I'm Back! NFL 2010 Preview MegaPost

Well, I guess I’m like Brett Favre and herpes….you just can’t get rid of me. It’s been ages, but with football season about to kick off it’s time to get back at it and posting regularly. This whole blog started last year with a season preview, so it’s only fitting to get back to work with a season preview/prediction column and wrap in a Degenerate Friday Week 1 picks. And while it is easy on the eyes to watch Caroline Wozniacki play in the U.S. Open, it’s football that really gets us fired up. On a side note – I’m hoping Wozniacki makes the finals because I’ll be there Saturday night. Let’s get right to it…..no gimmicks, no categories, just a full break down of how I see the NFL season playing out.

I break down the season slightly different than most people – most analysts go through and pick their Super Bowl teams and then back their way into records for every team. I go through the entire league schedule and pick every game, then totaling up what records the teams will end up having. The good part is that it doesn’t fall prey to preconceived notions and it definitely allows a tough schedule to have an effect on a team’s final record. The down side is that I end up with some surprises that I may not have made otherwise, as you’ll see with this year’s AFC playoff teams. And I still ended up with 2 new playoff teams in each conference, which is close to the typical 5 teams that surprise people.

Breaking it down by division then a playoff prediction, starting in the NFC

NFC East

Dallas (10-6)

The Cowboys have talked themselves into believing they are a Super Bowl favorite despite bringin

g back most of the team that got drubbed by the Vikings in last year’s playoffs. I expect Marion Barber to have a big season – did you know the guy played last year with a hole in his quad muscle? Think about that – a freaking HOLE in his quad!! Now that he’s healthy, he’s a battering ram that will open up the field for Miles Austin to go deep and Dez Bryant to be a monster. Their offense will be as good as any in the league and their attacking defense will be enough to carry them to the division crown.

NY Giants (9-7)

I don’t actually think the Giants are that good. Yet their schedule falls pretty nicely for them and I think they have enough pieces to be in the mix. Nobody likes Eli Manning, but the guy threw for over 4,000 yards last year and obviously has the support of his team. The NFC East is a lot like the Kardashians in that everyone thinks they’re famous and are a big deal, but stop and think about it for a minute. Kim has some incredible assets (like the Cowboys) and the rest of the family is only famous by association. By association, I guess that makes the Giants equal to Courtney, the next best in the family. And now it’s time to get to the ugly family members…..

Philadelphia (7-9)

So the equation that irrational Eagles fans are selling is Andy Reid equals a winning record. Well when you subtract McNabb and Westbrook and defensive coordinator Jim Johnson, and add in a first year starter in Kevin Kolb, it changes things considerably. Kolb may turn out to be a very good quarterback, but even Aaron Rodgers struggled in his first year as a starter. I personally think Kolb does not have the dynamic fire needed to be a premiere quarterback in the league, but he does have enough physical skills to ensure the Eagles stay close.

Washington (6-10)

I saw that the Sports Guy picked the Skins as his sleeper team and has them in the playoffs. I’d like to see that just to stick it to the Eagles and their ridiculous fans. McNabb still has gas in the tank and will definitely be motivated, but he has no one to throw the ball to and the Skins are dealing with the pain in the ass that is Albert Haynesworth. New Sheriff Shanahan will eventually lead them to success, but it won’t be this year.

NFC South

New Orleans (11-5)

The Saints offense is still as dangerous as Dan Hampton on an open microphone. (The former Bear Hampton is the one that said the Vikings should hit New Orleans “like Katrina” and that the Cowboys were “brokeback cowboys” in one show – that’s a helluva performance right up there with Mel Gibson) They have a premiere quarterback, premiere coach, attacking defense and adaptable receiving and running threats. That’s enough to be there deep in the playoffs.

Atlanta (11-5)

I thought the Falcons would break out last year and they got bit by the injury bug slowing their quarterback, running back and slot receiver. This year with a healthy Matt Ryan, Michael Turner and Harry Douglas, the Falcons look poised to challenge for the division title. The Falcons could be that team to makes the leap to elite and makes a deep run in the playoffs.

