Body Parts That Don't Belong to Favre

We interrupt the 24-7 news coverage about Favre and his wiener to talk about something that actually matters, and no, we don’t mean the NBA season starting. Everyone knows the NBA season doesn’t really start until after Christmas. Do you really think a veteran Celtics team with Garnett, Allen, Pierce, Shaq and Jermaine O’Neal cares if they win 51 or 65 games? Do they care if they are the #1 seed or the #4 seed?

And I’m not talking about the enormous Big Ten matchup in Madison this weekend between Wisconsin and Ohio State. Wisconsin is going to have to play defense with their offense by playing a little keep-away from Terrell Pryor if they hope to upset the top-ranked Buckeyes. The Badgers have the rushing offense to put points on the board, but the concern is that their defense has more holes than David Arquette’s explanation of his relationship with Jasmine Waltz. Add to that their lack of discipline and poor special teams play, and it could be a scary Saturday for Brett Bielema two weeks before Halloween.

What I actually think are the best events of the weekend are the playoff baseball games. The ALCS and NLCS start on Friday and Saturday night and both series should be extremely entertaining, particularly the opening games. Arguably the four best pitchers in all of baseball have led their teams to the league championship series – Roy Halladay of the Phillies, Tim Lincecum of the Giants, Cliff Lee of the Rangers and C.C. Sabathia of the Yankees. Add in the other premiere starters: Roy Oswalt, Cole Hammels, Matt Cain, Jonathan Sanchez, Andy Pettitte, Phil Hughes, and CJ Wilson, and you have yourself the makings of a tremendously pitched series.

The year of the pitcher has continued in the playoffs with amazing performances one after another. Even the teams that lost had stud pitchers that got them there: David Price, Francisco Liriano, Tim Hudson and Johnny Cueto.

I wonder if the Brewers owner and general manager were watching the playoffs? Dear Doug Melvin, I hope you can tell the difference between any pitcher that started a game this post season and pitchers that were on your roster named Bush, Parra, Doug Davis, Suppan, or Randy Wolf. None of those guys would even make the roster of the playoff teams, more less actually see the field. Upgrade the pitching whatever you have to do – and that includes trading Prince. Sincerely, The Sports Addict

So sit back and get ready for some amazing pitching performances in the league championship series. My baseball prognosticating is worse than my football picks (I picked the Mariners as the best odds bet to win the world series before the season…at least I had Cliff Lee right, just on the wrong team?), so I won’t bother trying to convince you who will win.

Ah, who am I kidding? I’ll take the Rangers over the Yankees in 7 games with Lee winning games 3 and 7. I’ll also take the Giants to beat the Phillies in 6 games, but that might be as much because of my hatred for the Phillies than any sound logic.

Play It Again...

Haven't we seen this act before? Terrible half the game, then rallies the team late. He milks a supposed injury for the cameras a little during the comeback. Then an off-balance, back-foot throw that never should be made for a terrible game icing interception. And at the end of it all, Brett Favre is left with his junk in his hand.......again. At least he's consistent.

Degenerate Friday - Bucks Fans as Bad as Philly Fans?

You would think that living on the East Coast for the past 5 years I would be used to insane and clueless fans. Living in Boston, Sully and O’Malley continually solved the Red Sox pitching woes and knew exactly how to get Manny Ramirez to play hard. Living in New York, Vinny from Staten Island and Tony from Queens know more about how to develop a young pitcher like Joba Chamberlain than Joe Girardi, Brian Cashman or the Steinbrenners could ever know. And in both cities I was in close proximity to the most irrational and moronic fans of them all – Philadelphia fans. They have no self-awareness and are the most fair-weather fans I’ve ever seen.

So imagine my surprise when I’m perusing the Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel and read an article on Keyon Dooling joining the Bucks and the ways in which he can help Brandon Jennings. A very nice article by Charles Gardner about the 10 year veteran who once was a top ten pick and seems to finally have found his groove in the NBA.

At the end of the article, the first couple of comments from fans almost knocked me out of my chair. Here were the Milwaukee fans, typically a little over-optimistic, but not as cynical or insane as the fans in many other cities, declaring that Kenyon Dooling has nothing to teach Brandon Jennings. Really? Are you serious? There is nothing that Jennings, an offensive dynamo but horrendously bad defender, can learn from a very good on-ball defender who has been around the league for 10 times as many seasons? The fans’ reasons were all based on the fact that Jennings has more talent than Dooling, so there is nothing he can learn.

Did Kobe Bryant learn things from Derek Fisher? Who on the Lakers controls Bryant’s temper, competitiveness and has his ear continually? Fisher. And there is no doubt that Fisher has much less given talent than Kobe. And Kobe’s coach? Phil Jackson was a solid, but not spectacular NBA player, so having less talent than Kobe, I guess he can’t teach him anything……oh wait, they’re positioned to win their second three-peat together.

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In other news, since it is Degenerate Friday…here are the things not to bet on this weekend:

Don’t Bet On:
- Fat Albert Haynesworth passing his conditioning test
- Brett Favre staying out of the headlines for the next week

- Tiger Woods winning the Bridgestone tournament this weekend
- Darrelle Revis being in training camp anytime soon
- ESPN not cramming the Red Sox – Yankees series down our throats when it’s pretty obvious the Red Sox are not going to catch the Yanks or Rays
- Every story you read about Nolan Ryan and his financial backers buying the Texas Rangers will have a picture of Nolan giving a noogie to Robin Ventura.

