I'm Back! NFL 2010 Preview MegaPost

Well, I guess I’m like Brett Favre and herpes….you just can’t get rid of me. It’s been ages, but with football season about to kick off it’s time to get back at it and posting regularly. This whole blog started last year with a season preview, so it’s only fitting to get back to work with a season preview/prediction column and wrap in a Degenerate Friday Week 1 picks. And while it is easy on the eyes to watch Caroline Wozniacki play in the U.S. Open, it’s football that really gets us fired up. On a side note – I’m hoping Wozniacki makes the finals because I’ll be there Saturday night. Let’s get right to it…..no gimmicks, no categories, just a full break down of how I see the NFL season playing out.

I break down the season slightly different than most people – most analysts go through and pick their Super Bowl teams and then back their way into records for every team. I go through the entire league schedule and pick every game, then totaling up what records the teams will end up having. The good part is that it doesn’t fall prey to preconceived notions and it definitely allows a tough schedule to have an effect on a team’s final record. The down side is that I end up with some surprises that I may not have made otherwise, as you’ll see with this year’s AFC playoff teams. And I still ended up with 2 new playoff teams in each conference, which is close to the typical 5 teams that surprise people.

Breaking it down by division then a playoff prediction, starting in the NFC

NFC East

Dallas (10-6)

The Cowboys have talked themselves into believing they are a Super Bowl favorite despite bringin

g back most of the team that got drubbed by the Vikings in last year’s playoffs. I expect Marion Barber to have a big season – did you know the guy played last year with a hole in his quad muscle? Think about that – a freaking HOLE in his quad!! Now that he’s healthy, he’s a battering ram that will open up the field for Miles Austin to go deep and Dez Bryant to be a monster. Their offense will be as good as any in the league and their attacking defense will be enough to carry them to the division crown.

NY Giants (9-7)

I don’t actually think the Giants are that good. Yet their schedule falls pretty nicely for them and I think they have enough pieces to be in the mix. Nobody likes Eli Manning, but the guy threw for over 4,000 yards last year and obviously has the support of his team. The NFC East is a lot like the Kardashians in that everyone thinks they’re famous and are a big deal, but stop and think about it for a minute. Kim has some incredible assets (like the Cowboys) and the rest of the family is only famous by association. By association, I guess that makes the Giants equal to Courtney, the next best in the family. And now it’s time to get to the ugly family members…..

Philadelphia (7-9)

So the equation that irrational Eagles fans are selling is Andy Reid equals a winning record. Well when you subtract McNabb and Westbrook and defensive coordinator Jim Johnson, and add in a first year starter in Kevin Kolb, it changes things considerably. Kolb may turn out to be a very good quarterback, but even Aaron Rodgers struggled in his first year as a starter. I personally think Kolb does not have the dynamic fire needed to be a premiere quarterback in the league, but he does have enough physical skills to ensure the Eagles stay close.

Washington (6-10)

I saw that the Sports Guy picked the Skins as his sleeper team and has them in the playoffs. I’d like to see that just to stick it to the Eagles and their ridiculous fans. McNabb still has gas in the tank and will definitely be motivated, but he has no one to throw the ball to and the Skins are dealing with the pain in the ass that is Albert Haynesworth. New Sheriff Shanahan will eventually lead them to success, but it won’t be this year.

NFC South

New Orleans (11-5)

The Saints offense is still as dangerous as Dan Hampton on an open microphone. (The former Bear Hampton is the one that said the Vikings should hit New Orleans “like Katrina” and that the Cowboys were “brokeback cowboys” in one show – that’s a helluva performance right up there with Mel Gibson) They have a premiere quarterback, premiere coach, attacking defense and adaptable receiving and running threats. That’s enough to be there deep in the playoffs.

Atlanta (11-5)

I thought the Falcons would break out last year and they got bit by the injury bug slowing their quarterback, running back and slot receiver. This year with a healthy Matt Ryan, Michael Turner and Harry Douglas, the Falcons look poised to challenge for the division title. The Falcons could be that team to makes the leap to elite and makes a deep run in the playoffs.

Carolina (8-8)

Their biggest improvement was the removal of the Human Turnover Machine, Jake Delhomme as their starting quarterback. However, Matt Moore will struggle now that teams can scheme to stop him. They also lost Julius Peppers and Steve Smith hasn’t played since breaking his arm. Oh, and don’t forget they have a lame duck coach that will be moving on after the season and despite the running tandem of DeAngelo Williams and Jonathan Stewart, this smells like a .500 team.

Tampa Bay (2-14)

The Bucs have some nice pieces in place for future success, but the immediate future looks painful.

