McNabb Fits With Raiders

Time to take a quick break from the NCAA tournament to talk about football. We could spend the time breakind down Chad Ochocinco’s performance on Dancing With the Stars, but let’s not kid ourselves. If we’re going to talk about Dancing, we’re going to put our focus on Erin Andrews who has held her own very well through the first couple weeks. Then again, I could not tell the difference between a foxtrot, a waltz, the cabbage patch or the soulja boy.

Anyway, the Eagles are going to trade Donovan McNabb before training camp, the worse-kept secret since Ricky Martin being gay (not that there’s anything wrong with that). The toothpaste is completely out of the tube, and there is no way to push it back in and bring Donovan to camp. They have their heir apparent in Kevin Kolb and they have their multi-faceted back-up in Michael Vick. They’ve ridden the McNabb train for a long time and it’s taken them to good seasons with no chance of winning it all because he chokes in every big game. Now that they’ve made it known that they are allowing teams to shop for him, the leading contender to get him: The Oakland Raiders. And it is a GREAT fit for both teams and for Donovan himself.

FOR THE EAGLES:

The Eagles are hoping for an Aaron Rodgers situation with Kevin Kolb. They believe they have their next quarterback for the next decade. They have a young nucleus of talent at the skill positions with LeSean McCoy at running back, DeSean Jackson and Jeremy Maclin at wide receiver, and Brent Celek at tight end. This will give them a young quarterback to hopefully set them up at the skill positions for a long time to grow together. In addition, they get compensation that is too high for a quarterback that is on the downside of his career and that has a history of not being able to come up big in the biggest moments. Yet the Raiders are desperate to change the direction of their franchise and will pay more than anyone else for a famous name. If you have a show that has been on the air for 10 years starring Courtney Cox, you know she still has talent but she was never good enough to win awards. Now someone offers you a healthy ransom for Cox and you have Leighton Meester sitting on the bench, it really is a no brainer decision.

FOR THE RAIDERS

The Raiders franchise has been a huge mess since they lost Jon Gruden. They have blown draft picks like JaMarcus Russell, and they have made awful free agent signings like DeAngelo Hall. They have had continual problems with their coaching staff and they are run by a crazy old man. So what better way to lend some legitimacy to a messed up organization than to bring in a solid name to be the face of the franchise. McNabb is a solid, yet moody, professional and would lend some respect to the franchise and bring a leader into the Raider locker room. The Raiders also have some talented players and their biggest problem the past few years was a quarterback who couldn’t throw, and when he did he threw it to the other team. Having McNabb would finally put an end to the Fat Albert experience at quarterback in Oakland.

FOR DONOVAN

As for Donovan himself, at first blush he is going to throw a fit about going from a perrenial playoff team to a dumpster fire in Oakland. However, if he were to stay in Philly, the pressure would be turned up even more than it already is. Philly fans are the most ridiculous fans in terms of their expectations and beliefs about their teams – they really believe they are the favorites in every sport at the beginning of every season and can’t be convinced otherwise. Then when the teams fail to meet those ridiculous expectations, the fans turn on their hometown heroes and act like complete jag-offs. (You didn’t really think I was going to have a post about a Philly team/player without taking at least one shot at the idiots in Philly, did you?) In addition, McNabb’s biggest weakness, other than his intestinal fortitude, has been his accuracy. In the Raider offense which will be run by Hue Jackson, it is not the west coast dink and dunk that relies more on quick slants and short accurate passes where McNabb has not excelled. Jackson will utilize the deep pass (like he had with Joe Flacco) which McNabb has had success with (look at the number of deep touchdowns he threw to DeSean Jackson last season). He could be very successful with Louis Murphy, possibly Darius Heyward-Bey and Darren McFadden playing the role of Brian Westbrook.

Donovan has taken the Eagles as far as he possibly could and he needs to understand his ceiling. He is a solid quarterback that can keep a team in contention but cannot carry them to the ultimate prize. When he had the all-pro WR and RB around him (T.O & Westbrook), he threw up under the pressure – literally. So going to Oakland, he has the potential to turn around a franchise and just bringing the Raiders to the playoffs again would be seen as a huge success. He would become a legend in Raider Nation just by bringing them to respectability – he doesn’t need to win a title. Can McNabb get his head around this concept? Probably not, so he would want to get out when his contract expires after the season.

Quick Hits before the NBA Trade Deadline

The Raiders signed Sebastian Janikowski to a ridiculous contract and now have the league’s highest paid kicker and punter on a team that has 10 total wins the past two years. If Al Davis is so into legs, why doesn’t he just hire Stacey Kiebler? On a serious note, at what point does the league have to step in and take control away from Davis, who continues to make head-scratching decisions with the once proud franchise?

