Showing posts with label Courtney Cox. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Courtney Cox. Show all posts

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

McNabb Fits With Raiders

Time to take a quick break from the NCAA tournament to talk about football. We could spend the time breakind down Chad Ochocinco’s performance on Dancing With the Stars, but let’s not kid ourselves. If we’re going to talk about Dancing, we’re going to put our focus on Erin Andrews who has held her own very well through the first couple weeks. Then again, I could not tell the difference between a foxtrot, a waltz, the cabbage patch or the soulja boy.

Anyway, the Eagles are going to trade Donovan McNabb before training camp, the worse-kept secret since Ricky Martin being gay (not that there’s anything wrong with that). The toothpaste is completely out of the tube, and there is no way to push it back in and bring Donovan to camp. They have their heir apparent in Kevin Kolb and they have their multi-faceted back-up in Michael Vick. They’ve ridden the McNabb train for a long time and it’s taken them to good seasons with no chance of winning it all because he chokes in every big game. Now that they’ve made it known that they are allowing teams to shop for him, the leading contender to get him: The Oakland Raiders. And it is a GREAT fit for both teams and for Donovan himself.

FOR THE EAGLES:

The Eagles are hoping for an Aaron Rodgers situation with Kevin Kolb. They believe they have their next quarterback for the next decade. They have a young nucleus of talent at the skill positions with LeSean McCoy at running back, DeSean Jackson and Jeremy Maclin at wide receiver, and Brent Celek at tight end. This will give them a young quarterback to hopefully set them up at the skill positions for a long time to grow together. In addition, they get compensation that is too high for a quarterback that is on the downside of his career and that has a history of not being able to come up big in the biggest moments. Yet the Raiders are desperate to change the direction of their franchise and will pay more than anyone else for a famous name. If you have a show that has been on the air for 10 years starring Courtney Cox, you know she still has talent but she was never good enough to win awards. Now someone offers you a healthy ransom for Cox and you have Leighton Meester sitting on the bench, it really is a no brainer decision.

FOR THE RAIDERS

The Raiders franchise has been a huge mess since they lost Jon Gruden. They have blown draft picks like JaMarcus Russell, and they have made awful free agent signings like DeAngelo Hall. They have had continual problems with their coaching staff and they are run by a crazy old man. So what better way to lend some legitimacy to a messed up organization than to bring in a solid name to be the face of the franchise. McNabb is a solid, yet moody, professional and would lend some respect to the franchise and bring a leader into the Raider locker room. The Raiders also have some talented players and their biggest problem the past few years was a quarterback who couldn’t throw, and when he did he threw it to the other team. Having McNabb would finally put an end to the Fat Albert experience at quarterback in Oakland.

FOR DONOVAN

As for Donovan himself, at first blush he is going to throw a fit about going from a perrenial playoff team to a dumpster fire in Oakland. However, if he were to stay in Philly, the pressure would be turned up even more than it already is. Philly fans are the most ridiculous fans in terms of their expectations and beliefs about their teams – they really believe they are the favorites in every sport at the beginning of every season and can’t be convinced otherwise. Then when the teams fail to meet those ridiculous expectations, the fans turn on their hometown heroes and act like complete jag-offs. (You didn’t really think I was going to have a post about a Philly team/player without taking at least one shot at the idiots in Philly, did you?) In addition, McNabb’s biggest weakness, other than his intestinal fortitude, has been his accuracy. In the Raider offense which will be run by Hue Jackson, it is not the west coast dink and dunk that relies more on quick slants and short accurate passes where McNabb has not excelled. Jackson will utilize the deep pass (like he had with Joe Flacco) which McNabb has had success with (look at the number of deep touchdowns he threw to DeSean Jackson last season). He could be very successful with Louis Murphy, possibly Darius Heyward-Bey and Darren McFadden playing the role of Brian Westbrook.