NFC West

San Francisco (9-7)

They are the tallest midget. The NFC West is hideous, and the Niners could run away with the division by barely being over .500. They have the defense that is the fiery design of Mike Singletary and offensive weapons in Frank Gore, Vernon Davis and Michael Crabree. If Alex Smith can effectively use his VD and Crabs, it will open things up for Gore and a successful season.

Arizona (8-8)

This text from my brother in Phoenix pretty much summed it up in the desert: “So do I really have to get behind Derek Anderson this season? But I guess it’s better than Leinart.” Anderson has a strong arm which could be beneficial to Larry Fitzgerald, but he has problems telling the difference between his receivers and defensive backs. Having 4 cupcake games against Seattle and St. Louis allows them to stay in the hunt, but Cardinal fans should start preparing for the Max Hall era which may start after a 1-4 start and a bye week.

Seattle (4-12)

Pete Carroll was able to get out of Southern Cal before the shit hit the fan, but he managed to jump right int

o another steaming pile when he went north up the coast. He has almost completely turned over the roster which would be a good thing since the Seahawks were bad, but then when you factor in Carroll’s lack of success in past NFL stints and the overall lack of success of college coaches in the pros, it is a pretty scary proposition.

St. Louis (2-14)

Well, it does appear that Sam Bradford has many of the intangibles and that can help someday return the Rams to respectability. Unfortunately that someday is not this year. Strap on that helmet tight, Sam and live to fight another season.

NFC North

Green Bay (11-5)

The Packers have the favorite for league MVP at quarterback have a healthier offensive line to give him more

time to use his considerable arsenal of Greg Jennings, Donald Driver, Jermichael Finley and James Jones. The secondary will be tested early without Al Harris and Atari Bigby but they get a scheduling break playing poor or less established passing games early in the year – Philly, Buffalo, Chicago, Detroit, Washington and Miami. That could allow the Packers to get off to a very fast start and could carry them to the division title and home field advantage throughout the playoffs.

Minnesota (9-7)

The Vikings are dealing with plenty of questions after a very successful previous season. Can

Favre hold up? Who is going to be their receiving threat? Is their defense too old? Will the rest of the team resent the special treatment that Diva Favre has gotten? Does anyone like Coach Childress?

Hard to imagine a team going to the Super Bowl when the quarterback hates the coach and the rest of the team doesn’t like either one of them.

Detroit (5-11)

Like Blake Lively, the Lions are bursting with young assets. With the addition of Suh and VandeBosch on the defensive line, the Lions could slow a few offenses, which will give Matthew Stafford, Calvin Johnson and Jahvid Best the opportunity to outscore some teams. While 5-11 doesn’t seem like a big jump, when you’re in Detroit, it’s reason to celebrate.

Chicago (5-11)

Coach on the hot seat? Check. Overrated quarterback with an attitude problem? Check. Arrogant offensive coordinator with only one success in his career? Check. Overpaid for a notoriously lazy defensive lineman? Check. Get the fan base excited about signing a third down back? Check. Sounds like another crappy season in Chicago.

AFC East

New England (11-5)

The Patriots are back to where they prefer, under the radar. And Randy Moss is in a contract year, which means he has the potential for a monster year. After last season’s schedule, this year’s slate looks easier than J-Woww after a couple shots of tequila. As long as Brady can keep his Bieber hair out of his eyes, he’ll have a solid arsenal of receiving weapons. Can the Patriots stop anyone? Maybe not, but they will have the offensive firepower to outscore most teams.

NY Jets (10-6)

The Jets remind me of the Seinfeld episode about “The Race” when George pretends he hasn’t seen Jerry since high school and goes on a rant about the millions he made as an architect. Jerry’s response: “You really built yourself up into something, didn’t you?” And that is extremely applicable to the Jets. They were 9-7 last

year. They brought in a bunch of big name veterans past their prime. They got a break to even get into the playoffs. Is that enough to make them Super Bowl favorites? I don’t think so.

Miami (8-8)

The Dolphins have addressed their biggest need, which was a playmaking wide receiver who could actually, you know, catch. They got Brandon Marshall who when paired with Chad Henne give the Dolphins a very potent offense. Unfortunately they face a deadly stretch of games at GB, Pit, at Cin, at Bal, and Ten. If they go 2-3 during that stretch it would be a heck of a

n accomplishment.

Buffalo (5-11)

The Bills managed to find themselves a dynamic game changer in CJ Spiller, but unfortunately they still have Trent Edwards at QB, a leaky offensive line and a defensive line that can’t slow anyone. Could Spiller be a poor man’s Barry Sanders?

