

So until we have a better solution than a playoff - maybe a “plus-one” system where after the bowl games are played we have one final championship game? - we shouldn’t mess with the current system.

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USC was put on probation for the improper benefits that OJ Mayo received from boosters during his one year on campus. Memo to all coaches at USC: Stay away from great athletes named OJ that want to wear #32. They tend to bring trouble to Los Angeles. Mayo didn’t (allegedly) kill his ex-wife and her lover, then have his buddy lead the cops on a low-speed chase down the 405 in a white Bronco, and spend the next 15 years looking for the killer on golf courses all over southern California. Yet his brief time didn’t produce overwhelming success on the court and his off the court actions will cause a lasting headache for the entire program.

The only thing more contrived and bogus than the Obama Beer Summit with Henry Gates & James Crowley is NCAA probation. When a program violates the rules, the NCAA cracks down by making teams “vacate” victories during the time of the violation, takes away scholarships and bans

the team from the postseason. Who does this punishment actually affect? In many instances, the players that are the cause of the probation have left school early for the pros. The coaching staff has the ability to leverage the success they enjoyed with the violating player into a bigger, higher-paying job and leaves campus. So the people that have to pay for the violation are the new coaching staff and the players still around on the team who have lost a scholarship and the hope of postseason play.

And if those players want to transfer to a school with an opportunity to play in the postseason, they have to sit out a year after transferring. A coach who jumps programs doesn’t pay any penalty - after crashing the rental car into a tree, he walks away and heads to the bar to toast to his next big pay day. Yes, I’m talking to you, John Calipari or Jim Harrick. These guys crashed multiple programs (Calipari at UMass and Memphis, and Harrick at UCLA, Rhode Island and Georgia) and were continually given new programs to run. Bobby Knight may have been a prick and mistreated his players, but he was dead on when he said that he was glad he was no longer coaching because the game lacked integrity and John Calipari was the perfect example of that lack of integrity. Maybe the game would have been better off if John Cheaney (who is among the few coaches that look like their mascot - the Owls) had actually been able to carry out his threat on the then-UMass coach…………

Week 17 Hangover - Love/Hate

LOVE

- I have to believe that the Jim Zorn firing this morning probably went something like when Kramer got fired on Seinfeld…….

- The Big 10 finally showed up for bowl season. In addition to Wisconsin throttling Miami, Penn State beat LSU, Ohio State handled Oregon, and Northwestern should have beaten Auburn. After years of taking abuse for the conference losing all of its bowl games, the teams put up a pretty good showing. The ending of the Northwestern game was among the best overtime college football games I’ve ever seen (that didn’t have any real meaning) - losing the game on a fumble (then having it overturned), missing a tying field goal (then getting a first down and losing your kicker to injury on a roughing the kicker penalty), and finally losing the game by faking a 20 yard field goal because your starting kicker was injured. I’d say the fake field goal attempt probably ranked up there with the Diane Lane sex scenes in Unfaithful…..it fit in given the context of the situation, but it definitely hits you as shocking at the time and makes you rethink what you thought about her.

- Coaching will be the difference in the NFC playoffs. With both wildcard games in the NFC this coming weekend being rematches of games from Sunday, the difference will be the adjustments and strategy that the coaches make during the next week. That makes the Philly-Dallas game even more interesting because Wade Phillips is not known as a great strategy guy, and Andy Reid has a great history of choking in games that matter (see Sunday as example A).

In Arizona, Ken Whisenhunt will be tested to come up with a way to score points against the Packer defense, and find a way to slow down Aaron Rodgers. Mike McCarthy, this is your chance to show how well you can prep a team to get a road win and potentially set up a chance at Brett Favre in the divisional playoff round.

- Great gambling finish to the season for the Sports Addict, including a perfect 9-0 record in the early games on Sunday and a 12-4 record overall for the day. If I had just placed a sweet 9-team parlay bet with the early games, I could have racked up a nice 150-1 odds winning ticket…….
Oh, and of course, the only week I pick against the Packers and they come through big time in sending a message to the Cardinals what they will be bringing back to the desert next weekend.

