NFL Power Rankings - Week 1

Riding the subway in New York is brutal in the summer because if the air underground isn’t disgusting and stale to begin with, the heat adds an extra layer of stank to it. On top of that, you add the overcrowded nature of rush hour and sprinkle in a solid mix of homeless people and you have a pretty nasty cocktail. The other day I’m minding my own business on my way home, listening to my iPod when I catch this mangy dude stumbling through the train and I assume he’s begging for change. I typically enjoy hearing some of the more creative signs and requests from the panhandlers, like outside of dinner last night when a guy said he needed 50 cents to fix the rotary engine on his helicopter. That’s a good effort. The guy on the subway wasn’t actually begging, but instead he was hoping to sell something: Batteries. He’s walking through the train with an open package of batteries yelling “Double-A’s, triple-A’s, C’s & D’s – I got your batteries right here - $1 for a battery.” Who needs batteries while they’re on the subway? Not to mention they likely are used/dead batteries that he’s selling. Everyone on the train is using an iPod, iPhone, blackberry, kindle or reading the paper. None of those activities require Duracells.

So how does this relate to the NFL Power Rankings after the opening weekend? It probably doesn’t, but it made me think that while I don’t want to overreact to week 1 results, I have to stay with the times and not continue to proclaim that the teams at the top will remain at the top. It also reminded me of the days back when people used to use those big clunky Discman to play CD’s while working out and you had to be careful not to make the CD skip constantly. Well the Discman was released in 1984, so this week’s rankings are broken out by some of the top movies from that year.

The Terminator

1 – New Orleans

The Saints are the kings until someone knocks them off. They proved that they could win a game on defense by handling the Vikings when their offense wasn’t clicking. They have a very tough road test on Monday night to maintain the top spot.

2 – New England

The Patriots were the cold, destroying terminators in week 1, laying the smack down on the Bengals. They scored the most points in the league and despite the final score, their young defense shut down the Bengals early. Tom Brady had a helluva ride last week, getting in a significant car accident but escaping injury, signing a huge contract extension, lighting up the Bengals and all the while getting to come home to Gisele every night. I’d say that’s winning at life.

3 – Green Bay

Losing Ryan Grant is a significant blow for the Packers, and if GM Ted Thompson wasn’t so opposed to free agency or trades, they may have been able to add someone like Laurence Maroney (only cost the Broncos a 4^th rounder), Marshawn Lynch, or Willie Parker. Instead they signed someone off a practice squad. If the running game struggles, you will see a return of the “Ted Thompson Ruined My Christmas” t-shirts.

4 – Baltimore

Ray Lewis remains the baddest terminator in the league. That hit he laid on Dustin Keller was textbook and I’m pretty sure if he hit me like that, I would be dead. Not in the figurative sense – they would have to peel me off the turf and just take me right to the cemetery. The Ravens difficult schedule continues with another road game, this time at Cincinnatti where Palmer, Ochocinco and Owens will test their banged up secondary more than Mark Sanchez did.

5 – Pittsburgh

Don’t look now, but if Troy Palomalu stays healthy, the Steelers defense could return to its dominant form and it won’t matter who lines up under center.

Ghost Busters

6 – Houston

The Texans were finally able to rid themselves of their own personal Slimer – the ghost of the Indianapolis Colts. They also could have quoted Bill Murray’s Dr. Venkman character: “We came. We saw. We kicked it’s @ss!!” Unfortunately all a week 1 win does is secure they won’t have a winless season. The Texans haven’t had problems early in the season as much as they have had problems when they really have to win. But for now, they have a dominant running game, a passing game that wasn’t needed, and an aggressive defense. That’s enough for a top 6 position to me.

7 – Indianapolis

On the other end of the spectrum are the Colts. With their defense suddenly looking like more of a liability than planned and Bob Sanders likely out for the year, there are some real concerns in Indy. I’m not sure a visit from the underachieving but talented Giants running game is the cure.

The Natural

8 – Tennessee

Chris Johnson is a natural when it comes to running the football. I saw on halftime of the Monday night game that they clocked him at 22 mph during his 76 yard touchdown on Sunday. Like Robert Redford knocked the cover off the ball, Johnson can run the cleats off his shoes.

Romancing the Stone

9 – Minnesota

Brett Favre and Brad Childress are about as annoying as Michael Douglas and Kathleen Turner. In reality, since this is their second act together, maybe they should be connected to the sequel, The Jewel of the Nile, but that movie came out in 1985. While losing to the Saints isn’t a disgrace, the lack of passion, energy and life from Old Man Favre is a definite concern.

10 – New York Giants

There’s just something about Big Blue that I can’t get behind this year. They are about as exciting as a stone. Good enough to beat the bad teams (like Carolina) but will struggle against better competition (like Indy this week).

Beverly Hills Cop

11 – New York Jets

This whole tier of teams fits into the Eddie Murphy quote: “You arresting me for getting thrown out a window?” And while the media gnashes its teeth about the way the team treated Ines Sainz, the team should be spending more time trying to figure out how wonderboy Mark Sanchez went from looking as good as Ms. Sainz to looking like George Lopez during the off-season.

12 – Dallas

The Cowboys offense struggled mightily despite the presence of all those weapons. Is that a credit to Washington’s defense? Possibly. But more likely, the Cowboys have to put it all together, shore up their offensive line play and only then can they even imagine playing a home game in the Super Bowl.

13 – San Diego

While not part of the movie, it seems like San Diego used another Eddie Murphy line from his stand up routine: “I’ll take the zero” (look up the routine about having a boner in class and getting called upon to come to the front of the class). The Chargers took the zero in the rain against a young and feisty Chiefs team.

14 – Atlanta

Maybe the Falcons aren’t ready for prime time after all. I do believe that the Steelers defense can be an elite unit, but to only manage field goals is unacceptable from an offense with Matt Ryan, Michael Turner, Roddy White and Tony Gonzalez. So I am arresting them for falling out the window.

15 – Cincinnati

The Bengals got thrown out the window by the Patriots and they have the foot prints on their rear ends to prove it. They better buckle down at home against the Ravens or the season could disintegrate quickly.

Karate Kid

16 – Washington

I’m not sure how long the Redskins will stay in the upper half of the league, but after beating the Cowboys, they’ve earned this spot. They are the upstart who beat the fancy dressed, fancy trained rich kids with a controlled and disciplined game.