AFC South

Indianapolis (13-3)

Every year you start with Indy at 12 wins and then adjust it up or down a game or two. I ex

pect Peyton to bounce back from his Super Bowl pick-6 and be in F-U mode most of the season. Add to that the embarrassment of weapons he has at his disposal and the Colts will blast through the regular season like Justi

n Timberlake blew through the hottest women in Hollywood before settling on Jessica Biel.

Houston (11-5)

Every year people expect the Texans to break through. Every year they let

everyone down. It’s kind of like sending Lindsay Lohan to rehab – when are we finally going to give up on her putting it all together? Well, I’m giving the Texans one last chance because if they just do the simple things, they have the talent to be successful. They have a great wide receiver in Andre Johnson and a strong defense to go with a QB who is solid in the regular season. That should be enough with their schedule.

Tennessee (7-9)

I have no clue what to expect from this team. Two years ago they went 13-3. Last year they started 0-8 and got blasted 59-0 by the Patriots. Yet they have one of the fastest RBs in the league in Chris Johnson who expects to get 2,500 yards this season. Vince Young and his “Uncle Rico” motion isn’t pretty, but he has been able t

o lead the team to wins. Yet I don’t see this team keeping up with the elite in their division.

Jacksonville (4-12)

Can’t we just move this team to LA and get it over with? No one in Jacksonville would even notice if they were

gone. They might be the most non-descript team in the league with their only star a running back with a knee extremely close to needing a scope that will knock him out for 2-3 weeks at a minimum.

AFC West

San Diego (11-5)

I expected to have this team fall off considerably this year with a rookie bell cow running back and the loss of Vincent Jackson to a hold out. Yet their schedule is so soft, even Norv Turner can lead this team to double-digit wins.

Oakland (9-7)

The Raiders are a lot better than people think. Despite the crazy Al Davis, they have quietly put together a great offseason with the drafting of a game changing linebacker and the trade for a serviceable quarterback in Jas

on Campbell. Campbell relied heavily on his TE, Chris Cooley in Washington, which bodes well for the stats of Zach Miller this season. Look for the Raiders to surprise some people this year and be in the hunt for a playoff spot for most of the year.

Kansas City (8-8)

Thomas Jones will be key to keeping Jamaal Charles fresh, yet the Chiefs still have too many holes defensively to get over the .500 hump.

Denver (6-10)

It now seems pretty obvious that the 6-0 start last year was the aberration. Josh McDaniels put himself in the cross-hairs with his love affair with Tim Tebow, but that is dangerous considering Timmy T is not ready to be the starter. Without Brandon Marshall and with a banged up Knowshon Moreno, the offense will struggle and their defense wasn’t good to begin with.

AFC North

Cincinnati (11-5)

The Bengals boast an attacking defense and a powerful running game. And with the addition of TO, Jermaine Gresham and Jordan Shipley, Carson Palmer has run out of excuses. It’s time for his resurgence like recent pictures of Britney Spears in a bikini and utilize his assets. Despite wearing down at the end of last season, I expect the Bengals to get it done.

Pittsburgh (11-5)

This may have been my biggest surprise. I have them starting 1-3 with Dennis Dixon as the starter but the schedule for the Steelers provides a softer landing for Big Ben than landing on the chest of Salma Hayek. With a recommitment to the run, the Steelers have the ability to slug it out with anyone.

Baltimore (10-6)

I was expecting to have the Ravens in the mix for a Super Bowl birth. Unfortunately, while they improved their offensive weapons with the additions of Anquan Boldin, Donte Stallworth and TJ Houshmandzadeh, their defensive secondary is a mess with the injuries to Ed Reed and Dominique Foxworthy. That does not bode well to compete with the receiving threats in Cincy and games at Atlanta, at Houston and at New England.

AFC Playoff Teams: (1) Colts, (2) Patriots, (3) Chargers, (4) Bengals, (WC) Texans, (WC) Steelers

NFC Playoff Teams: (1) Packers, (2) Saints, (3) Cowboys, (4) 49ers, (WC) Falcons, (WC) Vikings

hAFC Championship: Colts over Patriots

NFC Championship: Packers over Saints

SUPER BOWL CHAMPION: Green Bay Packers over Colts

Maybe I’m just a homer, but I think all the parts are there for Aaron Rodgers to establish his own legacy in Green Bay. My head says the Colts are the pick to beat the Packers, but I can’t put the Packers that close and not have them pull it off.

