LATE ADD: Forgot to make my Thursday night NFL pick. PANTHERS (-3) over Dolphins. The Panthers have found a rhythm, and Jake Delhomme realized what the Panthers' team colors are, which will be beneficial against the weak Dolphins secondary. Losing Ronnie Brown hurts, but Ricky Williams has been very good. Panthers continue their attempt to get closer to playoff contention. ------------------------------- Brandon Jennings is starting to get some national publicity as thetop rookie in the league. I watched a considerable amount of their win over the Nets last night. The kid can play, and he has an energy and electricity when he is on the floor, and he drives the rest of the team to crank up their efforts. He will likely hit a rookie wall at some point and will have to pace himself for a long, grinding season, but enjoy the excitement he has brought back to the Bradley Center. ------------------------------ I’m late to the game on this one, but it was just pointed out to me recently. An Alabama football player was arrested for roughing up his girlfriend, and the girl’s father hopes that the player wouldn’t miss any time because it was “probably initiated by my daughter.” Blink, blink……stare……..jaw drop. ----------------------------- I really don’t even know what to say about this – the Go Girl. I mean, so many strange questions – how big is it? Are you carrying that in your purse everywhere? Do you wash it after each use? So weird…..let’s just move on. ------------------------------ Linda McMahon, wife of WWE czar Vince McMahon, is running for a seat in the Senate in Connecticut. That sentence is strange in itself, yet it’s not as interesting as “Superstar” Billy Graham going on a speaking campaign against her. He’s accusing the WWE of removing blood, and “bra & panty” matches from the wrestling shows since she started her campaign. ------------------------------ Speaking of wrestling – MMA heavyweight champion Brock Lesnar had to pull out of a title defense and may never fight again due to having a hole in his intestine. Scary stuff and hopefully he’ll get healthy, even if he never fights again. The guy was a college wrestler, WWE wrestler, tried out for the Vikings, and then found the MMA. Oh, and along the way he married Sable, a former WWE girl. ------------------------------- Not a ton of people are into soccer, but this is one of the most egregious and unbelievable things I’ve ever seen. It was an elimination game where the winner is in, the loser doesn’t qualify for the biggest soccer tournament that only occurs every 4 years. In overtime, Thierry Henry of France gets away with a blatant hand ball before playing the ball to a teammate for the tying goal. Henry admitted it was a handball and laid it squarely on the head of the referee who didn’t call it. Not sure that is making Ireland feel any better about not participating in the World Cup in South Africa next summer. The best view is at the 0:37 mark, but it might be worth listening to the German(?) announcer just for comedy purposes. ---------------------------------- Another week, another Tennessee football player is arrested. This freshman was shoplifting, which seems fairly innocent compared to the 3 guys busted for attempted armed robbery last week. Lane Kiffin is obviously a pretty good recruiter, as evidenced by his wife, but may not be the best judge of character. He’s transforming Tennessee to the new “U” of Miami, where it was more of a story when a week went by and a Hurricane wasn’t arrested. ---------------------------------- Not to dislocate my shoulder patting myself on the back, but Mike & Mike in the Morning are just now finally talking about the decision in the Jacksonville game. But as those of you who follow this site regularly know, we already covered it on Tuesday. ---------------------------------- I’m not a fan of cats in general. I don’t really understand them. They can’t play fetch, they can’t bring you the newspaper or your slippers, and they can’t protect you. They just lurk around your house or apartment and most of the cats I’ve ever encountered are moody as hell. So a site like this just doesn’t make any sense to me – pictures of cats with stupid captions. Seriously?
Sitting in a coffee shop, thinking about this week’s power rankings, and this strange scene unfolds. I’m sitting in the corner, near the front window. This slightly husky, younger Asian girl wearing sweat pants comes in, sits at the next table, and then goes up to the counter to order her drink. She stands right under the sign that says “No Cell Phones In Here, Okay?” while she places her order, then returns to the table, takes out her cell phone and calls her friend to babble on and on, spewing idiocy loudly. Then I hear her drop this gem: “Well, hurry up and get here, I have to tell you about what happened with the crush I had on my hip-hop dance coach.” Wait, what?
And then it gets better. Her friend shows up, a skinnier Asian girl, takes off her shoes, and sits next to Hip-Hop. Hip-Hop closes her computer, and the friend pulls out her Tarot cards and a book titled “Tarot Cards Plain & Simple.” She then starts to shuffle the cards and sets them up as if her and her friend are playing a game of Uno. I don’t know anything about Tarot cards other than they are usually read by strange gypsies, hippies and homeless people. How does this work? If she doesn’t like the fortune she gets for herself or for her friend, does she just reshuffle and play again? I’m so thoroughly confused………..
Trying to rank the teams this week while sitting in a coffee shop reminded of a television show that spent a ton of time in a coffee shop – Friends. It might have actually been a more universally watched show than Seinfeld, and while it was always entertaining, it did not have the timelessness of the show about nothing. Nevertheless, it did have some great characters, and so those will be the categories for this week’s NFL Power Rankings. This week’s biggest gainers are the Redskins and the Jaguars, though for the Redskins, it doesn’t take much to climb above the wreckage at the bottom of the league. The biggest declines this week belong to the Jets and the Bears, which shouldn’t be surprising. On to the rankings…..
The Rachel Green Category (Jennifer Aniston) Rachel was the spoiled brat on the show, trying to make it on her own and not need her rich, disapproving father’s money. And she was the biggest star on the show, including having her hairstyle “The Rachel” turn into a fashion trend. She was never the smartest, but whether she was working in the coffee shop, or finally working for Ralph Lauren, everyone wanted to root for her success. These are the best teams in the league – the ones that inspire copycat behavior and envy from the rest of the league.
1. Saints (last week: 1) – A very shaky performance against a woeful Rams team had me considering putting the Colts at the top of the heap, but one little slip up doesn’t ruin their entire body of work. Rachel dating that young guy Tag doesn’t take away from her being the best looking girl on the show.
2. Colts (2) – They survived another game in which they really didn’t have any business winning. Yet if you let Peyton Manning hang around long enough, he will get you. And the fact that he scared Bill Belichick into making that awful 4th down call is enough to win him the MVP award already.
3. Vikings (4) – The game with the Lions was closer than the score indicated, but the bottom line is that it was another win, preventing Green Bay from making up any ground in the division. Sidney Rice has become the legit receiving threat they have lacked since Randy Moss left town.
4. Bengals (6) – They out Steeler’d the Steelers on Sunday and now are enough of a stable situation that they can bring Larry Johnson into the fold for rushing game insurance. This is not the same brash, immature Bengals team that was competitive in 2005. This is one of the best teams in the league and they are putting themselves in position to get a bye and at least one home playoff game.
5. Patriots (5) – Belichick’s call was the Friends equivalent of when Rachel and Ross got drunk and managed to slip one past the goalie. There could be some serious lasting repercussions, such as the confidence of the defense, and losing a shot at home field advantage in the playoffs. Yet they have a quarterback who is used to being a single father, so maybe they’re more prepared than we thought.
