Terrible half the game, then rallies the team late. He milks a supposed injury for the cameras a little during the comeback. Then an off-balance, back-foot throw that never should be made for a terrible game icing interception. And at the end of it all, Brett Favre is left with his junk in his hand.......again. At least he's consistent.
“talent” always stops by within 30 seconds to show off her new engagement ring to your complete horror and embarrassment. That’s the moment when you realize you stink. Both figuratively and literally. Well, that has to be how Ted Thompson is feeling right now in Green Bay. He stayed in his office instead of making a move for Marshawn Lynch, and then the Vikings stop by to show off their shiny new toy, Randy Moss. Now Teddy is left in his office smelling his own turds.
Last week was a solid 8-6 week, putting me at 32-26-4 on the year. Not spectacular, but good enough to feel better than Ted Thompson.
The standard disclosures apply: for recreational purposes only, lines from the NY Post, home teams in CAPS, etc.
This week the games are broken down by the different stops in Randy Moss’s career.
The Vikings (Part I) Phase
Randy’s first stint in Minnesota was full of ups and downs – setting rookie records for touchdowns and gently tapping a traffic cop with his car. These are the games that have
potential to be good games despite having any real power teams involved. And obviously with Randy’s fake moon during this part of his career, there is no question the 49ers game has to be in this category because of Mike Singletary’s allegedly de-pantsing himself at halftime of a game last year.
BROWNS (+3) over Falcons
The Falcons are 3-1, yet without a Garrett Hartley shank and a Nate Clements brain fart, they’d be 1-3. They have not shown the offensive fire power that was expected of them. The Browns have battled to stay close in all of their games, and they may have found a stolen gem in Peyton Hillis. Mangini fights off the sharks for a second straight week.
RAIDERS (+6) over Chargers
San Diego has feasted on bad teams thus far, and they get another one in the Raiders. Yet something tells me the Raiders will finally show some progress, even with Michael Bush filling in for McFadden. Zach Miller should be able to run wild in the secondary against the Chargers linebackers.
49ERS (-3.5) over Eagles
Is Vegas disrespecting Kevin Kolb that much by making him and the Eagles a 3.5 point dog against the winless Niners? Probably. Is it deserved? Yup. Kolb has looked awful – timid, noodle-armed and overmatched in his limited playing time. Time for SF to get off the winless train at home against the punchless Iggles.
The Oakland Raiders Phase
Disinterested, lazy, distraction, non-factor, irrelevant. All words that can 
describe Moss’s time in Oakland and these games. Moss is second all-time in receiving TD’s (behind Jerry Rice) and imagine the stats he could have put up if he actually made an attempt to play hard or had an adequate quarterback during the years he wasted in Oakland.
Jaguars (-1) over BILLS
This might be the Bills best chance to avoid coming close to 0-16. Did I mention Ryan Fitzpatrick is the quarterback? It could be a classic letdown game for the Jags after their big win against the Colts, but they still have more playmakers with hyphens than the Bills.
PANTHERS (+2.5) over Bears
Is it really a question whether or not to bet against Todd Collins? The last time he started a game was in 2007, and he was old and washed up then. The Bears have won with smoke and mirrors thus far this season and the wind blew away the smoke and the mirror is one of those “fat mirrors” from the circus.
LIONS (-3) over Rams
The Rams are leading their division and still underdogs against a winless team. Such is life in the NFC West. Lions have been competitive all season and finally break through with a win.
Saints (-6.5) over CARDINALS
The Saints are a lifetime 87-5-1 when playing against a team that cut a former first round quarterback before the season, benched their awful backup, and are starting an undrafted rookie in his first start. That seems like a made up stat that I don’t want to go against.
The Patriots Phase
The resurgent Randy reappears and starts setting records again. Suddenly the locker room cancer that got run out of Minnesota 
and mercifully traded from Oakland was a great teammate, consummate professional and a key cog on successful teams. Yet that dream didn’t last.
TEXANS (-3) over Giants
Which Giants team will show up? The one that hammered the Panthers? The one that got hammered by the Colts? Or the suffocating defense that destroyed Jay Cutler? Will it be the Texans team that tamed the Colts? Or the team that had to scramble to come from behind against the Redskins? Or the team that got ripped up by the Cowboys? I guess I’ll side with the home team.
Chiefs (+8) over COLTS
Am I really going against a ticked off Colts team at home against a potentially fraudulent 3-0 young Chiefs team? Yup, 8 points is too much for a team that can’t stop the run against a team that has a potent running attack with Thomas Jones & Jamaal Charles.
Vikings (+4) over JETS
While there is no doubt that Tom Brady throws a better deep ball than Brett Favre, and Moss is not as adept at the jump ball as he once was, Randy will still make a difference and be an outlet for the wiener-sexting old gunslinger. There is the possibility that Moss catches 2 TDs and Favre throws 4 interceptions in every game. The inspiration of thir new acquisition will be enough to overcome the loud-talking Jets on Monday night.