Brett Favre is NOT Retiring

Haven’t we seen this act before? Brett Favre is supposedly retiring…for the third time (officially the third time – unofficially it is 432,132 times). Like the Rocky movies, they keep making sequels and while the first couple times it was entertaining, at some point it just becomes an old guy who can’t let it go. And that’s where things currently stand. Two years ago he forced a trade to the Jets in July. Last year it was the boy who cried wolf when Favre waited until July to go back and forth before suiting up for the Vikings. This year, no one believes him. Just like if Sylvester Stallone decided to make a final Rocky movie more than 15 years after Rocky V…..wait, that actually happened. And then Stallone made a Rambo IV movie 20 years after Rambo III. Maybe him and Favre are related?

I feel bad for Vikings fans, because now they understand what it is like to have your franchise hi-jacked by Brett Favre, held hostage and potentially left for dead. If Favre stays retired, the Vikings will be lucky to win 8 games with Tavaris Jackson at quarterback. Yet if Favre had told the team back in March or April that he was going to retire, don’t you think the Vikings would have made a major push to get Donovan McNabb? Or at least drafted Jimmy Clausen. Instead, Brett took a big, steaming dump on another franchise who had bent over backwards to please him.

So why don’t I believe Favre is really retired? Simple: Favre is an attention whore, a greedy ego-driven diva and the king of excuses.

Attention Whore
He loves the attention from the media and the fans. He likes to be the center of all the storylines and loves to pose for the cameras more than Paris Hilton. He loves the specials about whether he will or won’t retire. He wants the reporters camped out at the end of his driveway so he can put on his old Wrangler jeans, beat up baseball hat, and smirk into the camera “Aw, shucks. I just play football.” Yeah right, Brett. You just love everyone begging you to play and using your “power” to get Coach Childress to pick you up from the airport himself. He also knows that Vikings fans will drop a deuce in their pants when they realize how bad the Vikings will be without him, and therefore they will love him even more when he rides in on his white horse just before the start of the regular season. And he will love the slobbering that ESPN will lavish on him from Chris Berman, Chris Mortensen (Favre might as well pay him as his personal PR person) and Sal Paolotonio.

Greedy Ego-Driven Diva
There is no doubt that a part of Brett’s ploy is to get more than the $13 million currently on his contract. He sees the enormous contract Sam Bradford signed. He sees that Peyton Manning and Tom Brady are about to break the bank. And he wants his piece of the pie. So he’s going to put the pressure on the Vikings to add another year and a few million more in his contract. He doesn’t need the money. He already has enough to buy most of Mississippi. But Brett sees it as a sign of respect to be paid among the elite quarterbacks in the league and he needs the attention and what he believes is his due respect.

Yet this is the same Brett Favre that called out Sterling Sharpe and Javon Walker when they held out because they had outplayed their current contract. No wants to talk about that. Yet what Favre is doing is basically holding out for more money and to avoid training camp. Way to be a team player, Brett.

King of Excuses
Favre’s toughness cannot be questioned. Yet every time he fails, there is always an excuse as to why it’s not Brett’s fault. When the Packers struggled from 2005-2006 it was always blamed on a poor supporting cast. Yet the reality is that Favre was out of shape, unprepared and undisciplined and as a result he threw a ton of interceptions. It would not have mattered who was lining up wide for him. When he cost the Packers the 2007-08 NFC Championship with a hideous game, it was because of the cold. It couldn’t have been because he locked on to a receiver and threw a horrendous interception, could it? When he faded terribly down the stretch with the Jets in 2008-09, it was because of a torn biceps tendon. And when he threw another unconscionable interception that cost the Vikings a trip to the Super Bowl in 2009-10, what was the excuse? Oh yeah, it was his ankle injury, not his terrible decision-making.

So by announcing his retirement because his ankle hasn’t healed correctly, he is creating his built-in excuse in case he fails with the Vikings when he makes his way back to the team during the preseason. If the Vikings don’t get to or win the Super Bowl, it won’t be Brett’s poor decision-making or deteriorating skills that are the problem. It will be the ankle that didn’t allow him to play at full strength and he was a hero just for trying to gut it out.

Listen, I loved watching Favre play when I was growing up, and I consider myself extremely lucky to have had one of the greatest quarterbacks of all time leading my favorite team throughout all of my formative years. But enough is enough. Unfortunately his amazing playing ability has been eclipsed by his pathetic ego-driven diva act.

Weekend Hangover - Love/Hate

LOVE

- You can’t stop the Flying Monkey, Calvin Borel if he gets to the rail by the last turn!! Borel rode Super Saver to the victory on a sloppy track at Churchill Downs this weekend, giving trainer Todd Pletcher his first Derby win. The most unfortunate part of the entire event was that the rain put a damper on the hats and ridiculous outfits that could be shown. The best story was the short awkward guy who won a contest that allowed him to make a $100,000 single bet, and he put that money down on Super Saver, which went off at 8-1 odds, bringing the guy a cool $800,000 for winning the contest. That’s awesome. And since there is no reason to post a picture of Calvin Borel or a horse to start the week, I’ll instead opt for a picture of Diane Lane because she is going to be in an upcoming movie about Secretariat and was at the Derby this weekend.

- Coffee is for Kobe Bryant. (to get the reference, check this clip from Glengary Glen Ross – warning: language from Alec Baldwin) Kobe scored 11 points in the final 4 minutes of the Lakers victory in game 1 over Utah, and totaled 30 points on only 19 shots, making 12 of them. He started the game hot, and then coasted through the middle of the game, allowing Pau Gasol to keep LA in the game until Bryant came in to shut the door. Kobe has a banged up finger on his shooting hand and a gimpy knee and is still the most dangerous player in the league at winning time.