QUICK HITS for DEGENERATE FRIDAY – Week 1

Thursday pick: Saints (-5) over Vikings

Falcons (-2) over STEELERS – the Matt Ryan rebound begins

Dolphins (-3) over BILLS – Spiller isn’t enough

Lions (+6.5) over BEARS – Misery begins in the Windy City

GIANTS (-6.5) over Panthers – G-men get revenge on Carolina for ruining the closing of old stadium.

PATRIOTS (-4.5) over Bengals – Brady celebrates new contract with big opener

Browns (+3) over BUCCANEERS – who cares?

JAGUARS (-2.5) over Broncos – barely more interesting than the previous suck-fest

Colts (-2) over TEXANS – Texans not quite ready for prime time

Raiders (+6) over TITANS – Raiders may not win but that spread is too big for the resurgent Raiders

Packers (-3) over EAGLES – easiest game to pick this week

49ers (-3) over SEAHAWKS – welcome to the big leagues Coach Carroll

Cardinals (-4) over RAMS – someone has to win this game

Cowboys (-3.5) over REDSKINS – McNabb gets a rude welcome in DC

JETS (-2.5) over Ravens – break in the new stadium in style

CHIEFS (+4) over Chargers – San Diego never starts fast

Bracket Breakdown - East & South

Happy St. Patrick’s Day! Tip back a green beer or ten while you fill out your bracket and read the breakdowns below of the East and South brackets. See yesterday’s post to get the breakdown of the Midwest & West.

And a reminder – get your entry in for The Sports Addict 2010 Bracket Challenge. See the details on the right edge of the page. It’s free to enter and you can win free gear from your favorite college team and some Sports Addict swag.

My official bracket with thoughts on every game along the way will be posted Thursday morning before the first game tips off. I am one of those people that waits until the very last minute to fill out my final bracket. I want to consume as much information and knowledge which is guaranteed to make me outthink myself and finish in the bottom half of the pool. It is as much of a sure thing as someone getting thrown out at Augusta for heckling Tiger on the first day of The Masters. Anyway……..on to the East & South breakdowns. (by the way, while I was writing this, Ben Sheets just gave up another 5 hits and 3 runs. Really Ben? 10 batters faced and not one out for the A’s on Monday? Ouch.)

EAST BRACKET

Theme Song: “Happy For The Rest of Your Life” by Jimmy Soul
The song is an oldie, but a goodie, and if you don’t recognize it by name, here’s a link with lyrics on youtube. It will be stuck in your head the rest of the day. The key lyrics – “If you want to be happy for the rest of your life, never make a pretty woman your wife. So from my personal point of view, get an ugly girl to marry you.” Now I don’t subscribe to the theory – as evidenced by my wife who is way better looking than I deserve – but the song is appropriate for this bracket. If you’re going to pick a team from this bracket to win the tourney, you are most likely going to be a fan of rugged, “ugly” basketball. Stingy defense, and physical play will be all over the bracket with West Virginia, Marquette, Wisconsin, Temple and Cornell. Add to that the immature play of Kentucky and the sloppy uptempo games favored by Texas, Clemson and Missouri, and you have the potential for some unattractivegames. As the song says, if you’re marrying your bracket to one of these teams, “Though her face is ugly, her eyes don’t match, take it from me she’s a better catch.”

Katy Perry (talent to bust out): West Virginia (#2 seed)
The Moutaineers are as hot as any team in the country after their Big East tournament championship. They have proven that they can win close games and Da’Sean Butler has made his case as the most clutch player in the country. West Virginia also have the leadership of veteran Bobby Huggins, who would love nothing more than to follow “One Shining Moment” with John Denver’s “Take Me Home, Country Roads” (feel free to put this on in the background while you read about them) The Mountaineers also have a favorable half of the bracket with the weakest #3 seed in New Mexico and their toughest matchup before the regional final might come in the second game against a high-scoring Clemson or Missouri team.




Scarlett Johannson (best stats): Texas (#8 seed)
The Longhorns started the year 17-0, and finished 24-9, but their stats are over the entire season. They have the 5th highest scoring average of any team in the tournament, and were 3rd in the nation in rebounding margin – outrebounding their opponents by more than 9 per game. In addition, Texas has the dynamic scoring, but horrible free-throw shooting Damion James on the wing, a player who has the potential to carry a team if he gets hot. They have a tough draw if they can get past Wake Forest and do battle with the top-seeded Wildcats, but they have size in Dexter Pittman to match up with DeMarcus Cousins and their own highly regarded freshman point guard in Avery Bradley.