HATE

- Eagles Coach Andy Reid must have told his team that Sunday was the beginning of the playoffs, because they switched from their powerful regular season team mode into the heartless, effortless Philly team that shows up every year in the playoffs. Donovan McNabb and company flopped like a European NBA star on a fast break. It at least makes for an interesting rematch next week when both teams try to shed their past playoff failures.

- What a pathetic showing by the Giants to finish the season the past few weeks. Tom Coughlin is probably going to keep his job based on his Super Bowl win from 2007, but after the way the team quit, you have to wonder if he and defensive coordinator Bill Sheridan should share a cab out of town. The Giants will have some major improvements to make before next season if they want to keep up with the young Eagles and the more talented Cowboys within the NFC East.

- The Broncos are in major trouble. So let’s see if we have this right. They start the year 6-0, then proceed to lose 8 of their last 10, their star WR has beef with his coach, and their QB does not look worthy of a long-term contract. So what exactly did Josh McDaniel accomplish this season? They threw up on themselves like many people on New Year’s, and their future looks worse than when McDaniels took over.

- What a strange NFL season where the top seeds in the NFC and AFC enter the playoffs on 3 and 2 game losing streaks, respectively. In addition, the 2 seed in the NFC enters having lost 3 of their last 5 games. I guess this will be the perfect year to determine whether momentum really comes into play in the NFL.

- You have to feel for Wes Welker, who blew out his knee in the first series on Sunday. It’s a crushing blow to the Patriots chances of advancing deep in the playoffs. I guess that’s the proof that the Colts need to confirm they did the right thing last week against the Jets.

- One last hate - the weather. It has been nut-rattling cold in the Northeast the past few days. Miserable.

Degenerate Friday!! Week 17 NFL Picks

New Year’s Resolution #3,217: Pick more games correctly. Last week was another .500 week with an 8-8 record.

New Year’s Resolution #3218: Figure out how to say “rural”


Say the word “rural” out loud a couple times in a row - how do you say it? Is it RU-ral? Rrrrl? Roorl? It’s just one of those words that sounds like you’ve just come from the dentist and your mouth is numb from Novocain whenever you say it. Just a window into my messed up mind while dealing with a solid hangover by eating pigs in a blanket and having a couple beers during the Rose Bowl. Oh, and someone tell Joe Paterno that he won the Capital One Bowl - pretty sure that old bastard has no idea.

Anyway, on to the week 17 NFL picks with plenty of games that could affect the playoff picture. It also has plenty of teams that will be playing their second stringers…..the guys who couldn’t land Megan Fox, but would have a pretty good shot with Ashley Greene. No categories this week because the only categories I can think of are the different drinks I had last night: wine, champagne, gin, tequila and beer.

Standard Disclosures: Recreational Use, Home Teams in CAPS, spreads from the Post, etc.


VIKINGS (-9) over Giants - Favre & company find solace back home against the banged up G-men.

JETS (-10) over Bengals - Cincy will be resting their starters and not showing anything they will use next week when they crush the Jets in a game that matters.


BILLS (+3) over Colts - If Indy didn’t play Peyton last week, why would you expect them to play him out in the elements in Buffalo? I just suggested betting on Brian Brohm…….that must be the booze talking.

PANTHERS (-3) over Saints - Panthers are playing as well as anyone, and even though the Saints would like to regain some momentum, they don’t want Julius Peppers dropping Drew Brees like Taylor Swift dropped that other Taylor dude from the Vampire Movies.


BROWNS (-1.5) over Jaguars - Hard to imagine a tyrant like Holmgren keeping a tyrant as Mangini for his coach, but has a coach ever been fired after a 4 game winning streak?


Eagles (+3) over COWBOYS - Dallas wants revenge from last year’s season ending thumping and can win the NFC East and have a chance to get a first round bye. Yet the Eagles are more talented and can secure the bye for themselves with a win.


Bears (-3) over LIONS - Lions give themselves a shot at the first draft pick by doing what they’ve done all year - get their rear ends kicked.


Patriots (+8) over TEXANS - The Texans are more desperate than the Pats, but Houston will not be facing the New England second string as long as they were hoping.


Steelers (Pick) DOLPHINS - Pittsburgh is angry and the Dolphins are not very good.


49ers (-7) over RAMS - St. Louis locks up Nebraska’s Suh by getting crushed again.