6. Steelers (3) – Losing Troy Polamalu again will take its toll on the Steelers defense when they were just starting to return to their dominant form. They are still among the league’s elite, but they are probably closer to Rachel at the very beginning of the show, or maybe even before the show, before her nose job. They’re still good enough to get the job done, but they need a little work.
The Joey Tribbiani Category (Matt LeBlanc) Joey was the most entertaining character on the show. He was definitely the dumbest character on the show, but his stupidity and woman chasing always made for pure entertainment. He was famous for being the Italian stud with the ability to bed chicks by simply asking, “How you doin’?” And yet, when they tried to make a spin off with just Joey, the thing went down faster than Lindsay Lohan on a table full of coke. The best Joey moment of the entire show came early on, before Joey was established as the best character:
7. Chargers (10) – A convincing win over the Paper Eagles combined with another loss from the Broncos and suddenly they are playing for the division lead in Denver on Sunday. They are also looking to avenge an earlier season loss. Pending fatherhood seemed to suit LT pretty well, rushing for almost a hundo with 2 touchdowns to boot.
8. Cardinals (11) – Kurt Warner is playing like a youngster, despite his advanced age. It reminds me of the episode where Joey has to play the part of a 19-year old, and he comes out with a winter hat, Marcus Camby jersey and sagging pants showing his drawers and says to Chandler, “Sup? …..Playin’ playstation is whack! …..Sup with the whack playstation, sup.”
9. Texans (13) – Only an idiot would underestimate the importance of Andre Johnson to the Texans. Just like Joey reminded us that “Only an idiot would wear all this Ferrari gear if they didn’t actually own a Ferrari.” Of course, Joey was just standing next to someone else’s Ferrari, wearing a Ferrari hat, shirt, jacket and driving gloves, pretending that it was his car when he made the statement.
The Pete Becker Category (Jon Favreau) Pete was the ultra rich guy who pursued Monica, leaving her huge tips when she was working at the restaurant and she had to dress up with huge ti………you know. She tried to like him and his endless money, but no matter what, she just wasn’t into him. Then he decided that he wanted to be the ultimate fighting champion, only to suffer a brutal beat down. I think that fits for both the Cowboys in general and Tony Romo specifically.
10. Cowboys (7) – No matter how hard he tries, and how much money Jerry Jones throws around with the Cowboys, they just can’t get it right and can’t be consistent. They dominate the Eagles in Philly, but then turn around and lay an egg in Lambeau. They’re still the class of the overrated NFC East at this point.
The Chandler Bing Category (Matthew Perry) Chandler usually played the straight man to Joey’s comedy. Chandler never had too many plotlines built around him, as he was either a pawn in one of Joey’s escapades or he was tagging along with his future wife Monica. He may have been most famous for the fact that his weight would fluctuate more than Jessica Simpson. It was rumored that you could tell whether he was on or off of cocaine based on his weight throughout the show. Much like his weight, these teams have fluctuated between looking like powerhouses (landing Monica) or weaklings (his inability to stand up to the coffee house bullies).
11. Broncos (8) – No one believed the Broncos were as good as their 6-0 record and they’ve worked extremely hard the past three weeks to prove everyone correct. Losing to the pitiful Redskins was as unexpected as Kathleen Turner showing up as Chandler’s cross-dressing father.
12. Falcons (9) – They suffered their fourth road loss of the year and Matt Ryan suddenly is turning the ball over at an alarming clip. Things don’t get any easier for the Falcons with a trip to Giants Stadium this week.
13. Packers (17) – It was an enormous win over the Cowboys, but that just cancels out the enormous loss to Tampa Bay the week before. They used more short drops and quick hits to try and alleviate some of the pressure on Rodgers, which appeared to help. Their defense remains inconsistent – maybe they’re on cocaine like Matthew Perry?
14. Eagles (12) – Another trip to the west coast, another disappointing performance for the Eagles. This is just not a mentally tough team, and I can’t see them going anywhere in the playoffs. Brian Westbrook needs to consider hanging it up for good – consecutive concussions should be enough to scare him from becoming a permanent vegetable in the future.
15. Ravens (14) – They don’t deserve to lose ground in the rankings after shutting out the Browns, but then again, they don’t exactly deserve praise for beating the fat kid in a race.
16. Jaguars (21) – They may be the least impressive 5-4 team in the league, but they have a fairly soft schedule and could potentially be a player in the playoff picture the rest of the year. As I pointed out yesterday, I didn’t like the call to take a knee, but when you win, it cures everything…..except an empty stadium in Jacksonville.
17. Giants (15) – Hopefully the bye week allowed Eli Manning’s heel to heal because his accuracy has went up in the smoke from Chandler’s cigs. The Giants need to rediscover their ground game and get their secondary healthy if they are going to be a player in the NFC East.
The Monica Geller Category (Courtney Cox) Monica was the neat-freak mother hen on the show. She was always the brains of the girls, and also was freakishly strong. She was an unattractive fat girl growing up, but managed to slim down and turn into a pretty attractive girl, landing Chandler toward the end of the show. These are the teams that started out like that fat girl, but suddenly appear to be much thinner, attractive and capable of making some of the top teams fall for them.
18. Panthers (19) – Has Jake Delhomme got his groove back? He sure did last week, hitting Steve Smith for a couple of TDs, however the loss of left tackle Jordan Gross could be a deadly blow to the running game and Delhomme’s protection. The Panthers are making a late run at saving John Fox’s job and keeping Bill Cowher on ice another year.
19. Titans (20) – You have to love 86 year old Titans owner Bud Adams telling Bills fans “they were #1”, with both authority and with both hands, then accepting the quarter million dollar fine. Maybe he should have used Monica and Ross’s “fists together” salute next time, so people won’t know it’s a cover up for the finger.
20. Dolphins (23) – Miami will be trying to run the wildcat without their primary wildcat quarterback, Ronnie Brown. That will place more pressure on Ricky Williams, and potentially open up opportunities for rookie Pat White.
The Mona Category (Bonnie Somerville) Mona was Ross’s girlfriend right after he knocked up Rachel, and Rachel’s father comes to find out why Ross won’t marry his daughter. She was yet another woman that was way out of Ross’s league that somehow stayed with him for longer than any sane woman would in real life. She was attractive and eventually exposed as not having much staying power on the show. And that pretty much sums up the Jets at this point.
21. Jets (16) – They are the “Reverse Beer Goggles” – they looked like the prettiest girl in the bar when you walk in, but for some reason, the more you drink, the more you see all of her flaws and you realize she actually resembles Rex Ryan more than Jeri Ryan.
The Richard Burke Category (Tom Selleck) Richard was Monica’s boyfriend for a long time in the middle of the show. It was always a little strange considering he had to be a good 15-20 years older than Monica and it never seemed right that Monica was dating Magnum P.I. Eventually the writers tired of trying to fit him into a comedy show, and they finally broke up.
22. 49ers (22) – This category definitely fits the 49ers, because their rather pathetic win against the Bears masked the fact that they have been irrelevant since the 80’s – much like Tom Selleck when he was solving crimes in his Ferrari and probably hiding evidence in his sweater-vest chest hair.
