LeBron Is DEFINITELY Signing In Chicago

…or Miami…or New York…or New Jersey…or Cleveland. Enough already! The entire LeBron watch has become more annoying than the annual “Brett Favre Retirement Watch.” A source says it is a done deal that James and Bosh are joining Derrick Rose in Chicago. Another source says Miami is the favorite. A different source says the Knicks are poised to explain to LeBron that they have the most flexibility to build around him for the next 5 years, something the other teams can’t offer. Listen, LeBron has not told anyone where he is going to sign. His inner circle probably doesn’t even know with certainty at this point. So all of these sources are full of it. No one knows and no one will until it is official. Thankfully that date is approaching soon – but keep in mind that he will declare for free agency tomorrow (July 1st) but he cannot officially sign until the 8th, so we will have a full week of bogus stories and sources from random people who claim to have a friend’s cousin’s brother’s girlfriend’s sister that knows.

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What is the deal with teams that I bag on suddenly making runs deep into tournaments? It happened with college basketball when I declared before the tournament that Butler had no chance to win it all. They promptly make it to the final game and came within a half court shot of winning it all. Fastforward to a few weeks ago when I questioned whether anyone was actually from Paraguay. And all they did was make their way to the quarterfinals of the World Cup after their penalty kick win over Japan.

The bright spot about Paraguay? This girl continues to get more and more attention and she has decided that if Paraguay wins the World Cup, she will run naked through the streets to celebrate. I don’t know about you, but that’s enough to make me a fan….at least of Larissa Requilme. (and here’s a link to more pictures of the only person I have ever heard of from Paraguay)

Donovan Saves US Soccer!!

Quick Hits for a hot & humid Thursday…..

- Ho-ly S#!t. That U.S. soccer game was among the most intense and amazing sporting events I have ever watched in my life. Anyone who says soccer games are boring after watching that game has absolutely no appreciation for true sports effort, intensity and athletic stamina. It was a game filled with scoring chances and plenty of sitting on the edge of my seat. I’m pretty sure that my neighbors may think I’m torturing Algerian hostages in my apartment after the the screaming and banging on furniture I did during the game. Jozy Altidore played the game of his life, Clint Dempsey put himself in the mix continually, and Landon Donovan – after remaining quiet most of the second half – picked the perfect time to get himself a spot in U.S. soccer lore. An incredible effort by a team that doesn’t seem to wake up until after it takes a punch to the face – Algeria hit the crossbar in the first ten minutes. And once again, Tim Howard was the key to it all, making a huge save on a dangerous header and throwing a strike out to a streaking Donovan to get the game-winning play started.

Now all the U.S. has to do is rid themselves of the Ghana-rians. I think they just need to find the ointment that will make the entire team disappear.

- In addition to that great sporting event, did anyone happen to catch what happened (and is still happening) at Wimbleton? I’m not big into tennis other than to mention Andy Roddick so I can post a picture of Brooklyn Decker, or to mention Maria Sharapova or the girl with the breast reduction. Yet this match yesterday between some 6’9” American and a French guy was/is unreal. They have been playing for nearly 10 hours, and in the fifth set they are tied at 59 apiece. They started the match on Tuesday, had it suspended due to darkness and played all day today only to have it suspended again due to darkness without a winner being determined. It is the most fight put up by anything French…..ever. It has been an epic battle of will to stay standing and competing this long. So to honor them, I probably should post a picture of one or both of them. Instead I’m going to post a picture of Anna Kournikova because much like this match, it won’t win a championship, but you’ll still be in awe of it.

- It is yet to be determined how the latest moves from the Milwaukee Bucks will turn out going forward, but as of right now, I am impressed with the moves that GM John Hammonds has been making. He traded dead weight for Corey Maggette, a legit scoring threat at the small forward position and also acquired a second-year guard, Chris Douglas-Roberts, that has shown flashes of being a Richard Hamilton-like player in the league. And after all of that, he still is sitting on 4 draft picks, including 3 second rounders. The Bucks have a dynamic point guard in Brandon Jennings and a post presence in Bogut already, so the addition of a swingman in Maggette, and the potential resigning of John Salmons gives them a nice position as one of the stronger teams in the East – probably somewhere behind the aging Celtics, the Magic, the Bulls (with or without LeBron) and potentially the Heat (if they resign Wade and convince James or Bosh to join him).

NBA Draft - Best & Worst Picks This Decade

With the NBA Draft on Thursday night, every site out there is putting together their mock drafts with tons of insight into team needs and best fits based on what the teams have said. Considering the teams are all currently bluffing each other to try and manipulate other teams into taking a guy too early, letting a guy slip, or trading up when it wasn’t needed, it seems like a huge waste of time. Instead, let’s look at who were the best and worst picks at each draft position (Picks 1-10, I don’t have all day. Well, maybe I do, but 1-10 is plenty) over the past 10 years.

#1 Pick

Best - LeBron James (2003 by Cleveland)
Worst – Greg Oden (2007 by Portland)

Really not a tough decision here. While James has a ton of potential to be the next Dominique Wilkins until he finally gets that championship ring, he is still a freak of an athlete. He has size and court vision like Magic Johnson and athleticism like Dominique. Once he learns to be a finisher like Jordan or Kobe, he will be completely unstoppable. And we will find out this summer if he wants to be a champion (signing with the Bulls), a celebrity (signing with the Knicks) or a loyal contender (re-upping with the Cavs). His multiple MVPs, a trip to the Finals and scoring title make this a pretty easy selection as the best #1 pick of the decade – well ahead of Dwight Howard, Yao Ming and Derrick Rose.