- If you missed the opening game of the Cavaliers-Celtics series on Saturday night, you most likely missed the best game of the series. Was it that great of a game? No, but it’s unlikely that the old Celtics will be able to maintain the level of intensity and effort needed to compete with the Cavs. Two years ago the C’s knocked out LeBron on the shoulders of an unbelievable performance from Paul Pierce, and it is unlikely Pierce can replicate that performance this season. Saturday night was the most rest the Celtics will have before a game in this series and they still couldn’t pull out the win. Look for the Cavs to finish them off in 6 games.

HATE

- Shut Up Brett Favre. Obviously he was feeling unloved during the NFL Draft and Chris Berman must have not met his quota of mentioning Brett and genuflecting at least once per 20 minutes when he is discussing the NFL. So Brett decides that he now needs to come out on his website and mention that he needs ankle surgery if he wants to come back next season. Of course he follows it up with comments that it’s not the worst pain and he could play and you shouldn’t think that the injury would be the reason he would retire. Whatever, dude, we’re so sick of your routine and even your most ardent supporters are starting to get sick of this scripted act every spring. Just go away once and for all you drama queen.

- It was unfortunate that the Milwaukee Bucks laid an egg in game 7 against the Hawks on Sunday as the Hawks advanced to play the Orlando Magic. The Hawks are tremendously more talented than the Bucks, but the Bucks were able to stay in the series without Andrew Bogut because they played hard, played intelligent, and played with poise and determination. The Hawks are very athletic, but extremely undisciplined, sloppy, and Mike Woodson was thoroughly outcoached all series by Scott Skiles. But keep your head’s up Bucks fans, I’ll let my college roommate, the biggest Bucks fan I know and a guy we called Bango tell us why it’s going to be okay for the Bucks in the future:

1) Brandon Jennings: It is unreal to think that he is all of 20 years old. With an NBA season under his belt the sky is the absolute limit. Once he can hit a jumper at a 42-44% clip, he will be impossible to stop.
2) John Hammond-took inherited a garbage heap and made it into a 6th seed. Makes you wonder who was the one making things happen in Detroit during their times of prosperity.
3) Andrew Bogut-breakout year this year both offensively and defensively. Unfortunatelty the Bucks luck turned against them in the fateful game he messed up his arm, but he has turned himself into a second team all-NBA center according to many experts. He was also the brain child of the ingenious and incredibly successful “Squad 6.”
4) Scott Skiles – the guy can flat out coach and gets the most out of his players. Continue surrounding him with talent and we can only get better.

- Is it too soon to give up on the Brewers? I hope not, but I do not have v.ery much faith in this pitching staff to turn it around and get them above .500. Add to that the prolonged offensive slumps like this weekend against the Padres (2 runs in 4 games – one of which was a HR from the pitcher?) and you have the makings of a 75 win season at best.

- Well, no matter what Brian Kelley does to improve Notre Dame football, he can’t undo this video. Ouch. I talked to a good friend and golden dome alumni and his response pretty much summed it all up: “I just lit my diploma on fire. I couldn’t be more embarrassed.”

Is Brandon Roy Heroic or Too Risky?

Brandon Roy gave the Portland Trailblazers an inspirational lift on Saturday night when he made a surprise appearance in game 4 of their series against the Phoenix Suns. Roy has a torn meniscus in his knee that needs surgery and was not expected to be available for Portland in the playoffs. Yet Roy has conferred with the team doctors and determined that it cannot get worse by playing if he can play with the pain. In today’s NBA with the salaries that the players are paid, is Roy playing an act of heroism or an act of idiocy? I say heroism and any columnist that says otherwise is a hypocrite and just trying to stir up a story.

Everyone loves the story of Willis Reed returning to the court for the New York Knicks in game 7 of the 1970 NBA Finals with a severe thigh injury and on one leg leading the Knicks to the title. The indelible image of Reed hobbling out of the tunnel towards the court gave the Knicks life and was a crushing blow to the expectations of the Lakers. Or more recently, remember Michael Jordan pouring in 38 points with severe hydration and the flu in the NBA Finals against the Utah Jazz? The image of Scottie Pippen carrying his teammate to the bench late in the fourth quarter will forever be ingrained in my childhood hoops hero images. There are just as many stories of NFL players playing through pain and injuries, including Brett Favre too many times to count, Ronnie Lott having a part of his finger severed off so he could play, and Terrell Owens playing on a recently broken leg in the Super Bowl for the Eagles.

The case against playing has one glaring example and he happens to be on the opposing team in this first round series: Grant Hill. In 2000, Hill finished 3rd in MVP balloting but injured his ankle with 7 days left in the regular season. He insisted on trying to play in the playoffs against the Heat, and thus began his odyssey of ankle injuries that would last for the following 4-5 seasons, and transform his game from a dynamic slashing franchise player to a complimentary extra. Roy is a young franchise player and if his knee is messed up for the long-term, it will completely alter the outlook for the Portland franchise.

As a result, there are articles out there and a debate on Pardon The Interruption and Around the Horn whether Roy is putting the long-term good of the franchise at risk. Yet what are his options? If he sits out, does he get the LaDainian Tomlinson treatment? Tomlinson was slowed by injuries in the 2007 and 2008 playoffs and took a tremendous amount of heat for taking himself out of a game that Phillip Rivers played with a partially torn ACL. So Tomlinson was soft for realizing that he was hurting his team by playing when he wasn’t able to make an impact?

Roy is damned if he does and damned if he doesn’t. If he’s able to give the Blazers an emotional lift by making brief appearances and doesn’t hurt his team’s chances, I am all for him attempting to play. What’s more, maybe he’s capable of making a play or two which can change the momentum and help the Blazers get past the Suns. I think it is heroic and Roy should be commended for his willingness to do everything he can to help his team win. I’m as impressed with Roy’s determination and leadership as I am with Kristin Cavallari in a bikini.