The Minnesota (Part II) Phase
This is either going to be boom or bust. It’s either going to be like Marisa Miller 
or it’s going to be current Madonna. There will be no in between. These games could be gems like the Halladay no-hitter or the Lincecum 2-hitter (which by the way, I might argue that Big Time Timmy Jam’s game was more impressive as it came in a 1-0 game and he had 14 K’s – a MLB postseason debut record) Or these games could end up a complete disaster, like a James Shields start for the Rays.
BENGALS (-6.5) over Buccaneers
This seems like quite a bit of points to lay against a 2-1 team coming off a bye week by a team that just lost to the Browns. Yet the Bengals play much better at home and the 2-1 team is the Bucs. Case closed.
Packers (-2.5) over REDSKINS
This is my least confident pick of the week. The Packers lost another safety and linebacker Nick Barnett to season-ending injuries this week. Add that to the emotional let down of not picking up a key running back and knowing they have the least intimidating running game in the league. Yet the Redskins do not have the playmakers to take advantage of the huge holes that will be in the Dom Capers defense.
RAVENS (-7) over Broncos
Baltimore’s offense seems to be finding a little bit of rhythm and it will be much easier against the Broncos than it was against the Steelers. The Broncos definitely won the Cutler-Orton trade, but they won’t win in Baltimore.
COWBOYS (-6.5) over Titans
Tennessee continues to struggle establishing the run and they don’t have a legit passing game to fall back on. As a result, the Cowboys can get back to .500 and right back in the hunt to win their extremely average division. After the game, Jeff Fisher might put on a Tony Romo jersey, since if the Cowboys falter this year, Wade Phillips will be fired and Jeff Fisher will be the top target for Jerry Jones.
- Has there ever been a more ridiculous ending to a college football game than the LSU-Tennessee game this weekend? LSU got 
down to the 3 yard line with under 30 seconds left and was completely confused and out of sorts trying to call a final play. With the clock about to run out, the center snapped the ball past the quarterback who fell on the ball to seemingly give the Vols the win. Only during the confusion of LSU substituting players and not knowing what play to call, the Vols were flagged for having 13 guys on the field. LSU got another chance and punched it in for the game winning touchdown with no time on the clock. A finish that was more unbelievable than Cristina Del Basso of Big Brother in Italy. Rumor has it that she is another of Tiger’s birdies. Wow.
- I love all the overdone hype surrounding the picture of Gisele at some European event and possibly kissing a dude that isn’t Tom Brady. 
There are so many possibilities and explanations that don’t involve a scandal or anything illicit. I mean, Gisele is Brazilian and they are all about kisses on the cheek for greetings and departures. Is it really a stretch to think that the guy just pulled a middle-school trick and turned his face at the last minute so she planted one on his lips? My brother asked me the most pertinent question that can be applied to this situation or the Dez Bryant dropping 55k on dinner: Wouldn’t you? If you were that guy and got that close to Gisele or if you were Dez Bryant and could afford to take an entire football team out to a steak dinner, wouldn’t you?
- That sound you heard on Sunday was the Vick hype train jumping the rails and going down in flames faster than Mel Gibson’s career. I haven’t seen how long Vick will be out, but the Eagles definitely need him. Kevin Kolb looked scared and weak-armed as he took over the Eagles and couldn’t lead them back against McNabb and the Redskins. The other lesson learned from this game: The NFC East is wide open because all of the teams suck. The Eagles were feeling good because they beat the Lions and the Jaguars. This week showed their defense is awful. The Redskins have two wins within the division, but have lost their two games outside the division.
- I love the slobber-fest that continues over Denard Robinson. Yes, he put up more video-game-like stats this week and just looking at the stats, he has to be the Heisman 
front-runner. Yet if you watch the game, he is not a very good passer and Michigan struggled to put away a poor Indiana team. Read the post game summaries and they talk about how he “heaved a high-arching pass to Hemmingway” for 42 yards which set up the game-winning touchdown. The reality is that he threw a terrible jump ball and Junior Hemmingway made a spectacular play to outjump and come down with the pass. At the end of the day, all that matters is that the Wolverines remained unbeaten after a win on the road, but at some point Michigan is going to play some competent defensive teams and when they do, it will be interesting to see how Robinson plays.
HATE
- Dear Ted Thompson, congratulations on building a championship contender in Green Bay.