It’s unfortunate to list Oden here because injuries have been his downfall more than poor play. Yet the guy has barely seen the floor during his first two seasons, so even though Kwame Brown was mostly ineffective when he played, at least he was on the court. The highlight of Oden’s career has actually been when a picture of his wang was leaked on the internet.

#2 Pick

Best – Kevin Durant (2007 by Oklahoma City)
Worst – Darko Milicic (2003 by Detroit)

Durant has proven to be one of the best scorers in the league in only his second season. He still has to mature and get tougher if he wants to lead his team to championships, but he has a ton of young talent around him in Oklahoma City and based on his short record of success and potential to be among the league’s best players, he ranks as the top #2 of the past 10 years, ahead of a very weak class of second picks – LaMarcus Aldridge, Marvin Williams or Emeka Okafor.

Milicic will basically be seen as the worst #2 pick since Sam Bowie. And much like Bowie, Darko was not a horrible player, but the fact that superstars were taken after them (Bowie before Jordan and Wade, Anthony & Bosh after Milicic) make the picks look even worse than they would on their own. Basically it would be similar to if you had to draft a girl after only watching the pilot of Friends and you chose Phoebe, allowing your buddies to take Rachel and Monica with the next two picks. Phoebe went on to a below average career, getting parts in movies like Analyze This or Romy & Michele’s High School Reunion. While Jenifer Anniston’s movie career has not been great, her photo shoots for GQ most certainly have.

#3 Pick

Best – Pau Gasol (2002 by Memphis)
Worst – Adam Morrison (2006 by Charlotte)

The ironic part is that they both have collected back-to-back championships with the Lakers the past two years. Gasol gets the nod but just barely as the top #3 pick in the past 10 drafts, but just barely ahead of other superstars like Derron Williams and Carmelo Anthony. Gasol is among the top 2-3 big men in the game today as he has matured into a player tough enough to bang around inside and still step back and knock down an outside shot. He also plays tremendous defense and his passing is underrated, which puts him ahead of Carmelo’s selfish game. Gasol’s rings are probably the only thing that separate him from Williams, who is among the top 5 point guards in the game today and still has time to improve even more.

Morrison’s game is about as awful as his mustache. Scoring 7.5 points per game on 37% shooting through your first three years in the league is pretty painful. It also just acts as a reminder to teams never to waste a draft pick on a college player that cries like a teenage girl. Consider that a lesson learned in Charlotte and everywhere else in the NBA. At least I saw that he was auctioning off his game jersey from the Finals this year. Did he even wear a jersey? I thought he was in a suit on the bench the entire series. Does his jersey just have a large “NO” instead of a number on it?

#4 Pick

Best – Chris Paul (2004 by New Orleans)
Worst – Marcus Fizer (2000 by Chicago)

Paul is right there with Derron Williams as the best young point guards in the league. I’m thoroughly confused by the rumors circulating that the Hornets are shopping him, and would consider trading him to the Nets for Devin Harris and the #3 pick in Thursday’s draft. Paul was outstanding in leading the Hornets deep into the playoffs two years ago and was banged up last season, leading to the sinking of the Hornet’s season. His toughest competition for the best #4 spot since 2000 are also point guards, Tyreke Evans and Russell Westbrook, taken during the past two drafts.

Fizer was a bruiser at Iowa State and was part a streak of horrendous picks by the Bulls, including Eddie Curry, Tyson Chandler and Jay Williams. Just over 5 seasons in the league, averaging less than 10 points and 5 rebounds was quite a disappointment from the 4th pick in the draft. Although in his defense, the 2000 draft was extremely weak, so who would the Bulls have been better off taking – Chris Mihm or Joel Pryzbilla?

#5 Pick

Best – Dwyane Wade (2003 by Miami)
Worst – Nikoloz Tskitishvili (2002 by Denver)

Wade has established himself as one of the best players in the game today and he has that elusive championship ring that has eluded all of the other marquee free agents this summer. Will he get the help he needs to stay in Miami? Will he continue to mature and develop his outside shooting so he doesn’t have to subject his body to the abuse of crashing to the rim over and over? He may never win an MVP award because of that LeBron guy, but he has proven to be much more valuable than the next best #5 picks, Jason Richardson or Devin Harris.

Nikoloz Tskitishvilil? Yeah, I barely remember him either. But that’s because he averaged 11 minutes a game and less than 3 points per game during his illustrious 4 year career. Ouch. That was a bigger bust than Katy Perry.

#6 Pick

Best – Brandon Roy (2006 by Portland)
Worst – DaJuan Wagner (2002 by Cleveland)

Roy has been an extremely solid leader for the young Trailblazers and looks poised for a Clyde Drexler-type of career. Roy might actually be the best player taken in the first half of the 2006 draft, and he is easily better than the other #6 picks during the decade – Shane Battier or Danillo Galliari.