Donovan has taken the Eagles as far as he possibly could and he needs to understand his ceiling. He is a solid quarterback that can keep a team in contention but cannot carry them to the ultimate prize. When he had the all-pro WR and RB around him (T.O & Westbrook), he threw up under the pressure – literally. So going to Oakland, he has the potential to turn around a franchise and just bringing the Raiders to the playoffs again would be seen as a huge success. He would become a legend in Raider Nation just by bringing them to respectability – he doesn’t need to win a title. Can McNabb get his head around this concept? Probably not, so he would want to get out when his contract expires after the season.

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

NFL Power Rankings - Friends

Sitting in a coffee shop, thinking about this week’s power rankings, and this strange scene unfolds. I’m sitting in the corner, near the front window. This slightly husky, younger Asian girl wearing sweat pants comes in, sits at the next table, and then goes up to the counter to order her drink. She stands right under the sign that says “No Cell Phones In Here, Okay?” while she places her order, then returns to the table, takes out her cell phone and calls her friend to babble on and on, spewing idiocy loudly. Then I hear her drop this gem: “Well, hurry up and get here, I have to tell you about what happened with the crush I had on my hip-hop dance coach.” Wait, what?

And then it gets better. Her friend shows up, a skinnier Asian girl, takes off her shoes, and sits next to Hip-Hop. Hip-Hop closes her computer, and the friend pulls out her Tarot cards and a book titled “Tarot Cards Plain & Simple.” She then starts to shuffle the cards and sets them up as if her and her friend are playing a game of Uno. I don’t know anything about Tarot cards other than they are usually read by strange gypsies, hippies and homeless people. How does this work? If she doesn’t like the fortune she gets for herself or for her friend, does she just reshuffle and play again? I’m so thoroughly confused………..

Trying to rank the teams this week while sitting in a coffee shop reminded of a television show that spent a ton of time in a coffee shop – Friends. It might have actually been a more universally watched show than Seinfeld, and while it was always entertaining, it did not have the timelessness of the show about nothing. Nevertheless, it did have some great characters, and so those will be the categories for this week’s NFL Power Rankings. This week’s biggest gainers are the Redskins and the Jaguars, though for the Redskins, it doesn’t take much to climb above the wreckage at the bottom of the league. The biggest declines this week belong to the Jets and the Bears, which shouldn’t be surprising. On to the rankings…..

The Rachel Green Category (Jennifer Aniston)
Rachel was the spoiled brat on the show, trying to make it on her own and not need her rich, disapproving father’s money. And she was the biggest star on the show, including having her hairstyle “The Rachel” turn into a fashion trend. She was never the smartest, but whether she was working in the coffee shop, or finally working for Ralph Lauren, everyone wanted to root for her success. These are the best teams in the league – the ones that inspire copycat behavior and envy from the rest of the league.

1. Saints (last week: 1) – A very shaky performance against a woeful Rams team had me considering putting the Colts at the top of the heap, but one little slip up doesn’t ruin their entire body of work. Rachel dating that young guy Tag doesn’t take away from her being the best looking girl on the show.

2. Colts (2) – They survived another game in which they really didn’t have any business winning. Yet if you let Peyton Manning hang around long enough, he will get you. And the fact that he scared Bill Belichick into making that awful 4th down call is enough to win him the MVP award already.

3. Vikings (4) – The game with the Lions was closer than the score indicated, but the bottom line is that it was another win, preventing Green Bay from making up any ground in the division. Sidney Rice has become the legit receiving threat they have lacked since Randy Moss left town.

4. Bengals (6) – They out Steeler’d the Steelers on Sunday and now are enough of a stable situation that they can bring Larry Johnson into the fold for rushing game insurance. This is not the same brash, immature Bengals team that was competitive in 2005. This is one of the best teams in the league and they are putting themselves in position to get a bye and at least one home playoff game.