You have a top 5 quarterback, top 5 tight end, top 5 wide receiver, top 5 cornerback, top 5 linebacker, and adequate offensive and defensive lines. However you have a glaring hole at running back that needs to be addressed if this team is going to win a championship. I know you love draft picks more than I love Kelly Brook in a low-cut shirt, but this should be an easy decision. Give a call to Buffalo and see what draft pick they want for Marshawn Lynch. A 5th rounder? Sure. A 4th rounder? Sure. The lack of running game leaves the defense on the field for too much time, which tires out our talented veterans like Charles Woodson and Cullen Jenkins. Swallow your pride and fix the problem you created by not having more than Brandon Jackson behind Ryan Grant at the beginning of the year. This isn’t hard, Ted. You messed up when you didn’t get Randy Moss, so don’t be an ass-hat on this one. Make the call and make the deal. Sincerely, Trent
- Another big game for a Bielema-coached Wisconsin team, and another disappointment. Coach Alvarez used to excel at getting his teams up for the biggest games and they would come out with focus and energy in all of their toughest road games and difficult opponents. Coach Bielema just doesn’t seem to get the best out of his teams. He has an unbelievable amount of talent with studs like James White, Lance Kendricks, JJ Watt and he can’t seem to put it all together to get the most out of his teams. On Saturday, Michigan State beat the Badgers by doing exactly what the Badgers used to do with teams: pound them with the run game which opens things up for the passing game.
- I’m going to miss Mike Singletary’s post games quotes. Wait, he hasn’t been fired yet? Give it time, as there is no way he makes it through the rest of this season. He tried to deflect the shots by firing Jimmy Raye before this week, but now the scopes are set on the legendary linebacker. His press conferences are awesomely intense and his quotes are memorable, but unfortunately it has not translated to any on-field success.
- It sure seems like the Oregon Ducks should be considered for a spot 
in the national championship game if they continue to play the way they’re playing currently. At least I think so, but it’s hard to tell because I couldn’t watch the Oregon-Stanford game even if I wanted to because of the ridiculous television programming decisions made by Time Warner and ABC. Instead of watching a match up of two top-ten teams in prime time in one of the loudest stadiums in the country, ABC decided that the northeast would rather watch an awful Notre Dame team against an even-worse Boston College team. Are you friggin’ kidding me? Do you want to know why there is an east coast bias by voters? They can’t actually see the best teams because of the morons at ABC who still can’t get it through their heads that Notre Dame hasn’t been relevant in 15 years and NO ONE CARES about them. I don’t need to see another Notre Dame game for the next 5 years and I guarantee I won’t miss anything of importance.
overcrowded nature of rush hour and sprinkle in a solid mix of homeless people and you have a pretty nasty cocktail. The other day I’m minding my own business on my way home, listening to my iPod when I catch this mangy dude stumbling through the train and I assume he’s begging for change. I typically enjoy hearing some of the more creative signs and requests from the panhandlers, like outside of dinner last night when a guy said he needed 50 cents to fix the rotary engine on his helicopter. That’s a good effort. The guy on the subway wasn’t actually begging, but instead he was hoping to sell something: Batteries. He’s walking through the train with an open package of batteries yelling “Double-A’s, triple-A’s, C’s & D’s – I got your batteries right here - $1 for a battery.” Who needs batteries while they’re on the subway? Not to mention they likely are used/dead batteries that he’s selling. Everyone on the train is using an iPod, iPhone, blackberry, kindle or reading the paper. None of those activities require Duracells.
So how does this relate to the NFL Power Rankings after the opening weekend? It probably doesn’t, but it made me think that while I don’t want to overreact to week 1 results, I have to stay with the times and not continue to proclaim that the teams at the top will remain at the top. It also reminded me of the days back when people used to use those big clunky Discman to play CD’s while working out and you had to be careful not to make the CD skip constantly. Well the Discman was released in 1984, so this week’s rankings are broken out by some of the top movies from that year.
The Terminator
1 – New Orleans
The Saints are the kings until someone knocks them off. They 
proved that they could win a game on defense by handling the Vikings when their offense wasn’t clicking. They have a very tough road test on Monday night to maintain the top spot.
2 – New England
The Patriots were the cold, destroying terminators in week 1, laying the smack down on the Bengals. They scored the most points in the league and despite the final score, their young defense shut down the Bengals early. Tom Brady had a helluva ride last week, getting in a significant car accident but escaping injury, signing a huge contract extension, lighting up the Bengals and all the while getting to come home to Gisele every night. I’d say that’s winning at life.
3 – Green Bay
Losing Ryan Grant is a significant blow for the Packers, and if GM Ted Thompson wasn’t so opposed to free agency or trades, they may have been able to add someone like Laurence Maroney (only cost the Broncos a 4th rounder), Marshawn Lynch, or Willie Parker. Instead they signed someone off a practice squad. If the running game struggles, you will see a return of the “Ted Thompson Ruined My Christmas” t-shirts.
4 – Baltimore
Ray Lewis remains the baddest terminator in the league. That hit he laid on Dustin Keller was textbook and I’m pretty sure if he hit me like that, I would be dead. Not in the figurative sense – they would have to peel me off the turf and just take me right to the cemetery. The Ravens difficult schedule continues with another road game, this time at Cincinnatti where Palmer, Ochocinco and Owens will test their banged up secondary more than Mark Sanchez did.