Carolina (8-8)

Their biggest improvement was the removal of the Human Turnover Machine, Jake Delhomme as their starting quarterback. However, Matt Moore will struggle now that teams can scheme to stop him. They also lost Julius Peppers and Steve Smith hasn’t played since breaking his arm. Oh, and don’t forget they have a lame duck coach that will be moving on after the season and despite the running tandem of DeAngelo Williams and Jonathan Stewart, this smells like a .500 team.

Tampa Bay (2-14)

The Bucs have some nice pieces in place for future success, but the immediate future looks painful.

NFC West

San Francisco (9-7)

They are the tallest midget. The NFC West is hideous, and the Niners could run away with the division by barely being over .500. They have the defense that is the fiery design of Mike Singletary and offensive weapons in Frank Gore, Vernon Davis and Michael Crabree. If Alex Smith can effectively use his VD and Crabs, it will open things up for Gore and a successful season.

Arizona (8-8)

This text from my brother in Phoenix pretty much summed it up in the desert: “So do I really have to get behind Derek Anderson this season? But I guess it’s better than Leinart.” Anderson has a strong arm which could be beneficial to Larry Fitzgerald, but he has problems telling the difference between his receivers and defensive backs. Having 4 cupcake games against Seattle and St. Louis allows them to stay in the hunt, but Cardinal fans should start preparing for the Max Hall era which may start after a 1-4 start and a bye week.

Seattle (4-12)

Pete Carroll was able to get out of Southern Cal before the shit hit the fan, but he managed to jump right int

o another steaming pile when he went north up the coast. He has almost completely turned over the roster which would be a good thing since the Seahawks were bad, but then when you factor in Carroll’s lack of success in past NFL stints and the overall lack of success of college coaches in the pros, it is a pretty scary proposition.

St. Louis (2-14)

Well, it does appear that Sam Bradford has many of the intangibles and that can help someday return the Rams to respectability. Unfortunately that someday is not this year. Strap on that helmet tight, Sam and live to fight another season.

NFC North

Green Bay (11-5)

The Packers have the favorite for league MVP at quarterback have a healthier offensive line to give him more

time to use his considerable arsenal of Greg Jennings, Donald Driver, Jermichael Finley and James Jones. The secondary will be tested early without Al Harris and Atari Bigby but they get a scheduling break playing poor or less established passing games early in the year – Philly, Buffalo, Chicago, Detroit, Washington and Miami. That could allow the Packers to get off to a very fast start and could carry them to the division title and home field advantage throughout the playoffs.

Minnesota (9-7)

The Vikings are dealing with plenty of questions after a very successful previous season. Can

Favre hold up? Who is going to be their receiving threat? Is their defense too old? Will the rest of the team resent the special treatment that Diva Favre has gotten? Does anyone like Coach Childress?

Hard to imagine a team going to the Super Bowl when the quarterback hates the coach and the rest of the team doesn’t like either one of them.

Detroit (5-11)

Like Blake Lively, the Lions are bursting with young assets. With the addition of Suh and VandeBosch on the defensive line, the Lions could slow a few offenses, which will give Matthew Stafford, Calvin Johnson and Jahvid Best the opportunity to outscore some teams. While 5-11 doesn’t seem like a big jump, when you’re in Detroit, it’s reason to celebrate.

Chicago (5-11)

Coach on the hot seat? Check. Overrated quarterback with an attitude problem? Check. Arrogant offensive coordinator with only one success in his career? Check. Overpaid for a notoriously lazy defensive lineman? Check. Get the fan base excited about signing a third down back? Check. Sounds like another crappy season in Chicago.

AFC East

New England (11-5)

The Patriots are back to where they prefer, under the radar. And Randy Moss is in a contract year, which means he has the potential for a monster year. After last season’s schedule, this year’s slate looks easier than J-Woww after a couple shots of tequila. As long as Brady can keep his Bieber hair out of his eyes, he’ll have a solid arsenal of receiving weapons. Can the Patriots stop anyone? Maybe not, but they will have the offensive firepower to outscore most teams.