Super Bowl Weekend Hangover - Love/Hate

LOVE

- Sean Payton, Drew Brees and Gregg Williams deserve every bit of praise they get after this game. The Saints won the game by staying aggressive, playing with nothing to lose and taking it to the Colts over and over again. They played like the team that wanted it more and for that they deserve credit.

Payton almost made himself the goat with a poor decision to go for it on 4th down trailing 10-3 late in the first half. Thankfully for him the Colts went ultraconservative (more on that below) and gave the Saints a chance to put points on the board and get momentum before the half. Yet Payton redeemed himself with an amazing onside kick call. The thing I liked about it was that Payton is known as an aggressive players coach and he stayed true to his colors on the biggest stage he has ever coached on.

Brees and the offense got off to a slow start but his stats by the end of the game were incredibly impressive, going 32-39 including 29 of his last 32. He was completely in command during the game, moving around in the pocket to get extra time and finding the right receivers at the right time. If you want a good article about Brees and how he has always been an ultracompetitive, great athlete despite not having the ultimate size to be a pro athlete, check out this article from Saturday’s NY Times.

Gregg Williams was masterful against Manning and the Colts offense. That ended an impressive run by the Saints by beating 5 Super Bowl winning quarterbacks during one season, culminating in a string of Kurt Warner, Brett Favre and Peyton Manning. While normally this would vault Williams into contention for some head coaching positions, his past record coaching Buffalo (17-31) means he is probably best suited to just focus on being a defensive coordinator.

- Commercials :

While the commercials overall seem to get weaker every year, there were a few highlights. I always enjoy the E-Trade commercials with the baby. Loved the jealous girlfriend asking if “that milk-aholic Lindsey was over” – awesome. The Google commercial was the most intelligent commercial where they basically slammed an entire romantic comedy movie into a 30 second commercial all using Google searches. So much so that the girls made us go for an immediate replay. Also really loved the Jim Nantz commercial, particularly when he dropped the “How about No?” line on the guy. Although I don’t remember what the commercial was for – Dove for Men maybe?

Yet the highlight of the commercials for me was the dialogue among the group I was watching the game with during a local commercial in the second half for the NY lottery. The commercial shows an adult jumping into a huge pile of the play balls like at Chuck E. Cheese, which led to most everyone reacting with disgust because of the perception that kids like to pee in the balls. When one of the girls asked why, we guessed that it was because the kids were half buried, no one’s really looking and they’re little kids. To which she responded with perfect timing “Well it’s not like I pee under my desk because no one’s looking!” Great point. This may or may not have been the brandy talking, as we had easily polished off the bottle making brandy old fashioneds.

- The coverage from CBS – I didn’t see any shots of Kim Kardashian (did I miss it?) and minimal shots of the Manning family. They kept it a very clean telecast with a focus on a football game that was very cleanly played (minimal penalties) and dramatic, though not as high scoring as many (myself included) predicted. Can someone please get musicians under 50( or 70?) for the halftime show in the next few years. The music of The Who is fine, just not during halftime of the Super Bowl. I mean, did they keep their walkers and defibrilators next to the stage during the show? They had their “farewell” tour 30 years ago!! I understand they need to keep it safe since the Janet Jackson episode, but wouldn’t Kenny Chesney be safe? Wouldn’t Carrie Underwood be safe? (at least she got the National Anthem) Jay-Z? Beyonce? Alicia Keyes? There are quite a few options for musicians that don’t have to go backstage after the show and toast a nice glass of Metamucil.

- Was there any more of a sure thing than this year's Hall of Fame class including Jerry Rice and Emmitt Smith? Other than betting on Carrie Underwood looking impressive to sing the National Anthem, it was the safest bet you could possibly make this weekend (as evidenced by my incorrect pick on the game and the over). And while Emmitt had a horrendous run attempting to make it as an ESPN commentator, he gave a great interview talking about his father telling him that he had lived both of their dreams during his life. That was pretty cool.

On a somewhat related topic that probably belongs under the "hate" category, did anyone have a worse week/weekend than the NFL Network? Michael Irvin gets accused of sexual assault in a civil suit. Warren Sapp gets arrested for domestic abuse on his girlfriend. Both are NFL Network contributors. Ouch.

HATE

- Didn’t like the Snickers/Betty White commercial. I thought it was way overrated and not that funny. Yes, it was somewhat comical that Betty White got tackled in the mud. But then taking a bite of a Snickers bar turned the guy back into a wimpy looking toolbox. So let me make sure I have the commercial right – if you don’t eat Snickers, you are Betty White. If you do eat Snickers, you’re a nerdy looking wimp? I don’t really like my options, so I’m going to pass on the Snickers and maybe build a house out of Bud Light. Probably not the message the people at Snickers were looking for.

And last add on commercials – do you really think Brett Favre is driving a Hyundai? Once again proving it’s about the money for him, he does an add with Hyundai when I can’t see him behind the wheel of anything that’s not an Escalade, pick up truck or SUV. And didn’t Sears already exploit the whole indecisiveness in a commercial?

- Are the Colts the Atlanta Braves of the NFL? The Braves won countless consecutive division titles and multiple World Series appearances during the 90’s. They had the best pitching staff in baseball with John Smoltz, Tom Glavine, Greg Maddux and others including Steve Avery. Yet they only have one World Championship, which came in 1995. The Colts have won the most games of any team in the NFL during the decade and have won their division almost every year. They also have the most prolific passer in the game in Peyton Manning. And after all of that, they only have one title and Peyton Manning is 9-9 in the playoffs. I’m too lazy to look up the actual numbers, but I would guess more than half of those games have been at home or as favorites because of their strong regular seasons.