5 – Pittsburgh
Don’t look now, but if Troy Palomalu stays healthy, the Steelers defense could return to its dominant form and it won’t matter who lines up under center.
Ghost Busters
6 – Houston
The Texans were finally able to rid themselves of their own 
personal Slimer – the ghost of the Indianapolis Colts. They also could have quoted Bill Murray’s Dr. Venkman character: “We came. We saw. We kicked it’s @ss!!” Unfortunately all a week 1 win does is secure they won’t have a winless season. The Texans haven’t had problems early in the season as much as they have had problems when they really have to win. But for now, they have a dominant running game, a passing game that wasn’t needed, and an aggressive defense. That’s enough for a top 6 position to me.
7 – Indianapolis
On the other end of the spectrum are the Colts. With their defense suddenly looking like more of a liability than planned and Bob Sanders likely out for the year, there are some real concerns in Indy. I’m not sure a visit from the underachieving but talented Giants running game is the cure.
The Natural
8 – Tennessee
Chris Johnson is a natural when it comes to running the football. I saw on halftime of the Monday night game that they clocked him at 22 mph during his 76 yard touchdown on Sunday. Like Robert Redford knocked the cover off the ball, Johnson can run the cleats off his shoes.
Romancing the Stone
9 – Minnesota
Brett Favre and Brad Childress are about as annoying as Michael Douglas and Kathleen Turner. In reality, since this is their second act together, maybe they should be connected to the sequel, The Jewel of the Nile, but that movie came out in 1985. While losing to the Saints isn’t a disgrace, the lack of passion, energy and life from Old Man Favre is a definite concern.
10 – New York Giants
There’s just something about Big Blue that I can’t get behind this year. They are about as exciting as a stone. Good enough to beat the bad teams (like Carolina) but will struggle against better competition (like Indy this week).
Beverly Hills Cop
11 – New York Jets
This whole tier of teams fits into the Eddie Murphy quote: “You arresting me for getting thrown out a window?” And while the media gnashes its teeth about the way the team treated Ines Sainz, the team should be spending more time trying to figure out how wonderboy Mark Sanchez went from looking as good as Ms. Sainz to looking like George Lopez during the off-season.
12 – Dallas
The Cowboys offense struggled mightily despite the presence of all those weapons. Is that a credit to Washington’s defense? Possibly. But more likely, the Cowboys have to put it all together, shore up their offensive line play and only then can they even imagine playing a home game in the Super Bowl.
13 – San Diego
While not part of the movie, it seems like San Diego used another Eddie Murphy line from his stand up routine: “I’ll take the zero” (look up the routine about having a boner in class and getting called upon to come to the front of the class). The Chargers took the zero in the rain against a young and feisty Chiefs team.
14 – Atlanta
Maybe the Falcons aren’t ready for prime time after all. I do believe that the Steelers defense can be an elite unit, but to only manage field goals is unacceptable from an offense with Matt Ryan, Michael Turner, Roddy White and Tony Gonzalez. So I am arresting them for falling out the window.
15 – Cincinnati
The Bengals got thrown out the window by the Patriots and they have the foot prints on their rear ends to prove it. They better buckle down at home against the Ravens or the season could disintegrate quickly.
Karate Kid
16 – Washington
I’m not sure how long the Redskins will stay in the upper half of the league, 
but after beating the Cowboys, they’ve earned this spot. They are the upstart who beat the fancy dressed, fancy trained rich kids with a controlled and disciplined game.
17 – Seattle
The Seahawks bought into Pete Carroll and Cheerleader Carroll used “the Crane” to kick the snot out of the 49ers in week one. I fear that his act grows thin quickly, but for now, they deserve this ranking, probably 10 spots higher than I would have had them before the season started.
Gremlins
18 – Philadelphia
Andy Reid had his nice fuzzy little mogwai in Kevin Kolb, but unfortunately 
he exposed him to water (aka the Packers defense) and it spawned a gremlin of a quarterback controversy. Michael Vick looked back to his old speed against Green Bay and after he leads the Eagles to a victory over the Lions, the team is going to have a hard time stomaching a move back to Kolb. Kolb looked timid, weak-armed and scared before Clay Matthews knocked him out of the game.
19 – Arizona
Kurt Warner’s retirement spawned a whole mess of gremlins in the desert, first with Matt Leinart and now with Derek Anderson. While Anderson’s numbers looked respectable at the end of the game, he still has accuracy problems and the Cards barely held off the lowly Rams. This may be the highest the Cards get ranked all season.
Sixteen Candles
20 – Kansas City
The Chiefs pulled off a great upset against the Chargers riding the youth movement with rookies Dexter McCluster, Tony Moeaki and young running back Jamaal Charles. They came of age a little in the Monday night game, so I guess that makes Matt Cassell equal to Molly Ringwald?