NY Jets (10-6)

The Jets remind me of the Seinfeld episode about “The Race” when George pretends he hasn’t seen Jerry since high school and goes on a rant about the millions he made as an architect. Jerry’s response: “You really built yourself up into something, didn’t you?” And that is extremely applicable to the Jets. They were 9-7 last

year. They brought in a bunch of big name veterans past their prime. They got a break to even get into the playoffs. Is that enough to make them Super Bowl favorites? I don’t think so.

Miami (8-8)

The Dolphins have addressed their biggest need, which was a playmaking wide receiver who could actually, you know, catch. They got Brandon Marshall who when paired with Chad Henne give the Dolphins a very potent offense. Unfortunately they face a deadly stretch of games at GB, Pit, at Cin, at Bal, and Ten. If they go 2-3 during that stretch it would be a heck of a

n accomplishment.

Buffalo (5-11)

The Bills managed to find themselves a dynamic game changer in CJ Spiller, but unfortunately they still have Trent Edwards at QB, a leaky offensive line and a defensive line that can’t slow anyone. Could Spiller be a poor man’s Barry Sanders?

AFC South

Indianapolis (13-3)

Every year you start with Indy at 12 wins and then adjust it up or down a game or two. I ex

pect Peyton to bounce back from his Super Bowl pick-6 and be in F-U mode most of the season. Add to that the embarrassment of weapons he has at his disposal and the Colts will blast through the regular season like Justi

n Timberlake blew through the hottest women in Hollywood before settling on Jessica Biel.

Houston (11-5)

Every year people expect the Texans to break through. Every year they let

everyone down. It’s kind of like sending Lindsay Lohan to rehab – when are we finally going to give up on her putting it all together? Well, I’m giving the Texans one last chance because if they just do the simple things, they have the talent to be successful. They have a great wide receiver in Andre Johnson and a strong defense to go with a QB who is solid in the regular season. That should be enough with their schedule.

Tennessee (7-9)

I have no clue what to expect from this team. Two years ago they went 13-3. Last year they started 0-8 and got blasted 59-0 by the Patriots. Yet they have one of the fastest RBs in the league in Chris Johnson who expects to get 2,500 yards this season. Vince Young and his “Uncle Rico” motion isn’t pretty, but he has been able t

o lead the team to wins. Yet I don’t see this team keeping up with the elite in their division.

Jacksonville (4-12)

Can’t we just move this team to LA and get it over with? No one in Jacksonville would even notice if they were

gone. They might be the most non-descript team in the league with their only star a running back with a knee extremely close to needing a scope that will knock him out for 2-3 weeks at a minimum.

AFC West

San Diego (11-5)

I expected to have this team fall off considerably this year with a rookie bell cow running back and the loss of Vincent Jackson to a hold out. Yet their schedule is so soft, even Norv Turner can lead this team to double-digit wins.

Oakland (9-7)

The Raiders are a lot better than people think. Despite the crazy Al Davis, they have quietly put together a great offseason with the drafting of a game changing linebacker and the trade for a serviceable quarterback in Jas

on Campbell. Campbell relied heavily on his TE, Chris Cooley in Washington, which bodes well for the stats of Zach Miller this season. Look for the Raiders to surprise some people this year and be in the hunt for a playoff spot for most of the year.

Kansas City (8-8)

Thomas Jones will be key to keeping Jamaal Charles fresh, yet the Chiefs still have too many holes defensively to get over the .500 hump.

Denver (6-10)

It now seems pretty obvious that the 6-0 start last year was the aberration. Josh McDaniels put himself in the cross-hairs with his love affair with Tim Tebow, but that is dangerous considering Timmy T is not ready to be the starter. Without Brandon Marshall and with a banged up Knowshon Moreno, the offense will struggle and their defense wasn’t good to begin with.

AFC North

Cincinnati (11-5)

The Bengals boast an attacking defense and a powerful running game. And with the addition of TO, Jermaine Gresham and Jordan Shipley, Carson Palmer has run out of excuses. It’s time for his resurgence like recent pictures of Britney Spears in a bikini and utilize his assets. Despite wearing down at the end of last season, I expect the Bengals to get it done.