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It is being reported that the Bucks have agreed to a trade with the Bulls for guard John Salmons to help fill the void after the Michael Redd knee injury. It seems like a decent trade for the Bucks to get a guard that can score while only giving up expiring contracts. I don’t know much about Salmons, but all of the media is clinging to his big numbers in the playoffs against the Celtics last year as the reason this is a good trade. The question I have is this: Are the Bucks making trades that will get them to .500 and secure them a low seed in the playoffs where they will be destroyed by the elite teams in the east like Cleveland, Orlando, Boston or Atlanta? Does that really feel like a successful season? I guess since their first playoff appearance since 2006 is progress, right?

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Maybe Danny Ferry read my article about Amare Stoudemire. Or probably not. Yet the Cavs decided to make a move for Antwan Jamison to fill their void at power forward. I think it is a much better trade for the Cavs, as Jamison can shoot from the outside, which means he can pick and roll with LeBron and doesn’t clog up the lane for Shaq. The Cavs are still not as deep as the Lakers, but they have distanced themselves even further from the Orlando Magic and the aging Celtics. Keep in mind that the title contenders have athletic shooting power forwards in Rashard Lewis (Orlando), Garnett/Rasheed Wallace (Celtics) and Lamar Odom (Lakers), and now the Cavs have their own guy to match up with those guys.

Also, keep in mind that even though the Cavs traded the contract of Zydrunas Illgauskas, but Big Z will likely never leave his house in Cleveland. The Wizards will buy him out, and 30 days laterhe will resign with the Cavs.

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Tiger is going to make a speech on Friday morning. It’s going to be more scripted than the fake phone call from Ali on The Bachelor. He’s only allowing a select group of reporters, friends and family into the room. It’s expected to be 5-7 minutes in length and he won’t take any questions. This is going to be more anticlimatic than the Yankees resigning Derek Jeter after his contract expires.

He’s going to apologize, say that he was addicted, and yadda, yadda, yadda. When is he going to return to golfing? That’s all that anyone really cares about at this point – or at least that’s all they should care about. He’s the one that has to handle his personal life and all the struggles with rebuilding the trust in his marriage, so he doesn’t need to apologize to me. Just let me know when we can expect to see him storming the course in his Sunday red, cursing over missed shots and banging his clubs around.

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Has anyone else seen this Barbasol commercial? I didn’t even know Barbasol was still around for the past 20 years. But there is so much unintentional comedy in this commercial and the jingle is so catchy, it will be in your head the rest of the day – “Close Shave America, Close Shave Barbasol!”

My favorite parts – at the 13 second mark, when he scratches his face because that beard is really getting to him. Dude – you drive a truck full of shaving cream, and you couldn’t get anything to shave with when you stopped at a truck stop? And at the 22 second mark, his wife is really excited he’s home, yet she won’t even come see him until he shaves. Add to that my wife’s comment when watching the commercial “That guy looked a ton better before he shaved.” But Close Shave, America. Close Shave Barbasol!!

Don't Ask Me About...

Quick hits today on a few random things that you shouldn’t ask me about. Why? Because I just don’t care or it’s dumb. It’s not worth the waste of air to discuss these narcissistic people or topics. So as of right now…..

Don’t Ask Me About:

- Brett Favre’s retiring. Who cares? He won’t make up his mind until August anyway, so why waste time in February?

- Tim Tebow at the Senior Bowl. We know he can’t take a snap. He never has, so why would he suddenly be good at it? It’s a not story. He should be a 6th rounder at best, but some team will reach for him in the 2nd round because the owner will panic that they can’t take a chance at missing him.

- Andy Roddick. Dude, you stink. You are the most overrated athlete since Anna Kournikova. The difference was she knew she was only popular because she was smoking hot. You try to pretend like you’re a tennis player, but you lose every big match. You’re best performance was a loss to Roger Federer. Then again, you have Brooklyn Dekker, so you still win.

- The Saints being a symbol of the city of New Orleans after the Hurricane Katrina disaster. Really? Because the team has rebounded and made the Super Bowl, the city is all fixed now? My guess is that people that should be spending all of their time and money on rebuilding their house and neighborhood (schools) will be blowing money to go to Miami for the game. There are still plenty of problems in the city and plenty of people that never returned, so let’s not make it out that the city is recovered because the team is winning.

- Tom Cable may or may not still be the coach of the Raiders. Listen, it’s not going to matter who is coaching the Raiders as long as Al Davis forces them to start that 300 pound anchor, JaMarcus Russell at quarterback. They will not be relevant until they find someone that can play the position.