Splash
21 – San Francisco
Not only did the 49ers make a terrible splash with their 
pathetic performance at Seattle, they also have a lot in common with Darryl Hannah. Both were huge in the 80’s and both are liked for some strange reason I can’t understand. No matter how intense Coach Singletary stares at his players, the 49ers cannot be successful with the poor communication between their offensive coordinator and the quarterback that plagued them in week 1.
Indiana Jones & The Temple of Doom
22 – Miami
The Dolphins get credit for winning, but there is doom ahead because their
offense was stagnant against a poor Bills defense. That huge stone that is chasing Indiana Jones – that’s the Patriots about to run down the Dolphins.
23 – Jacksonville
This is another team that won, but in unconvincing fashion against an inferior opponent.
24 – Carolina
Boy am I glad that Carolina got rid of that turnover machine in Jake Delhomme and got a conservative game manager like Matt Moore because he won’t turn the ball over……wait, nevermind. Moore basically melted in the bad weather and Giants pressure like the bad guy’s faces at the end of Indiana Jones.
25 – Oakland
Oakland reminds me of the scene in the movie where the bad guy stops Indiana Jones in the market and starts to wave his big sword all over the place in a huge display of power. Indy calmly pulls out his pistol and shoots the guy. Well the Raiders had me convinced with their big sword trade of Jason Campbell and maturing wide receivers. The Titans pulled out the pistol in week 1.
26 – Detroit
No need to rehash it – the Lions were robbed by a terrible rule. And that’s why they are ranked higher than the Bears despite losing to them. Even though they lost Mattew Stafford and will likely plummet after this week, they get a bump for the effort in week 1.
Nightmare on Elm Street
27 – Chicago
Yes, Jay Cutler threw for a lot of yards, but he’s still a turnover machine and will be a nightmare for Chicago’s playoff chances.
28 – Denver
What was more overhyped? Tim Tebow’s debut or the ridiculous Bachelor spin-off, Bachelor Pad? Tebow was a non-factor and Bachelor Pad was just a pairing up of sluts with meatheats.
29 – Tampa Bay
They are the second team in this tier that won last week, but the team they beat was barely 
better than Notre Dame. Raheem Morris has some potential on this team, but Bucs fans wish they could just sleep away the season.
30 – St. Louis
The Rams showed a considerable amount of spunk against the Cardinals and Sam Bradford looks like he has the skills to be a franchise QB. Unfortunately they will not win many games if they have to throw it 55 times a game and only give Steven Jackson 22 carries.
31 – Cleveland
Well that didn’t last long. Did we really expect the Jake Delhomme experiment to work with the Browns? Do you really expect Jennifer Lopez to be anything other than a monster pain in the ass as a judge on American Idol? Do you really expect Jenn Brown to be famous for her sideline 
reporting or her looks?
32 – Buffalo
If Packers GM Ted Thompson wasn’t so opposed to trading, the smart move would be to tell Buffalo RB Marshawn Lynch to bring a few extra bags with him to Green Bay this weekend. Instead Lynch will have to continue to suffer through a rough season while his former Cal teammate quarterbacks a contender without much of a running game.
- Congrats to Michigan for winning a huge game this weekend 
which should launch them……INTO the rankings? Seriously, we’re supposed to be impressed by a victory against a team that was barely .500 last year and lost their starting quarterback for much of the game? I don’t buy it. Yes, Denard Robinson has put up monster stats the first two games…against Connecticut and Notre Dame. Call me when he does something against a real team.
- I love the return of football season, but let’s not overreact too much too early in the season. The sky is not falling in Indianapolis, Arian Foster will not rush for 3,000 yards this season and the Seahawks will not go undefeated.
- So much for Boise State’s chances of making the BCS Championship. 
When you’re only marquee win is against a Virginia Tech team that then loses to James Madison (who knew they even fielded a football team?), you can forget playing for a national championship. That would be like Jessica Alba trying to claim she should get a lifetime achievement for acting award with her highlight being Into The Blue.
- Everyone knows I hate everything Philly. Watching the Packers beat the Eagles brings me an inordinate amount of joy. And while it is a big road win to start the season in Green Bay, there are definitely some major concerns, particularly on defense. Dom Capers defense seems to be completely boom or bust. They blitz and take chances and if they don’t get a sack or an interception, they give up a ton of wide open pass plays and gashing runs. Perhaps Andy Reid’s sugar rush wore out by the end of the game, but he made some really questionable decisions down the stretch. Using his timeouts with more than 5 minutes remaining left the Eagles without a way to stop the clock after the 2 minute warning. And then on the critical 4th and 1 play, with the Packers struggling to keep up with Michael Vick, Reid chose to take the fastest guy on the field and run him straight ahead like a fullback rather than stretch the field and let him use his speed. At least now we’ll get to watch the Eagles idiot fans whine about a quarterback controversy all season.
