Friday, February 19, 2010

Degenerate Friday - Tiger & Olympic Hockey

I’m not going to lie, without football it is hard to find something to gamble on each and every week. But we are dedicated to find some sweet action that we can throw cash at and make your bookie wonder where you come up with these bets. That is, if gambling were legal.

Before we get to this week’s locks, a quick story. This morning I crawled my happy arse out of bed for a 6:30 spinning class with the wife. Maybe it was to sweat out the scotch from last night or maybe I’m just an idiot. Either way, I settle in on the bike and start pedaling to warm up when I’m struck by the words on the shirt on the girl in front of me. On the back of the shirt it has the following lines:

Phucket Beach, Thailand

2001: Bomb Threat
2002: Bird Flu
2003: Earthquake
2004: Tsunami

What’s Next?!?!

And then to top it off, on the front of the shirt was “Still Alive” in huge letters. First, that’s not the type of thing that I want to be thinking about at the crack of dawn. Good Morning – remember all the terrible stuff that has killed a bunch of people in the past 10 years? Great, now pedal your arse off to the beat of the music. Second, was she taunting all the people that weren’t “still alive” from all of those disasters? Was she taunting Mother Nature - "what else you got, bitch?"
By the way, in addition to having a beach called Phucket, which sounds like, well… know. Thailand also has a Monkey Beach that has a ton of monkeys that hang out on the beach. How is this not the greatest place on earth? In college I always wanted a pet monkey that we could train to get us beer and make pizzas. The debate was always what would be better – a monkey or a midget. Midgets don’t throw their own poop (usually), which was a huge plus for them. The fact that you can’t own another human was always the downside. Such a strange way to start out a day that is only going to get more strange once Tiger makes his 5 minute speech.

Speaking of Tiger, that’s where we find one of our chances to gamble. I have to hurry to get this posted before the show begins, but here is the link to the odds on what he will say first. That’s a tougher bet than betting on how many times Tiger will say “sorry” according to the same site. For the phrase he will say first, it’s hard not to see him opening the speech by thanking everyone for being there, then leading off with an apology. The payday on “I’m sorry” is only 6/4, so I’d save the money. As for the number of times he says he is sorry? I’m thinking that during a 5 minute speech, he’s going to say “sorry” four times – to his wife, his fans, the PGA tour and his sponsors. That’s a nice 5/1 payday.

A couple quick notes on the entire situation of the press conference. I think the biggest thing we’re learning from the whole charade is that Tiger remains as stubborn and controling as ever, which makes you wonder if he’s learned anything. Christine Brennan of the USA Today blasts Tiger for his control over the speech. Coming out for a speech – it is not a press conference if he is not taking any questions and all of the press is not welcome - in an ultracontrolled situation reeks of the old Tiger style of privacy. I’m not saying it’s wrong, because like I said before, Tiger doesn’t owe me or you an apology. He owes an apology to his wife and his sponsors, and not one that needs to be made in public.

More interesting than what he says, is who is going to be there. I have heard that Elin is unlikely to attend, but that Michael Jordan will be there. Again, how is that helping your image? A guy with a known gambling problem, and one of the all-time womanizers whose wife divorced him over his past “transgressions” and the guy who got up at his own Hall of Fame speech and blasted everything and everyone within range. Yes, he was the greatest basketball player ever to lace up the sneaks, but as a character witness? Why MJ? Was Rachel Uchitel unavailable to stand next to him? As I’m typing this, I just heard that MJ may not be there or he may not be out in the room publicly for the speech. That’s disappointing from an entertainment side, but it could open up a seat at the table for Uchitel……..or the Perkins waitress.

Let’s just move on……..

I know I’ve mentioned and linked to my thoughts on the Olympics before, but I do have to admit to watching a decent amount of the games. I’ve watched some hockey, some skiing and some curling. The US curling teams, both men and women, have been awful and are a combined 0-6. The sport is semi-intriguing because of the strategy involved, and while I have never done it and assume it is harder than it looks, it definitely looks like a sport you could drink while playing. Somewhat similar to playing corn hole – a game that is as Cincinnati as Skyline Chili – but has blown up across the country in the past few years.

Another gambling option this weekend is the men’s hockey game on Sunday night between the US & Canada. Canada seems to be the favorite for the gold medal but the US team is playing well and would like nothing better than to beat their neighbors to the north. I’m not going to taunt the Canadians because I don’t want to get their media fired up like they did with the British for taking shots at the repeated problems with the Olympics thus far. I mean, seriously Canada. Just because someone said you have struggled with the games (memo: you have!!), doesn’t mean you have to bring up their lack of stamina in the sack. Seems more lowbrow than a porn star talking about getting preggers from Tiger twice knowing that he won’t dispute it.

So the pick is the U-S-A. Go stars & stripes. I have to believe the Canadian Mounties will have problems keeping their horses upright on the ice.

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