- Brad Pitt & Angelina Jolie. So let’s see, Angelina wants to adopt kids from every country on the planet and live in France. Brad thinks 6 foreigners living in their house in New Orleans would be enough for him. They’ve both had short Hollywood marriages in the past. So why are we surprised that it’s not going to work out for them? My prediction: Brad is back with Jennifer Anniston before the end of 2010.

- Natalie Portman as a home wrecker. I thought home wreckers were skanks from Vegas, and want to think of Natalie as the girl in Closer or Garden State. I really can’t put Star Wars in that mix though, because I have a problem thinking anyone or thing from a science fiction movie is attractive. I’m always concerned there could be some weird power or extra appendage hidden somewhere when you’re messing with anyone from outer space.

- Kentucky basketball success. Most coaches have an issue with renting a player for one year because they are trying to build a program and help kids with their careers and lives. Not John Calipari. That greasy jag-off is completely okay with having one-and-done guys every year making a mockery of the student-athlete and the “institutions of higher learning” monikers. He has zero integrity or class. It’s just a matter of time until he gets Kentucky placed on probation and he moves on to his next victim……errr, school.

Lane Kiffin is An Ass

I have no affinity for Tennessee on any level. In fact, I probably dislike the state due to a speeding ticket last summer. I drove to Nashville for a wedding, and on Sunday morning, I’m headed back to NY, tired, head hurting, and facing a 13 hour drive. So Barney Fife of the Tennessee State Police pulls me over going 82 in a 70 mph zone. Give me a break dude, it’s 12 over. Anyway, he gives me the ticket and tells me to call the number on the back of the ticket in 10 days to find out how much the fine is. What? Why is there not a simple system that tells you, 12 over = $100. Move on. No, out here, the hillbillies need to consult with their cousin/wife – the only one in the county with at least a 7th grade education – to figure out how much they can stick you with. So after ten days, I call. No response. I call 3 times that day and leave 3 messages within 5 days. On the advice of Hildo, I google the citation # and find the table of fines in Kingston, Tennessee. It starts at 15 over and $150. I didn’t even make the minimum threshold. So I send them a check for $100 with a note that I called 10 times, no one called me back and according to their website, I am now clear. A month later I get a letter from MaryJoeMarieBettySueBobbby Hicks, the city clerk, saying I still owe $100 because the fine was $200. Assclowns.

Anyway, that was a really long intro to prove that I don’t really like Tennessee. Yet I like Lane Kiffin less. Kiffin is the douchebag who obviously has the gift of persuasion and he definitely learned a thing or 10 about taking the money and running from his mentor, Pete Carroll. (side note: Pete – give up the “right situation” act about taking the Seahawks job. You and Mark McGwire really believe that everyone else is an idiot when the reality is you’re more transparent than Ashley Greene in a body paint bikini. Back to your regularly scheduled rant on Lane Kiffin.) Kiffin was the defensive coordinator under Carroll at USC and somehow parlayed that into a gig with the Raiders. That was the same Raiders job that Steve Sarkisian (the USC offensive coordinator) turned down before Kiffin took the payday despite never having been a head coach at any level. To absolutely no ones surprise, Kiffin rubbed his rich older players the wrong way and he couldn’t control them the same way he could control poor young guys at USC (at least they were poor until they became stars at USC and then were given houses for their family – Reggie Bush, or cars – Joe McNight). He butted heads with the owner and as crazy as Al Davis is, he’s the boss. If you want to keep your job, you can’t publicly call out the guy who signs the checks. So after one horrid year, he was canned and bashed in the most bizarre press conference I’ve ever seen by the Crypt Keeper, Al Davis.

He then somehow parlays that public failure into the head coaching job at Tennessee, one of the premiere fan bases in the SEC. He uses the Pete Carroll model of recruiting great athletes regardless of whether they have the academic capacity or maturity to handle college. He committed a minimum of 6 NCAA infractions during his one year, and also had to dismiss players from the team due to their off the field problems. On top of all that, he tried to tweak the tail of Urban Meyer’s recruiting practices at Florida. Lane, Urban wouldn’t even hire you to get him coffee. He has national championships and Heisman winners at Florida. You have never had success. Remember those great USC teams? Defense was their problem – not the offense with Matt Leinart, Reggie Bush, LenDale White, Steve Smith & Mike Williams. So while on the field the Volunteer team improved during his one year, his off the field issues make it a tumultous tenure at best.

