Friday, January 1, 2010

Degenerate Friday!! Week 17 NFL Picks

New Year’s Resolution #3,217: Pick more games correctly. Last week was another .500 week with an 8-8 record.

New Year’s Resolution #3218: Figure out how to say “rural”

Say the word “rural” out loud a couple times in a row - how do you say it? Is it RU-ral? Rrrrl? Roorl? It’s just one of those words that sounds like you’ve just come from the dentist and your mouth is numb from Novocain whenever you say it. Just a window into my messed up mind while dealing with a solid hangover by eating pigs in a blanket and having a couple beers during the Rose Bowl. Oh, and someone tell Joe Paterno that he won the Capital One Bowl - pretty sure that old bastard has no idea.

Anyway, on to the week 17 NFL picks with plenty of games that could affect the playoff picture. It also has plenty of teams that will be playing their second stringers…..the guys who couldn’t land Megan Fox, but would have a pretty good shot with Ashley Greene. No categories this week because the only categories I can think of are the different drinks I had last night: wine, champagne, gin, tequila and beer.

Standard Disclosures: Recreational Use, Home Teams in CAPS, spreads from the Post, etc.

VIKINGS (-9) over Giants - Favre & company find solace back home against the banged up G-men.

JETS (-10) over Bengals - Cincy will be resting their starters and not showing anything they will use next week when they crush the Jets in a game that matters.

BILLS (+3) over Colts - If Indy didn’t play Peyton last week, why would you expect them to play him out in the elements in Buffalo? I just suggested betting on Brian Brohm…….that must be the booze talking.

PANTHERS (-3) over Saints - Panthers are playing as well as anyone, and even though the Saints would like to regain some momentum, they don’t want Julius Peppers dropping Drew Brees like Taylor Swift dropped that other Taylor dude from the Vampire Movies.

BROWNS (-1.5) over Jaguars - Hard to imagine a tyrant like Holmgren keeping a tyrant as Mangini for his coach, but has a coach ever been fired after a 4 game winning streak?

Eagles (+3) over COWBOYS - Dallas wants revenge from last year’s season ending thumping and can win the NFC East and have a chance to get a first round bye. Yet the Eagles are more talented and can secure the bye for themselves with a win.

Bears (-3) over LIONS - Lions give themselves a shot at the first draft pick by doing what they’ve done all year - get their rear ends kicked.

Patriots (+8) over TEXANS - The Texans are more desperate than the Pats, but Houston will not be facing the New England second string as long as they were hoping.

Steelers (Pick) DOLPHINS - Pittsburgh is angry and the Dolphins are not very good.

49ers (-7) over RAMS - St. Louis locks up Nebraska’s Suh by getting crushed again.

Falcons (-2.5) over BUCCANEERS - Tampa is playing better, but Atlanta has a chance to get their first consecutive winning seasons in franchise history.

CARDINALS (-3.5) over Packers - Arizona has an outside shot at a round 1 bye and the Packers are locked into their wild card slot. Green Bay will not want to show anything to a team they will likely play the following week.

BRONCOS (-13) over Chiefs - Kansas City is terrible. Even though Denver only has 3 healthy WRs, it will be enough to knock the Chiefs over.

RAIDERS (-10.5) over Ravens - Ravens lock themselves into the playoffs with a win, but after the cross country flight, they won’t dominate the plucky Raiders.

Redskins (+4) over CHARGERS - San Diego has less than nothing to play for which will allow them to win a close game over the hapless Skins. At the beginning of the year, it appeared Norv Turner had a better chance of being fired than Jim Zorn. Now Turner is likely the Coach of the Year.

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