HATE
- Can the media – particularly BSPN – finally stop trying to sell us the hype on Miami quarterback JaCorey Harris? Much like the success of Glee, I just don’t understand the fascination with a show about the glee club or the fascination with a quarterback 
who can’t throw. He is a great athlete but a terrible quarterback. He was exposed against Wisconsin in the bowl game last season, so what made anyone think he would excel against an Ohio State team that was better than the Badgers and returned most of their starters? Harris threw 4 interceptions against the Buckeyes, ensuring an easy win for Ohio State. Looks like a reincarnation of Isiah “Juice” Williams at Illinois. Who? Exactly – another overhyped nobody quarterback.
While BSPN was hyping this as “Monster Saturday” they would have been more accurate to call it “Exposing the State of Florida” weekend – Miami and Florida State got hammered in so-called marquee games and the Florida Gators continued to show they have a long way to go to get past the ghost of Tim Tebow.
- Went to the US Open on Saturday with tickets to the women’s final. It’s a great atmosphere and 
we got there early and had drinks out in the gallery watching the end of the Roger Federer match on the multiple big screens available. Then we settled into our seats and watched Kim Clijsters absolutely destroy her Russian opponent, 6-2 6-1 in exactly one hour. As if I wasn’t disappointed enough that neither Venus Williams nor Caroline Wozniacki were in the finals, but then the match was a complete blow out. Imagine how annoyed I would have been if I actually had to pay for the tickets.
- The Wisconsin Badgers have enough talent to win the Big Ten this year, but they seem to be plagued with the same thing that has been a staple of too many Bret Bielema teams – they are undisciplined. They are careless with the football and make stupid plays which allow inferior opponents to stay in the game. Opening weekend against UNLV they gave up more points than yards in the first half (14 points and 12 yards), and this week against a pathetic San Jose State team, the continued to turn the ball over with a chance to put the game away before halftime. The Badgers have an awesome trio of tailbacks, a dynamic tight end, and an emerging receiving corps, yet if they play this way against a respectable opponent, they will get blown out.
- Even if the call at the end of the Lions-Bears game was correctly interpreted, it sucks. Calvin Johnson caught the winning touchdown in the final seconds but the ball came loose as he was bouncing up to celebrate. It’s a shame because the Lions played well enough to win even after franchise QB Matt Stafford was injured.
herpes….you just can’t get rid of me. It’s been ages, but with football season about to kick off it’s time to get back at it and posting regularly. This whole blog started last year with a season preview, so it’s only fitting to get back to work with a season preview/prediction column and wrap in a Degenerate Friday Week 1 picks. And while it is easy on the eyes to watch Caroline Wozniacki play in the U.S. Open, it’s football that really gets us fired up. On a side note – I’m hoping Wozniacki makes the finals because I’ll be there Saturday night. Let’s get right to it…..no gimmicks, no categories, just a full break down of how I see the NFL season playing out.I break down the season slightly different than most people – most analysts go through and pick their Super Bowl teams and then back their way into records for every team. I go through the entire league schedule and pick every game, then totaling up what records the teams will end up having. The good part is that it doesn’t fall prey to preconceived notions and it definitely allows a tough schedule to have an effect on a team’s final record. The down side is that I end up with some surprises that I may not have made otherwise, as you’ll see with this year’s AFC playoff teams. And I still ended up with 2 new playoff teams in each conference, which is close to the typical 5 teams that surprise people.
Breaking it down by division then a playoff prediction, starting in the NFC
NFC East
The Cowboys have talked themselves into believing they are a Super Bowl favorite despite bringin
g back most of the team that got drubbed by the Vikings in last year’s playoffs. I expect Marion Barber to have a big season – did you know the guy played last year with a hole in his quad muscle? Think about that – a freaking HOLE in his quad!! Now that he’s healthy, he’s a battering ram that will open up the field for Miles Austin to go deep and Dez Bryant to be a monster. Their offense will be as good as any in the league and their attacking defense will be enough to carry them to the division crown.
NY Giants (9-7)
I don’t actually think the Giants are that good. Yet their schedule falls pretty nicely for them and I think they have enough pieces to be in the mix. Nobody likes Eli Manning, but the guy threw for over 4,000 yards last year and obviously has the support of his team. The NFC East is a lot like the Kardashians in that everyone thinks they’re famous and are a big deal, but stop and think about it for a minute. Kim has some incredible assets (like the Cowboys) and the rest of the family is only famous by association. By association, I guess that makes the Giants equal to Courtney, the next best in the family. And now it’s time to get to the ugly family members…..
So the equation that irrational Eagles fans are selling is Andy Reid equals a winning record. Well when you subtract McNabb and Westbrook and defensive coordinator Jim Johnson, and add in a first year starter in Kevin Kolb, it changes things considerably. Kolb may turn out to be a very good quarterback, but even Aaron Rodgers struggled in his first year as a starter. I personally think Kolb does not have the dynamic fire needed to be a premiere quarterback in the league, but he does have enough physical skills to ensure the Eagles stay close.