Falcons (-2.5) over BUCCANEERS - Tampa is playing better, but Atlanta has a chance to get their first consecutive winning seasons in franchise history.


CARDINALS (-3.5) over Packers - Arizona has an outside shot at a round 1 bye and the Packers are locked into their wild card slot. Green Bay will not want to show anything to a team they will likely play the following week.


BRONCOS (-13) over Chiefs - Kansas City is terrible. Even though Denver only has 3 healthy WRs, it will be enough to knock the Chiefs over.


RAIDERS (-10.5) over Ravens - Ravens lock themselves into the playoffs with a win, but after the cross country flight, they won’t dominate the plucky Raiders.


Redskins (+4) over CHARGERS - San Diego has less than nothing to play for which will allow them to win a close game over the hapless Skins. At the beginning of the year, it appeared Norv Turner had a better chance of being fired than Jim Zorn. Now Turner is likely the Coach of the Year.

NFL Power Rankings

I skipped last week’s rankings due to the holiday, but we’re back with them this week. Again, it’s New Year’s eve, so most people are getting ready to get drunk and hope some girl gets tipsy enough to kiss them at midnight. Therefore, the rankings will be fast and furious this week. And since most of us will be waking up with a raging headache and hangover on Friday, let’s hope Mike Leach isn’t around to ban us to a dark equipment shed.

Oh, and before the rankings, a really good article written by former major leaguer Doug Glanville on the whole culture of athletes and struggling to handle the money, power, fame and women that come with being a pro athlete.

So on to the rankings with no categories this week........because it's almost time to start drinking away 2009. Happy New Year everyone.

1. Chargers - Playing better than anyone else in the NFL. They have to scare the Colts right now.

2. Colts - Yes, they gave it up easier than Alyssa Milano to a pro baseball player, but the Colts remain dangerous as long as they have #18 under center.

3. Eagles - They are the hottest team other than San Diego…..but it is the regular season. Do they have the mental make-up to succeed in the playoffs? And can Andy Reid not mess it up?

4. Saints - So do they play their starters in a meaningless game to regain some of their mojo and risk exposing Drew Brees to Julius Peppers? Remember, Peppers is playing for a new contract now and ask Brett Favre if he appears to be motivated.

5. Cardinals - Arizona has a chance to steal a first round bye if the Eagles and Vikings lose this week and the Cardinals beat the Packers. Otherwise, they will host the Packers next week again. Can Beanie Wells be the difference maker in the playoffs?

6. Packers - Practically the only team in the NFC without a chance to get the #2 seed, the Packers are playing well and have a shot to make it through the conference entirely on the road. Would the Pack like another shot at Favre?

7. Patriots - I would say the “Randy Moss is dogging it” train has jumped the tracks at this point. The biggest concern in New England is why Laurence Maroney keeps fumbling on the goal line.

8. Vikings - Lost in the whole “Favre & Childress Peeing Contest” is the fact that Adrian Peterson has a serious fumbling problem. He runs hard, but also runs loose with the balls…….insert your own Tiger joke.

9. Bengals - They will know before they kick off on Sunday night whether they have a shot at the #3 seed or if they can rest their starters and play the Jets again the following week. They have been the biggest surprise in the league and have the running game to be a factor in the playoffs.

10. Cowboys - They ended up .500 in December this year, which is a huge improvement. However, if they don’t win a playoff game, will Wade Phillips be back next year? I’d guess he’s as out as Claye Aiken.

11. Ravens - They can play their way into the playoffs by beating the lowly Raiders. If they can’t beat Oakland, they don’t deserve to be anywhere near the playoffs.

12. Steelers - I think the past two weeks were the “hell” that Mike Tomlin wanted released at the beginning of December. Unfortunately, when they got smoked by Browns, it put them in a whole where they are now begging for a lot of help to make the playoffs.

13. Texans - The Texans seem as comfortable at 8-8 or 9-7 as Kelly Brook does in a bikini. If they beat the Pats, they finish over .500 but is that enough to save Gary Kubiak’s job?

14. Panthers - They are finally playing like everyone thought they would at the beginning of the season. Unfortunately, Jake Delhomme put them in a hole to start the year that they couldn’t get out of by the end of the year.