5. Patriots (5) – Belichick’s call was the Friends equivalent of when Rachel and Ross got drunk and managed to slip one past the goalie. There could be some serious lasting repercussions, such as the confidence of the defense, and losing a shot at home field advantage in the playoffs. Yet they have a quarterback who is used to being a single father, so maybe they’re more prepared than we thought.

6. Steelers (3) – Losing Troy Polamalu again will take its toll on the Steelers defense when they were just starting to return to their dominant form. They are still among the league’s elite, but they are probably closer to Rachel at the very beginning of the show, or maybe even before the show, before her nose job. They’re still good enough to get the job done, but they need a little work.

The Joey Tribbiani Category (Matt LeBlanc)
Joey was the most entertaining character on the show. He was definitely the dumbest character on the show, but his stupidity and woman chasing always made for pure entertainment. He was famous for being the Italian stud with the ability to bed chicks by simply asking, “How you doin’?” And yet, when they tried to make a spin off with just Joey, the thing went down faster than Lindsay Lohan on a table full of coke. The best Joey moment of the entire show came early on, before Joey was established as the best character:

7. Chargers (10) – A convincing win over the Paper Eagles combined with another loss from the Broncos and suddenly they are playing for the division lead in Denver on Sunday. They are also looking to avenge an earlier season loss. Pending fatherhood seemed to suit LT pretty well, rushing for almost a hundo with 2 touchdowns to boot.

8. Cardinals (11) – Kurt Warner is playing like a youngster, despite his advanced age. It reminds me of the episode where Joey has to play the part of a 19-year old, and he comes out with a winter hat, Marcus Camby jersey and sagging pants showing his drawers and says to Chandler, “Sup? …..Playin’ playstation is whack! …..Sup with the whack playstation, sup.”

9. Texans (13) – Only an idiot would underestimate the importance of Andre Johnson to the Texans. Just like Joey reminded us that “Only an idiot would wear all this Ferrari gear if they didn’t actually own a Ferrari.” Of course, Joey was just standing next to someone else’s Ferrari, wearing a Ferrari hat, shirt, jacket and driving gloves, pretending that it was his car when he made the statement.

The Pete Becker Category (Jon Favreau)
Pete was the ultra rich guy who pursued Monica, leaving her huge tips when she was working at the restaurant and she had to dress up with huge ti………you know. She tried to like him and his endless money, but no matter what, she just wasn’t into him. Then he decided that he wanted to be the ultimate fighting champion, only to suffer a brutal beat down. I think that fits for both the Cowboys in general and Tony Romo specifically.

10. Cowboys (7) – No matter how hard he tries, and how much money Jerry Jones throws around with the Cowboys, they just can’t get it right and can’t be consistent. They dominate the Eagles in Philly, but then turn around and lay an egg in Lambeau. They’re still the class of the overrated NFC East at this point.

The Chandler Bing Category (Matthew Perry)
Chandler usually played the straight man to Joey’s comedy. Chandler never had too many plotlines built around him, as he was either a pawn in one of Joey’s escapades or he was tagging along with his future wife Monica. He may have been most famous for the fact that his weight would fluctuate more than Jessica Simpson. It was rumored that you could tell whether he was on or off of cocaine based on his weight throughout the show. Much like his weight, these teams have fluctuated between looking like powerhouses (landing Monica) or weaklings (his inability to stand up to the coffee house bullies).



11. Broncos (8) – No one believed the Broncos were as good as their 6-0 record and they’ve worked extremely hard the past three weeks to prove everyone correct. Losing to the pitiful Redskins was as unexpected as Kathleen Turner showing up as Chandler’s cross-dressing father.


12. Falcons (9) – They suffered their fourth road loss of the year and Matt Ryan suddenly is turning the ball over at an alarming clip. Things don’t get any easier for the Falcons with a trip to Giants Stadium this week.

13. Packers (17) – It was an enormous win over the Cowboys, but that just cancels out the enormous loss to Tampa Bay the week before. They used more short drops and quick hits to try and alleviate some of the pressure on Rodgers, which appeared to help. Their defense remains inconsistent – maybe they’re on cocaine like Matthew Perry?