17 – Seattle

The Seahawks bought into Pete Carroll and Cheerleader Carroll used “the Crane” to kick the snot out of the 49ers in week one. I fear that his act grows thin quickly, but for now, they deserve this ranking, probably 10 spots higher than I would have had them before the season started.

Gremlins

18 – Philadelphia

Andy Reid had his nice fuzzy little mogwai in Kevin Kolb, but unfortunately he exposed him to water (aka the Packers defense) and it spawned a gremlin of a quarterback controversy. Michael Vick looked back to his old speed against Green Bay and after he leads the Eagles to a victory over the Lions, the team is going to have a hard time stomaching a move back to Kolb. Kolb looked timid, weak-armed and scared before Clay Matthews knocked him out of the game.

19 – Arizona

Kurt Warner’s retirement spawned a whole mess of gremlins in the desert, first with Matt Leinart and now with Derek Anderson. While Anderson’s numbers looked respectable at the end of the game, he still has accuracy problems and the Cards barely held off the lowly Rams. This may be the highest the Cards get ranked all season.

Sixteen Candles

20 – Kansas City

The Chiefs pulled off a great upset against the Chargers riding the youth movement with rookies Dexter McCluster, Tony Moeaki and young running back Jamaal Charles. They came of age a little in the Monday night game, so I guess that makes Matt Cassell equal to Molly Ringwald?

Splash

21 – San Francisco

Not only did the 49ers make a terrible splash with their pathetic performance at Seattle, they also have a lot in common with Darryl Hannah. Both were huge in the 80’s and both are liked for some strange reason I can’t understand. No matter how intense Coach Singletary stares at his players, the 49ers cannot be successful with the poor communication between their offensive coordinator and the quarterback that plagued them in week 1.

Indiana Jones & The Temple of Doom

22 – Miami

The Dolphins get credit for winning, but there is doom ahead because their offense was stagnant against a poor Bills defense. That huge stone that is chasing Indiana Jones – that’s the Patriots about to run down the Dolphins.

23 – Jacksonville

This is another team that won, but in unconvincing fashion against an inferior opponent.

24 – Carolina

Boy am I glad that Carolina got rid of that turnover machine in Jake Delhomme and got a conservative game manager like Matt Moore because he won’t turn the ball over……wait, nevermind. Moore basically melted in the bad weather and Giants pressure like the bad guy’s faces at the end of Indiana Jones.

25 – Oakland

Oakland reminds me of the scene in the movie where the bad guy stops Indiana Jones in the market and starts to wave his big sword all over the place in a huge display of power. Indy calmly pulls out his pistol and shoots the guy. Well the Raiders had me convinced with their big sword trade of Jason Campbell and maturing wide receivers. The Titans pulled out the pistol in week 1.

26 – Detroit

No need to rehash it – the Lions were robbed by a terrible rule. And that’s why they are ranked higher than the Bears despite losing to them. Even though they lost Mattew Stafford and will likely plummet after this week, they get a bump for the effort in week 1.

Nightmare on Elm Street

27 – Chicago

Yes, Jay Cutler threw for a lot of yards, but he’s still a turnover machine and will be a nightmare for Chicago’s playoff chances.

28 – Denver

What was more overhyped? Tim Tebow’s debut or the ridiculous Bachelor spin-off, Bachelor Pad? Tebow was a non-factor and Bachelor Pad was just a pairing up of sluts with meatheats.

29 – Tampa Bay

They are the second team in this tier that won last week, but the team they beat was barely better than Notre Dame. Raheem Morris has some potential on this team, but Bucs fans wish they could just sleep away the season.

30 – St. Louis

The Rams showed a considerable amount of spunk against the Cardinals and Sam Bradford looks like he has the skills to be a franchise QB. Unfortunately they will not win many games if they have to throw it 55 times a game and only give Steven Jackson 22 carries.

31 – Cleveland

Well that didn’t last long. Did we really expect the Jake Delhomme experiment to work with the Browns? Do you really expect Jennifer Lopez to be anything other than a monster pain in the ass as a judge on American Idol? Do you really expect Jenn Brown to be famous for her sideline reporting or her looks?

32 – Buffalo

If Packers GM Ted Thompson wasn’t so opposed to trading, the smart move would be to tell Buffalo RB Marshawn Lynch to bring a few extra bags with him to Green Bay this weekend. Instead Lynch will have to continue to suffer through a rough season while his former Cal teammate quarterbacks a contender without much of a running game.

Final NFL Power Rankings - Jersey Shore

It’s time for the final installment of the NFL Power Rankings. And this week’s rankings are going to be full of fist-pumps, hair poofs, fake tans, cases of hair gel, fake boobs, and wife-beater tank tops. Those things can only mean one thing…….Jersey Shore. The much-maligned show from MTV where they take reality television to lows that no one thought were possible. Yet, much like a car crash, it’s hard to look away. I mean, at the end of the day, it is entertaining.

The Ronnie Category

Ronnie is the big meathead - they’re all meatheads, but Ronnie is the biggest - with the faux-hawk haircut and aversion to wearing a shirt. He is from the Bronx, and makes the statement in his opening “You never fall in love at the Jersey Shore” and yet by the end of the first episode, he’s entered a relationship with one of his housemates and she’s meeting his parents. Overall, Ronnie - the creator of the “Ron-Ron Juice” cocktail - is thus far the least out of hand guy on the show, and the leader of the group. The teams in this category are the biggest teams with the best chances to go all the way to the championship.

1. Chargers (last week: 1) - The hottest team in the league and for the first time in years, the inevitable LT injury won’t cripple the team.

2. Colts (2) - Any team with Peyton Manning calling the shots has a great chance, but they have to be fearful of the Colts & the Patriots. I don’t buy that crap about how they only won the Super Bowl the year they didn’t rest their starters - if they lose, it’s not because of resting their starters.

3. Vikings (8) - They rebounded well and will not have to play any more games outdoors unless they get to Miami for the Super Bowl. They are the biggest threat in the NFC.

4. Saints (4) - New Orleans has a week to try and regain the momentum they let go with 3 straight losses. They might need some Ron-Ron Juice to get the party started.

5. Packers (6) - The engine is clicking on all cylinders right now, they catch a break with Boldin unlikely to play and they may be the most dangerous team in the NFC not in Minnesota. Would it be sweet revenge to knock off Favre and the Vikings? Kind of like if the Situation somehow swoops in and steals Sammi back from Ronnie?