15. Jets - The most fortunate team in the league with gifts from the Colts and potentially from the Bengals to push New York into the playoffs. What’s the over/under for the number of INTs by Sanchez on the road in the playoffs? 4 or 5?

16. Titans - Chris Johnson has a great chance to hit 2,000 yards for the season and an outside chance to break Eric Dickerson’s single season record. It’s still not enough to get the MVP.

17. Falcons - They should be motivated this week to get to 9-7 which would be the first time in franchise history (since 1966) they would have back-to-back winning seasons. Doesn’t that sound amazing that Atlanta has NEVER had consecutive winning seasons?

18. Broncos - Are they going to fire Mike Shanahan again after this late season collapse? They were better than they were last year, but still have a ton of holes.

19. Dolphins - This team overachieved considering the lack of receiving playmakers and weak defense. At least they learned Ricky Williams still has plenty in the tank.

20. 49ers - It has to be the quarterback, right? They have a playmaker RB and a playmaker TE and now a playmaker WR in Crabtree. They have a great middle LB in Patrick Willis. They have turds playing QB.

21. Giants - The defense let them down this year, which means there is no chance Bill Sheridan comes back for a second year as d-coordinator.

22. Jaguars - Maybe they could hire Mike Leach to run their offense and bring in Tim Tebow to play QB? Just a crazy thought……..but it sounds pretty good, right?

23. Bears - Cutler finally breaks the primetime jinx against the Vikings. I texted my brother after the Vikings scored to make it 23-7 and suggested it was time for the Cutler back-breaker INT. He responded that it would likely be from inside their own 35. Within one minute, Cutler rolled out and from his own 33, threw an INT that allowed the Vikings to really get the offense going and eventually forced overtime.

24. Browns - Could Big Show Holmgren fire Mangini if they end the season on a 4 game winning streak? Is the Mangini program finally working or are the players just playing harder to audition for next season?

25. Bills - Will the Colts subject Manning, Wayne & Company to the cold in Buffalo this week? Will the Bills be able to beat the Colts second string? Does anyone care? I don’t.

26. Redskins - At long last, the circus that has been the Redskins season is finally almost over.

27. Raiders - Tom Cable completely threw JaMarcus Russell under the bus when he admitted that better quarterback play earlier in the year could have saved their season. That’s about as brutal as the allegations that Lindsay Lohan’s dad kicked his ex-girlfriend in the baby-maker. Seriously, dude? What the…….?

28. Buccaneers - Nice job by Raheem Morris to cost themselves a better draft pick in the past two weeks.

29. Seahawks - They shouldn’t even bother showing up this week because they didn’t last week in Green Bay. Just let the University of Washington play the Seahawks game because they have a legit NFL QB in Jake Locker.

30. Chiefs - Coach Todd Haley said he didn’t flip off the fans, right? Pretty sure the fans deserve to flip him off for enduring this season in Kansas City.

31. Lions - The bright side is that it won’t take much to start the decade better than they ended this last one.

32. Rams - Sadly, they haven’t locked up the top pick in the draft yet to guarantee them Ndamukong Suh.

Quick Hits

It’s pretty obvious that the players at “The U” believe you get to the NFL by rushing the QB and tackling running backs - not by covering TEs. They didn’t cover any of the Wisconsin TEs all game, and got burned for it as Wisconsin beat Miami in the Champs Sports Bowl last night. The game was proof that at Miami, swagger is valued, and intelligence is not - the Hurricanes continually fell prey to every play action fake and misdirection running play. I’m pretty sure most of the Miami team would struggle to spell “The U” if you gave them 3 guessses. And Miami’s quarterback Jacorey Harris? Looks like a carbon copy of Terrell Pryor (Ohio State), Juice Williams (Illinois), Andre Woodson (Kentucky), Brad Banks (Iowa) or Kordell Stewart (Colorado). All great athletes that can’t play quarterback. A nice win for a young Wisconsin team to get to 10 wins and likely start next season in the top 15.
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Facts we know in the Texas Tech - Mike Leach - Adam Jones - debacle: (1) Jones was disciplined for lack of effort in practice, (2) Jones got a concussion, (3) He was put in an equipment shed for 3 hours, (4) his dad, ESPN’s Craig James, complained to the Texas Tech administration, and (5) Mike Leach is due a $800,000 bonus if he’s still the coach on Thursday, 12/31.