14. Eagles (12) – Another trip to the west coast, another disappointing performance for the Eagles. This is just not a mentally tough team, and I can’t see them going anywhere in the playoffs. Brian Westbrook needs to consider hanging it up for good – consecutive concussions should be enough to scare him from becoming a permanent vegetable in the future.

15. Ravens (14) – They don’t deserve to lose ground in the rankings after shutting out the Browns, but then again, they don’t exactly deserve praise for beating the fat kid in a race.

16. Jaguars (21) – They may be the least impressive 5-4 team in the league, but they have a fairly soft schedule and could potentially be a player in the playoff picture the rest of the year. As I pointed out yesterday, I didn’t like the call to take a knee, but when you win, it cures everything…..except an empty stadium in Jacksonville.

17. Giants (15) – Hopefully the bye week allowed Eli Manning’s heel to heal because his accuracy has went up in the smoke from Chandler’s cigs. The Giants need to rediscover their ground game and get their secondary healthy if they are going to be a player in the NFC East.

The Monica Geller Category (Courtney Cox)
Monica was the neat-freak mother hen on the show. She was always the brains of the girls, and also was freakishly strong. She was an unattractive fat girl growing up, but managed to slim down and turn into a pretty attractive girl, landing Chandler toward the end of the show. These are the teams that started out like that fat girl, but suddenly appear to be much thinner, attractive and capable of making some of the top teams fall for them.

18. Panthers (19) – Has Jake Delhomme got his groove back? He sure did last week, hitting Steve Smith for a couple of TDs, however the loss of left tackle Jordan Gross could be a deadly blow to the running game and Delhomme’s protection. The Panthers are making a late run at saving John Fox’s job and keeping Bill Cowher on ice another year.

19. Titans (20) – You have to love 86 year old Titans owner Bud Adams telling Bills fans “they were #1”, with both authority and with both hands, then accepting the quarter million dollar fine. Maybe he should have used Monica and Ross’s “fists together” salute next time, so people won’t know it’s a cover up for the finger.

20. Dolphins (23) – Miami will be trying to run the wildcat without their primary wildcat quarterback, Ronnie Brown. That will place more pressure on Ricky Williams, and potentially open up opportunities for rookie Pat White.


The Mona Category (Bonnie Somerville)
Mona was Ross’s girlfriend right after he knocked up Rachel, and Rachel’s father comes to find out why Ross won’t marry his daughter. She was yet another woman that was way out of Ross’s league that somehow stayed with him for longer than any sane woman would in real life. She was attractive and eventually exposed as not having much staying power on the show. And that pretty much sums up the Jets at this point.

21. Jets (16) – They are the “Reverse Beer Goggles” – they looked like the prettiest girl in the bar when you walk in, but for some reason, the more you drink, the more you see all of her flaws and you realize she actually resembles Rex Ryan more than Jeri Ryan.

The Richard Burke Category (Tom Selleck)
Richard was Monica’s boyfriend for a long time in the middle of the show. It was always a little strange considering he had to be a good 15-20 years older than Monica and it never seemed right that Monica was dating Magnum P.I. Eventually the writers tired of trying to fit him into a comedy show, and they finally broke up.

22. 49ers (22) – This category definitely fits the 49ers, because their rather pathetic win against the Bears masked the fact that they have been irrelevant since the 80’s – much like Tom Selleck when he was solving crimes in his Ferrari and probably hiding evidence in his sweater-vest chest hair.

The Janice Category (Maggie Wheeler)
The most annoying character in the show with her nasal wailing voice, yelling “Oh…..my……Gawd!” I despised every time she came on the screen and can’t figure out for the life of me why any of the guys in the show would spend even 30 seconds with her. The only thing I can think of is that she was freakishly good in the sack. And I just threw up a little bit in my mouth…….