The Janice Category (Maggie Wheeler) The most annoying character in the show with her nasal wailing voice, yelling “Oh…..my……Gawd!” I despised every time she came on the screen and can’t figure out for the life of me why any of the guys in the show would spend even 30 seconds with her. The only thing I can think of is that she was freakishly good in the sack. And I just threw up a little bit in my mouth…….
23. Bears (18) – The perfect category for the Bears – easily the most annoying team led by the most annoying quarterback in the league. In addition to his poor play, Cutler is getting bashed for his body language, pouting, yelling, and staring down teammates after the play. And strangely, people still seem to think he is a franchise quarterback – prompting rumors that the Bears may bring in Mike Shanahan to try and correct Cutler.
The Phoebe Buffay Category (Lisa Kudrow) Phoebe was always a wildcard on the show. She was a free spirit, a singer in the coffee shop, had an evil twin sister and used to be homeless and hitchhiked across the country. She owned her grandmother’s old taxi, and ended up being a surrogate mother for her estranged brother’s triplets. I never remember them explaining how a rich brat like Rachel, and a square like Monica became friends with such a hippie, and how they never even attempted a romance between Phoebe and any of the guys – Joey, Ross or Chandler.
24. Seahawks (24) – There isn’t a lot to say about the Seahawks. They stink and they have a prematurely balding quarterback with a brother who somehow parlayed an average backup quarterback career into a gig as a talking head at ESPN. I mean, Tim Hasselbeck’s biggest claim to fame is that he’s the wife of Elisabeth Hasselbeck, the girl from Survivor that parlayed that into a gig on The View.
25. Bills (25) – They fired their coach, Dick Jauron. Yeah, that’s going to solve all their problems on the offensive and defensive lines. I wonder if Jauron pulled a Bud Adams on his way out of the team facilities.
26. Redskins (31) – The Redskins are the quintessential Phoebe – they are a general mess, and yet they somehow manage to pull off some short-term success and you start to think that maybe she (they) aren’t all that bad. They beat the Broncos, and have unleashed their punter as one of their most dangerous offensive weapons.
27. Chiefs (27) – Todd Haley and Scott Pioli have petitioned the league to allow the Chiefs to play the Raiders every week. And now the Chiefs lose their best receiver Dwayne Bowe to a 4 game suspension for failing the league’s performance enhancing drug test – allegedly for a diuretic to aid with weight loss in minicamp. That signing of Chris Chambers looks better every week and may help the Chiefs secure the 5th pick instead of the 2nd.
28. Buccaneers (28) – The Bucs have shown a little bit of life with Josh Freeman at quarterback, but at they still have a long way to go. They showed it wasn’t just the creamsicle jerseys that were improving their chances of a second win.
The Ross Geller Category (David Schwimmer) Ross was the weakest and worst character on the show. The critics would call it brooding, but I call it a whiny little bizzitch. Yet somehow this nerdy, insecure loser ended up with a plethora of chicks from Rachel (Jennifer Aniston), her sister (Reese Witherspoon), Mona (see above), etc. It never made sense how this dude who could only talk about dinosaurs and rocks managed to score as much talent as Joey. In the end, somehow he convinced people that we was who Rachel should end up with, but again, let’s just review the situation – the guy hooked up with a girl the night you had a big fight, hooked up with your sister, and plays with dinosaur bones. If that’s not the definition of a loser, I don’t know what it is.
29. Rams (29) – They put up a valiant effort against the Saints, but it ended up as just another loss in their large pile of losses. Like his dopey t-shirt that he demands back from Rachel, “Frankie Say Relax” and wait for the draft, Rams fans.
30. Lions (26) – They continue to backslide, and it will be better, but at this point, the new coaching staff and the addition of a franchise quarterback have worked out as well as Ross’s teeth whitening or spray tan adventure.
31. Raiders (30) – The Raiders and Al Davis are kind of like Ross’s attempt to rekindle his music with his electronic keyboard. It is absolutely terrible, and a complete embarrassment, yet everyone seems hesitant to tell him how bad he is. Only Phoebe (the football equivalent is the Redskins) thinks he’s really good.
32. Browns (32) – Eric Mangini has been about as successful as Ross in leather pants. In 6 of their 12 years since their reincarnation, they have won 4 games or less. They are the definition of pathetic, weak and tough to root for – just like Ross.
It is always enjoyable to listen to Herm remind you why you play the game. On Sunday there were two crucial coaching decisions made by Jags – one by the Coach of the Jags, and one by a world-class Jag-off, Bill Belichick. Both coaches decided to try to win the game by trying to play keep-away. However, I think the decision by Jaguars coach Jack Del Rio was actually riskier than the decision by Bill Belichick, yet no one is talking about it.
Today we listened to everyone and their brother dissecting the Patriots decision to go for it on 4th down from inside their own 30 yard line. The decision was blamed on Belichick’s ego, his fear of Peyton Manning, his lack of confidence in his own defense, or his overconfidence in Tom Brady. While I still don’t agree with the decision, I think it can be summed up that Belichick went for the jugular and for the win with the ball in the hands of his team. He was trying to keep the ball away from the Colts, because whether Manning drove his team 29 yards or 70+ yards, a TD would win the game for the Colts. He was following Herm’s message, but it blew up bigger than Oprah at an all-you-can-eat buffet. (Wait, is she fat or skinny now? Whatever, I’m too lazy to look, and either way, in another 6 weeks, she’ll be fat again, or skinny. Whatever……)
That got me thinking about the play at the end of the Jaguars-Jets game at the Meadowlands, when Maurice Jones-Drew took a knee at the 1 yard line instead of scoring a touchdown with under 2 minutes left in the game. MJD has been praised as making an extremely smart play, and being unselfish and more concerned with winning the game than padding his own personal stats. By taking the knee, the Jags were able to run the clock down and kick the chip shot game-winning FG as time expired. However, I think it was an extremely risky call by Jack Del Rio and not nearly as intelligent as the media made it out to be.
When MJD took the knee, the Jaguars were LOSING the game. It was compared to the Brian Westbrook play in 2007 when Westbrook went down at the 1 against the Cowboys and allowed the Eagles to run out the clock. The difference? The Eagles were WINNING the game, 10-6 at the time, and they then knelt 3 times and the clock ran out, game over. The Jaguars left themselves with the need to make a field goal to win the game. Now I get that the odds of missing a chip shot field goal are about as high as the chances of Blake Lively not wearing a shirt to show off her two best friends (or maybe they’re our best friends? Either way, here is an article about the friends with a slideshow.). Yet, there still is a chance of a botched snap, a bad hold, a gust of wind, a false start, a missed block, etc. or something disastrous that causes a miss. And if any of those disasters happen, the Jaguars would have LOST the game. Remember Tony Romo fumbling the snap in the playoffs against the Seahawks? Or Gary Anderson, who hadn’t missed a FG or extra point all season, shanking the kick in the 1998 NFC Championship? Strange and crazy crap happens in football, and Del Rio chose to play keep away from the Jets, and risked losing the game. And that doesn’t even take into account the fact that if MJD scores the TD, the Jets would have been down 6 and have a rookie quarterback, not Peyton Manning, who would have been trying to drive his team down field for a touchdown. And if the Jags convert the 2 point conversion, they would have locked in a win or OT even if the Jets drove down and scored.