Wagner was drafted out of Memphis on the coattails of his father, Milt Wagner and expected to be a star point guard for Cleveland. Unfortunately the only thing that Wagner did for the Cavs was assure them of enough ping pong balls in the following year’s lottery to draft the hometown hero, LeBron James in 2003. The worst part for the Cavs is that if their front office had been smarter in 2002, they could have drafted Amare Stoudemire with the Wagner pick, and they wouldn’t have had to trade for Antwan Jamison this year.

#7 Pick

Best – Stephen Curry (2009 by Golden State)
Worst – Eddie Griffin (2001 by New Jersey – traded to Houston)

Despite his lack of size, Curry has continued his assault on nets all over the NBA with his deadly range and quick release. While his sample size is currently small, his upside is huge and that puts him ahead of a group of solid #7 picks – Luol Deng, Kirk Hinrich, Nene Hilario or Randy Foye.

Rest in Peace, Eddie Griffin. The story of Eddie Griffin unfortunately went from sad comedy to just plain sad with his death in 2007 when he was drunk driving and tried unsuccessfully to beat a train across the tracks. However, that unfortunate event doesn’t take away from the events in 2006 when he was still in the league but got busted for drunk driving when he hit a parked car with his SUV because he was watching porn on the DVD player in the car and spanking the monkey. Not exactly the legacy you would hope for from a talented 7th pick in the draft.

#8 pick

Best – Jamal Crawford (2000 by Cleveland - traded to Chicago)
Worst – Joe Alexander (2008 by Milwaukee)

Crawford might be the second best pick behind Kenyon Martin in a pathetic 2000 draft. He has scored over 50 points in a game twice in his career and was a valuable sixth man for the Atlanta Hawks this past season. Despite a career that could be be described as average, it’s the best of a pathetic pool of #8 picks. Which might be bad news for the Clippers, because in addition to having the poor drafting record of being the Clippers, the 8th pick has proven to be one of the most unsuccessful picks in the draft. The next best players after Crawford are Channing Frye and Rudy Gay – not very impressive.

Alexander has been hampered by injuries which has prevented him from living up to the Bucks expectations. Although, it’s still unclear what the expectations were considering that the only attribute that garnered attention for a top pick was his jumping ability. That is like claiming AnnaLynne McCord is the hottest girl in Hollywood because she has a special skill of allowing paparazzi to photograph her constant wardrobe malfunctions.

#9 Pick

Best – Amare Stoudemire (2002 by Phoenix)
Worst – Patrick O’Bryant (2006 by Golden State)

Stoudemire is likely going to opt out of his contract this summer with the Suns because some team is going to overpay for him – hello NY Knicks!! Yet Stoudemire has established himself as a great athlete with the ability to finish around the rim on great passes from Steve Nash. His defense is worse than Lindsay Lohan trying to explain yet another time her SCRAM bracelet went off, but he remains among the top 25 players in the league today.

O’Bryant was able to leverage a sweet 16 run at Bradley into the Warriors overreaching to draft him in the top 10. In his 3 seasons, he has bounced back and forth from the D-League and has averaged less than 5 minutes a game. Him being a disappointment takes the heat off of the Knicks, who drafted Mike Sweetney with the 9th pick and he also has been a huge disappointment.

#10 Pick

Best – Joe Johnson (2001 by Boston)
Worst – Mouhamed Sene (2006 by Seattle)

To give you a sense of the depth in this year’s free agency group, 4 of the guys I picked as the top draft pick at that position this decade are in the market for new teams – Johnson, Stoudemire, Wade & James. Johnson is a tremendous scorer, but there are questions whether he has the drive or fire to be a marquee leader. That was proven during this year’s playoffs when the Hawks rolled over against the Magic. Johnson will need to pair up with another superstar if he wants to win. Yet he is the best #10 pick, ahead of Caron Butler, Andrew Bynum and Brandon Jennings.

Sene was a big man from Senegal who never panned out. As evidenced in this list, picking a guy purely because he is big and hoping that he will develop basketball skills is the exact opposite of drafting an Australian model and hoping she looks good in a bikini.

So enjoy the NBA Draft tomorrow night and hope that your team finds the next Chris Paul, Dwayne Wade or Amare Stoudemire and avoids the Joe Alexander or DuJuan Wagner.

Weekend Hangover - Love/Hate

LOVE

- The British announcers for the World Cup have been absolutely fantastic. In addition to their accent giving the games an air of importance, they have a way of perfectly painting a picture and saying direct things without coming across as independent. In one of the games a player completely whiffed on a shot attempt and the announcer declared that it was a “disappointing fresh air effort by the striker.” Awesome. The next time Prince Fielder strikes out, I expect Brian Anderson to call it a “fresh air effort” by the rotund first baseman.

- New Zealand, the 78th ranked team in the world played Italy, the 5th ranked team, to a draw on Saturday. It was an enormous moment for the team known as the Kiwis, and was their second draw of the tournament. However, in the closing minutes of the game, I found myself constantly looking at the score to see if I was missing something. The announcers were crawling all over themselves to talk about what a dramatic upset the game was and comparing to the biggest upsets in World Cup history. Is a tie really an upset? I understand that New Zealand has never won a World Cup match and were not supposed to tie Italy. But calling it an upset just seems incorrect. Maybe this actually belongs in the “hate” section, but oh well, I’m too lazy to do anything about it now.