- Enough with the whole “winning a Super Bowl saves the city” story. Honestly, winning a Super Bowl does not rebuild the homes in the Lower Ninth Ward. I get that they love their Saints and this gives them a sense of pride. Yet when the party ends in a week or two, they still have to go back to the neighborhood where half the houses are still boarded up. I guess at least they’ll be standing in the wreckage with a smile on their face?

- How did 2004 Peyton Manning somehow take over Peyton 2009’s body and play the Super Bowl? Calling 3 running plays near the end of the half, locking in good field position for the Saints and allowing them to get a FG to make up for the momentum they lost when failing on 4th down the previous possession? He suddenly went from the robotic guy with the cold, calculating stare knowing he was sizing up and dissecting the other team to the unsure, indecisive guy that couldn’t beat the Patriots.

- I don’t know if Reggie Wayne was more hurt than anyone let on, but he did not look right. And he flat out dropped the final pass, which would have brought the Colts within a touchdown and given them a chance for an onside kick.

Squirrel is Live From Miami & Overhyped Super Bowl Stories

Before we get to this week's rankings, I have to mention the impressive showing by the Wisconsin Badgers in dismantling Michigan State last night. The Badgers were hot from the field and shredded the Spartan defense all night. There's nothing more satisfying than watching Tom Izzo cry on the sidelines when his team is getting is arse handed to them in every aspect of the game. Izzo is a great coach (5 Final Fours in 11 years speaks for itself), but I have never seen someone cry or whine so much. He doesn't get angry or yell at officials, he just pouts and whines to them. It's really pathetic to watch. Tommy, face it, Bo owns you at the Kohl Center. It's just reality.

It’s ranking time and with the Super Bowl just a few short days away, let’s rank the stories that have been and will continue to be beaten into the ground before kickoff. Starting with the least annoying and ending with the stories that have already been killed and should be let go.

But first, we received word from none other than the Squirrel, who is on location in Miami with a first hand report. Squirrel has officially become the roving reporter for the site after his report from Alabama during the national championship game, and here are a couple of highlights from Miami. It sounds like he’s enjoying himself already.

Let your readers know that Miami is beautiful and that if they are considering making the trip for the Superbowl, it is highly recommended. We got here on media day, which was notoriously rained out.. but things have improved tremendously. Today, my wife and I laid out at the beach, then the pool, then went back to the beach. Its 70s and sunny. Superbowl week in Miami is way better than the National Championship week in Alabama. A few tips: Sunny Iles Drive is one of the shortest paths from the Superbowl to the beach. Sunny Iles drive = MLK blvd. (remember what Chris Rock said about MLK drive? If not, watch this – starting about the 30 second mark.) don't worry, things clear up and you make it to the beach where everything is good. Turn right at the ocean and Southbeach and the rich folks are down there.

95.7 is not the oldies channel, like it is in Milwaukee. If you only speak english, put this at pre-set #1. All Espanol all the time. Love it. We were jamming it in the red mustang convertible driving to the hotel; the locals were impressed. Finally, we saw the Goodyear blimp cruising over Miami beach today. Probably taking some film for footage to show during the game.. So if you see it, be prepared that, unfortunately for us, and those like us, the ratio of banana hammocks to thongs is 1.5 to 1. Maybe its a bad time of year. And to be clear, not many of the aforementioned people should be sporting such items.

Thank you field reporter, Squirrel!! Now on to the overhyped stories for the week:

5 – Tim Tebow’s anti-abortion ad.

This is not the forum to discuss pro-life or pro-choice. I don’t really care what stance you have, it’s your right to have that opinion one way or the other. Tim Tebow also has that right to have an opinion and considering his story (his mother was encouraged to abort her pregnancy due to medical complications and she chose to have the baby, which grew into Tim), how could you blame him for having that stance? The issue is whether the NFL/CBS can control whether to show it. If they open up the lid to this ad, then the next step will be an ad for the opposing view and then we’ll get ads for and against political candidates. It’s a slippery slope away from funny beer and internet commercials that people actually enjoy watching during the game.

4 – Kyle Eckel

I won’t rehash the details here, as Gregg Doyel does a much better job of it here. It’s just a strange story without any clear answers, but if Eckel does anything in the game, Jim Nantz and Phill Simms will beat the story into the ground. Speaking of Jim Nantz, did everyone see his guest appearance on How I Met Your Mother on Monday night? Fantastic. Definitely worth a replay. He came across as funny, and a regular guy, which is the opposite of how he came off during his divorce when his wife accused him of wanting to hang a 15 foot painting of himself in their living room.

3 – Colt’s Shun Perfection

If the Colts win the game, there will be an endless stream of people in the media making the following statement “The Colts won every game they gave full effort in, so they could have went 19-0.” Life doesn’t work like that, people. For all we know, if Peyton had stayed in the game against the Jets, Calvin Pace might have broken free and left a “remember me” shot (thanks Gregg Williams!) on Peyton that could have ended his season. Or maybe Reggie Wayne twists an ankle. Or….you get the point. It's the "Butterfly Effect" in that one little change in the past has huge ripple effects on the future. There is no telling what could or would have happened. The Colts believed resting their players was the best decision to help them win the Super Bowl. If they win on Sunday, that resting decision was the best decision they could have made. That’s all that matters.

2 – Dwight Freeeney’s Ankle

I’m not saying his ankle isn’t a huge deal in determining who will win the game. He is the best player on the fast Colts defense and his ankle will slow him significantly if he is able to play at all. I just don’t want to hear about it on Tuesday and Wednesday and Thursday and Friday and Saturday. It is not going to heal overnight. It’s just not. Anyone who has busted up an ankle like this is well aware of how little changes in 1 day. Yet we’re going to get doctors, witch doctors, psychics and that guy who sings “Pants on the Ground” to weigh in on whether Freeney will be able to play. Speaking of gruesome injuries, check out the picture of Brett Favre’s ankle after the NFC Championship. While I don’t like him as a person, you cannot argue with the dude’s toughness.