I’m a fan of intelligent football, but I think the general media has missed the boat on this one. It was not intelligent, it was risky. The biggest difference between the Del Rio and the Belichick decisions? One worked and one didn’t. Can you imagine the backlash if the Jags would have missed the kick? Del Rio would have already cleared out his office and would be calling Eric Mangini to save him a place in line at the unemployment office. Both calls were bad decisions by the coaches, but when it works, you’re a genius, when it doesn’t, you’re a jag. Or in this case, when it works, you're a Jag and when it doesn't, you're a Patriot.
------------------------------------------- Could the Browns be any worse? They have scored 5 TDs in their 9 games. They are an embarrassment to the league, and I have no idea how they can keep Mangini around next year. And now, their only legit offensive weapon, Josh Cribbs was taken to the hospital after the game in an ambulance. Can Browns fans stomach drafting another Notre Dame quarterback (Jimmy Clausen) with the first pick in the draft? Remember when the Browns were competitive and John "Mr. Ed" Elway used to rip their hearts out or Ernest Byner would fumble? It's sad that those were the days of glory and they seem tremendously better than the current situation.
------------------------------------------- Allen Iverson and the Grizzlies came to a “mutual agreement” to put Iverson on waivers and allow him to go sign with another team. I really hope that agreement was “you will be getting $0 from the Grizzlies and will refund any and all money already paid to you by the Grizzlies.”
------------------------------------------ ESPN is in the middle of a 24-hour college basketball marathon that included a game in Jersey City that started at 6:00 am. There is your proof that schools will do anything for the right pay day. There is nothing to be gained for the coaches, players, or the fans by playing at that time. So the only reason to consider it is the payday for the athletic program. I’m not saying I’m against it, because what other time would anyone watch Monmouth? Other than when you're trying to put on SportsCenter and you're strangely amused why there is basketball on TV. I’m just saying I hope the schools are honest about why they did it.
LOVE - I thoroughly enjoyed Wisconsin thrashing Michigan on Saturday (read the caption on the photo). They dominated the Wolverines in all phases of the game, showing that Michigan’s 4-0 start was a complete fluke. Rich Rodriguez, those fast, undersized guys running a gimmick offense might have worked at West Virginia, but you need some size in the Big Ten. Ask Northwestern, who has not been able to string together consecutive winning seasons using the same offense and undersized theory that Richie prefers. The oversized Wisconsin linemen and huge John Clay wore down the Michigan defense. In addition, Wisconsin has uncovered a future (and current) receiving star in Nick Toon. Big, fast, and catches the ball with his hands. Very impressive.
- Not only was it fun to watch Stanford eat USC’s lunch, dinner and desert, it was also fun to watch Jim Harbaugh rub it in by going for 2 after their 7th TD and the game was already well out of hand. It’s the type of move that Pete Carroll and USC have been doing to the Pac-10 for the past 7 years, so it was satisfying to watch Pete and his dopey turtleneck-under-his-polo-shirt get peeved at getting the score run up on him. Good luck in the Sun Bowl, Pete. Looks like your dream freshman QB resembles Ron Pawlus more than Joe Montana at this point. He still has plenty of time to develop into a good quarterback, but he is not there right now.
- I give up trying to figure out the Packers. You knew they had their backs against the wall and would come out fighting, and they did, keeping the Cowboys shut out until the final minutes. But the real story of the game – Charles Woodson. Could he have had a better game? He forced a fumble by Roy Williams, had the strip sack of Romo, and then picked off a pass at the goalline. He absolutely dominated the game and proved that he is still among the best cornerbacks in the league. After 8 years in Oakland, he had 17 career INTs, taking 2 of them back for TDs. In his three and a half seasons in Green Bay, he has 24 INTs, and has taken 5 back to the house. The guy is playing incredible and this game could be the turning point of the Packers’ season.
- You might have missed it since it was the NBA, it was the Bucks, and it was a Friday night. But rookie PG Brandon Jennings went off like Christian Bale on the production crew. He dropped 55 on Golden State, including 29 in the 3rd quarter alone. And he didn’t even score in the first quarter. He set the Bucks rookie record for points in a game, passing Lew Alcindor’s 51, and scores the most points by a rookie since Earl Monroe in 1968. Jennings is taking the league by storm and making Scott Skiles’ job extremely easy “pick and roll & let Brandon do whatever he wants.”
- There’s a new bully in the NFC North, and no one would have ever believed it’s the Bengals. They’re 5-0 in the division and swept the Ravens and Steelers. And they did it by being more physical and dominating the Steelers with their defense. Pittsburgh could be in trouble if Polamalu is out for an extended time again, and why would they only call 16 runs and 40 passes? That doesn’t seem like Steelers football, but I think it speaks to the respect that the Bengals defense has earned.
HATE
- Think the evil dictator Belichick’s ego got the best of him last night? What in the world could he have possibly been thinking to go for it on 4th and 2 from his own 27 yard line, up 6 with 2 minutes left in the game? Not only did he make a huge blunder in going for it, but he left himself with no time outs so he couldn’t even challenge the spot. An epic screw up by the king of the hoodie that spoiled a tremendous game by Brady, Moss and Faulk. Belichick’s ego is bigger than John Daly after another weekend in Vegas. I get that the defense had allowed Manning to slice through them for 2 TD drives in less than 2 minutes, and he was subscribing to the Herm Lewis “You play to win the game.” Philosophy, but you have to play the numbers and it is less likely that Manning drives 70 yards than it is for him to drive 29 yards. You can make an argument for it, but at the end of the day, it’s a bad decision. Yet, Captain Ego Hoodie will refuse to admit that and just said that he liked his chances. No need to overreact, as Belichick is still a good coach adn the Pats are going to win the division. He just let his ego win the battle last night. Somehow, Manning and the Colts continue to win games that it seems like are out of their grasp. Can they run the table and go 16-0? It sure looks a lot more likely after passing this test.
- Begrudging congratulations to Ohio State for winning the Big Ten and securing at least a Rose Bowl berth. It was an extremely competitive and tense game as the Buckeyes beat Iowa in overtime. Unfortunately, the fact that it was intense and close masked how poor the football was. Both teams run the most boring and conservative offenses, with runs and dump off passes dominating the play calls. You can compliment Iowa for hanging in the game despite missing their emotional leader in Ricky Stanzi at quarterback or you can loath the Buckeyes for needing overtime to beat a team without their best player. Either way, it was a continual stream of 3 yards and a cloud of dust, incomplete passes and sacks. Not exactly a recruiting video for the Big Ten. It was about as entertaining as watching Ashlee Simpson trying to act.
- At this point, who is falling apart faster, the Jets or the Broncos? The Jets continue to talk the talk, but are tripping all over themselves trying to walk the walk. The Broncos lost their 3rd straight game, this time against the pathetic Redskins. In addition to losing Kyle Orton and Chris Simms looking extremely uncomfortable in the game, they allowed a fake field goal/fake punt/touchdown pass. That’s unacceptable if you expect to be a playoff team – especially against a Redskins team that is in complete and total disarray. They’re now tied with the improving Chargers, and the Broncos welcome the Chargers to Mile High Stadium next Sunday.