- And people from New Jersey wonder why everyone makes fun of them? They themselves declare that they are extremely dissatisfied so why would anyone else respect them?

- I tried to find a link online, but haven’t been able to for this insane story. Reading the NY Times on Saturday morning, and on page A14 there is a note about the responses from readers regarding the city’s plan to eliminate the rats in the subway stations. The author was surprised by the love for the rats from the citizens of New York. So I breeze through the letters and come to this one, which likely came from some senile 150-year old lady named Katherine Conant….enjoy.

“I had a pet rat for more than two years. She was one of the sweetest animals I have owned. She would sit with me when I watched TV in an old robe I would later wash. She was cuddly and would lick me when I stroked her, etc. When she was very old and had trouble walking, she would nonetheless drag herself toward me when I entered the room…….”

HATE

- That was an amazing choke job by Dustin Johnson at the U.S. Open on Sunday at Pebble Beach. Guy goes into Sunday in the final grouping and promptly puts up an 82 closing round. Ouch. It was hard to watch. I had never heard of the guy and probably will never hear from him again, but I think the problem might have been his dopey hat. How the heck did he expect to win a major golf tournament looking like that?

- Why do news organizations try to stuff square pegs in round holes? Peter King, the veteran Sports Illustrated columnist is covering the World Cup this summer. Why? He has no insight to the sport, no connections to anyone involved with the sport, and has a penchant for spouting off ill-informed opinions on twitter. So why would be be surprised when he tweets an insensitive comment about the African referee who struggled in the USA-Slovenia game? He shouldn’t be anywhere near covering a soccer tournament that he self-admittedly is painfully ill-prepared for. Reading his thoughts on soccer is the equivalent of me turning this blog into coverage of New York’s fashion week and breaking down women’s dresses.

- Along the same lines, Friday afternoon I had some down time and flipped on ESPN’s coverage of the US Open golf. I love the Pebble Beach area on the Monterrey Peninsula, and was looking forward to some relaxing golf action. Instead I get greeted by the blithering idiot that is Chris Berman in the booth. It is a horrible matching of personality and event. While I respect the hell out of him for putting ESPN on the map more than 30 years ago and his style was original in the 1980’s, Berman’s loud and overdone shtick is long past its expiration date and having him cover a golf tournament, where he doesn’t have the knowledge and worse, the personal awareness to know that he doesn’t have the knowledge, is shameful. Just stick to the desk on NFL Countdown and collect those checks that are fatter than your waistline.

Game 7 - Does It Get Better Than This?

David Stern is absolutely glowing today. The guy probably has a smile bigger than the joker himself. He has the two marquee franchises in his sport squaring off in a Game 7 to determine the NBA Championship. The Lakers and all their tradition and the Celtics and all of their own tradition. The hype machine should be bursting at the seems. The only thing that is screwing this up is the fact that the game is on a Thursday night instead of a weekend (with all the time off between games, they couldn’t figure this out??).

Unfortunately for Stern, the build up to the game might actually be better than the game itself. The Lakers pounded the Celtics in game 6 in LA, so in theory they have all the momentum. However momentum has not been much of a factor in the series, as the Celtics wins in games 4 & 5 were the only consecutive wins thus far. The bigger issue is the loss of Kendrick Perkins. Perkins brings a defensive presence and some size to match up with Andrew Bynum and Pau Gasol. Big Baby Davis brings big time energy, but is best suited to come off the bench. Rasheed Wallace is an experienced veteran, but he doesn’t have the mental capacity to play through or turn things around when they start to go bad.

While Kobe doesn’t want to think about his legacy at this point, this game is a chance for him to really put his own personal stamp on a championship, even more so than last year. Random, but unexpected, fact is that Jordan never won a championship in a game 7. Kobe has a chance to get his 5th ring by stepping up in the biggest game possible. I’m expecting around 30 points, 8 rebounds and 9 assists from the Black Mamba. I’m also expecting one technical on Rasheed, 15 flops by Paul Pierce and a few big-league chest thumps from Kevin Garnett in the first quarter. And I would project the over/under for clips of Magic, Bird, McHale, Rambis and Jabbar is somewhere around 9 and I’ll take the over.

So enjoy the excitement of the pregame and all the build up to the game. Unfortunately the game may not live up to the expectations. We can hope for a close game, but in the end, we’re going to see Jack Nicholson with that creepy beard smiling like the real joker. Let’s just hope that Leonardo DiCaprio brings Bar Refaeli to sit courtside with him.

Somewhat Insensitive Thoughts on the World Cup

Random thoughts while watching the opening days of the World Cup 2010 in South Africa…..

- Does anyone actually know (or have heard of) anyone from Paraguay or Uruguay? I never hear anything about either country or even stories about people from those countries. I thought perhaps they were made up countries just for the World Cup. I even read the entire Wikipedia page on Paraguay hoping to get something interesting…..and all I found out was that it’s a land-locked country in South America with a river and all the the people live by the one city. So I was still in the camp that it was a made-up place until I saw this picture which completely changed my mind……..they’re real, and they’re spectacular.

- Enough whining about the vuvuzela horns. Honestly. Why are people so worried about the background noise during a broadcast? It’s a South African tradition, so who is to say they can’t blow their own horns if they want to? There are a ton of ridiculous US traditions at sporting events that are extremely annoying and no one tries to ban them: the rally monkey? Thunderstix? Dodger fans showing up in the 4th inning? Cubs fans preening and posing and being more aware of who is at the game than the fact that the team sucks again? All annoying traditions that aren’t going to change – just like the vuvuzela.