1 – Kim’s Boyfriend, Reggie Bush

We get it, Kim Kardashian is a star because she looks great in a dress or a bikini. Wait, has she ever done anything to be famous other than make a sex tape with Brandi’s little brother, Ray-Jay? Well, her step-father is Olympic gold medalist Bruce Jenner, does that make her famous? Nope, not really. Has she acted? Nope. Anyway, we’re going to get bombarded with stories about whether her and Reggie are going to get married, and plenty of shots of the entire Kardashian crew traveling to the game together. The real story is whether Reggie can have an impact on the game the way he did against the Cardinals. Because if he does, there is a chance the Saints will give him a nice fat contract extension. If he doesn’t, it’s going to raise questions on whether he is worth the investment and the Saints could cut him loose from their backfield which already contains solid backs like Pierre Thomas and Mike Bell.

The Back Nine - Hitting the Links

Another way to interact……ask me anything. Here’s the link to a page where you can literally ask me anything and I’ll post an answer. It’s really that simple. So have at it. Ask me anything on anything and I’ll have an answer. You can also ask me a question through the icon on the lower right hand side of the page (below the polls but above the links). I will solve the mysteries of life………….

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Paul Shirley, the most famous benchwarmer in NBA history, had an interesting take on the situation in Haiti. Unfortunately, that view got him fired from his role as a contributor at ESPN. At least he has that lucrative pro basketball career…….or never mind. Hope he enjoyed his short time not completely in the shade.

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I lost a ton of respect for Tom Jackson after the Vikings-Saints game when he made the following statement “That’s the thing about Brett Favre; he’s not afraid to throw an interception. That’s one of the things I most admire about him.” Blink, blink, blank stare. What? Then Tommy must love Jay Cutler more than life itself. I mean, is that like saying the thing I like about Brad Lidge is that he’s not afraid to blow saves? He’s not afraid to let Albert Pujols launch one into orbit in the playoffs. The thing I love about Whitney Port is she’s not afraid to be the dullest thing to ever sport a bikini and allow fame whores like Heidi Montag and Kristin Cavalliri to take the spotlight. Or something like that.

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Greg Oden had an ex-flame post pictures of his wang all over the internet (the link is safe – I don’t need to look at his junk). He owned up to it, called it a mistake and is trying to move on. Not much of a story there really as it’s just another lesson on the way crazy women can get back at you. It’s right up there with the crazy mistress for the guy from Oracle/Obama’s cabinet that bought huge billboards outside the house the guy shares with his wife and posted a picture of them. But the part of the Oden presser that was entertaining was the female reporter asking him why he was embarrassed and that “a lot of people are impressed.” Alrighty then lady, why don’t you just ask him to take you to dinner?

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Well of course Brett Favre has to be involved in the whole Tiger Woods scandal, right? Apparently Elin has been staying at the Favre compound while visiting Tig in his sex rehab. So is it because Brett’s place is nicer than any other place in Mississippi? Or is it because Favre never misses an opportunity to kind of come across like a decent person, when in reality it’s just another excuse to get some attention for himself? Then again, maybe Deanna has some advice for Elin on how to deal with a philandering star athlete spouse?

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A friend of mine has a relaunched blog: Who’s On Second. He’s a die-hard Yankee’s fan with strong opinions across the board on sports. He also has tons of info on sports card collecting as well. So check it out and send some traffic to both of us.

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I know it’s a day late, but in case you dvr’d the State of the Union last night and are going to watch it while drinking this evening, here are the ground rules for the drinking game. My personal favorite:

“If you want to get buck shitty: Do a shot of liquor every time Obama uses the words "Rescue, Rebuild, or Restore." Optional flourish: Do a shot of just beer every time he uses certain accepted synonyms for those words, like, "salvage," "reconstruct," and "Haiti."

Today, I’m going to end world hunger, stop all wars, bring terrorists to their knees, give everyone a job, and fix the economy. Wait, just saying it with great emphasis and a smug smirk doesn’t make it happen? Who knew? Well, if all else fails, I’ll just continue to blame it all on those before me that screwed it up too much for even me to fix it.

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This guy is awesome. Just a nice way to get back at a company for not returning a call or email. It also reminds me of Seinfeld (very early on in the show) when George got fired but decided to show up to work anyway like nothing ever happened and acted like it was all just a joke.

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I’m definitely not the leading edge tech guy out there, and I’m sure the new Apple computer will eventually be a pretty sweet revolution. But right now, doesn’t it kind of look like a Saturday Night Live commercial for a really, really big iPhone? And others are already having a field day with the name iPad, referring to it instead as the iTampon. Should be interesting to see if the public is buying it.

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Ranking the Best QBs of All-Time

Wednesday has turned into an unofficial day to rank things on this site. Why? I have absolutely no idea. Just seems like a nice way to spend the middle of the week. Kind of like why we decided in college that Wednesday was the best day of the week to go out. It was less crowded than the Thursday, Friday or Saturday nights, the drink specials were better and the people that were out were more dedicated to being out. Oh, and the coeds that were out felt like they were being bad by being out on a Wednesday, so they were a little more frisky. Well, like college girls need a reason to be friskier. Did we really need a reason to go out on Wednesdays and make that 8:50 Accounting class almost impossible to attend on Thursday? No, but we did it because we wanted to. In any event, today’s rankings? Given the performance that Manning just put on during Sunday’s dismantling of the Jets, let’s rank the quarterbacks of all-time. And for fun, take this quiz on the quarterbacks with the most wins all-time. I got 34 of the 41, including the top 23. There’s your gauntlet.