Pittsburgh (11-5)

This may have been my biggest surprise. I have them starting 1-3 with Dennis Dixon as the starter but the schedule for the Steelers provides a softer landing for Big Ben than landing on the chest of Salma Hayek. With a recommitment to the run, the Steelers have the ability to slug it out with anyone.

Baltimore (10-6)

I was expecting to have the Ravens in the mix for a Super Bowl birth. Unfortunately, while they improved their offensive weapons with the additions of Anquan Boldin, Donte Stallworth and TJ Houshmandzadeh, their defensive secondary is a mess with the injuries to Ed Reed and Dominique Foxworthy. That does not bode well to compete with the receiving threats in Cincy and games at Atlanta, at Houston and at New England.

AFC Playoff Teams: (1) Colts, (2) Patriots, (3) Chargers, (4) Bengals, (WC) Texans, (WC) Steelers

NFC Playoff Teams: (1) Packers, (2) Saints, (3) Cowboys, (4) 49ers, (WC) Falcons, (WC) Vikings

hAFC Championship: Colts over Patriots

NFC Championship: Packers over Saints

SUPER BOWL CHAMPION: Green Bay Packers over Colts

Maybe I’m just a homer, but I think all the parts are there for Aaron Rodgers to establish his own legacy in Green Bay. My head says the Colts are the pick to beat the Packers, but I can’t put the Packers that close and not have them pull it off.

QUICK HITS for DEGENERATE FRIDAY – Week 1

Thursday pick: Saints (-5) over Vikings

Falcons (-2) over STEELERS – the Matt Ryan rebound begins

Dolphins (-3) over BILLS – Spiller isn’t enough

Lions (+6.5) over BEARS – Misery begins in the Windy City

GIANTS (-6.5) over Panthers – G-men get revenge on Carolina for ruining the closing of old stadium.

PATRIOTS (-4.5) over Bengals – Brady celebrates new contract with big opener

Browns (+3) over BUCCANEERS – who cares?

JAGUARS (-2.5) over Broncos – barely more interesting than the previous suck-fest

Colts (-2) over TEXANS – Texans not quite ready for prime time

Raiders (+6) over TITANS – Raiders may not win but that spread is too big for the resurgent Raiders

Packers (-3) over EAGLES – easiest game to pick this week

49ers (-3) over SEAHAWKS – welcome to the big leagues Coach Carroll

Cardinals (-4) over RAMS – someone has to win this game

Cowboys (-3.5) over REDSKINS – McNabb gets a rude welcome in DC

JETS (-2.5) over Ravens – break in the new stadium in style

CHIEFS (+4) over Chargers – San Diego never starts fast

Week 7 Hangover - Love/Hate

LOVE

- Umm, sorry Miles Austin. Maybe you are a #1 WR. That’s two straight monster weeks, 4 TDs, and over 400 yards. My bad.

- Watching Adrian Peterson run right through William Gay was impressive. Followed up like 3 plays later with a screen where he makes a slight little juke to the left and leaves a cornerback grasping at air. Power and footwork – no question the best back in the NFL and a special talent.

- A-Rod finally gets to his first World Series. Strange how suddenly, he’s become a media darling. After being torn apart for his phony steroid story, his hip surgery, his public divorce and his penchant for “manly” looking strippers, he’s now become a sympathetic and likeable figure – and it’s not just because he’s now dating Kate Hudson. I guess it just goes to show that winning cures everything. Can his career arc be compared to Britney? Big star coming out of the gate (in Seattle for A-Rod, Baby One More Time for Britney), getting paid and becoming irrelevant (Texas for A-Rod & the next 3 Britney albums), becoming a train wreck that everyone couldn’t stop watching (NY media for A-Rod, Britney shaves her head, etc), and now making a comeback and everyone is rooting for them.

- Cedric Benson has to feel pretty good today. That’s some good revenge on the Bears. 189 yards like a warm knife through butter. Made the Bears look like a complete joke. Just another chapter on why it sucks to be a Bears fan. Benson basically was the outcast who came back to his high school reunion after getting his book published and he had a supermodel on his arm.

- Not sure any team can slow the Saints offense. Down 24-10 at the half, and then exploding for 36 points in the second half while only giving up 10 more points. They look like a complete juggernaut and will be tough to beat before their showdown with the Patriots in week 11.