23. Bears (18) – The perfect category for the Bears – easily the most annoying team led by the most annoying quarterback in the league. In addition to his poor play, Cutler is getting bashed for his body language, pouting, yelling, and staring down teammates after the play. And strangely, people still seem to think he is a franchise quarterback – prompting rumors that the Bears may bring in Mike Shanahan to try and correct Cutler.

The Phoebe Buffay Category (Lisa Kudrow)
Phoebe was always a wildcard on the show. She was a free spirit, a singer in the coffee shop, had an evil twin sister and used to be homeless and hitchhiked across the country. She owned her grandmother’s old taxi, and ended up being a surrogate mother for her estranged brother’s triplets. I never remember them explaining how a rich brat like Rachel, and a square like Monica became friends with such a hippie, and how they never even attempted a romance between Phoebe and any of the guys – Joey, Ross or Chandler.

24. Seahawks (24) – There isn’t a lot to say about the Seahawks. They stink and they have a prematurely balding quarterback with a brother who somehow parlayed an average backup quarterback career into a gig as a talking head at ESPN. I mean, Tim Hasselbeck’s biggest claim to fame is that he’s the wife of Elisabeth Hasselbeck, the girl from Survivor that parlayed that into a gig on The View.

25. Bills (25) – They fired their coach, Dick Jauron. Yeah, that’s going to solve all their problems on the offensive and defensive lines. I wonder if Jauron pulled a Bud Adams on his way out of the team facilities.

26. Redskins (31) – The Redskins are the quintessential Phoebe – they are a general mess, and yet they somehow manage to pull off some short-term success and you start to think that maybe she (they) aren’t all that bad. They beat the Broncos, and have unleashed their punter as one of their most dangerous offensive weapons.

27. Chiefs (27) – Todd Haley and Scott Pioli have petitioned the league to allow the Chiefs to play the Raiders every week. And now the Chiefs lose their best receiver Dwayne Bowe to a 4 game suspension for failing the league’s performance enhancing drug test – allegedly for a diuretic to aid with weight loss in minicamp. That signing of Chris Chambers looks better every week and may help the Chiefs secure the 5th pick instead of the 2nd.

28. Buccaneers (28) – The Bucs have shown a little bit of life with Josh Freeman at quarterback, but at they still have a long way to go. They showed it wasn’t just the creamsicle jerseys that were improving their chances of a second win.

The Ross Geller Category (David Schwimmer)
Ross was the weakest and worst character on the show. The critics would call it brooding, but I call it a whiny little bizzitch. Yet somehow this nerdy, insecure loser ended up with a plethora of chicks from Rachel (Jennifer Aniston), her sister (Reese Witherspoon), Mona (see above), etc. It never made sense how this dude who could only talk about dinosaurs and rocks managed to score as much talent as Joey. In the end, somehow he convinced people that we was who Rachel should end up with, but again, let’s just review the situation – the guy hooked up with a girl the night you had a big fight, hooked up with your sister, and plays with dinosaur bones. If that’s not the definition of a loser, I don’t know what it is.

29. Rams (29) – They put up a valiant effort against the Saints, but it ended up as just another loss in their large pile of losses. Like his dopey t-shirt that he demands back from Rachel, “Frankie Say Relax” and wait for the draft, Rams fans.

30. Lions (26) – They continue to backslide, and it will be better, but at this point, the new coaching staff and the addition of a franchise quarterback have worked out as well as Ross’s teeth whitening or spray tan adventure.

31. Raiders (30) – The Raiders and Al Davis are kind of like Ross’s attempt to rekindle his music with his electronic keyboard. It is absolutely terrible, and a complete embarrassment, yet everyone seems hesitant to tell him how bad he is. Only Phoebe (the football equivalent is the Redskins) thinks he’s really good.

32. Browns (32) – Eric Mangini has been about as successful as Ross in leather pants. In 6 of their 12 years since their reincarnation, they have won 4 games or less. They are the definition of pathetic, weak and tough to root for – just like Ross.

Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Manager Power in the 2009 Playoffs

While we all continue to not care about an average weapon on a great offense (Reggie Bush)getting back together with a great-looking girl that is only famous for having Bruce Jenner as a step-father (Kim Kardashian)...........

I intended to write this post about the MLB managers in the playoffs and how underappreciated Jim Leyland has been in his career. The guy has won in markets that have no business winning in baseball, having made the playoffs in Pittsburgh, won a World Series in Miami, and making a World Series appearance in Detroit. I was ready to talk about how he doesn’t get the accolades that Tony LaRussa and Joe Torre get because Torre managed in NY and LaRussa is a blow-hard SOB that loves the attention. Meanwhile, Leyland just sits back and smokes a dozen packs of cigs a day and wins games.

However, once I started looking at the numbers, I can’t really make the case. I know numbers aren’t the only way to measure a manager, but it is the most concrete way. So as I started to look at the numbers, I realized that this year’s playoffs will have a tremendous amount of managerial power. Excluding Joe Girardi because he only has 2 years of experience, the other 7 managers: Leyland, LaRussa, Torre, Scioscia, Manuel, Francona & Tracy have a combined 114 seasons, 49 playoff appearances, 10 World Series titles and 10 Manager of the Year awards. They have a .538 regular season winning percentage and a .563 post season winning percentage.

Between Leyland, LaRussa & Torre, we will be seeing 3 of the best managers of the 90’s – the only one missing is Bobby Cox with the Braves (who won’t be able to catch the Rockies for the wild card because the Brewers can’t play spoiler). And I guess it’s appropriate that the stars of the 90s are going to be big in the playoffs – considering television stars from the 90s are having a return to prominence this fall. Courtney Cox, Heather Locklear, Patricia Heaton, Kelsey Grammar and Ed O’Neil are all stars on new or returning to remade television shows. And Cox and Locklear are still bringing their A-game to the table.

While the exploits of Jim Leyland in multiple cities cannot be downplayed, he is the only manager of the 7 to have a winning percentage below .500 (at .496) in the regular season. Jim Tracy has the lowest post season winning percentage (.400), but he only has one appearance (before this season) with the Dodgers in 2004. The other disappointment in the post season has been Mike Scioscia, despite having a better regular season winning percentage than all of the managers except Joe Torre. Yet Scioscia is 16-20 in 5 post seasons, which is worse when you consider 11 of those 16 wins came during the World Series winning season in 2002. They have lost to the Sox 3 times in the first round, only winning one game – which is a bad omen for Angels fans as they open the playoffs with the Red Sox next week.

And it's worth mentioning that firepower is not just Joe Torre and all of his post season success. Along with LaRussa's 2 titles and 13 playoff appearances, in 10 seasons each, Francona & Scioscia each have 5 playoff appearances and 3 combined titles (2 for Tito & one for Scioscia).

What does this mean for this year’s playoffs? Obviously a manager alone will not be able to win the World Series. And Joe Girardi and his lack of playoff experience as a manager is leading the prohibitive favorite in the Yankees. However the experience and knowledge that these playoff tested managers bring to the table should mean that their decisions on pinch hitters, pitching changes and the daily line-up will lead to closer games and keep the less talented teams in each series and make for a good post season.

Leyland - 1/2 in World Series, 3-time MoY, 7 playoff appearances in 18 seasons

Torre - 3/6 in World Series, 2-time MoY, 15 playoff appearances in 28 seasons

LaRussa - 2/5 in World Series, 4-time MoY, 13 playoff appearances in 32 seasons

Francona - 2/2 in World Series, 5 playoff appearances in 10 seasons

Scioscia - 1/1 in World Series, 1-time MoY, 5 playoff appearances in 10 seasons

Manuel - 1/1 in World Series, 3 playoff appearances in 8 seasons

Tracy - 1 playoff appearance in 8 seasons