- I am a fan of soccer, having played it most of my life, but I absolutely hate the flopping and overdramatics of many of the teams – particularly the South American teams (the Europeans rank second in flopping). These guys are such great and tough athletes, but they act like the French when war breaks out any time a defender is within two feet of them. It’s pathetic and annoying.

- I’ve never been to South Africa (but it’s on my list), so I don’t really know what it is like there. However, judging by the ESPN presentation, I’m left to think it’s just like The Lion King. The dramatic, majestic music and continual pictures of zebras, rhinos and giraffes.

- The NY Times soccer blog is a great way to follow the games if you can’t watch them live. The amount of information during a live game in pretty impressive, keeping stats for touches by each and every player, and the heat map that shows minute-by minute where the action has been focused is awesome.

- This is another good site for all scheduling information for the World Cup to find out when the US plays again or who is playing each day. It’s also a good way to check when Team England is playing again, which is your next time to see some of the WAGs in the stands, like Abbey Clancy. By the way, they play Friday at 2:30 pm (EST), so set your DVR and hope for some shots of Clancy, Coleen Rooney or Alex Curran.

Weekend Hangover - Love/Hate

LOVE

- Spent the weekend in comedy clubs in New York. Saw some great shows and great comedians – particularly Jared Girmscheid and Joe Narvaez. Both guys were extremely entertaining and put on a great show - definitely worth watching. Jared performs regularly in Chicago and Joe performs a steady schedule in New York. Check to see if and when they might be performing around you and get out and see them – you won’t be disappointed.

- This video has been going around for a while now, but it is well worth a link and the time to watch. It contains about 4,000 f-bombs from current minor league manager and former New York Met Wally Backman in an on-field altercation with an umpire. I would definitely have a beer with Wally.

- Did we just witness the soccer version of Bill Buckner in Saturday’s World Cup match between the USA and England? While right now the horrendous play by England’s goalie allowed the US to steal a tie, if both teams advance out of pool play, the goal will be remembered for comedy, and no real repercussions. The bigger issue for Team USA was the fact that the Brits peppered the US defense and goalie Tim Howard is the only reason Sam’s Army was able to come away with a point. Landon Donovan was mostly neutralized by the English defense and he will have to find a way to be more of a factor against Slovenia and Algeria. Defensively, the US did a pretty good job of keeping Wayne Rooney from doing too much damage, so there is a really strong chance he unleashed more than a few of his patented profanity tirades.

HATE

- Is there a more annoying player to watch in crunch time than Paul Pierce? I’m guessing he is a huge fan of President Obama because all he does is plow to the hoop and beg for a bail out, flopping and whining all over the place. Toughen up, dude. He flops more than anyone in the World Cup. He’s like a black European player – maybe the love child of Manu Ginobili and Jay-Z. And he’s only a half step more annoying than the Kendrick Perkins scowl and stomp away after every foul…..which happens at least once a minute when Perkins is on the floor.

- The NBA Finals 2-3-2 scheduling makes less sense than why Lindsay Lohan somehow still scores tickets to things like the MTV Music Awards. How can you justify the team with home court advantage having to fight off elimination when they have won their home games? (yes, the Lakers lost a game in LA, but won a game in Boston to get the home court advantage back) What is the rationale behind the schedule? Limiting travel? These dudes are not flying coach. The Lakers beat writer is not going to be sitting next to Big Baby Davis (aka Shrek) on an American Airlines flight from LAX to Logan. And they give the teams 2-3 days off between games without travel days, so there is no reason to use the 2-3-2.

- Want to know what bothers me more than Vince Young being the prime suspect in an assault at a strip club in Nashville? The fact that they have to refer to him as a “two-time Pro Bowl” quarterback. The guy made the pro bowl last year playing less than half of his team’s games and threw 10 touchdowns and had 10 interceptions. Yet because 10 other AFC quarterbacks were supposedly injured or still playing (Peyton Manning), the guy whose throwing motion looks like Uncle Rico from Napoleon Dynamite made another Pro Bowl.

A Quick Reference Guide to the Big Ten for Nebraska

UPDATE: Check out the Weekend Hangover - discussing all the things to "Love" or "Hate" during the past weekend.

Welcome to the Big 10 Mr. Cornhusker. Once it is officially announced later this week, Nebraska will eventually become part of the Big 10 conference and will have played a major part in the collapse of the Big 12 conference. Congrats on that. So as you start your journey, I wanted to put together a quick reference guide to make you feel at home and realize that things are not all that different in your new surroundings. In fact, there are quite a few similarities between your old conference and your new conference, and here is a school by school breakdown of your new neighbors.

First, let’s start with your prettier and more outgoing twin sister, the Wisconsin Badgers. Wisconsin is what you would look like if you lost 15 pounds (which would make you faster on the football field) and got a boob job (aka improve your basketball program so that the best player to ever come from your school is better than either Eric Piatkowski or Tyronn Lue). Wisconsin should be the poster on your wall for what you want to be in 7 years if you make smart changes. Joining the Big 10 was your first smart move. Calling Notre Dame and telling them to stop being such arrogant deuchebags and suggesting they join you would also be a smart move.