- Gambling – The Steelers INT return to ensure the cover against the Vikings. Ted Ginn Jr dropping the pass that would have covered against the Saints. The 49ers rallying from 21-0 to get a push at 24-21 on the arm of Alex Smith. I would bet there were quite a few angry gamblers on those games.

HATE

- Favre’s pathetic attempts to get in the way on both HIS fumble that was returned for a TD and HIS interception that cost his team the game were embarrassing. Just falling down doesn’t count as an attempt to make a play. This was the first of games that Brad Childress found a way to lose – throwing the ball 51 times and rushing only 23 times.

- Not surprising, playing defense worse than a little league team did in the Angels. They committed 8 errors in the 6 game series and the only 2 games they didn’t commit an error – they won.

- Maybe the Giants aren’t as good as we thought and padded their record by beating up on the red-headed stepchildren to start the year. 3 picks for Eli contributed to a big win for the Cardinals. Giants don’t seem to have quite the power running game they need/people think they have, Manningham drops a TD late, and they lose a home game that they needed to rebound from the Saints beat down the previous week.

- The bad teams are just so awful in the NFL, it lends to a ton of blow out and boring games. 6 of the 12 games yesterday were decided by more than 28 points, and 10 of the 12 were decided by double-digits. Maybe instead of worrying about sending teams to London, they should contract and combine some of these awful teams and hope they can be competitive.

- Mr. Tomlinson, unfortunately your days as a premiere running back are long gone. It was a heck of a run, and we’ll see you in Canton, but you are no longer feared, intimidating, or even barely effective. You used to be money at the goalline, and have explosiveness. Neither is there any more. At some point, we knew it would end, and it has. Please try to go out classy like Barry Sanders.

- Swine Flu. Seriously – wash your hands. The regular flu kills more than 30,000 people each year. I’m not a doctor, but that seems much higher than what swine flu has done so far. At least we have Obama on the case declaring it an emergency………

NFL Power Rankings after Week 5

Before I get to this week’s rankings it’s time for another quick story – I guess there is a new way to go grocery shopping that I haven’t been aware of. I’m at the grocery store, just grabbing a couple quick things for dinner. As I make my way to the check-out counter, there is a cart with milk and a box of cereal waiting in line. Since the line is not long, and there is no one within sight of the cart, I move past it and start to put my 5-6 items on the conveyor belt. As the check out lady is about to start scanning my items, the owner of the mystery cart comes back. She is a husky lady with ratty hair and wearing a moo-moo. She also has her arms overflowing with groceries – with more than a dozen things in her arms. She gives me a dirty look and a huff-and-puff for skipping past her cart. To which I just glance back at her and say “I didn’t know that’s how we shop now. Put the cart in line and then go get your groceries and come to the front of the line whenever we’re done.” Sorry lady, you are the toolbox of the week.

While I generally think Gregg Doyle is typically as intelligent as that lady at the grocery store, this article on Jimmy Clausen makes a few good points. Given the injuries that the top QBs have suffered, I think he has to be among the leaders along with Tebow and McCoy. And he might be the top pro-ready QB available.

On to the rankings, and since last week I went with 1991 songs, I decided to fast forward a decade to 2001 for this week. In 2001, the Ravens defeated the Giants for the Super Bowl title, Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman separated and Miller Park opened in Milwaukee. So on to the rankings……..

(1) Giants (last week: 1) – “Ride Wit Me” by Nelly
The Giants continue to roll in a game over the Raiders that Antonio Pierce said felt like an exhibition game. Eli looked fine only having to play half the game and got some extra rest for his heel. Just imagine if Brandon Jacobs gets on track.

(2) Colts (2) – “Family Affair” by Mary J. Blige
Ho-hum, another week, another dominating performance by Peyton. So brother Peyton and the Colts are comfortable here as the best team in the AFC and #2 in the league.

(3) Saints (3) – “Pop” N’Sync
Right now, I’m pretty sure Drew Brees and Jeremy Shockey could get as much ass as the boy bands in the late 90’s and early 2000’s. Looking at that picture - how did these guys score chicks? The Saints are rolling with offense through the air and on the ground and a playmaking defense. This week they have a chance to claim the top spot when the host the Giants.