6. Cowboys (10) - This team has more uppers and downers than the medicine cabinet of a Hollywood starlet or shampoo heiress (too soon?). So after a couple of big wins, we’re all back on the bandwagon, right? Until they lose to the Eagles and Wade Phillips gets booted out of town.

7. Patriots (7) - They do have “Wes Welker Light” in Julian Edelmann, but they will miss one of the best WR in the game. Do you realize Welker had 123 catches in barely over 13 games? They might beat the Ravens, but don’t expect them to beat the Chargers in San Diego.

The Jenni “J-Woww” Category

This girl is a serious firecracker…..well, a firecracker with two watermelons strapped to the front of it. She is a party girl and a complete animal, stating in her intro “after I have sex with a guy, I will rip his f#ckin head off.” Okay then. After watching a few episodes, it’s obvious that she is a complete freak, but at the same time, she’s not a bad person.

Basically, these teams are like J-Woww, they are entertaining and can put on a show, but they have some fake parts that give you legit concerns about their staying power.

8. Cardinals (5) - Matt Leinart is thrilled to be in the J-Woww category - he’s about to invite her to Arizona for the game.

9. Eagles (3) - That was a scary loss last week, where the offense was exposed and the defense was eaten alive. We’ll see how they rebound, but it seems unlikely that this team suddenly grew a pair to allow them to win on the road.

10. Ravens (11) - They have the type of team that can advance in the playoffs with a strong running game and strong defense. Yet they have a tough matchup in Foxboro this weekend.

11. Jets (15) - I would bet J-Woww, a Long Island native, is a Jets fan. Yet, she’s probably never played football or even went for a run because she would give herself two black eyes.

12. Bengals (9) - Like the Eagles, they failed to show up for a game they wanted to win at the start. Didn’t Carson Palmer used to be a prolific passer?

The Mike “The Situation” Category

I am thoroughly entertained by the guy because he claims his abs are so ripped they are a situation. I mean, the guy is a complete scumbag, illustrated perfectly by his reaction after Snooki gets punched in the face. He’s right behind the guy that punches her, and he just stands there and doesn’t do anything, and then when the group is all going home, he’s outside trying to get some random skank to come home with him. Really? Way to be a friend. In addition to being a stripper before coming on the show, I’m pretty sure the guy would try to hook up with a mop if it had a hole. The Situation is much like these teams in that they try to pretend that they are a ladies’ man (contender) but in the end, they struck out from scoring a playoff birth.

13. Panthers (14) - Carolina finished the season strong, but their “Situation” is Jake Delhomme. His ability to turn over the ball is a situation.

14. Texans (13) - Congrats on the first winning season in franchise history. Your prize? No playoffs and your offensive coordinator is leaving for Washington to coach under his father.

15. Falcons (17) - Congrats on the first consecutive winning seasons in franchise history. Your prize? A seat on the couch for the playoffs.

16. Steelers (12) - A leaky offensive line, poor secondary, and a brittle star safety are all part of the situation in Pittsburgh. Letting go of Bruce Arians is the first step in addressing their problems.

17. Titans (16) - Will Jeff Fisher attempt to get out of town if the Cowboys lose and Wade gets canned?

18. 49ers (20) - They got to 8-8 and what does that get them? The same number of girls that The Situation has landed so far - none.

19. Dolphins (19) - Parcells has this franchise pointed in the same direction and has found himself a quarterback in Chad Henne.

The Angelina “Jolie” Category

Jolie came out of the gates with her guns blazing, wearing a skimpy outfit and calling herself the “Kim Kardashian of Staten Island” in her intro. Umm, lady, you are nowhere near Kim Kardashian. And as soon as she got into the mix of the show, we found out she was a lazy, spoiled, c#ck-blocking biyatch. My favorite quote from her was “I’m a bartender, I do great things.“ What does that even mean? Pretty sure that sums up your life. Random side note - she moved in with her stuff in a garbage bag. And when she got kicked out of the house for failing to show up for work, she left with her stuff in the same garbage bag. Seriously? You couldn’t borrow some luggage or a duffel bag at worst? And then you kept the garbage bag to pack your stuff back up to go home? Oh, and we haven’t even covered the issue that her boyfriend whom she breaks up with was some married guy. She is a train wreck.

20. Broncos (18) - Started off the season with a bang - 6-0. Then crashed and burned to an 8-8 finish. More concerning is the state of the franchise: the star WR hates his coach and they don’t have a legit quarterback on the roster.

21. Giants (21) - Ditto the Broncos comment, substituting 5 for 6 wins to start the season. They were weak mentally and worse physically on defense.

The Sammi “Sweetheart” Category

Sammi is the only cast member who is actually from New Jersey. She may be the most normal looking girl in the house, which is kind of like being the tallest midget. She starts out the show “vibing” on The Situation but by the end of the episode is shacked up with Ronnie, and has fallen for him. A complete change of heart for the self-proclaimed “sweetest bi#ch you’ll ever meet.” What does that even mean?

22. Browns (24) - Mangini somehow seemed to have righted the ship and has the support of the team that is left in the locker room. Will Holmgren keep him for one more year and then move himself into the coaching chair?

23. Bears (23) - Fans started the year in love with Jay Cutler, and much like Sammi have had a change of heart. Lovie Smith will be kept as coach since the owners are cheaper than a south side Polish immigrant, but they cut out almost everyone underneath him.

The Vinnie Category

Vinnie is the prototypical mamma’s boy on the show. Pretty dull guy overall, he hasn’t been a leader in any of the skank-chasing, and he seems to show up for work on time. His one contribution thus far has been the demonstration on fist-pumping.

24. Jaguars (22) - We were saved from this horrendous team being in the playoffs thankfully. Now we have to see if the team is sold, if they draft Tim Tebow, and if anyone will care.

25. Bills (25) - Another boring franchise with a ton of holes. Will Bill Cowher be desperate enough to get back into coaching to go to Buffalo? He probably should because each year the shine on that 2006 Super Bowl gets less shiny.

The Nicole “Snooki” Category

She is the pudgy little troll on the show who announced “The party’s here” upon entering the house, then got hammered, semi-naked in the hot tub and passed out before the group could go out for the night. Oh, and then she got punched in the face by a dude. She is awkwardly orange, claims to have made the “poof” in her hair famous, and constantly waddling around trying to get some action from drunken dumbasses that will hate themselves in the morning when they sees the round mound of fun they brought home the night before.