Yet, there must be something that Lane Kiffin has in his ability to smile and say the right things to your face that these places keep hiring him and believe him. He obviously can recruit - look at the guy’s wife as a prime example of his ability to convince someone that has no business being with him to buy what he’s selling. He definitely outpunted his coverage there. He’s the epitome of what’s wrong with the college coaching carousel, and also the perfect picture of a snake oil salesmen. Beware USC – you have a guy who will get your fan base excited, but there are fires in the building, and Lane loves to jump at the next payday instead of ever facing the music.

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Tough break (literally) for the Wisconsin hoops team losing Jon Leuer to a broken arm. That will be a crushing blow to a team that needs his ability to score from the post and step out and knock down three’s. Without Leuer, the Badgers don’t have anyone capable of drawing attention in the post which opens up Bohannon, Taylor and Hughes from beyond the arc. While I like Keaton Nankovil’s hustle and rebounding ability, he will not command any attention from opposing defenses. The Badgers will struggle against very good defensive teams the next time through the league like Ohio State, Michigan State and Purdue.

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Tuesday Ramblings - Batman, Cowards, Liars, Etc.

Manu Ginobli knocks a bat out of mid-air on Halloween night during a basketball game. However, what’s more amazing than his bat hunting is his bald spot in the back of his head. Dude is 28 years old and has the bald spot of a 60 year old. I mean, my forehead is expanding as my hair runs away from my eye brows, but not nearly as rapidly as Manu’s bald spot is attacking his head. Combine that with his deteriorating knees and ankles and maybe he’s like a Cuban baseball player and is actually 45 years old.

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So Brandon Spikes gets suspended for the first HALF of the game this week against Vandy for his eye gouge against Georgia? What a cowardly move by Urban Meyer. While Urban is a good coach, he’s a pompous d-bag as a person. For him to stand up there and lie that “we take this very seriously” and follow it up with a half game suspension? It’s like George Costanza’s “Was that wrong?” after diddling the maid in his office.

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Chase Utley is having a World Series for the ages. Unfortunately, it’s likely to be forgotten if the Yankees end up closing out the series. People tend to forget amazing performances by losing teams/people. But the dude is raking fastballs out of the park this series, with 2 more in game 6 last night. The best example was 2002, when Barroid Bonds hit 4HR, 13BBs, 22 Total Bases, 8 Runs, .700 OBP, and a 1.294 Slugging % - all among the top ten all-time in a single World Series.

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Not sure we’ll get to the point of a Game 7, but I’d say that Cole Hamels has created quite a firestorm with his comment that he just wants the season to be over. If you’re the other guys in the locker room, can you feel good if he takes the mound in a decisive game for the championship? You bust your arse all season and fight your way back from a 3-1 deficit in the World Series and then this joker is going to be the pitcher to determine whether you get a ring? And the fact that Brett Myers had to talk to him about his comments (whether or not it was “confrontational”) proves that the team is concerned he’s not all in, like the rest of them. Hamels could be on the fast track to the pitching career of Rick Ankiel – fast start, followed by even faster decline. Can Hamels play the outfield? The rumors are that his wife Heidi (originally of Survivor and Playboy fame) made him focus more on making money and doing endorsements than on improving as a pitcher. Then again, if the Yankees win in game 6, no one will remember that Hamels wanted to be a quitter.

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The Browns fired their GM, George Kokinis yesterday. Kind of like putting a band-aid on a bullet wound. The question is whether it was a warning shot to Mangini or if it was Mangini throwing Kokinis under the bus? They have the 34th ranked QB in the league (there are only 32 teams), an old RB that already said he’s retiring after this season because he can’t take it anymore, and they traded their #1 WR after he got in a fight at a night club. They have the worst prospects for a turnaround than any team other than maybe the Raiders.

Now the fans are threatening to boycott the team and the owner has offered to meet with those fans that organized the boycott. Can you imagine how that conversation is going to go?

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Could the Oakland situation with Tom Cable get any worse? So far on Cable’s hit list…..a wife, a couple girlfriends and an assistant coach (allegedly). What’s next? And of course, when asked about it, he denied it. Until the police report was shown to him, then he suddenly remembered it, and remembered details including that it was an open hand. What a liar and a loser. I’m sure he feels like Roger Clemens and all these women must “mis-remember” what actually happened.

At least the Raiders used a big word in their statement about the situation to try and prove they aren’t idiots. “For reasons of privacy, we kept the basis for those dismissals confidential. We endured public OPPROBRIUM for the dismissals, all the while knowing our basis for them was appropriate.” What? I guess it means public disgrace or ill fame. And if that’s the case, the entire Raiders situation is an opprobrium.