(4) Vikings (4) – “All Or Nothing” by O-Town
This is pretty much the story for the VIkes this year – if they don’t win it all, then the Brett Favre experiment wasn’t worth it. And Brett has put that pressure on himself by claiming this is the most talented team he has ever been a part of.

(5) Broncos (10) – “I’m Real” by Jennifer Lopez featuring Ja Rule
After McDaniels and the Broncos took care of Belichick and the Patriots in Denver, not only did we get one of the best fist-pumping exhibitions in years, but I am now a believer. We’ll see if the Broncos fade into oblivion as fast as Ja Rule.

(6) Falcons (9) – “Stronger” by Britney Spears
With their beat-down of the 49ers in San Francisco, they proved that they were stronger after their bye week and their hiccup against the Pats was not a red flag. Big game against the Bears this week, so let’s hope Matt Ryan doesn’t turn into the crazy Britney and shave his head and marry some weird high school friend. In 2001, Britney was still a hit, still dating Justin Timberlake and still among the hottest women out there.

(7) Eagles (11) – “I’m Like a Bird” by Nelly Furtado
The Eagles are like a bird because they are flying high right now. With McNabb back, they look dangerous. However, there still is that lingering issue with Michael Vick in the background and how much he should be used. Right now his contribution has been hung like a bird – not his physical stature, but his contribution has been extremely small and meaningless – and when I first heard this song, I thought she said “hung like a bird” – yeah, I know. It makes less than no sense.

(8) Bengals (15) – “Hanging By a Moment” by Lifehouse
The Cardiac Kids continue to squeak out close games, and have now beaten their two toughest competitors for the division title, Pittsburgh and Baltimore. And who is that guy in Cedric Benson’s uniform? So let’s see, Benson is on a 4-1 team and Kyle Orton is 5-0? And they couldn’t win in Chicago? Maybe Chicago is the problem!?!?

(9) Jets (8) – “Stutter” by Joe featuring Mystikal
After getting off to a brash, trash-talking, 3-0 start, the Jets have stuttered by losing 2 straight, including having the Dolphins march down the field on that vaulted defense to win the game. Signs of cracks in the foundation or just a hiccup? I believe the defense is good, and the addition of Braylon Edwards will be huge contribution for Mark Sanchez.

(10) Bears (12) – “Hero” by Enrique Iglasias
Coming off their bye, the Bears face a tough test against the Falcons. But if Cutler continues to play smart , he has the potential to be the biggest hero in the Windy City.

(11) Patriots (5) – “If You’re Gone” by Matchbox Twenty
Fitting because if Matt Light is out for any amount of time, it has a huge effect on the Patriots. Brady is just starting to get comfortable with his protection and standing in the pocket, and losing one of his longer-tenured linemen is a serious blow to that comfort level. And Perfect Tommy played poorly against Denver, particularly hitting Welker in the ankle when he was open on a crucial drive in the 4th quarter.

(12) Ravens (6) – “Smooth Criminal” by Alien Ant Farm
Let’s see, Ray Lewis is a smooth criminal because he got away with (allegedly) being involved in a stabbing? Or because Ray Lewis is the remix/improvement of Lawrence Taylor, much like this song was the remix/improvement of Michael Jackson? Either way, the Ravens are reeling and blaming the referees rather than looking in the mirror.

(13) Steelers (13)– “It’s Been Awhile” by Staind
It’s been awhile since the Steelers won the Super Bowl, and it’s been awhile since the Steelers had a dominating running game. They have the talent to win games, but have not been as dominating as expected.

(14) 49ers (7)– “Fallin’” by Alicia Keys
For an up and coming team like the 49ers, I suppose there are going to be some minor setbacks along the way. Getting absolutely housed by the Falcons at home qualifies as one of those setbacks.

(15) Packers (16) – “Jaded” by Aerosmith
Probably a week late for this song after getting bent over by Brett Favre. Hopefully the bye week provided the team some time to get over the Vikings game, and shore up their offensive line troubles. They added Mark Tauscher back, so hopefully that helps.