Elisabeth Rohm (underappreciated): Temple (#5 seed)
She can’t exactly be considered ready to break out considering she really hasn’t done much (outside of a handful of Heroes episodes) since 2005 when she left Law & Order, but in my humble opinion, she is very underrated. Smart, talented and capable of bringing the heat. Temple is not exactly an unknown, having won the regular season and tournament titles in the Atlantic-10, yet no one really knows anything about the team. Did you know that their coach, Fran Dunphy has taken teams to the tournament 11 times (he's been at Temple since 2006)? Granted, he is 1-11, but still. This team plays ferocious defense and should be able to handle everyone’s favorite upset pick, Cornell, in the first round. They finished 4th in the country in lowest field goal percentage allowed, and more importantly for us, they had the 3rd best record in the country against the spread at 22-11-1.

Faith Hill & Tim McGraw (best matchup): #6 Marquette vs. #11 Washington
The country singers just seem to fit well together, and while they rarely make the tabloid headlines, they always look good at the awards shows. This match up with Marquette and Washington is a perfect pairing of teams that are led by perimeter players (even though Lazard Hayward is the power forward, he’s 6’5” and gets by on pure effort in the paint) and squads that have been playing better as the season went on. The Golden Eagles have played more close games than anyone in the country and a tough battle will be exactly what Buzz and his team expect.

SOUTH BRACKET

Theme Song: “Funk Soul Brother” by Fatboy Slim
The first time you hear the song, you kind of get into it, feel the beat and are into it. Then after you hear it a couple times, it’s starts to really annoy you and eventually the thought of the song makes you want to punch Fatboy Slim. The South bracket is very much like that. When I first saw Duke as the top seed, I knew I would have my bracket to pick an upset team to make the final four. Then the more I looked at the bracket, the more I realized that there are not any teams I’m comfortable backing to get to the Final Four. Before the pairings came out, I had pegged 12 teams as potential Final Four teams, and of those 12, only one is located in the South (Villanova). Annoying. (since I find Fatboy Slim annoying, I decided to thow a picture of Christopher Walken up - he was in the video for "Weapon of Choice" so it's related. And Christopher Walken is like Mike Tyson, just adding them to any situation makes it inherently funny. Are pigeons funny? No. But if you have a reality show with Mike Tyson racing pigeons? Pure Gold, Jerry.)

Salma Hayek (talent to bust out): Baylor (#3 seed)
If nothing else, Baylor is a story you want to get behind. They are coached by the brother of Bryce Drew, the Valparaiso NCAA tournament hero, and are a talented group. Like Salma, they have a pair of dominating features, which for the Bears means their backcourt of LaceDarius Dunn and Tweety Carter. They have proven their ability to win in the rugged Big 12 in addition to nonconference wins over Xavier and Arizona State. The Bears do not have any tournament experience, so it will be tough for them to beat an experienced team like Villanova or Duke later in the tournament. However, they will have the advantage of playing those teams in Houston, much closer to their home and likely a stadium dominated by their fans.

Kelly Brook (best stats): Duke (#1 seed)
Duke is the most annoying team in the tournament. They have the stats to be a #1 seed, and potentially the #3 overall team. They are 29-5 and won the regular season and tournament ACC championship. They are the top offensive team according to Ken Pomeroy’s efficiency stats. They are third in the country in defensive 3-point field goal percentage. They have the 3rd best point differential of any team in the bracket, beating their opponents by an average of over 17 points per game. Yet despite the great stats, you can’t take them seriously as a title contender, can you? They have an experienced backcourt with Jon Scheyer and Nolan Smith, and an all-around player in Kyle Singler who can get hot and be almost unstoppable. Does that mean they will advance to the Final Four?

Yvonne Strahovski (underappreciated): Old Dominion (#11 seed)
Strahovski is the girl from that awful show “Chuck” where she plays a spy and probably saves the world from bad guys on a weekly basis. She is the only redeeming quality of the show. Much like Old Dominion is the only redeeming quality of Colonial Athletic Association conference. ODU has the advantage of playing a Notre Dame team that is confused whether or not they want to play their 2-time All-American, Luke Harangody or not. Since Harangody got hurt, the team shifted to a slower paced game and has been successful with him coming off the bench. That slower style is preferred by the Monarchs, and may play right into their hands. The biggest thing holding ODU back from being a lock in this game is their horrid free throw shooting, which is typically needed down the stretch to put away an upset.