- Why the hell is there a Monday night game in Cleveland? They won 4 games last year. They stunk. They have 2 bad quarterbacks. Yet somehow the NFL thought it might be a good idea to drop a Monday night game in Cleveland? Pretty sure there are 25 more interesting things on television tonight……including Leighton Meester on Gossip Girl……………or Golden Girls……….or House Hunters………..or WWE Monday Night Raw…………or Two & A Half Men…………or Leave it to Lamas. I think it’s a reality show for Shayne Lamas, the hot bimbo daughter of Lorenzo Lamas – the dude from Renegade. And she was a bimbo on The Bachelor a while back, and I guess that's now enough to warrant your own television show.
- The NFC East is vastly overrated. The Eagles lost another game on the West Coast and proved that they are nowhere near the juggernaut they were made out to be. And they are definitely not an intimidating or tough team – neither physically nor mentally. The Round Mound of Coaching forgot that he had running plays on the back of his play sheet, and called almost exclusively passing plays. 56 pass plays and 13 running plays in their loss to the Chargers – not exactly a playoff-ready formula. The Cowboys looked to be the class of the division after beating the Giants and Eagles, but then got crushed by the Packers. And the Giants, after that 5-0 start, have lost 4 straight against better competition and suddenly look like they will be lucky to stay in the playoff hunt.
There is a reason the casinos are so large in Vegas. The guys in Vegas that put out the spreads know what they’re doing. There have been 128 games in the NFL this season (not including last night’s SF-Chi game), and there have been 2 “pick ‘em” spreads. Of the other 126 games, there have been 63 times when the favorites have covered the spread, and 63 times when the underdog covered. A perfect 63-63 record. Impressive. Not as impressive was my record last week, going 6-7 for my second consecutive under .500 week. Time to regroup and have a better week.
Quick – someone get Jay Cutler to an eye doctor. No, he didn’t get hit in the eye last night, but he must be color blind. 5 Interceptions, including 2 in the red zone? Ouch. In the past 2 seasons, he has 9 INTs in the red zone, more than double the next closest QB. He makes more poor decisions than Shawn Kemp and Travis Henry combined.
But before I get to the, Sesame Street had its 40th anniversary this week. I wanted to break the games out by characters, until I started to realize how many of those crazy sesame street muppets are out there! I mean, in addition to the major characters like Bert & Ernie, Big Bird, Oscar the Grouch, Grover, Elmo, and Cookie Monster, there is Count von Count, Snuffleupagus, Barkley the Dog, Telly, Guy Smiley, Herry Monster, The Honkers and Mumford the Magician. And I’m not even mentioning the humans on the show, Mr. Hooper, Susan, Gordon, Luis or Maria.
So before getting to this week’s picks, I have to put a clip to my personal favorite Sesame Street skit, with Grover explaining the meaning of “near” and “far.” I’m not really sure why it sticks in my head, it originally aired before I was even born, but it still makes me laugh. Maybe it just reminds me of how we used to tire my little brother out by challenging him to run around the house while we timed him to see if he could beat his own “personal record” – mind you, we didn’t have a stop watch, and weren’t really timing him. We just wanted him to get tired and leave us alone. He was 16.
So while thinking of kids programs, it led me to The Muppets Show. This week’s games are broken down to muppets characters, and there are a lot of characters, so I had to leave some out, like Scooter, Beaker, Dr. Bunsen, the Swedish Chef, and Rizzo the Rat.
Standard weekly disclosures…….recreational use, home team in CAPS, spreads from the NY Post, etc.
The Miss Piggy Category Did anyone ever realize that the most popular female on the show was a portly pig!!?!? What is up with that? Also reminds me of a story……we were going out for a friend’s older brother’s bachelor party. I was the youngest guy there, and lost a bet before we went out resulting in whenever the bachelor finished his drink, I had to yell out “I wanna meet Miss Piggy tonight!” Amazingly, that didn’t work very well as a pick up line. I’d say it ranks right below another line I heard slurred once by my brother-in-law….. “Are you leaving?” To which the girl said, “Yes.” And she walked out.
Chiefs (+1.5) over RAIDERS No matter how much lipstick you put on this pig of a game, it’s not attractive. Raiders beat the Chiefs in Kansas City, but the Chiefs are no longer dealing with the Larry Johnson distraction and have added Chris Chambers to pair up with Dwayne Bowe. How long can the Raiders continue to dance with Tom Cable? Until he punches Al Davis? As long as they continue to believe that JaMarcus Russell is a bonafide NFL quarterback, they will not be able to string together any sort of consistent play. His QB rating is equal to his completion percentage, and neither is above 49 - that is absolutely horrendous. He is the pig, and Al Davis continues to try and pile on the lipstick. The Raiders will likely get Darren McFadden back this week, but it won’t be enough to mask Jamarcus Russell.
The Statler & Waldorf Category (the old guys in the theatre) These are my favorite muppets characters, just sitting back and ridiculing everyone. These are a couple games that will give them plenty of things to watch, mock and then laugh histerically. Great job to start teaching kids at an early age that old people are crazy and can say whatever they want. What is the age when it becomes okay to just say the most ridiculous things? I can’t wait to get to that age, so I can just spew idiocy all the time……….wait, I basically do that now.
Buccaneers (+10) over DOLPHINS This is just too many points for an offensively challenged team like the Dolphins to cover. I still think the Bucs have not turned the corner despite beating the Packers last week. They stink, but they are a little better now that Josh Freeman brings some athletic ability and moxy to the offense. Unless Ted Ginn returns a couple more kicks, the Dolphins won’t be able to blow out the Bucs.
TITANS (-6.5) over Bills (LOCK OF THE WEEK) The Bills get Trent Edwards back, but lose T.O. for the game. Not that it matters, as the Bills offense is pathetic. The Titans have turned things around since getting blown out by the Patriots. Chris Johnson leads the league in rushing and gets another weak opponent to show off his “running from the cops speed!” (thanks Gus Johnson for that call).
The Fozzie Bear Category Fozzie was the stand-up comedian, yelling “wakka-wakka-wakka” after every bombing joke. He was there for laughs, and not just at that stupid hat and bow-tie he always wore. These games should be laughers as well, pitting some of the top teams against the worst teams in the league.
VIKINGS (-16.5) over Lions The Vikings are coming off their bye, and the Lions are coming off blowing a 17 point lead on the road. Brett Favre said he spent the bye week hunting and doing his daughter’s homework. The homework was probably more difficult than putting up points on the Lions. Coach Childress will likely have plenty of time to rest Favre’s balky groin in the second half of this one.
Saints (-13.5) over RAMS The Rams are coming off of their bye and the Saints are coming off another game where they let an inferior team build a lead before blowing them out. This one has the potential to be more of a laugher than any of Fozzie’s jokes. The Rams best chance is that the Saints are looking forward to their week 10 match up with the Patriots.
CARDINALS (-8.5) over Seahawks The Cardinals have quietly looked pretty impressive since their slow start, and with the exception of that game against the Panthers, their passing offense has been very efficient. The Seahawks don’t do anything well, but aren’t extremely poor either. They have been outscored by their opponents 95-44 in their 3 road games this year.