(16) Chargers (14) – “The Space Between” by Dave Matthews
This is the last of the real teams, and the space between them and everyone after this point is considerable. The Chargers have offensive firepower but there are issues with their defense and Shawne Merriman continues to be a distraction.

(17) Cowboys (19) – “More Than That” by the Backstreet Boys
The ‘Boys need to show more than that by needing overtime to beat the pathetic Chiefs. They might be the biggest fraud of the teams with a winning record. Speaking of frauds, so shoving someone is considered a brawl? I guess if you’re over 70, named Bernie Madoff and in prison, then yes.

(18) Dolphins (21) – “The Call” by the Backstreet Boys
A great call by the Dolphins to go with the Wildcat run to win the game against the Jets. And Chad Henne looks like he has the arm strength, intelligence and swagger to be successful in the NFL.

(19) Cardinals (17) – “Angel” by Shaggy
I think a guardian angel is the only way the Cards escape with that game against the Texans. Getting the pick-6 return and then a goalline stand to hang on for the win was extremely improbable for a team known for offense.

(20) Seahawks (23) – “Where the Party At” by Jagged Edge
If Matt Hasselbeck can stay healthy, there could be a party in Seattle. What a difference he makes, and with him, this team might be the most underrated team on this list. Kind of like January Jones, who can be very up and down in Mad Men – yet she can bring the heat when she’s on top of her game – like she does in GQ this month.

(21) Jaguars (20) – “Peaches & Cream” by 112
I guess it’s not all sweet times for Team Hyphen. I have absolutely no idea what they are or what to expect from them. None.

(22) Texans (18) – “Case of the Ex (Whatcha Gonna Do) Mya
Like Mya, they are a flash in the pan. They have a week when they look great, and then they disappear just as quickly.

(23) Lions – “Play” by Jennifer Lopez
I suppose I should have used a JLo song for the Dolphins since she is a part owner of the team now, but oh well. The Lions can play and manage to keep the games close, yet still haven’t developed the ability to finish and win games. As Colin Cowherd said “The difference between a playa and a player is that a player closes a whole bunch of 4’s but spills wine on himself and stutters when he’s around a 9 or a 10. A playa closes the deal with the 9s and 10s.” The Lions aren’t even quite to the player level.

(24) Panthers (24) – “Turn Off the Light” by Nelly Furtado
Barely squeaking out a win against the Redskins and having to come back from a 17-2 deficit, is another nail in the coffin for John Fox in Charlotte.

(25) Redskins (27) – “Let Me Blow Your Mind” by Eve with Gwen Stefani
Just a few more weeks, Mr. Zorn, then you’ll be free to get hired by ESPN as their 231st pro football analyst.

(26) Titans (25) – “When It’s Over” by Sugar Ray
The Kerry Collins Era is over. Or at least it should be. The Titans stink and have nothing left to play for. They barely even put up a fight against the Colts. Might as well hand the keys to Vince Young and see if he can keep it between the lines.

(27) Browns (25) – “In The End” by Linkin Park
So how bad is it in Cleveland? Brady Quinn now wants out, and who can blame him? If your coach is going to stay with a guy after going 2-17, what are the odds you’re going to play again? About as good as the odds of Donovan McNabb asking to be traded to the Rams if Rush Limbaugh becomes their owner.

(28) Bills (22) – “What Would You Do?” by City High
That question is directed to you, Ralph Wilson. Are you going to trade Terrell Owens? Is there anyone that wants him? If there is anyone willing to give you anything (Chicago? Back to SF?) I think you should take it since he’s on a 1-year contract, and your team is barely better than the UFL teams.

(29) Chiefs (29) – “You Make Me Sick” by Pink
This has to be how Scott Pioli is feeling after trading for Matt Cassell and seeing him play like a guy who never started in college or his first 4 years in the pros.

(30) Buccaneers (31) – “I Wanna Be Bad” by Willa Ford
Mission accomplished. You’re bad. Is Raheem Morris in danger of getting canned after one year? The only thing giving him a chance is that Josh Johnson doesn’t appear to be horrendous. But it might be the Tyler Thigpen situation – an athlete can make some plays on a terrible team and look better than the rest of the team.