Rihanna & Matt Kemp (best matchup): #7 Richmond vs. #10 St. Mary’s
Should I try to make the case of them both being a matchup of someone from the west coast with someone from the southeast (assuming you can say Rihanna’s hometown in Barbados is very-south-very-east?)? Nah – I’ll just say it’s a matchup of two midmajors, which would be a pretty good description of both Rihanna and Kemp’s celebrity status. Richmond is getting the most attention the program has gotten since they beat Syracuse as a #15 seed in 1991, primarily due to the play of their guards Kevin Anderson and David Gonzalvez paired with the shooting of Ryan Butler. St. Mary’s finally got over the hump of beating Gonzaga, so the fear is whether they are happy just to be included in the tournament.

NFL Rankings - Turkey Day Food

Well it’s just about that time to start preparing the food for tomorrow’s glutinous feast. Make sure you take some time to be thankful for all the good things you have going for you – healthy children (Congrats to Archie, his wife and new baby girl!), amazing family, great friends and the fact that there are 3 football games on Thanksgiving now. So after that final forkful of pumpkin pie that leads to your pants buttons screaming for mercy, there is still one more late game to watch while you finish off that bottle of wine or Fleishman’s Vodka.

Packers (-10) over LIONS
The loss of Al Harris is a major blow to the Packers defense, as his ability to rough up opposing WRs one-on-one allows Charles Woodson to blitz with abandon. The loss of Aaron Kampman is not as big of a loss, as he has struggled in the adjustment from a 4-3 end to a 3-4 outside linebacker. The Packers shouldn’t need either of them to slap around the Lions, who will be playing without last week’s hero, Matthew Stafford.

Raiders (+13.5) over COWBOYS
I don’t know what to make of the Cowboys offense, with only a garbage-time TD in Green Bay and one TD in Washington the past 2 weeks. I’m trying not to overreact to that or the Raiders miracle win over the Bengals, yet catching almost 2 TDs against a team that has only scored 2 TDs total the past two weeks seems like value. Especially now that Gradkowski gives Oakland some hope of moving the ball.

GIANTS (-6) over Broncos
This is a game the Broncos absolutely must win in order to right their ship. Then again, you could have said the same thing last week, and they completely laid an egg against the Chargers. Giants got things back on track by beating the Falcons in OT, and despite their running game still missing, they will be ready for a sucker punch from the Broncos – advice Jimmy Clausen needs to heed around the bars in South Bend these days.

To get you ready for the feast tomorrow, this week’s rankings are broken down into categories based on the essential parts of the Thanksgiving meal. The biggest climber this week is the Giants and the biggest sliders are the Broncos and the Texans.

The Turkey Category
It’s the star of the meal, and the most important centerpiece on the table. Whether you almost blow up your house by trying to deep fry it, or go the classic route in the oven, it is the biggest bird at the table, full of tryptophan to put you to sleep after you consume a couple pounds, doused in heavy gravy. These are the powerhouses of the league, the most consistent teams and in many instances, they are blowing out opponents, which can put you to sleep like the turkey.

1. Saints (last week: 1) – This week will go a long way to determining if they can run the table to 16-0 when they face off with the Patriots on Monday night.

2. Colts (2) – Another week, another improbable escape by the Colts. They have almost clinched their division already and will likely clinch home field in the AFC in the next 3 weeks, meaning Manning and company will be resting the final 3 weeks of the year.

3. Vikings (3) – Brett Favre and Brad Childress are the two biggest things since Salma Hayek, and so far this season, they have not been boobs. Favre is playing as well as he ever has in his career, is among the leaders for the MVP, and has the Vikings right on the tail of the Saints for home field advantage.

4. Patriots (5) – I guess all those “The Pats are Dead” articles from the first 4 weeks of the season may have been a little premature. Brady is back and throwing with zip on the ball, and he is right in sync with Welker and Moss.

5. Chargers (7) – They started the season like turkeys, but have now won 5 straight games and are showing they will be a dangerous out in the playoffs.

6. Cardinals (8) – Another streaky team that is cruising right now, playing like the team they were expected to be at the start of the season. There is concern if Warner has to miss time with his concussion, but the Cards have to hope that Leinart has matured like his draft classmate, Vince Young.

The Grandma’s Rolls Category
Every family has some food that is a tradition in their family that can never be replicated by anyone else. Maybe it’s pirogues, or polish sausage, or something else. In my family, it’s my grandma’s rolls, which can only be made correctly by my grandma. They are perfectly light and fluffy and it just isn’t the holidays without them. My mother is a tremendous cook, but she has tried to make them using the recipe given to her by my grandma (her mother), and they are not even close. It doesn’t make sense, but the rolls are among the best part of the holiday meals for me. Same with these teams that are maddening in that you know they are good, but you can’t figure them out for the life of you.