I saw that the Sports Guy picked the Skins as his sleeper team and has them in the playoffs. I’d like to see that just to stick it to the Eagles and their ridiculous fans. McNabb still has gas in the tank and will definitely be motivated, but he has no one to throw the ball to and the Skins are dealing with the pain in the ass that is Albert Haynesworth. New Sheriff Shanahan will eventually lead them to success, but it won’t be this year.
NFC South
The Saints offense is still as dangerous as Dan Hampton on an open microphone. (The former Bear Hampton is the one that said the Vikings should hit
I thought the Falcons would break out last year and they got bit by the injury bug slowing their quarterback, running back and slot receiver. This year with a healthy Matt Ryan, Michael Turner and Harry Douglas, the Falcons look poised to challenge for the division title. The Falcons could be that team to makes the leap to elite and makes a deep run in the playoffs.
Their biggest improvement was the removal of the Human Turnover Machine, Jake Delhomme as their starting quarterback. However, Matt Moore will struggle now that teams can scheme to stop him. They also lost Julius Peppers and Steve Smith hasn’t played since breaking his arm. Oh, and don’t forget they have a lame duck coach that will be moving on after the season and despite the running tandem of DeAngelo Williams and Jonathan Stewart, this smells like a .500 team.
The Bucs have some nice pieces in place for future success, but the immediate future looks painful.
NFC West
They are the tallest midget. The NFC West is hideous, and the Niners could run away with the division by barely being over .500. They have the defense that is the fiery design of Mike Singletary and offensive weapons in Frank Gore, Vernon Davis and Michael Crabree. If Alex Smith can effectively use his VD and Crabs, it will open things up for Gore and a successful season.
This text from my brother in
Pete Carroll was able to get out of Southern Cal before the shit hit the fan, but he managed to jump right int
o another steaming pile when he went north up the coast. He has almost completely turned over the roster which would be a good thing since the Seahawks were bad, but then when you factor in Carroll’s lack of success in past NFL stints and the overall lack of success of college coaches in the pros, it is a pretty scary proposition.
Well, it does appear that Sam Bradford has many of the intangibles and that can help someday return the Rams to respectability. Unfortunately that someday is not this year. Strap on that helmet tight, Sam and live to fight another season.
NFC North
The Packers have the favorite for league MVP at quarterback have a healthier offensive line to give him more
time to use his considerable arsenal of Greg Jennings, Donald Driver, Jermichael Finley and James Jones. The secondary will be tested early without Al Harris and Atari Bigby but they get a scheduling break playing poor or less established passing games early in the year – Philly,
The Vikings are dealing with plenty of questions after a very successful previous season. Can
Favre hold up? Who is going to be their receiving threat? Is their defense too old? Will the rest of the team resent the special treatment that Diva Favre has gotten? Does anyone like Coach Childress?
Hard to imagine a team going to the Super Bowl when the quarterback hates the coach and the rest of the team doesn’t like either one of them.
Like Blake Lively, 
the Lions are bursting with young assets. With the addition of Suh and VandeBosch on the defensive line, the Lions could slow a few offenses, which will give Matthew Stafford, Calvin Johnson and Jahvid Best the opportunity to outscore some teams. While 5-11 doesn’t seem like a big jump, when you’re in
Coach on the hot seat? Check. Overrated quarterback with an attitude problem? Check. Arrogant offensive coordinator with only one success in his career? Check. Overpaid for a notoriously lazy defensive lineman? Check. Get the fan base excited about signing a third down back? Check. Sounds like another crappy season in
AFC East
The Patriots are back to where they prefer, under the radar. And Randy Moss is in a contract year, which means he has the potential for a monster year. After last season’s schedule, this year’s slate looks easier than J-Woww after a couple shots of tequila. As long as Brady can keep his Bieber hair out of his eyes, he’ll have a solid arsenal of receiving weapons. Can the Patriots stop anyone? Maybe not, but they will have the offensive firepower to outscore most teams.
NY Jets (10-6)
The Jets remind me of the Seinfeld episode about “The Race” when George pretends he hasn’t seen Jerry since high school and goes on a rant about the millions he made as an architect. Jerry’s response: “You really built yourself up into something, didn’t you?” And that is extremely applicable to the Jets. They were 9-7 last
year. They brought in a bunch of big name veterans past their prime. They got a break to even get into the playoffs. Is that enough to make them Super Bowl favorites? I don’t think so.
The Dolphins have addressed their biggest need, which was a playmaking wide receiver who could actually, you know, catch. They got Brandon Marshall who when paired with Chad Henne give the Dolphins a very potent offense. Unfortunately they face a deadly stretch of games at GB, Pit, at Cin, at Bal, and Ten. If they go 2-3 during that stretch it would be a heck of a
n accomplishment.
Buffalo (5-11)
The Bills managed to find themselves a dynamic game changer in CJ Spiller, but unfortunately they still have Trent Edwards at QB, a leaky offensive line and a defensive line that can’t slow anyone. Could Spiller be a poor man’s Barry Sanders?