(31) Raiders (30) – “Stuck In A Moment You Can’t Get Out Of” by U2
It keeps getting worse and more bizarre in Oakland. There’s really nothing to say about them other than they are lucky they already won a game this year, or they would be speeding towards 0-16. Instead they’re speeding towards 1-15.

(32) Rams (32) – “Ms. Jackson” – Outkast
I’m sorry Ms. Jackson, your son is on a terrible team that is likely not to win a game all year.

Coaching Past the Expiration Date

I am no fan of Florida State football and definitely not a fan of Bobby Bowden, but the current situation is a complete mess and cannot end well for either side. I mean, we’re talking “Britney Spears marrying that Jason Alexander in Vegas” or “the Atlanta Falcons hiring Bobby Petrino” or “letting Rex Ryan and Andy Reid into an all-you-can-eat buffet” type of disasters.

There is no doubt in my mind that the time has come, well it actually came more than a few years ago, for Bobby to hang it up. His teams have slipped noticeably since 2001, and are now a far cry from the 90s, when Florida State was guaranteed to be in the top 10 and the tomahawk chop was always in a top bowl game. Unfortunately, Bobby’s enormous ego has gotten the best of him, and continues to hang around trying to make sure he tops the other past-his-time old foggie – Joe Paterno – for the all-time wins record. But for that tool from the Board of Trustees to come out with a statement about what Bobby will do was also a stupid move. The guy built FSU into a top-tier program, and even though he has now rode it down to mediocrity, he deserves to go out by being celebrated with class. And if that turd of a trustee really cared about FSU football, he would understand that causing controversy is going to do nothing but hurt the school’s image and destroy recruiting, which guarantees a longer time before the program is relevant.

Bowden started coaching FSU in 1976, and had them in back-to-back Orange Bowls in 1979 and 1980. He then did not lose more than 2 games in a season between 1987 and 2000. Unfortunately, since then, he has lost at least 3 games every season, including 7-6 records in 2007 & 2008. The only positive thing to come out of FSU in the past 9 years has been that fan girl – Jen Sterger.

Speaking of Joe Pa, what are the odds that he retires before he dies? I know it’s a morbid thought, but that crazy old dude is never going to leave. I understand the concept that he has “earned the right” to step down when he wants to, but doesn’t he have any trusted advisors that can give him a sense of reality? He is completely a figure-head, and is not really doing any coaching or recruiting for the team. The only value he is bringing is pity (like when he broke his leg on the sideline) and unintentional comedy (like when a reporter asked him if he wanted the field named after him and he responded with “I don’t think much about being dead.”).

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I think the Braylon Edwards trade has a chance to be a great one for the Jets & for Edwards himself. However I think the Jets should take some precautions to enhance the likelihood of success. Edwards has always been accused of being easily distracted and not focused on being a football player, rather choosing to pay attention to being a star. And obviously, moving to New York could be throwing gasoline on that fire. So I think the Jets should force him to live in New Jersey and ban him from coming into the city. Living in Jersey, he’ll be forced to focus on football, because unless he’s going to be distracted by white cars with dark tinted windows and big rims, big-haired women or cement-gelled hair on dudes, he will have nothing but football to focus on.

The guy is a big-time football talent – a big WR with the speed to get downfield and go up over DBs. He provides a great security blanket for Mark Sanchez, and in the new disciplined environment of Rex Ryan, Edwards could thrive. We’ll see how it actually plays out, but I think the Jets got one last kick of Eric Mangini.

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One final note…..on Deion Sanders, arguably the best player to ever come out of Florida State. What is this guy doing? He has ties to Michael Crabtree’s agent, and is at the heart of the 49ers tampering charges against the Jets. And he was the reason Dez White (one of the best WR in college) of Oklahoma State just lost his eligibility to play college football. Oh, and Deion is employed by the NFL Network, so he’s an employee of the league. Deion, what are you doing? I know you think you’re a businessman, trying a reality TV show, rapping and selling a hot dog cooker……but maybe you should just stick to talking about football in a studio and stay away from college players.

(The quality of the video is terrible, but it seems to be the only one out there).