The Ohio State Buckeyes are like your Texas Longhorns. They are the biggest and the baddest in the conference. They spend the most, they make the most and they have the loudest, most loyal and vocal fanbase. Don’t ever say anything bad about them because they will rally the rest of their rabid irrational fans and you will never hear the end of it.

The Michigan Wolverines are the Oklahoma Sooners. They think they are the big powerhouses of their conferences because they have strong traditions, but they fail to realize that they’ve been completely surpassed by their rivals (Ohio State for Michigan and Texas for Oklahoma).

The Indiana Hoosiers are your Colorado Buffaloes. They have some tradition in sports, but haven’t been relevant in years. They are also among the biggest party schools in the conference and have the easiest girls that like to party. If you’re looking for a good time, the same way you used to head to Denver, you now can head to Bloomington. Yes, I know, that’s in Indiana, and it’s hard to believe that a good time can be had in Indiana.

The Iowa Hawkeyes are the well, Iowa State Cyclones. They are both inbred, corn-fed farmers that occasionally put together a decent team or two when they get a good recruit like Marcus Fizer or BJ Armstrong. Oh, and no offense to you, Mr. Cornhuster for that “corn-fed” comment. Then again, the Beach Boys did let us know that the midwest farmer's daughters really make you feel alright, so there is something to be said for that.

The Minnesota Gophers are your Texas Tech Red Raiders. They have hideous uniforms for every sport and while they may hire a big coach (Tubby Smith like TTU’s Bobby Knight), they still suck. It’s not really worth spending too much time on a team whose mascot is a smiling furball wearing a maroon polyester sweater.

The Purdue Boilermakers are the Baylor Bears. The Boilers are the forgotten team in Indiana like Baylor is the forgotten team in Texas. At least Purdue has not had the scandals that plagued the Bears a few years ago. They are never really contenders for any titles despite having some really good players, like Drew Brees, Glen Robinson or Kyle Orton.

The Illinois Fighting Illini are the Oklahoma State Cowboys. They wear orange, they’ve had some issues in the past with rule breaking (Eddie Sutton at OSU and the whole Deon Thompson issue with Illinois basketball), and they’ve produced some of the on-air talent at ESPN – Doug Gottleib and Steven Bardo. Illinois does have the ability to recruit some off-field talent from the greater Chicago area, much like Oklahoma State can recruit from Oklahoma City or Tulsa. Why would you recruit talent from Tulsa? Because spell out Tulsa backwards and you’ll learn what you can find in that city.

The Penn State Nittany Lions are the Kansas State Wildcats. They are the state schools that play the ugly step-sister to their “non-state” teams – Penn is tremendously more accomplished academically than PSU, and Kansas has the athletic tradition that KSU wishes it had. Both PSU and KSU also have coaches that provide endless moments of unintentional comedy with Joe Paterno and Frank Martin.

The Michigan State Spartans are the Kansas Jayhawks. They are both basketball powerhouses that are perennial title contenders. Unfortunately, that’s all they have going for them. It’s tough to find pictures of talent from the schools – seriously, I looked – and their football legends include Plaxico Burress, TJ Duckett, Charles Rogers, and Todd Reesing (yeah, that’s the best Kansas had to offer). At least Kansas will likely be able to dominate the Mountain West basketball standings now.

The Northwestern Wildcats are the Texas A&M Aggies. Well, the Wildcats are really like the Aggies with a large dose of Adderall. Unlike your former conference, you will actually find more than one school in the Big 10 that has strong academics – assuming you overlook the fact that the Big 10 can’t count. Texas A&M probably wouldn’t crack the top half of your new conference, and we know that your academic record will put you at the bottom of the conference next to Penn State, Indiana and Minnesota.

So welcome to the Big 10!! We hope that this has helped to make you feel at home and see the many similarities to your old neighborhood and the many upgrades and amenities that are now available to you. We hope you’re prepared to step up your game and bring some of your finest talents to our towns. We’ll make sure they are taken care of. Good Luck!

Believe the Hype

Stephen Strasburg made his much-anticipated debut last night and the hype machine was running at full tilt like the hype before Show Girls came out and everyone was jacked to see Jessie Spano take it all off. Thankfully for Strasburg, his debut was much more impressive than Elizabeth Berkley’s. Strasburg went 7 innings, gave up 2 runs on a HR, walked none and struck out 14 mixing a 100 mph fastball with a 91 mph slider and an 82 mph changeup.

The doubters will point out that he pitched against one of the worst line ups in all of baseball, and that it was only one game. Yes, he still could have a Mark Prior injury (by the way, Prior’s debut was 6 innings, 2 runs, 1 HR and 103 pitches). But if Strasburg stays healthy, it is obvious that he has the demeanor and the electric stuff to be special. Everyone wants to see him get tested against a better line up, but that will have to wait until at least his third start because his next start is against the ineptitude that is the Cleveland Indians.

Everyone points to the zero walks during the 7 innings last night and it was impressive, but he did fall behind early in the count quite a few times, but was able to fight back with a nasty fastball that tickled the triple digits consistently, even later in the game. Combining that with a knee-buckling curve means he has the chance to light up the ball park every fifth day just like Dwight Gooden did in 1984. The unfortunate part is that the Nationals still aren’t very good and Strasburg will likely bump up against his innings limit well before the season is over, meaning the team will shut him down early.