26. Raiders (27) - Well, considering Tom Cable gave one of his coaches the “Snooki” treatment, they have to fit into this category. Something tells me Al Davis calls his coach “Tim” or “Jim” similar to how most of the housemates call Nicole “Snickers” or “Snicky.”

27. Redskins (26) - Wait, they aren’t keeping Jim Zorn? Knocked me on my tail when I heard the news. More on Mike Shanahan tomorrow, but let’s just say I’m not the biggest fan of a guy who has proved over and over again to be mediocre.

The Pauly D Category

Pauly is from Rhode Island and had never been to the state of New Jersey prior to the show. The guy packed a case of hair gel to make sure he had his “blow out” hairstyle ready for the Shore. Pauly is also the guy trying to get an up close examination of J-Woww’s snack trays, and he makes his move by showing her the piercing on his junk. Like Pauly spending 45 minutes on his hair, these teams spent time and money getting prepared for the big night out, bringing in a new coach. Yet in the end, they’re still here at the bottom, trying to get some girl with fake taters to look at his piercing.

28. Chiefs (30) - The Chiefs are boring - so more importantly, Randy Johnson retired yesterday. What is his legacy? The scary looking monster with a mullet who is among the all-time strikeout leaders? The guy who killed the bird with a pitch? Or the guy who yelled at the photographer in NY (great quote “Don’t talk back to me.”) after he signed with the Yankees? I think it might just be the mullet.

29. Seahawks (29) - Huge week for Wisconsin basketball starting tonight when the Badgers head to East Lansing to take on #10 Michigan State, and then Saturday they welcome #4 Purdue to the Kohl Center. A split in these games would be a victory for Bo and his squad.

30. Buccaneers (28) - They were supposedly considering letting Raheem Morris go to get Bill Cowher to coach them. Seems dumb considering they could have went after Cowher last year when they first gave Morris the job. What changed in one year?

31. Lions (31) - A two game improvement from last season got them, drum roll please…………..the second pick in the draft.

32. Rams (32) - They’ve won 6 games in 3 years. The Lions have won 9 games in that time.

NFL Power Rankings

I skipped last week’s rankings due to the holiday, but we’re back with them this week. Again, it’s New Year’s eve, so most people are getting ready to get drunk and hope some girl gets tipsy enough to kiss them at midnight. Therefore, the rankings will be fast and furious this week. And since most of us will be waking up with a raging headache and hangover on Friday, let’s hope Mike Leach isn’t around to ban us to a dark equipment shed.

Oh, and before the rankings, a really good article written by former major leaguer Doug Glanville on the whole culture of athletes and struggling to handle the money, power, fame and women that come with being a pro athlete.

So on to the rankings with no categories this week........because it's almost time to start drinking away 2009. Happy New Year everyone.

1. Chargers - Playing better than anyone else in the NFL. They have to scare the Colts right now.

2. Colts - Yes, they gave it up easier than Alyssa Milano to a pro baseball player, but the Colts remain dangerous as long as they have #18 under center.

3. Eagles - They are the hottest team other than San Diego…..but it is the regular season. Do they have the mental make-up to succeed in the playoffs? And can Andy Reid not mess it up?

4. Saints - So do they play their starters in a meaningless game to regain some of their mojo and risk exposing Drew Brees to Julius Peppers? Remember, Peppers is playing for a new contract now and ask Brett Favre if he appears to be motivated.

5. Cardinals - Arizona has a chance to steal a first round bye if the Eagles and Vikings lose this week and the Cardinals beat the Packers. Otherwise, they will host the Packers next week again. Can Beanie Wells be the difference maker in the playoffs?

6. Packers - Practically the only team in the NFC without a chance to get the #2 seed, the Packers are playing well and have a shot to make it through the conference entirely on the road. Would the Pack like another shot at Favre?

7. Patriots - I would say the “Randy Moss is dogging it” train has jumped the tracks at this point. The biggest concern in New England is why Laurence Maroney keeps fumbling on the goal line.

8. Vikings - Lost in the whole “Favre & Childress Peeing Contest” is the fact that Adrian Peterson has a serious fumbling problem. He runs hard, but also runs loose with the balls…….insert your own Tiger joke.

9. Bengals - They will know before they kick off on Sunday night whether they have a shot at the #3 seed or if they can rest their starters and play the Jets again the following week. They have been the biggest surprise in the league and have the running game to be a factor in the playoffs.

10. Cowboys - They ended up .500 in December this year, which is a huge improvement. However, if they don’t win a playoff game, will Wade Phillips be back next year? I’d guess he’s as out as Claye Aiken.

11. Ravens - They can play their way into the playoffs by beating the lowly Raiders. If they can’t beat Oakland, they don’t deserve to be anywhere near the playoffs.

12. Steelers - I think the past two weeks were the “hell” that Mike Tomlin wanted released at the beginning of December. Unfortunately, when they got smoked by Browns, it put them in a whole where they are now begging for a lot of help to make the playoffs.

13. Texans - The Texans seem as comfortable at 8-8 or 9-7 as Kelly Brook does in a bikini. If they beat the Pats, they finish over .500 but is that enough to save Gary Kubiak’s job?

14. Panthers - They are finally playing like everyone thought they would at the beginning of the season. Unfortunately, Jake Delhomme put them in a hole to start the year that they couldn’t get out of by the end of the year.

15. Jets - The most fortunate team in the league with gifts from the Colts and potentially from the Bengals to push New York into the playoffs. What’s the over/under for the number of INTs by Sanchez on the road in the playoffs? 4 or 5?

16. Titans - Chris Johnson has a great chance to hit 2,000 yards for the season and an outside chance to break Eric Dickerson’s single season record. It’s still not enough to get the MVP.

17. Falcons - They should be motivated this week to get to 9-7 which would be the first time in franchise history (since 1966) they would have back-to-back winning seasons. Doesn’t that sound amazing that Atlanta has NEVER had consecutive winning seasons?

18. Broncos - Are they going to fire Mike Shanahan again after this late season collapse? They were better than they were last year, but still have a ton of holes.

19. Dolphins - This team overachieved considering the lack of receiving playmakers and weak defense. At least they learned Ricky Williams still has plenty in the tank.

20. 49ers - It has to be the quarterback, right? They have a playmaker RB and a playmaker TE and now a playmaker WR in Crabtree. They have a great middle LB in Patrick Willis. They have turds playing QB.

21. Giants - The defense let them down this year, which means there is no chance Bill Sheridan comes back for a second year as d-coordinator.