The Gonzo Category Gonzo was known as a weirdo and regularly referred to as a “whatever” because no one ever knew what species he was. He was basically a stunt lunatic, always trying to perform amazing feats and making a fool of himself. These games also don’t fit squarely into any other category as they have some decent teams and some teams that are not very good.
Ravens (-11) over BROWNS The old Browns come to Cleveland to take on the new Browns on Monday night, and the fans in Cleveland have threatened to show up late as a protest to the pathetic nature of the new Browns franchise. Cleveland has scored 5 offensive touchdowns all season, which is only 2 less than the Saints DEFENSE has scored. The Ravens secondary has been weak, but the Browns can’t take advantage of it.
Broncos (-3.5) over REDSKINS The Redskins couldn’t score with Clinton Portis, what are they going to do without him? The Broncos get to take a breather after losing two tough games against good teams in Baltimore and Pittsburgh. Jim Zorn continues to be a muppet on the sidelines.
Falcons (-1.5) over PANTHERS The Panthers have reestablished their running game, which has led to a minor revival – at least as much as you can when you’re 3-5. Carolina has the second-best rushing attack in the league, but will need some pass plays to be able to keep up with the Falcons offense. The Falcons have lost 3 respectable games (at New Orleans, at New England, and at Dallas) and are the better team.
The Kermit the Frog Category Kermit was the love interest of Miss Piggy, and was always the sympathetic, intelligent leader of the group. I’m not really sure why a group that included a dog, a bear, a pig, etc. decided to all follow a skinny little frog. Anyway, in these games, the question is whether it’s easy being green.
JETS (-7) over Jaguars Gang Green is coming off a bye week, and Rex gave the team 6 days off to regroup, which will be questioned if they don’t come out with fire. It hasn’t been easy to be green lately, but the Jets have the best rushing offense in the league and the Jags have given up almost 120 ypg, the fifth-worst in the AFC. Other than MJD, who leads the league with 11 TDs, the Jags have not played with any urgency or fire, and yet they are sitting at 4-4 and on the edge of the playoff picture.
CHARGERS (-1.5) over Eagles Neither team has been very consistent, and even with getting Westbrook back, the Eagles will come up short after the cross country trip. The Chargers have seen the door open a crack for the NFC West title after the Broncos have lost 2 straight and know they need this game to keep up. Andy Reid and Donovan McNabb might be green with sickness after dropping another big game.
Rowlf the Dog Rowlf was the classical pianist dog with the big floppy ears, always tagging along with the rest of the crew. Rowlf was originally performed by Jim Henson himself, and started as a sidekick on the Jimmy Dean show in the 60’s. I have no idea, but is that the same dude who now has those breakfast sausage links? The guy goes from having his own show to making breakfast sausages…….interesting. Anyway…..this game is the Barking Dog game of the week.
PACKERS (+3) over Cowboys The Packers continue to have one of the worst offensive lines in history. The Cowboys are playing extremely well, coming off a win in Philadelphia. This game opened as a pick ‘em, and the Cowboy money has piled in, moving the line 3 points. When that much public money is running one way, I say run the other way. Woodson should be able to shadow Miles Austin (with safety help), and Al Harris and Roy Williams have the same speed – none. The Packers have their backs firmly against the wall, and they are lining up Mike McCarthy for execution. At home, they should come out firing.
The Animal Category Animal was the lunatic drummer of the group that needed to chain himself to the drum set during performances because he got so out of hand. I’m not sure he could actually speak, just making grunts and yells, yet somehow everyone understood him. Animal’s performances remind me of one of my roommates in college after a rough patch with a girlfriend, when he came home, headed down to the basement (where Squirrel had a drum set), and proceeded to belt out the most anger-filled, stress-relieving drum solos in the history of music, followed by a primal scream to let everyone know he was done. These are the best games of the week, and will likely have similar emotional outbursts.
Bengals (+7) over Steelers The Steelers are rounding into their championship form, having won 5 straight, and need this game to take control of the division. At the beginning of the year, what would have been the odds that the Bengals would sweep the Ravens and Steelers? 40-1? 50-1? Well, they are a win over the Steelers away from pulling off the feat, and putting a sleeper hold on the AFC North division. The Bengals won in Cincy when the Steelers didn’t have Troy Polamalu, and I think their defense will keep this one close enough to get the cover.
Patriots (+3) over COLTS Another chapter in the Manning-Brady battle. These two teams seem to play every November in an epic game that will go a long way to determine the home field advantage in the AFC. The Colts are unbeaten, but have gotten a few breaks the past two weeks to stay that way. The Patriots started slowly, but are now looking like an offensive juggernaut. With the Colts secondary banged up – missing Bob Sanders, the Pats will spread the field and throw it all over the field. The Colts have found a way each week, but Brady will continue his mastery of Manning and the Colts – he’s 7-3 already.
Before getting to today’s post, we need to take a moment of silence. It’s been confirmed that Bobby Bowden is actually recreating Weekend at Bernie’s. Not knowing the score or the time in a postgame conversation is another nail in the old man’s coffin. Time to hang up the straw hat, Bobby.
Even though NFL week 10 starts tonight with the Bears at 49ers, I refuse to move Degenerate Friday to Degenerate Thursday. Maybe it’s that I’m bitter with the NFL for putting games on the NFL Network, and since I have Time Warner Cable, I have to go out to a bar to watch the game. Wait, I guess that’s not that bad of a penalty…………. Anyway, I’m taking the Bears (+3) over the 49ERS. The Bears have looked horrendous in getting crushed by the Bengals and Cardinals; however the 49ers don’t have the passing game to take advantage of the poor Chicago secondary. And with Vernon Davis shooting his mouth off, the Bears defense will be fired up to knock him around. Mike Singletary may have to drop his trousers again to motivate his team to rebound from this tailspin. ------------------------------------------------------- I linked to the story about Allen Iverson on Tuesday, but wanted to get into it a little further today. Iverson has always been a lightning rod, from his high school days when he was convicted in a brawl in a bowling alley, to college when he dominated the Big East, to the pros where he produced a tremendous amount of points, steals, turnovers, shots and bumps & bruises. And yet, he never won a championship. Now he has taken a leave of absence after 3 games with the Memphis Grizzlies, who had just signed him in September as a free agent. So what do we make of Allen Iverson’s career?
There is no doubt that the guy could put the ball in the hoop, he’s 16th all-time in scoring, and 2nd among players under 6’5” (behind only Jerry West). He is a 10-time All-Star, Rookie of the Year in 1997, League MVP in 2001, and 3-time All-NBA selection. He’s also led the league in turnovers twice (12th most all time), and field goal attempts four times (and was 2nd or 3rd another four times). He is a physical marvel, and it is amazing that at his size, he has been able to take the beatings and continually crash to the rim. However, is he another example of a player who filled up the stat sheet at the detriment to the rest of his team and winning? His only team that made the NBA Finals was the beneficiary of some suspect officiating and a missed 7-foot jumper by Big Dog Robinson (don’t get me started). Otherwise, he has never led a team to a championship. And even when surrounded by talent, such as the 2004 Olympics (LeBron, Wade, Anthony, Duncan), they only managed a bronze medal.