There are a couple of things we have to take into account before getting to the rankings. Yes, guys played in different eras and that does have an effect on guy’s rankings. The rules are easier for quarterbacks now, with less contact on receivers and more protection of the quarterbacks than ever before. Then again, defenders are bigger, faster and meaner (Ray Lewis?) than they’ve ever been in the past. So that’s kind of a wash. Rings are crucial, but are not the only thing that determines how great a quarterback is. Dan Marino has no rings, and Trent Dilfer, Brad Johnson and Mark Rypien each have one. No one would ever take one of those guys over Marino. It's also important how clutch the guy is. If you have the ball, down by 5 with 2 minutes left, who do you want under center? If you're starting a franchise and have any of these guys at the beginning of their career, who do you want? Here is one man’s rankings.

One final note – I believe these rankings could change dramatically based on the results of this year’s Super Bowl and the next few years. If Manning gets a second ring, it will jump him up higher. If Brees wins, and puts together another couple of seasons with stats like he has the past three seasons, and he might make the list. The guy will have the same number of wins as Favre and have some prolific seasons. Anyway, on to the rankings.

1. Joe Montana
49ers & Chiefs – 1979-1994

Montana has to be at the top of the list of all-time quarterbacks. In addition to his 4 Super Bowl titles, he has the stats to stack up next to anyone, playing in a less passer-friendly NFL than the current super stars. His ability to remain calm in the clutch and lead his team on late game-winning drives was unmatched. He had the advantage of having the best WR of all in Jerry Rice and great running backs in Roger Craig and Ricky Watters. Yet you can’t argue with 2 leaugue MVPs, one Offensive Player of the Year award, and 3 Super Bowl MVPs. A 16-7 playoff record and top ten in yards, touchdowns and passer rating (as flawed as it is).

2. Terry Bradshaw
Pittsburgh Steelers – 1970-1983

Bradshaw played before my time, so I have to go back to some film, stats and articles to judge him more than what I see from him on the FOX NFL Pregame show. Then again, from the pregame show I learned that he dated Jillian Barberie for a while, so that’s worthy of a high ranking all by itself. The big Louisiana native was 4-0 in the Super Bowl with 9 TDs and 4 interceptions in the big game. He wasn’t a huge stats guy, only ranking 44th in passing yards and 24th in TDs (though he led the league twice in TDs). His leadership, and ability in big games more than makes up for his lack of sexy stats and puts him ahead of guys like Brady, Favre and Elway who have lost Super Bowls.

3. Tom Brady
New England Patriots – 2000-Present

Brady’s hold above Manning is extremely tenuous right now. If Manning wins in Miami in a few weeks, I will flip these two in my rankings. Brady is 3-1 in the Super Bowl, with 2 Super Bowl MVPs, has a league MVP award and is married to a Victoria’s Secret super model. Unfortunately, he lost his last appearance in the big game, blew out his knee and also knocked up his former girlfriend, Bridget Moynahan. He has the single season record for TDs from 2007, and also took home the league MVP award that season. His calm under pressure in winning his titles early in his career gave him a strong ranking despite his recent “struggles” – if you can call them that. He is only 32 years old, so there is a strong possibility that he may add another title, MVP and more yards to his already impressive total.

4. Peyton Manning
Indianapolis Colts – 1998-Present

Manning is neck and neck with Brady with the only real difference being the multiple Super Bowls that Brady has won. Manning has a chance to add another next week, which will push him to the #3 spot. He is also the only 4-time league MVP after his win this season. And being 33 years old with a Colts team reloaded with young receivers in Garcon and Collie, he has the potential to get all the way to the second spot before he hangs up the spikes permanently. He will likely hold every passing record before he retires, as he is already 4th in passing yards, and 3rd in passing touchdowns. Early in his career there was concern that he couldn’t win the big game, but after his two wins this year, he is now 9-8 in the playoffs. He is the most cerebral quarterback to ever play the position, and his dedication to film study allows his to utilize his height, accuracy and strong arm to adjust to any defense thrown at him.

5. Brett Favre
Falcons, Packers, Jets & Vikings – 1991-Present

He is the toughest guy to ever play the position and has always played like a kid on the playground as the ultimate gunslinger. He never played with wide receivers anywhere near the caliber of Jerry Rice, Randy Moss, Lynn Swann, or Marvin Harrison. His 3 league MVP awards and one Super Bowl title (where he deserved the MVP award) and another Super Bowl loss pair with his record consecutive games streak, all-time records for attempts, completions, yards, touchdowns and interceptions. While the overall media continues to slurp on him, he has some obvious faults, most notably his penchant for turning the ball over, particularly in big games at big moments. His interceptions cost the Packers in the 2007 NFC Championship and the Vikings on Sunday. And I’m going to keep the off-the-field douche baggery out of the discussion, because the way he has flip flopped about retirement, was a vindictive a-hole to the team that stuck by him threw all of his personal troubles, abandoned his best friend Mark Chmura, abused drugs and alcohol and womanized like Wilt Chamberlain didn’t affect his ability on the field. Heck, he actually may have been better when he was drinking, partying and relying on pain killers.

6. Johnny Unitas
Baltimore Colts & San Diego Chargers – 1956-1973

Unitas was recently passed by Manning for wins as a Colts quarterback, and Manning has said Unitas was one of his heroes. He was 6-2 in the playoffs, including 1-1 in the Super Bowl, losing the infamous game to Namath and the Jets and beating the Cowboys two years later. He also won 2 NFL crowns prior to the Super Bowl, and has 3 MVPs to his credit. He had 26 games with over 300 yards passing, despite playing in a very run-heavy era for the league.