7. Bengals (4) – It was an improbable and awful loss to the Raiders, but they didn’t lose any ground in their division. Hopefully for them Cedric Benson will be back this week, and they need to bounce back in a big way.

8. Cowboys (10) – Like mentioned above, they have not been consistent enough, which is why Wade Phillips will not be coaching next year. Yet they are 7-3, leading their division and have a very winnable game against the Raiders on Turkey Day.

9. Steelers (6) – They need to fix their special teams immediately, as they have allowed 8 return TDs this season. It looks like Roethlisberger is going to be okay to play this week, but one hard hit could lead to Dennis Dixon taking regular snaps, which would end any hopes of a deep playoff run.

10. Packers (13) – Once again they catch the Lions on a week without Matthew Stafford or Calvin Johnson. Last time that resulted in a 26-0 thrashing, and that seems likely again on Thursday. It will be tough to adjust to losing Al Harris, and that could have an effect on the Packers ability to go deep into the playoffs.

11. Eagles (14) – Their young nucleus of explosive players (McCoy, D. Jackson, Maclin & Celek are all under 25) have been playing extremely well, and what’s been holding them back has been the sometimes inaccuracy of their veteran quarterback.

12. Giants (17) – The win over the Falcons kept the vultures at bay for another week, but the Giants don’t have many mulligans left in the bag. Eli stepped up and showed that heel recovered nicely during the bye week.

The Pumpkin Pie Category
The best desert of the holiday season, and nothing says Thanksgiving more than the pumpkin pie. It’s delicious and sweet, but you know it’s not that good for you and going to leave you with a rear end that starts to resemble Jennifer Love Hewitt before the weight loss. That also describes these teams that are good enough to beat anyone at any time, but they also can lose to anyone and they haven’t quite figured out how to win the big games.

13. Jaguars (16) – They are the least talked-about team in the league, and at 6-4 are well positioned to make the playoffs. To prove the lack of respect, they are underdogs against the 4-6 49ers this week in San Francisco.

14. Texans (9) – Kris Brown is not long for the league if he doesn’t figure out how to start kicking straight. First he misses the potential game winner against Indy, and follows it up by missing the game-tying kick against the Titans on Monday night. The Texans cannot make the leap without a reliable kicking game.

15. Falcons (12) – The Falcons were impressive in erasing a 14 point deficit in the 4th quarter against the Giants, yet couldn’t finish the deal and lost in OT. Michael Jenkins dropped an easy TD earlier in the game, and the defense couldn’t slow the Giants in overtime, which are the things that top teams do.

16. Ravens (15) – The learning process for Joe Flacco continues as I’m sure he quickly realized that he cannot make that pass and turn the ball over when you’re down 2, in field goal range, with under 2 minutes to go. Something tells me if he didn’t get the message, Ray Lewis will offer to give him the “Chris Brown” treatment until he gets it. Or he could stick it to him with the “Ray Lewis” treatment.

The Cranberry Sauce Category
Cranberry sauce is awesome, but only relevant at Thanksgiving. It’s not important in September or October, suddenly is all important in November, and then fades away by December. That is also a perfect description for these teams that were awful to start the year, and then got hot and everyone is wondering “Can they make a run at the playoffs?” But in the end, they will fade back to oblivion (or Bolivian if you ask Mike Tyson).

17. Titans (19) – Maybe if Jeff Fisher wanted to feel like a winner, he should have put on Vince Young’s jersey instead of the Peyton Manning one he chose. Young is still not a prolific passer, but combined with the unbelievable running of Chris Johnson, the Titans offense is churning.

18. Dolphins (20) – Ricky Williams proved he’s ready for his close-up with Ronnie Brown out for the rest of the year. However, the Dolphins are still limited until Ted Ginn or someone provides a deep threat to utilize the strong arm of Chad Henne.

19. Panthers (18) – The Panthers missed a golden opportunity to get into the thick of the playoff picture last week when they lost to the Dolphins in Charlotte. Now they head up to the Meadowlands to face the whining, loud-mouthed losers in the Meadowlands.

The Stuffing Category
Stuffing is another delicious treat at the Thanksgiving dinner table, but does anyone really know what’s in it? You probably don’t want to think about the ingredients and would rather go about your business naïve to what is really in there. Don’t lift up the covers and find out there is day old bread and turkey giblets – and if you don’t know what giblets are, don’t ask – and other odds and ends. It’s a fitting category for these teams that started off in pure stuffing eating bliss, but now the league has started to look at their ingredients.