22. Jaguars - Maybe they could hire Mike Leach to run their offense and bring in Tim Tebow to play QB? Just a crazy thought……..but it sounds pretty good, right?

23. Bears - Cutler finally breaks the primetime jinx against the Vikings. I texted my brother after the Vikings scored to make it 23-7 and suggested it was time for the Cutler back-breaker INT. He responded that it would likely be from inside their own 35. Within one minute, Cutler rolled out and from his own 33, threw an INT that allowed the Vikings to really get the offense going and eventually forced overtime.

24. Browns - Could Big Show Holmgren fire Mangini if they end the season on a 4 game winning streak? Is the Mangini program finally working or are the players just playing harder to audition for next season?

25. Bills - Will the Colts subject Manning, Wayne & Company to the cold in Buffalo this week? Will the Bills be able to beat the Colts second string? Does anyone care? I don’t.

26. Redskins - At long last, the circus that has been the Redskins season is finally almost over.

27. Raiders - Tom Cable completely threw JaMarcus Russell under the bus when he admitted that better quarterback play earlier in the year could have saved their season. That’s about as brutal as the allegations that Lindsay Lohan’s dad kicked his ex-girlfriend in the baby-maker. Seriously, dude? What the…….?

28. Buccaneers - Nice job by Raheem Morris to cost themselves a better draft pick in the past two weeks.

29. Seahawks - They shouldn’t even bother showing up this week because they didn’t last week in Green Bay. Just let the University of Washington play the Seahawks game because they have a legit NFL QB in Jake Locker.

30. Chiefs - Coach Todd Haley said he didn’t flip off the fans, right? Pretty sure the fans deserve to flip him off for enduring this season in Kansas City.

31. Lions - The bright side is that it won’t take much to start the decade better than they ended this last one.

32. Rams - Sadly, they haven’t locked up the top pick in the draft yet to guarantee them Ndamukong Suh.

NFL Power Rankings - College Football Bowls

It is Bowl Season, which is just as much a part of the holiday season as eggnog, a jolly fat man in a funny suit or chocolate “gold” coins (depending upon your beliefs). So for this week’s NFL Power Rankings, the teams are broken down by categories based on the bowl games.

With only three weeks left in the regular season, the league has pretty much separated itself into (1) the top teams that are legit Super Bowl contenders, (2) teams that believe they have a shot but in reality have fatal flaws, (3) teams just fighting to make the edge of the playoffs, and (4) everyone else. But since those categories are boring, we’ll go with the college football bowls.

This week’s big climbers are the Titans and Browns – yes the Browns – and the biggest declines belong to the Bengals and Panthers.

The National Championship Game
Alabama (-4.5) vs. Texas in Pasadena, CA
This is the game we’ve waited all season for, and it shouldn’t disappoint. The stifling Bama defense goes up against Colt McCoy and the prolific Texas offense. It will be must watch television, like all these teams in the top tier of the NFL. I’ll take Alabama and give the points based on their offense being better than the Texas defense.

1. Saints (last week: 1) – They squeaked out a win over the Falcons and have made no secret that they want the undefeated season. That doesn’t bode well for the Cowboys on Saturday night.

2. Colts (2) – They’re on cruse control, so no matter what happens in the last three weeks, they will maintain one of the top two spots in the league. However, Manning’s three interceptions moved him to 3rd in the MVP voting behind Brees and Favre.

3. Chargers (3) – The Chargers are like Kristin Bell: they are among the most talented things out there, yet they get overlooked when the discussion turns to the top talent around. Random aside, did you know Kristin Bell is the narrator voice on Gossip Girl?

4. Vikings (6) – It was a serious bounce back game for the Vikings to lay the smack down on the Bengals. They needed that for their own confidence as much as anything else.

The Rose Bowl
Oregon (-3.5) vs. Ohio State in Pasadena, CA
The Grand Daddy of them all, The Rose Bowl pits a very dangerous Ducks offense against a very stout Ohio State defense. Oregon pasted the USC team that won in Columbus, which is not good news for Buckeyes fans. These NFL teams are much like this game in that everyone loves the pageantry and talent of these teams, but they can’t quite buy into them as being the best teams or game out there. I’ll take Oregon to lay the lumber to the Buckeyes.

5. Eagles (7) – The Eagles have the inside track to win the NFC East, and have unleashed some real creativity on offense. Oh, and DeSean Jackson is more dangerous from more than 50 yards away than the Eagles running game is from the goalline.

6. Cardinals (5) – Way to follow up that impressive win over the Vikings with an absolute stinker against the 49ers on Monday night. The turnovers are the fatal flaw that could keep the Cardinals from advancing very far in the playoffs.

7. Packers (8) – Their defense continues to dominate games, and Charles Woodson not winning the defensive player of the year award would be a bigger injustice than Steve Czaban getting bounced from Fox Sports Radio in favor of Stephen “Screamin’” A. Smith. Czabe is intelligent and entertaining, neither of which could ever be used to describe Smith – the loud-mouthed moron from Philly.

The Sugar Bowl
Florida (-10.5) vs. Cincinnati in New Orleans, LA
Florida has to bounce back from their SEC Championship Game disappointment, and Cincy has to rebound from the loss of their coach. Tim Tebow’s final college game and as much as I’m not a huge believer in Saint Tim, he may go down among the greatest college football players of all time. I like Cincy’s senior leaders to try and keep it close, but they don’t have the defense to stop Urban’s offense. Take the Gators to blow them out.

8. Bengals (4) – They may have peaked too early, kind of like Britney Spears, and while they haven’t fallen as far as the “shaved head stage” but they are teetering on marrying a back-up dancer/wannabe rapper.

9. Broncos (10) – Denver hung tough against the Colts by relying on their best player, Brandon Marshall. Unfortunately, it also highlighted that they have a very visible ceiling, and it’s the first round of the playoffs.

10. Cowboys (9) – It’s December, of course they’re slipping. I’m not sure there is anything Wade Phillips can do at this point to keep his job, short of getting to the Super Bowl. Without DeMarcus Ware, Wade should call his real estate agent.

11. Patriots (10) – Everyone’s worried about the Kate Hudson break up causing Alex Rodriguez to revert back to his non-clutch ways. Should we be worried that the new Brady baby has Tom’s other baby Randy Moss feeling neglected and ruining the Patriots?

12. Ravens (13) – The Ravens have the inside track to get the final wildcard spot in the AFC, but will only go as far as Joe Flacco can take them.