7. John Elway
Broncos – 1983-1998

While resembling Mr. Ed, Elway won 2 Super Bowls, went 14-6 in the playoffs and was famous for his game-winning drives. Ask a Cleveland Browns fan or a Packers fan from the 1998 Super Bowl, they’re well aware of the devastation Elway can bring. He has an MVP award, and is 3rd all-time in passing yards, 5th in passing touchdowns and added 33 TDs on the ground. I originally had Elway ranked higher before looking through the stats and seeing how poorly he played in his 5 Super Bowl appearances, going 2-3 in the big game. Only once did he have a passer rating over 85 in the Super Bowl (1999), and he had 3 TDs and 8 interceptions in the big game (though he did have 4 rushing TDs). He wasn’t able to break through to the championship level until he had one of the game’s best running backs in Terrell Davis.

8. Dan Marino
Miami Dolphins – 1983-1999

Marino is the first quarterback on the list without a Super Bowl title and will always be known as the best quarterback never to have won a title. He made it to the Super Bowl in his second season before losing to Montana’s 49ers. He is the Charles Barkley of the NFL. He held the records for attempts, completions, yards and touchdowns before Favre and is now second in all of the categories. He had cannon for an arm, with an ultra quick release, which allowed him to continue playing long after his legs could buy him time by getting out of the pocket.

9. Steve Young
Buccaneers & 49ers – 1985-1998

After being rescued from Tampa Bay purgatory, Young had to escape the enormous shadow of Joe Montana. And he did exactly that, by finishing in the top 3 in completion percentage 8 straight seasons (leading the league 5 times). He was the Super Bowl MVP when he lit up the Chargers for 6 TDs in 1994, and who can forget him asking his teammates to remove the imaginary monkey from his back? He is a two-time league MVP with an 8-6 playoff record. He evolved from a very mobile quarterback into a true drop back passer as his career went along. He is basically the Katie Cassidy to Joe Montana’s Heather Locklear. Who is Katie Cassidy? Besides being the daughter of David Cassidy of the Partridge Family, she is the vixen of the pathetic remake of Melrose Place.

10. Roger Staubach
Dallas Cowboys – 1969-1979

This was a tough spot to fill because after the first nine guys, there is a large group of guys that are tough to separate. Guys that won multiple Super Bowls, but didn’t really do much in those games (Bob Griese), guys with big stats but played poorly in their Super Bowl appearances (Fran Tarkenton & Jim Kelly), or guys with big stats that didn’t make the Super Bowl (Dan Fouts). At the end of the day, Staubach gets the nod because in addition to his 2-2 record in Super Bowls, he led the league in passing 4 times, and was clutch in all of his Super Bowl appearances. He was a winner, with an 85-29 record as a starting quarterback, and when he retired, his passer rating of nearly 84 was the highest of all-time.

Did I miss anyone? Any big arguments for or against someone being higher or lower? Let me know with a comment below or email me.

Don't Ask Me About...

Quick hits today on a few random things that you shouldn’t ask me about. Why? Because I just don’t care or it’s dumb. It’s not worth the waste of air to discuss these narcissistic people or topics. So as of right now…..

Don’t Ask Me About:

- Brett Favre’s retiring. Who cares? He won’t make up his mind until August anyway, so why waste time in February?

- Tim Tebow at the Senior Bowl. We know he can’t take a snap. He never has, so why would he suddenly be good at it? It’s a not story. He should be a 6th rounder at best, but some team will reach for him in the 2nd round because the owner will panic that they can’t take a chance at missing him.

- Andy Roddick. Dude, you stink. You are the most overrated athlete since Anna Kournikova. The difference was she knew she was only popular because she was smoking hot. You try to pretend like you’re a tennis player, but you lose every big match. You’re best performance was a loss to Roger Federer. Then again, you have Brooklyn Dekker, so you still win.

- The Saints being a symbol of the city of New Orleans after the Hurricane Katrina disaster. Really? Because the team has rebounded and made the Super Bowl, the city is all fixed now? My guess is that people that should be spending all of their time and money on rebuilding their house and neighborhood (schools) will be blowing money to go to Miami for the game. There are still plenty of problems in the city and plenty of people that never returned, so let’s not make it out that the city is recovered because the team is winning.

- Tom Cable may or may not still be the coach of the Raiders. Listen, it’s not going to matter who is coaching the Raiders as long as Al Davis forces them to start that 300 pound anchor, JaMarcus Russell at quarterback. They will not be relevant until they find someone that can play the position.

- Brad Pitt & Angelina Jolie. So let’s see, Angelina wants to adopt kids from every country on the planet and live in France. Brad thinks 6 foreigners living in their house in New Orleans would be enough for him. They’ve both had short Hollywood marriages in the past. So why are we surprised that it’s not going to work out for them? My prediction: Brad is back with Jennifer Anniston before the end of 2010.

- Natalie Portman as a home wrecker. I thought home wreckers were skanks from Vegas, and want to think of Natalie as the girl in Closer or Garden State. I really can’t put Star Wars in that mix though, because I have a problem thinking anyone or thing from a science fiction movie is attractive. I’m always concerned there could be some weird power or extra appendage hidden somewhere when you’re messing with anyone from outer space.

- Kentucky basketball success. Most coaches have an issue with renting a player for one year because they are trying to build a program and help kids with their careers and lives. Not John Calipari. That greasy jag-off is completely okay with having one-and-done guys every year making a mockery of the student-athlete and the “institutions of higher learning” monikers. He has zero integrity or class. It’s just a matter of time until he gets Kentucky placed on probation and he moves on to his next victim……errr, school.