Yet with that being said, enjoy watching this guy throw when you can – his stuff is electric and he works quickly which makes for a much more entertaining baseball game.

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The Lakers stepped up and took back home court advantage last night with a win in Game 3 over the Celtics. The streaky Ray Allen went from Finals record for 3-pointers during game 2, to one of the worst shooting performances in the history of the Finals, going 0-12 from the floor. It was obvious early that Kobe Bryant determined the Lakers were going to win the game – despite him not having a strong shooting performance. He was getting rebounds, steals, assists and hustle plays to put the Celtics on the ropes early.

Then late in the game, Derek Fisher took over. While Fisher has had a knack for hitting clutch jumpers throughout his career, who knew he would be deadly with the floaters and drives to the hoop? It has been an incredible rejuvenation for Fisher, who suddenly looks like Bianca Kajlich – not going to be a hall of famer, but a solid set of skills that can be counted on in the clutch. (Kajlich is also the ex-wife of USA soccer star Landon Donovan).

The Celtics could be in some serious trouble at this point in the series, because their offense has been horrific and their defense has been good, but not good enough. Like I predicted before the series, the only thing that gives them a chance to win is Ray Allen, and he is more about streaks than Frank the Tank in Old School. When Ray-Ray is shooting like Jesus Shuttlesworth, the Celtics win like in game 2. When Ray struggles or completely stinks, they lose like they did in games 1 & 3. That doesn’t seem to have the makings of a championship banner by my math. Pierce has been hideous offensively during the series, and he’s not going to suddenly break out of his slump with Ron Artest sharing his shorts. Garnett stepped up last night, but there’s a good chance that he blew any reserve energy he had and will not be able to continue at that pace.

The Lakers have a chance to step on the Celtics throats in Game 4, and you have to believe that Kobe will be fired up to prove once again that he is the best closer in the game today.

Computer Problems....so look at soccer chicks

Having Computer problems.....again. But should have something up later today or tonight about the debut of Stephen Strasburg and the Lakers huge win in Game 3 last night. In the meantime.....start getting prepared for the World Cup with these soccer fans..........

Breaking Down the NBA Finals

A quick story before getting to the NBA Finals breakdown……sitting outside having a beer at Barnacle Billy’s in Perkin’s Cove, Maine this past weekend, and the Maine version of Frank Sinatra in Vegas rolls in. He was in his mid-70’s, and looked like a pumpkin on stilts (as round as could be) with white hair and big sunglasses on. As he makes his way out to his table on the deck, every worker and regular at the place knows him, shakes his hand and they trade good natured barbs. The waitress asks about “the usual” and returns with a martini on the rocks in a plastic cup with a side glass of ice and the olives on top of the ice. The guy then proceeds to basically put on a one-man comedy show for anyone within earshot. My favorite story: “You know you get smarter when you drink, right? Well I get better at math when I drink, and last night at the bar I saw that Demi Moore and her younger boyfriend on television. So I quickly did the math and determined that if I want me a cougar like that, she’ll have to be 94 years old! A 94 year old might need oxygen to keep up with me. So maybe I should trade her in for two 47 year olds. But then I’d be the one who would need the oxygen!”

Anyway, this year’s Lakers-Celtics NBA Finals matchup has the potential to be one of the great finals matchups in a really long time. In addition to the whole traditional rivalry and supposed hatred between the fan bases (who cares? 90% of us don’t live in either city so we don’t care if Sully in Southie really hates the Lakers when he’s watching the game at O’Malley’s Pub). The reason is that these teams have a tremendous amount of star power, are playing extremely well, and have coaches that have been nearly flawless this post season. All of the starting 10 players, plus a couple of bench players (Lamar Odom, Rasheed Wallace, etc) are legit So with that said, let’s break it down by position:

PG: Rajon Rondo (Celtics) vs. Derek Fisher (Lakers)
Rondo has cranked it up again in the playoffs proving that the most obvious trait he picked up from playing with the Big 3 was how to cruise through the regular season without too much effort. Fisher stood a chance defensively against the Suns and Steve Nash, but Rondo presents problems the same way Russell Westbrook did in the opening round against the Thunder. And since the Lakers don’t want to wear out Kobe chasing Ray Allen around on the defensive end, Kobe will likely draw Rondo. Fisher has been incredibly reliable during the playoffs this year and has the faith of Kobe and Phil Jackson to take big shots if Kobe is jammed up. Rondo has the potential to be the MVP over the entire series, but Fisher has the potential to hit a game winner or two. It’s a young, unpredictable star like Miley Cyrus that has the potential to drive you crazy but also can fill an arena. EDGE: Celtics

SG: Kobe Bryant (Lakers) vs. Ray Allen (Celtics)
While there is no comparing Bryant and Allen on an absolute level, each brings an amazing legacy as one of the best at their chosen aspect of the game. For Kobe, it’s being the best closer in the game today, and with this title, he has the potential to enter the discussion among the top 3-5 guards of all-time. Allen is one of the best pure shooters in the game and has evolved into as clutch and deadly in the post season as Reggie Miller was in his prime. Kobe wants to avenge the 2008 loss and move himself another notch closer to Jordan’s 6 titles. He is by far the best player in the series and has proven that even though everyone is so enamored with LeBron James and his next employer, Kobe is the best player in the game. If the Lakers win, it will be because Bryant carries them again.