13. Giants (11) – It was a disheartening loss to the Eagles, and the only thing keeping them in the playoff hunt is the swoon of the Cowboys. Their defense has been horrendous and Tom Coughlin will have to make a chance in the off season.

The Champs Sports Bowl
Miami (-3.5) vs. Wisconsin in Orlando, FL
It’s the speed of the Hurricanes against the power of the Badgers. Miami likes to let JaCorey Harris throw it all over the field, and the Wisconsin secondary has been terrible all year, which is a major advantage for Miami. Then again, the Hurricanes have not seen a running game like the one John Clay and the Badgers bring to town. Look for the Badgers to slow the game down, keep it close and have a chance to win it late. Take the Badgers and the points. Much like this game, this team is entertaining to watch but really has no actual consequences on the national scene.

14. Titans (17) – Chris Johnson continues to light up the league with his rushing and his receiving, but unfortunately the Titans will not be able to completely dig out of that 0-6 start to make the playoffs.

The Fiesta Bowl
TCU (-7) vs. Boise State in Phoenix, AZ
It’s the battle of the disrespected little guys! At the end of the day, no one really cares who wins this game because they wouldn’t beat Texas or Alabama either way. TCU has an impressive defense and should be able to slow down the Bronco offense. Take the Horned Frogs. These teams are fighting for the final AFC playoff spot but it doesn’t really matter because they will only be winning the right to lose to the Bengals or Patriots.

15. Dolphins (14) – Considering they started the season 0-3 and were 3-5 at the midpoint, it’s impressive that they are even in the discussion. Looks like Miami found their quarterback of the future in Chad Henne, and now they need to find him some receivers.

16. Jets (15) – The Jets were able to get away with Kellen Clemens at quarterback against the Bucs, but will need Mark Sanchez to play like he did the first three weeks of the season if they want to make the playoffs. It’s a long shot, as they don’t hold a tiebreaker over any of the teams they are currently tied with.

17. Jaguars (16) – This team is so unimpressive, and with the Colts and Patriots the next two weeks, should find themselves out of the playoffs. They’re talking about drafting Tim Tebow purely for marketing and ticket sales, which seems like a bad idea. Let’s now worry about if the team stinks as long as we sell a few more tickets!!

The Capital One Bowl
Penn State (-2.5) vs. LSU in Orlando, FL
This game pits big-time name schools in a game that can continue to fuel the argument between talent levels in the SEC and Big Ten. Thankfully the game starts at 1pm, so it should end in time for Joe Pa to make his 4:30pm dinner reservation at Perkins. (Resisting the urge to make a Tiger joke) Take the Tigers over the Nittany Lions.

18. Texans (20) – The Texans have the big names like Penn State and LSU, yet have been extremely disappointing, much like both teams in the Capital One Bowl. Could this be a tempting place for Bill Cowher to make his return?

The Orange Bowl
Georgia Tech (-4) vs. Iowa in Miami, FL
This game actually presents a good matchup for Iowa, as the Hawkeyes are much less athletic than most teams. Yet Georgia Tech runs the triple option, allowing the size of the Hawkeyes to come into play more than their speed. The Orange Bowl has great tradition, but this doesn’t appear to be a game that will go down among its great games of the past. Yellow Jackets cover the spread.

19. Steelers (19) – Much like the Orange Bowl, the Steelers have the tradition but have been a disappointment this year.

The Holiday Bowl
Arizona (-1.5) vs. Nebraska in San Diego, CA
Nebraska was one second away from playing in a BCS Bowl and instead heads to the Holiday bowl to take on Mike Stoops Arizona squad. The question is whether Nebraska’s super stud defender Suh is going to play full speed or try to protect himself from getting injured in his final game. Take the Huskers to get it done.

20. Falcons (18) – The Falcons were about as close to the playoffs as Nebraska was to the Big 12 championship before injuries to Matt Ryan and Michael Turner derailed their season.

21. Seahawks (22) – Seattle was also racked by injuries this year, meaning Coach Jim Mora is not enjoying his first year with the team nearly as much as Bruce Pearl is enjoying his time in Tennessee.

The Emerald Bowl
USC (-9) vs. Boston College in San Francisco, CA
The Bay Area is not exactly what comes to mind when you think of Bowl locations, and definitely not where Pete Carroll thought he’d be ringing in the New Year. Actually, Pete has his New Year free as this game is being played on December 26th. The Trojans had a very atypical season, yet have enough weapons to dismantle the Eagles.

22. 49ers (24) – The pro team located in San Francisco has a tradition as strong as USC’s however they haven’t been at that level in a long time. Monday night’s dismantling of the Cards showed that they have some strong foundation pieces in Vernon Davis, Frank Gore, Michael Crabtree, and Patrick Willis on defense.

The Little Caesars Bowl
Ohio (-2.5) vs. Marshall in Detroit, MI
So to reward you for your boring season in a boring conference, good luck headed to Detroit for the holidays!! I have no idea about either one of these teams other than Randy Moss, Byron Leftwich and Chad Pennington are no longer at Marshall and former Nebraska coach Frank Solich still coaches Ohio. That’s enough for me to take Ohio. This is a depressing game with minimal redeeming qualities…..which is the perfect description of:

23. Bears (23) – This has been a depressing season for the Bears that started out with such promise when they acquired Jay Cutler. Unfortunately they forgot to take one key point into account: He’s Jay Cutler. Look for Lovie Smith to end up as a defensive coordinator somewhere next season.

The Gator Bowl
West Virginia (-3) vs. Florida State in Jacksonville, FL
The Konica Minolta Gator Bowl and the ACC really were a sham this year, taking the 6-6 Florida State Seminoles over many more deserving ACC teams. The ACC allowed it to happen so that Bobby Bowden could coach his final game in Florida. I guess it’s a nice tribute to a guy that revitalized football in northern Florida, but it just seems like the game became a puppet show to make sure Bobby got his wish. Take the Seminoles to rally behind their coach and send him off with one last victory.

24. Redskins (26) – Speaking of puppet shows, it’s not really clear who is doing what in Washington, and yet whatever it is seems to have been successful. Jim Zorn stopped paying attention weeks ago, and Sherm Lewis couldn’t have made that much of a difference fresh out of the bingo parlor, could he? Suddenly Jason Campbell remembered how to be a legit quarterback and the Redskins are on the verge of being a dangerous spoiler.