I think he’s a pure physical talent, but the fact that he has been so selfish and such a terrible leader over his entire career has held him back from being among the greatest to ever play the game. The league climbed on board A.I.’s bandwagon, when the league was trying to find a suitable replacement for Jordan, and the entire league was full of selfish, egotistical, immature, poor leaders – Iverson, Vince Carter, Stephon Marbury, Steve Francis, Antoine Walker, Latrell Sprewell, etc.
Maybe his legacy is perfectly explained by his most famous tirade about practice. “Practice? We talkin’ bout practice. Not a game, not a game. Practice……” Perfect example of the poor leadership skills and selfishness that held him back. But it was amazingly entertaining. Or there is the remix, which incorporates Jim Mora, Dennis Green and Mike Gundy:
For this week’s NFL rankings, I went back to another great television show from the early 1990’s – The Fresh Prince of Bel Air. The show ran from 1990 to 1996, and right now I guarantee everyone out there is singing the theme song in their head, “Now this is a story all about how my life got flipped, turned upside down. I’d like to take a minute, just sit right there. I’ll tell you how I became the prince of a town called Bel-Air. In West Philadelphia, born and raised, on the playground is where I spent most of my days...........”
Thankfully this is the final week of byes in the NFL, and it will be a full slate of games from here on out. This week’s big movers on the upside are the Chargers and Cardinals, and on the downside it’s the 49ers.
The Will Smith Category The Fresh Prince was the engine for the show, the comedic star and the sympathetic dope. Whether it was his macking of the co-eds, his crazy crooked hat, or his general soft gansta style, he always managed to skate through with a little scheming and a little swagger walk. He toyed with the other characters on the show, but in the end, you knew he was always going to be the one to walk away the winner. These are the top teams in the league and the most serious threats to win the Super Bowl. They may toy with the teams below them, but if they lose to any team outside this top tier, it is a disappointment.
1. Saints (Last week: 1) – Eventually it has to catch up them when they continue to spot teams a couple TD start, right? Maybe not when you have the offensive weapons the Saints have. Yet they still have some tough challenges standing between them and a perfect second half of the season with the Patriots, and at Atlanta and Carolina still looming.
2. Colts (2) - Another week, another scare, yet another win for the Colts. And now they have to prepare for the Patriots. The Colts could be in trouble with a banged up secondary trying to slow down Brady, yet you can never count out Manning, the leading MVP candidate.
3. Steelers (3) – A very impressive performance this week in Denver, without a starting safety. The defense looks as good as it ever has, and the rushing game is rounding into form. Right now, the Steelers look like the class of the AFC, even with their two early losses.
4. Vikings (4) – The Vikes couldn’t have had a better bye week. Not only did they gain ground when the Packers and Bears lost, but they also have time for Brad Childress to help heal Brett Favre’s ailing groin.
5. Patriots (5) – The Patriots were ready for the wildcat last week, and now they have to be ready for the Colts. Brady is 7-3 against Manning, and he appears to be back to his 2007 form. They can get themselves in a strong position for home field advantage throughout the AFC playoffs with a win against the Colts.
The Geoffrey Category Definitely the most underappreciated character on the show. He was witty, slick and always a step ahead of his rich “masters”. He always had a line for everyone, like when Uncle Phil asked him to get his tools, he responded quickly, “Do you mean your fork and knife?” These teams have some fast talking guys (Ochocinco, Roy Williams & Brandon Marshall), and are capable of slapping a loss on any team in the league. Yet, at the end of the day, they’re still a butler to the top teams.
6. Bengals (8) – Another impressive win for the Bengals against the Ravens, and now they go to battle with the Steelers this week. No one would have guessed that the Bengals have a defense on par with the Steelers and better than the Ravens half way through the year.
7. Cowboys (10) – Much like Geoffrey liked to put the fat black Uncle Phil in his place, the Cowboys managed to put a fat white guy (Andy Reid) in his place last week. And yet, everyone is still waiting to see how Tony Romo will play once the calendar reaches December.
8. Broncos (5) – Has the clock struck midnight on the NFL’s version of Cinderella? It’s not time to panic yet, but the concern is that the rest of the league has caught on to the fact that Kyle Orton resembles a lumberjack more than an NFL quarterback at times.
The Uncle Phil Category Uncle Phil was the rich family patriarch who could shake the foundation of the Bel Air mansion with his angry yells or by jumping up and down. Everyone in the house was afraid of him, and not just when he was wearing those ridiculous dashikis every once in a while. And he also had a strange resemblance to Suge Knight, the head of Death Row Records and accused orchestrator of the murder of Tupac Shakur. These teams can scare every team in the league, but they are a little soft at their heart – which isn’t a good thing in the NFL.
9. Falcons (11) – They let the putrid Redskins hang around a little too long for my liking, but I loved how their coach went after the overpaid, underachieving d-bag DeAngelo Hall on the sidelines – a player he sent out of town 2 years ago. If Mike Smith really wants to mess with Hall, he should just dress up as a WR and Hall will be smoked.
10. Chargers (16) – Well, after their typical slow start, they seem to be finding their strengths – and it doesn’t include Tomlinson or Merriman. This is officially Phillip Rivers’ team, and his weapons are Darren Sproles and Vincent Jackson.
11. Cardinals (17) – After the smackdown they laid on the Bears, maybe they aren’t the underachievers we thought they were. Warner did his best impersonation of Rachel McAdams, a two-face that can look great in some lights (against Chicago) but awful in another light (against Carolina).
12. Eagles (7) – Coach Andy Reid (along with Tom Coughlin) made a run at Jim Zorn for dumbest coach in the NFC East. Down 7 with only a few minutes left, Reid opted for a field goal to cut the lead to……4. Still needing a TD. Maybe he was just hungry to get to the post game buffet table.
13. Texans (14) – If they want to be considered among the top teams in the league and want to win their division, they HAVE to win games like last week against the Colts. Throwing a bad interception and missing a FG at the end are the reasons they remain the frustrating Texans.
14. Ravens (9) – They are firmly entrenched as the 3rd best team in the AFC North, behind the Steelers and Bengals. Their defense is not the same, and the league is starting to figure out ways to slow down their quarterback, Bert. At least they’re still better than the Browns.
The Hilary Banks Category Hilary was the pretty girl on the show with the fatal flaw that kept her reliant upon her father’s large bank account and understanding – she was an idiot. But she played the perfect bimbo role, spending money and going through life clueless about her shortcomings. These teams have pretty exteriors, but have major problems when you pull back the curtain and shine a light on them.
15. Giants (12) – A 5-0 start has deteriorated into 5-4 when they’ve faced better competition, and Tom Coughlin is officially in crisis mode. He didn’t do himself any favors with a few ultra conservative run calls when a TD could have put away the Chargers.
16. Jets (20) – The Jets are like a weatherman (Hilary’s big break for her career) in that they feel no pressure after making terrible forecasts, and continue to run their mouth that they have it all figured out.