Allen will likely be the key to the Celtics offense in this series. With Bryant slowing Rondo, Artest stopping Pierce (along with Pierce expending too much energy guarding Bryant), and Gasol shutting down Garnett, the offensive burden will fall to Allen. He is very capable of carrying that torch, but he has had a few cold streaks in the playoffs, including the early rounds of the 2008 playoffs. At the end of the day, Bryant is like Brooklyn Decker – it doesn’t matter if she’s doing cartwheels or posing by the ocean, the talent is undeniable. EDGE: Lakers

SF: Paul Pierce (Celtics) vs. Ron Artest (Lakers)
Ron Artest has truly become the modern day Dennis Rodman, without the cross-dressing. He is quirky, a unique personality, and even his own fans recoil in horror any time he lines up a shot outside of the paint. You have no idea what he’s going to do other than play complete lock down defense and rebound. And that is all the Lakers need him to do.

Paul Pierce was dubbed the greatest pure scorer in Celtics history by Bob Ryan of the Boston Globe and yet my brother and I had a discussion the other night whether he truly is a Hall of Famer. Is he underappreciated outside of Boston or overappreciated inside of Boston? Is he a compiler? He has had some great stretches in the playoffs where he has completely taken over a game, but he has never been a dominant scorer for an entire season (with the possible exception of 2001-02). His defense is solid, as evidenced by him slowing down LeBron just enough in 2008 and this year. But does he do any one thing great? His outside shot has improved over the years, but is far from reliable. His post game is adequate. He is an average rebounder. I like his game and believe that he WILL be a Hall of Famer, but the question is whether he should be a lock. While he is overdramaticIf he wins his second title this season, it does elevate him to another tier. EDGE: Celtics

PF: Pau Gasol (Lakers) vs. Kevin Garnett (Celtics)
Garnett is among the greatest power forwards to ever play the game (I rank him 3rd behind Tim Duncan and Elgin Baylor but ahead of Charles Barkley and Karl Malone), but he is running on fumes and one leg at this point of his career. He has adequately adjusted his game to be comfortable not being the focal point of the offense and remains the defensive and emotional leader of the team. He demands effort from his teammates and the Boston crowd with his primal screams or profanity-laced tirades. Yet he is overmatched against the younger Gasol who is just as comfortable defending Garnett’s mid range jumper or his post moves. Add in Gasol’s ability to pass and fill the lane on the break and he might be the second-best player in the series. If you were on the playground and choosing up teams, Bryant would be the first pick and Gasol would likely be next. (Followed by Rondo, Allen, Pierce, Garnett, Odom, Artest, Perkins, Wallace and Fisher). Gasol is the hot foreign import that revitalized the team with the well-rounded game – kind of like the addition of Mandy Drury on CNBC. EDGE: Lakers

C: Kendrick Perkins (Celtics) vs. Andrew Bynum (Lakers)
Perkins is a very solid low-post defender and capable rebounder. Bynum is athletic and would present a tough matchup for Perkins if he were healthy. Yet he’s not healthy. Neither player will be the difference maker and it’s possible that Bynum won’t be able to play through the full series. Perkins also may miss time because even his coach expects him to pick up another technical which will put him at 7 during the playoffs which warrants a one-game suspension. This is like deciding whether Lilly is more important to How I Met Your Mother than Phoebe was to Friends – both have their moments, but the shows could carry on effectively without either one. EDGE: Celtics

Bench Players
The Celtics bring in the cavalry to bang inside with Big Baby Davis and Rasheed Wallace and could potentially get a defensive option against Kobe in Tony Allen. The Lakers bring the most versatile yet most inconsistent player on either team in Lamar Odom. After Odom the Lakers bench is fairly weak – Jordan Farmar and Shannon Brown. Yet, when Odom is on a sugar high, he has the ability to be a match up nightmare for the Celtics and could be the difference in a game or two. He is like Carrie Underwood – he disappears for a while and you don’t think about him, but when he shows up, he reminds you that he has the complete package. EDGE: Lakers

Coaching
This edge is less of a surprise than the horrendous reviews that Sex In The City 2 has gotten. The greatest coach of all time versus a guy that was almost run out of town 3 years ago before Danny Ainge went the desperation route because his job was on the line as well. Doc Rivers has done a good job of keeping his veterans happy while the young Rondo takes the reins of the offense and he has a great defensive assistant coach (who will likely be a head coach next season). Yet he can’t compare to the Zen Master, who has already begun the mind games with his comments about Kevin Garnett. EDGE: Lakers

THE PICK
The Lakers will struggle to score consistently against the Celtics stingy defense and will need Lamar Odom to keep an extra bag of Skittles in his sock at all times. The Celtics offense will also struggle because the Lakers match up well with everyone except Ray Allen (Kobe on Rondo, Artest on Pierce & Gasol on Garnett). Can Allen continue his hot shooting and carry the Celtics to the title? I expect a tough series that is very evenly matched. And when the series is this evenly matched, what are the deciding factors? Who has the best player? Who has home court advantage? Is there a revenge factor? All of those answers are the Lakers. THE PICK: LAKERS IN SEVEN GAMES