The Cotton Bowl
Ole Miss (-3) vs. Oklahoma State in Dallas, TX
This game matches up a highly overrated team with a turnover machine for a quarterback against a team with a troublemaker wide receiver who ended up getting suspended. Both descriptions fit one NFL team: The Carolina Panthers. Since Mike Gundy is a man and over 40 years old, I expect him to have some creative defense ready to confuse Jevan Snead.

25. Panthers (21) – Bill Belichick took a great little shot at the Panthers when reacting to Chris Gamble’s comments about Randy Moss. After basically saying he wasn’t worried about it, he ended his thought by casually tossing out there “well, I mean, they haven’t won very many games this year.” Ouch.

The Hawaii Bowl
Nevada (-15) vs. SMU in Honolulu, HI
This game has the biggest spread among any of the bowl games. I guess Craig James, Eric Dickerson and the Pony Express must not be playing for SMU any more. If you lived in Hawaii and were not an alumni from either school, is there ANY chance you would go to this game? There is a better chance of me watching a Real Housewives of Orange County marathon…….wait, I might actually watch that to see what stupid things Gretchen is going to do next. This seems like too many points to give to a team that got destroyed by Notre Dame in Nevada. Take the Pony Express.

26. Bills (27) – Did they move to Toronto permanently yet?

27. Raiders (25) – After losing to the Redskins, what do we make of the Raiders? They have beaten the Eagles, Bengals and Steelers and lost to the Chiefs and Redskins. At least they seem to have realized that their best rookie WR is Louis Murphy and not Darius Heyward-Bey.

28. Browns (31) – The Browns have been talking to Mike Holmgren about being their football czar, but they’re going to need to do some construction in their football offices. If Holmgren takes the job, he’s going to need an adjoining office for his ego, but maybe they can convert Mangini’s office because he won’t need it.

The Insight Bowl
Minnesota (-2.5) vs. Iowa State in Tempe, AZ
Typically the worst bowl games are played early in the season, like the New Mexico Bowl, The St. Petersburg Bowl or the New Orleans Bowl. But the Insight Bowl is the only game that pits two teams without winning records, as both teams come in with 6-6 records. This game and these teams in this category are terrible. They are just fighting for the right to draft Ndamukong Suh with the first pick.

29. Chiefs (28) – The Chiefs have that bad feeling like they woke up next to a Waffle House waitress that was pushing a deuce to deuce in a half after a really long night of boozing. Matt Cassell is the Waffle House waitress and he convinced the Chiefs to go to Vegas, tie the knot and signed a 5 year pre-nup.

30. Lions (29) – I guess there has been progress this year based on two more wins than last year, but judging by the hammering they took from the Ravens, it’s hard to see it. The Big Ten is talking about expanding, and the Lions should consider applying to be that 12th team because they might be able to beat Minnesota and play in the Insight Bowl.

31. Buccaneers (30) – After Josh Freeman was impressive in his first couple of starts, teams actually watched some film and he’s struggled mightily. After a 5 interception game two weeks ago, the Bucs offense didn’t get a first down until the third quarter against the Jets.

32. Rams (32) – Keith Null started at quarterback last week for St. Louis. Yeah, I don’t know who that is either. I guess he’s a rookie from West Texas A&M where the quarterback coach was Ryan Leaf. And we’re surprised that he wasn’t good in his debut?

NFL Power Rankings - How I Met Your Mother

Tiger-free for two days and counting……

No big introduction to the NFL Rankings this week. The best comedy of the decade in my humble opinion is “How I Met Your Mother,” so the rankings are broken down based on the characters of the show. The show started out as a comedy/mystery about how Ted Mosby meets his eventual wife, and basically morphed into a modern, funnier version of Friends. Though we’re still mildly interested in how Ted actually finds his wife, it’s more entertaining to see what new schemes Barney can pull off. And word is that after the new year, Rachel Bilson will be joining the cast. The hits keep coming for the show.

This week’s biggest climbers in the rankings are the Dolphins and Giants. The biggest drop in the rankings belongs to the Steelers and 49ers. By the way…..there is a new “Snuggie” and it’s called “The Dreamie” – it’s a sleeping bag made of a sheet or fleece. People are dumb.

Barney Stinton Tier (Neil Patrick Harris)
Barney has become legend…….wait for it……….dary with his pick-up lines, and schemes that end up with some random woman leaving his apartment in a daze. There is no better word to describe Barney than “awesome” and he let’s you know in almost every episode. Thankfully they stopped that real relationship with Robin and can get back to showing him as the whiter, shorter, and less golfing-gifted, television version of Tiger Woods. (Dammit there goes the streak). These are the teams that keep us coming back to watch more football each week to see what they can do next.

1. Saints (last week: 1) – They should have lost to the Redskins and dropped out of this top spot. When Suisham missed that short field goal, it was like the Saints used The Force to push the ball out of the goal posts, which reminds me of a Barney Stinson quote: “Think of me like Yoda, but instead of being little and green I wear suits and I'm awesome. I'm your bro—I'm Broda!!”

2. Colts (2) – The Colts have repeatedly said they will rest their starters once they clinch all they can clinch. That means we’re going to get some good Jim Sorgi time!!

3. Chargers (4) – They are on fire right now, and based on their past, they are probably the team that scares the Colts the most.

4. Bengals (5) – They haven’t blown out poor competition, but they continue to win games and with the Ravens and Steelers slip-sliding away, they are about to lock up the division.

5. Cardinals (7) – The Cards “suited up” for their prime time destruction of the Vikings and appear to be peaking at the right time. More important, their defense was more impressive than their offense.

6. Vikings (3) – Don’t overreact to one week. There were polls out there “Did Favre Hit the Wall?” and people expecting this to be the late season swoon from the Vikings. They lost their second game of the season to a very good team, on the road, and Favre had his first bad game of the season. Allow them an attempt to rebound before writing them off.

Robin Scherbatsky Tier (Cobie Smulders)
Robin plays the stereotypical “hot” girl of the show, with the girl-next-door good looks and great personality. She was the first girl that we started to believe could possibly be Ted’s eventual wife. Along the way, Older Ted referred to her as “Aunt Robin” so it was basically being told to us that she wasn’t the one. Yet we wanted to believe that she was better looking, and more likely to end up with Ted than she actually was. Which is why these teams fit in the category – we really want them to be “the one” team that can win it all, but they all have some fatal flaws that have been telling us all along that they will not win the crown.