20. Broncos (11) – Yikes, the Broncos have fallen faster than Kelly Clarkson, who incidentally should probably pass on the extra serving of stuffing tomorrow. And now they’re sniping at each other on the sidelines during games and in the locker room. They are 6-4, yet it feels like they’re closer to 4-6 and need a win on Thursday to slow the bleeding.

21. 49ers (22) – Have you heard any of the Mike Singletary comments in the past few weeks? It’s not really important what he says because he has the most intriguing and commanding voice this side of James Earl Jones. He always sounds extremely intense and majestic. Yet that hasn’t been enough to scare up more victories.

22. Jets (21) – Memo to Rex Ryan: SHUT UP. Stop whining, stop crying and stop talking smack. Your team has fallen out of the playoff picture, your quarterback has completely lost his mojo, and you haven’t done anything about it. It’s time to PUT UP & SHUT UP. Your routine has aged faster than Luke Wilson (have you seen him in those AT&T commercials with the fat face? What the…..?)

23. Bears (23) – Donovan McNabb was giving Jay Cutler a pep talk after the game last Sunday night? What was he telling him? “At least Rush Limbaugh won’t make fun of you because you’re white.” Or maybe “If it gets really bad, you can puke on the field.”

The Sweet Potatoes Category
I think the sweet potato is the most overrated food on the Thanksgiving table. Why is a potato suddenly a strangely bright shade of orange? I just don’t get it. I’ll stick to the regular potatoes that come from Idaho, and I’ll leave those crazy orange ones to the Oompa Loompas. These are the teams that are not very good, yet snuck up on some teams and have played their way out of the top 7 draft picks.

24. Chiefs (27) – It was an impressive win in overtime against the Steelers and the team appears to have bought into the fiery nature of Coach Haley since Larry Johnson left town. Is it a coincidence that the Chiefs are 2-0 without him and the Bengals are 0-1 with him?

25. Redskins (26) – The Redskin defense continued to try and keep the team interesting, holding the Cowboys to 1 touchdown. Yet that was enough to stop the Sherm Lewis “Bingo” offense. If you’re Jim Zorn, at what point do you just bring a lawn chair to sit on the sidelines?

The Crazy Relative Category
Everyone has one at all of their family gatherings. It may be an aunt, uncle, grandparent, parent, or heck, it might be you. The one who drinks too much, makes inappropriately non-politically correct comments, or is planning for the coming alien arrival. And yet, no matter what, they’re still family, so everyone is going to welcome them with open arms, and pour them another drink. Well, that’s Al Davis and the Raiders. And the league can’t do anything about it.

26. Raiders (31) – The team is still playing hard for Tom Cable, and the team definitely has more confidence with Gradkowski at quarterback judging by the comments after the win over the Bengals from various players saying how they appreciated the effort and confidence in the huddle.

The Brussels Sprouts Category
You have to have a well-rounded overflowing plate of food on Thanksgiving, and so that includes some greenery. The veggies have to be there, and we all know the one that has always scared us since we were little, and that was the dreaded brussels sprouts. Not surprisingly, we’re at the bottom of the league. Like the veggies, you don’t want to waste too much of your plate on these teams, and one helping is plenty. These teams stink, and even when they put up a bunch of points in a shoot out its against one another and it’s no different than saying broccoli is better than cauliflower – no one really cares, and it doesn’t mean all that much.

27. Bills (25) – New coach, new quarterback and same result. At least there was a Terrell Owens sighting, which is good because I was getting worried that he wasn’t going to be able to love him some him.

28. Lions (31) – Even when the Lions win, they lose. Stafford is the NFC offensive player of the week after his 5 TD performance in a win over the Browns, and now he’s out this week with a dislocated shoulder.

29. Seahawks (24) – This is the most uninteresting team in the league. They stink but they’re not really a laughingstock and there are no controversies. Let’s just move on.

30. Buccaneers (28) – Raheem Morris, in his first year as a head coach, fired his offensive coordinator during the preseason, and now reassigned his defensive coordinator this week. He has a young team with limited talent, but it is not a good reflection on his decision making.

31. Rams (29) – Quick quiz: who will be starting at quarterback for the Rams with Marc Bulger injured? Other than Kyle Boller’s mother, I’m guessing less than 1% of you knew that. The long season for first-year coach Steve Spagnuolo continues.

32. Browns (32) – Eric Mangini should worry less about the Lions faking injuries and more about himself faking that he will be employed in February. Brady Quinn looked good, granted against the Lions, when he was allowed to just get in the no huddle offense and sling it all over the field. That’s another revelation that doesn’t reflect well on Mangini who was faster on the trigger than Cool Hand Luke.