AFC South
Every year you start with Indy at 12 wins and then adjust it up or down a game or two. I ex
pect Peyton to bounce back from his Super Bowl pick-6 and be in F-U mode most of the season. Add to that the embarrassment of weapons he has at his disposal and the Colts will blast through the regular season like Justi
n Timberlake blew through the hottest women in Hollywood before settling on Jessica Biel.
Every year people expect the Texans to break through. Every year they let
everyone down. It’s kind of like sending Lindsay Lohan to rehab – when are we finally going to give up on her putting it all together? Well, I’m giving the Texans one last chance because if they just do the simple things, they have the talent to be successful. They have a great wide receiver in Andre Johnson and a strong defense to go with a QB who is solid in the regular season. That should be enough with their schedule.
I have no clue what to expect from this team. Two years ago they went 13-3. Last year they started 0-8 and got blasted 59-0 by the Patriots. Yet they have one of the fastest RBs in the league in Chris Johnson who expects to get 2,500 yards this season. Vince Young and his “Uncle Rico” motion isn’t pretty, but he has been able t
o lead the team to wins. Yet I don’t see this team keeping up with the elite in their division.
Can’t we just move this team to LA and get it over with? No one in
gone. They might be the most non-descript team in the league with their only star a running back with a knee extremely close to needing a scope that will knock him out for 2-3 weeks at a minimum.
AFC West
I expected to have this team fall off considerably this year with a rookie bell cow running back and the loss of Vincent Jackson to a hold out. Yet their schedule is so soft, even Norv Turner can lead this team to double-digit wins.
The Raiders are a lot better than people think. Despite the crazy Al Davis, they have quietly put together a great offseason with the drafting of a game changing linebacker and the trade for a serviceable quarterback in Jas
on Campbell.
Thomas Jones will be key to keeping Jamaal Charles fresh, yet the Chiefs still have too many holes defensively to get over the .500 hump.
It now seems pretty obvious that the 6-0 start last year was the aberration. Josh McDaniels put himself in the cross-hairs with his love affair with Tim Tebow, but that is dangerous considering Timmy T is not ready to be the starter. Without Brandon Marshall and with a banged up Knowshon Moreno, the offense will struggle and their defense wasn’t good to begin with.
AFC North
The Bengals boast an attacking defense and a powerful running game. And with the addition of TO, Jermaine Gresham and Jordan Shipley, Carson Palmer has run out of excuses. It’s time for his resurgence like recent pictures of Britney Spears in a bikini and utilize his assets. Despite wearing down at the end of last season, I expect the Bengals to get it done.
This may have been my biggest surprise. I have them starting 1-3 with Dennis Dixon as the starter but the schedule for the Steelers provides a softer landing for Big Ben than landing on the chest of Salma Hayek. With a recommitment to the run, the Steelers have the ability to slug it out with anyone.
I was expecting to have the Ravens in the mix for a Super Bowl birth. Unfortunately, while they improved their offensive weapons with the additions of Anquan Boldin, Donte Stallworth and TJ Houshmandzadeh, their defensive secondary is a mess with the injuries to Ed Reed and Dominique Foxworthy. That does not bode well to compete with the receiving threats in Cincy and games at
AFC Playoff Teams: (1) Colts, (2) Patriots, (3) Chargers, (4) Bengals, (WC) Texans, (WC) Steelers
NFC Playoff Teams: (1) Packers, (2) Saints, (3) Cowboys, (4) 49ers, (WC) Falcons, (WC) Vikings
hAFC Championship: Colts over Patriots
NFC Championship: Packers over Saints
SUPER BOWL CHAMPION:
Maybe I’m just a homer, but I think all the parts are there for Aaron Rodgers to establish his own legacy in
QUICK HITS for DEGENERATE FRIDAY – Week 1
Thursday pick: Saints (-5) over Vikings
Falcons (-2) over STEELERS – the Matt Ryan rebound begins
Dolphins (-3) over BILLS – Spiller isn’t enough
Lions (+6.5) over BEARS – Misery begins in the
GIANTS (-6.5) over Panthers – G-men get revenge on
PATRIOTS (-4.5) over Bengals – Brady celebrates new contract with big opener
Browns (+3) over BUCCANEERS – who cares?
JAGUARS (-2.5) over Broncos – barely more interesting than the previous suck-fest
Colts (-2) over TEXANS – Texans not quite ready for prime time
Raiders (+6) over TITANS – Raiders may not win but that spread is too big for the resurgent Raiders
Packers (-3) over EAGLES – easiest game to pick this week
49ers (-3) over SEAHAWKS – welcome to the big leagues Coach Carroll
Cardinals (-4) over RAMS – someone has to win this game
Cowboys (-3.5) over REDSKINS – McNabb gets a rude welcome in DC
JETS (-2.5) over Ravens – break in the new stadium in style
CHIEFS (+4) over Chargers –