7. Eagles (10) – Hard to tell if Michael Vick’s role is really going to expand or if Andy Reid jus threw him a bone for his return to Atlanta.

8. Packers (9) – Their defense is playing as well as anyone in the league right now, creating turnovers and controlling every game. I’m still not sold on McCarthy’s game management skills – his challenge of a sure TD against Baltimore left them without a challenge (they also challenged successfully earlier in the game) with more than a quarter and a half left in a close game.

9. Cowboys (6) – They have a brutal schedule ahead and they already lost their first game in December. The Cowboys are like the Anti-Santa Claus: they are around all year and disappear in December.

10. Broncos (13) – They’re the epitome of the Robin Tier, starting the season looking like the one, falling apart and giving it a go with the “naked man” at one point, and then getting it back together and making you think that maybe, just maybe, they have a shot. They don’t.

11. Giants (16) – Tom Coughlin has the ability to rally his troops when they are hanging by a thread. They’ve now swept the Cowboys, combining with their schedule to give them the inside track to knock the Boys out of the playoffs.

12. Pats (8) – They probably deserve their own tier – The Naked Man Tier. Because they appear to be desperately throwing a hail mary and consistently going for it on 4th down, proving that Coach Belichick has absolutely no faith in his defense.

13. Ravens (11) – Joe Flacco is suffering through a sophomore slump, and it is putting the Ravens’ playoff hopes on the rocks.

14. Dolphins (21) – The Dolphins have the look of Robin, really good at times, but other times, not so much. You never know if you’re going to get the good or bad Robin and you never know which Dolphins team will show up each week. Maybe it’s because she’s Canadian – in the show and in real life.

15. Jets (17) – Speaking of Canada, the Jets are the kings of Canada. Kind of like Robin’s Canadian pop star days, it’s meaningless.

16. Jaguars (20) – They keep winning, so they can’t be ignored. Well, except by all of their fans in Jacksonville.

Stella Zinman Tier (Sarah Chalke)
Stella was the girl from Scrubs who because a regular on the show as Ted’s dermatologist-turned-girlfriend-turned-fiancé. She started off with some rough baggage, having a 6 year old daughter, and living in Jersey. She then captured our hearts and made it all the way to the wedding day before flaking out and leaving Ted at the altar. Kind of reminds me of……..

17. Titans (15) – Started off with some baggage, got super hot and everyone was talking about them running the table. Then they hit the Colts buzz saw and their back with their old boyfriend “losing streak”.

Ted Mosby Tier (Josh Radnor)
Supposedly the main character of the show, as the entire show is based upon Ted finding his future wife. Ted goes through some tough transitions in his life with women and his jobs/career. You want to root for him because he does appear to be a really good guy, but at the same time, he has some of that desperation quality that makes it pretty obvious why women run away. They want to see some confidence and some spontaneity, and Ted has been lacking in both. These teams lack the confidence and despite a lead role, they have fallen to an also-ran level.

18. Falcons (14) – They cannot go far without a healthy Matt Ryan. And Ryan is not healthy, as his Sergeant Hulka (see the movie Stripes if you don’t get the reference) is banged up.

19. Steelers (12) – After losing to the Chiefs and Raiders, the problems must be bigger than just Troy Polamalu.

20. Texans (18) – They should take a lesson from Ted’s two-minute drill, when he wooed Stella because he was a closer. They lack the ability to close, and Gary Kubiak will be fired as a result.

Marshall Eriksen Tier (Jason Segel)
Marshall provides the physical comedy as the quirky friend, and is also part of the married couple on the show with Lily. The stories very rarely focus on Marshall, but he has the ability to dominate a show for a few minutes with some great lines, a singing about what he’s doing.

21. Panthers (23) – Benching Jake Delhomme had to help, but it was against the Bucs, so it’s hard to tell if it really means anything yet.

22. Seahawks (26) – They showed some life by beating the 49ers, and might be singing a song about the arrival of Mike Holmgren in the near future.

23. Bears (22) – Marshall is from Minnesota and is a huge Vikings fan, so he would probably be disappointed that the Bears are in his tier. But that’s what happens when your offense has disappointed, and the team will be looking for a new head coach after the season.

24. 49ers (19) – Losing to the Seahawks to crush any hopes of the playoffs? I guess they’re still the Niners.

25. Raiders (28) – They have been playing well with Bruce Gradkowski at quarterback, and it might have saved Tom Cable’s job. I can see the Cable household resembling Marshall’s family, with a bunch of oversized dudes who like to rough-house.

26. Redskins (25) – Washington is playing much better and they could play spoiler in determining who wins the NFC East.

Simon Tier (James Vanderbeek)
One of my favorite episodes was Simon’s appearance as Robin’s childhood crush. He grew up in Canada with Robin and was in a band and Robin was his groupie. He makes a trip to New York as an older, fatter Canadian still trying to play in the band. Robin still has a crush on him, and answers whenever he would call, “Eh, babe.” until he once again leaves her without explanation.

27. Bills (24) – The part Canadian team in the NFL did not exactly put on a great show for their new fans. And why would they give up an outdoor home game in December when the potential for cold weather could be beneficial for them?

Lily Aldrin Tier (Alyson Hannigan)
Lily is Marshall’s wife, and usually the attempted voice of Barney’s conscience. I’m not sure what it is about her, but she annoys me. Maybe it’s that she is manipulative and always scheming to make things right according to her world. I don’t know, but she has a nasty temper, and I rarely am entertained by her comedy. Yet, she works as part of the show, and it’s a good role for her.

28. Chiefs (27) – The Chiefs are the Slap Bet Commissioner of this sorry group of teams, and each team below them should get slapped for being incompetent.

29. Lions (29) – Lions fans can remember their two wins this season like this one time…..at band camp………C’mon, did you really think I would leave that out of any time I mention Alyson Hannigan? It’s just a requirement.

30. Buccaneers (30) – Josh Freeman had his “Mark Sanchez” moment last week, with 5 interceptions. They have been competitive, but still have quite a bit of work to do.

31. Browns (32) – Maybe the Browns don’t need to draft a quarterback. If they would put down the QB-hook and allow Brady Quinn to go through the learning process (like the Lions are doing with Stafford, the Jets are doing with Sanchez, and the Ravens are doing with Flacco), he might just prove that he is as good as he was projected to be.

32. Rams (31) – They should apply for a painting fellowship in San Francisco and go away for three months. That would save their fans the embarrassment of the rest of the season.