17. Packers (15) – Mike McCarthy and Ted Thompson, your real estate agents are on line 1. They have some tremendous places in Wyoming for you to look at purchasing before January. No, you won’t need to look for places in Bel Air. They have to rally this week against the Cowboys after the debacle last week.
18. Bears (18) – After getting slapped around like Rihanna last week, the Bears are who we thought they were (it’s right up there with Herm Edwards “You play…… to win…… the game.” It just never gets old). Cutler can only do so much without receivers, and a poor defense.
The Aunt Vivian Banks Category Aunt Viv was the fiery, woman-power and black-power matriarch of the family. She was a major character in the show, and yet somehow, we weren’t supposed to notice after 3 years when she suddenly was being played by a new actress. She went from a very skinny, darker skinned lady to a more relaxed, lighter-skinned lady. And it was never addressed at all, like we were just supposed to understand that Aunt Viv had an extreme makeover. Really? Was it too hard to just write in that Uncle Phil got divorced and remarried? Nah, maybe people just won’t notice. Maybe she was just getting a skin treatment like Sammy Sosa? Seriously Sammy – something went horribly wrong with whatever you were doing and you look like a scary extra from one of those vampire shows. Anyway, these teams have completely changed character after terrible starts, and one of them even changed their actress at quarterback.
19. Panthers (22) – The Panthers looked strong in jumping on New Orleans early, but weren’t able to finish it off. As long as they remain committed to the running game, the Panthers have a chance to play with every team in the league. And most teams won’t have the firepower of the Saints to erase early leads.
20. Titans (25) – Vince Young has taken over, and for whatever reason, it has lit a fire under Chris Johnson who is now leading the league in rushing. Young hasn’t done anything spectacular, but he continues to win. Maybe he’s going to go out and celebrate with a little tequila?
The Ashley Banks Category Ashley was the little sister, and always was on Will’s side in every scheme. As she got older, they tried to make her into a singing star on the show, and of course, Will was involved making sure things stayed screwed up at every turn. She was young, but had potential, and actually turned into a very good looking girl after she got older. These are the teams have some potential, but have someone (like Will) that keep screwing things up.
21. Jaguars (21) – If anyone asked what the Jag’s record is, I would probably guess it’s 2-6 or 3-5, and yet they are actually 4-4 and on the fringe of the playoff hunt. This is a team that barely squeaked by the Chiefs last week and is playing in front of sparse crowds at every home game.
22. 49ers (13) – The Niners are in a serious tailspin after a hot start, and now face a must win tomorrow (Thurs) night against the Bears. Can they turn it around? They need to or it will be just another disappointing season in the Bay.
23. Dolphins (19) – They battled gamely against the Patriots, but they just don’t have the talent to play with the big boys. I think they kind of resemble Emmanuelle Chriqui, in that they have all the physical tools to be a powerhouse, but they don’t have the ability to make the big plays (or act in Emmanuelle’s case). But they have their big moments – beating the Jets, or being in a threesome in Entourage.
24. Seahawks (23) – They continue to battle despite the injuries, but they are only capable of beating the weaklings in the league. And they were barely able to get by the Lions, aided by the 5 INTs thrown by Matthew Stafford.
25. Bills (24) – Do you think Dick Jauron appreciated Tony Dungy suggesting Michael Vick could end up in Buffalo next year? Actually, he probably appreciated the break from discussing where he was going to buy a retirement/fired house next year. Interesting fact: Trent Edwards has been the best QB out of the 2007 draft, and that is the definition of being the tallest midget. Edwards is 14-15 as a starter, which is tremendously better than JaMarcus Russell (7-17), Brady Quinn (1-5), Kevin Kolb (1-1), John Beck (0-4), Troy Smith (1-1) and Tyler Thigpen (1-10). 26. Lions (28) – The good was that they jumped out to a 17-0 lead on the road in Seattle. The bad was that they blew that lead and lost by a dozen. Matthew Stafford turned it over 5 more times, and he was probably longing for his days back in Athens, Georgia when life was pretty simple and he was the big man on campus.
The Carlton Banks Category Carlton was the nerdy cousin of Will on the show and always the butt of every joke or prank. He was the ultimate tool, always trying way too hard to be cool, and always the hardworking opposite of the slacker Will. And you can’t mention Carlton without mentioning his love for Tom Jones, and his memorable dance to his song – “It’s not unusual to be loved, by anyone…….it’s not unusual to have fun with anyone.” These teams appear to still be showing effort, but they are a laughingstock and continually get left behind by their popular teams.
27. Chiefs (26) – Well they at least finally rid themselves of the Larry Johnson distraction. And they added Chris Chambers, who responded with 2 TDs last week against the Jags. Todd Haley at least has the team buying into his philosophy, but no one could say Carlton wasn’t trying when he was dancing.
28. Buccaneers (32) – The Josh Freeman Era got off to a huge start with the upset of the Packers, so now we’ll see what he can do for an encore. And I’m not sure, but for some strange reason, I actually prefer those creamsicle orange uniforms for the Bucs. Maybe it just reminds me of when they were a perennial doormat.
29. Rams (27) – They’re coming off a bye week, so at least they couldn’t restart another losing streak until this weekend.
The Jazz Category Jazz was the clown of the show, only really there for comedic purposes. Well, that pretty much describes these teams as well. They are a joke and really don’t have that much hope of turning it around in the near future.
30. Raiders (29) – The Raiders are actually favored this weekend against the Chiefs, which is the worst game of the weekend. They would be better off having Jazz play quarterback than JaMarcus Russell, and they will not be successful until they acquire a real quarterback.
31. Redskins (30) – Jim Zorn continues to do his best Weekend At Bernie’s impersonation on the sidelines for another 8 weeks.
32. Browns (31) – Eric Mangini is holding back who will be the starting quarterback for the Monday night game when the Browns get slapped around on national television. Really, Eric? Do you think the Ravens care? And now he’s claiming that he didn’t know about Quinn’s escalator contract based on the amount of playing time he receives. On top of being stupid, now he’s just flat out lying. Rumor has it the Human Walruss, Mike Holmgren is on the list for Randy Lerner to come in and run the football operations. Wasn’t he a huge failure as a personnel guy in Seattle, when he had the GM role stripped, and then 2 years later they went to the Super Bowl? How short are the memories of these supposedly successful decision makers?
top rookie in the league. I watched a considerable amount of their win over the Nets last night. The kid can play, and he has an energy and electricity when he is on the floor, and he drives the rest of the team to crank up their efforts. He will likely hit a rookie wall at some point and will have to pace himself for a long, grinding season, but enjoy the excitement he has brought back to the Bradley Center.
out of a title defense and may never fight again due to having a hole in his intestine. Scary stuff and hopefully he’ll get healthy, even if he never fights again. The guy was a college wrestler, WWE wrestler, tried out for the Vikings, and then found the MMA. Oh, and along the way he married Sable, a former WWE girl.
freshman was shoplifting, which seems fairly innocent compared to the 3 guys busted for attempted armed robbery last week. Lane Kiffin is obviously a pretty good recruiter, as evidenced by his wife, but may not be the best judge of character. He’s transforming Tennessee to the new “U” of Miami, where it was more of a story when a week went by and a Hurricane wasn’t arrested.