From there, the versions of the story depend upon who is telling the story and it has more changes than the Charlie Sheen-Brooke Mueller altercation. Supposedly Coach Leach was “punishing” James by forcing him to sit in the dark shed for 3 hours. Leach & the Texas Tech trainer said that since James needed to stay out of bright lights due to the concussion, it was good for him to stay in the shed. At the end of the day, it seems pretty obvious that James was a slacker, his dad was overreacting, and Leach should have had the kid in the training room, not isolated in some equipment shed. Everyone is in the wrong on this one.

Leach has always been entertaining and quirky (remember his “fat little girlfriends” quote?), but probably went over the line with this one. But memo to the James family - couldn’t you come up with a better way to handle this? Did you really need your daddy to whine to the administration? Couldn’t you and your dad have a meeting with Leach and the coaching staff away from the spotlight to figure it out? And if you’re not happy, then transfer. All of these seem like better options than making it the lead story on ESPN, separating James from his teammates (many of whom probably like playing for Leach), and putting a stain on his potential future pro value (if he had any to begin with). Just seems like a situation where neither side really thought through their actions very well.
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Everyone is all riled up about the Colts laying down for the Jets on Sunday. Yes, the Colts laid down easier than one of the Kardashians for a pro athlete. Coach Jim Caldwell followed the Colts philosophy that was given to him by Bill Polian - get prepared for the playoffs. The Colts earned the right to do whatever they wanted in the final two games by winning their first 14 - they don’t owe the league, the history or the fans anything. They earned the right to throw Curtis Painter in at QB, where he was more rattled than a Tiger Woods voicemail.

The real question is if Caldwell can now get his players to channel the disappointment and anger they feel - because let’s face it, they all wanted to go for the undefeated season - and use that energy to fend off the Chargers and Patriots to get to the Super Bowl. They’re going to need it because the Chargers are playing better than anyone else in the league and the Patriots appear to be rounding into form.
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The last week of the NFL season has a ton of compelling storylines as teams jostle to get into the playoffs or better their seeding. The only teams that are locked in their spots are the Colts, Chargers and Saints. Everything else is up for grabs. In the NFC, the 6 teams are known, but 3 of the teams could still end up with the #2 seed. In the AFC, there is a mess with a mix of scenarios based on who wins and loses. But the Jets and Ravens can play their way in by beating the Bengals & Raiders, respectively. If the Patriots beat the Texans earlier in the day, the Bengals will have nothing to play for and will likely rest their starters against the Jets. That would mean that the Jets, after losing at home to the Falcons (without Matt Ryan or Michael Turner), would benefit from back to back games against back up competition to get into the playoffs. It’s not their fault - you play the cards you are dealt. Kind of like when you’re at an all-you-can-eat buffet and you have to make a minimum of three trips…..unless you’re Rex Ryan and you make seven trips.
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Interesting link on the most and least profitable teams to gamble on during the decade. I think it’s just a reminder that the lines are always slightly skewed for the big market teams. The Yankees, Red Sox, Lakers and Cubs are among the worst teams to bet on. The first three of those teams have had great overall success, and the Cubs, well…….they suck.
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My weekly NFL Rankings will return either tomorrow or Friday while I recover from my hangover and watch a ridiculous amount of college football.

Update - Regular Schedule Returning

Sorry the posts have been so sporadic the past few weeks. With the holiday travels, the cross-country drive, and the incredible amount of brandy I consumed.......I forgot....errr..... didn't have time.

In any event, I'll be back to normal in the near future. Finally got my primary laptop back.....however it was wiped clean of everything I had on it.....files, pictures, music, programs, etc. So I'm starting from scratch to rebuild it all.

We have a ton to cover in the next couple days........Urban Meyer channeling his inner Brett Favre (or does he just hate his family?).......Mike Leach confining the son of Craig "Pony" James in an electrical closet because he had a concussion......NFL Playoffs.........Assistant Coach of the Vikings Brad Childress.........college football bowls...........NFL Coaching Carousel...........college basketball conference seasons starting........thoughts from Cleveland........etc. Soon we'll be back on schedule.

To make it up to you.....here's a picture of Marissa Miller. You're welcome.