NFL Power Rankings

I skipped last week’s rankings due to the holiday, but we’re back with them this week. Again, it’s New Year’s eve, so most people are getting ready to get drunk and hope some girl gets tipsy enough to kiss them at midnight. Therefore, the rankings will be fast and furious this week. And since most of us will be waking up with a raging headache and hangover on Friday, let’s hope Mike Leach isn’t around to ban us to a dark equipment shed.

Oh, and before the rankings, a really good article written by former major leaguer Doug Glanville on the whole culture of athletes and struggling to handle the money, power, fame and women that come with being a pro athlete.

So on to the rankings with no categories this week........because it's almost time to start drinking away 2009. Happy New Year everyone.

1. Chargers - Playing better than anyone else in the NFL. They have to scare the Colts right now.

2. Colts - Yes, they gave it up easier than Alyssa Milano to a pro baseball player, but the Colts remain dangerous as long as they have #18 under center.

3. Eagles - They are the hottest team other than San Diego…..but it is the regular season. Do they have the mental make-up to succeed in the playoffs? And can Andy Reid not mess it up?

4. Saints - So do they play their starters in a meaningless game to regain some of their mojo and risk exposing Drew Brees to Julius Peppers? Remember, Peppers is playing for a new contract now and ask Brett Favre if he appears to be motivated.

5. Cardinals - Arizona has a chance to steal a first round bye if the Eagles and Vikings lose this week and the Cardinals beat the Packers. Otherwise, they will host the Packers next week again. Can Beanie Wells be the difference maker in the playoffs?

6. Packers - Practically the only team in the NFC without a chance to get the #2 seed, the Packers are playing well and have a shot to make it through the conference entirely on the road. Would the Pack like another shot at Favre?

7. Patriots - I would say the “Randy Moss is dogging it” train has jumped the tracks at this point. The biggest concern in New England is why Laurence Maroney keeps fumbling on the goal line.

8. Vikings - Lost in the whole “Favre & Childress Peeing Contest” is the fact that Adrian Peterson has a serious fumbling problem. He runs hard, but also runs loose with the balls…….insert your own Tiger joke.

9. Bengals - They will know before they kick off on Sunday night whether they have a shot at the #3 seed or if they can rest their starters and play the Jets again the following week. They have been the biggest surprise in the league and have the running game to be a factor in the playoffs.

10. Cowboys - They ended up .500 in December this year, which is a huge improvement. However, if they don’t win a playoff game, will Wade Phillips be back next year? I’d guess he’s as out as Claye Aiken.

11. Ravens - They can play their way into the playoffs by beating the lowly Raiders. If they can’t beat Oakland, they don’t deserve to be anywhere near the playoffs.

12. Steelers - I think the past two weeks were the “hell” that Mike Tomlin wanted released at the beginning of December. Unfortunately, when they got smoked by Browns, it put them in a whole where they are now begging for a lot of help to make the playoffs.

13. Texans - The Texans seem as comfortable at 8-8 or 9-7 as Kelly Brook does in a bikini. If they beat the Pats, they finish over .500 but is that enough to save Gary Kubiak’s job?

14. Panthers - They are finally playing like everyone thought they would at the beginning of the season. Unfortunately, Jake Delhomme put them in a hole to start the year that they couldn’t get out of by the end of the year.

15. Jets - The most fortunate team in the league with gifts from the Colts and potentially from the Bengals to push New York into the playoffs. What’s the over/under for the number of INTs by Sanchez on the road in the playoffs? 4 or 5?

16. Titans - Chris Johnson has a great chance to hit 2,000 yards for the season and an outside chance to break Eric Dickerson’s single season record. It’s still not enough to get the MVP.

17. Falcons - They should be motivated this week to get to 9-7 which would be the first time in franchise history (since 1966) they would have back-to-back winning seasons. Doesn’t that sound amazing that Atlanta has NEVER had consecutive winning seasons?

18. Broncos - Are they going to fire Mike Shanahan again after this late season collapse? They were better than they were last year, but still have a ton of holes.

19. Dolphins - This team overachieved considering the lack of receiving playmakers and weak defense. At least they learned Ricky Williams still has plenty in the tank.

20. 49ers - It has to be the quarterback, right? They have a playmaker RB and a playmaker TE and now a playmaker WR in Crabtree. They have a great middle LB in Patrick Willis. They have turds playing QB.

21. Giants - The defense let them down this year, which means there is no chance Bill Sheridan comes back for a second year as d-coordinator.

22. Jaguars - Maybe they could hire Mike Leach to run their offense and bring in Tim Tebow to play QB? Just a crazy thought……..but it sounds pretty good, right?

23. Bears - Cutler finally breaks the primetime jinx against the Vikings. I texted my brother after the Vikings scored to make it 23-7 and suggested it was time for the Cutler back-breaker INT. He responded that it would likely be from inside their own 35. Within one minute, Cutler rolled out and from his own 33, threw an INT that allowed the Vikings to really get the offense going and eventually forced overtime.

24. Browns - Could Big Show Holmgren fire Mangini if they end the season on a 4 game winning streak? Is the Mangini program finally working or are the players just playing harder to audition for next season?

25. Bills - Will the Colts subject Manning, Wayne & Company to the cold in Buffalo this week? Will the Bills be able to beat the Colts second string? Does anyone care? I don’t.

26. Redskins - At long last, the circus that has been the Redskins season is finally almost over.

27. Raiders - Tom Cable completely threw JaMarcus Russell under the bus when he admitted that better quarterback play earlier in the year could have saved their season. That’s about as brutal as the allegations that Lindsay Lohan’s dad kicked his ex-girlfriend in the baby-maker. Seriously, dude? What the…….?

28. Buccaneers - Nice job by Raheem Morris to cost themselves a better draft pick in the past two weeks.

29. Seahawks - They shouldn’t even bother showing up this week because they didn’t last week in Green Bay. Just let the University of Washington play the Seahawks game because they have a legit NFL QB in Jake Locker.

30. Chiefs - Coach Todd Haley said he didn’t flip off the fans, right? Pretty sure the fans deserve to flip him off for enduring this season in Kansas City.

31. Lions - The bright side is that it won’t take much to start the decade better than they ended this last one.

32. Rams - Sadly, they haven’t locked up the top pick in the draft yet to guarantee them Ndamukong Suh.

Week 14 Hangover - Love/Hate

LOVE

- I thought the NFL was supposed to be a league of parity? If that was really the case, then why are we looking at the distinct possibility that in 3 seasons, we’ll have 3 teams that went undefeated in the regular season and a team that lost all 16 games? That seems to be the antithesis of parity.

The Colts & Saints keep finding ways to win, and the Saints are telling everyone that they plan on going full speed ahead. The Colts appear more likely rest players and coast their way to the end of the season – they don’t play another meaningful game until January 16th. It will be hard to keep your momentum when you don’t play a game with any ramifications for over a month. Get ready for a boatload of analysts telling you that they “know” the best plan for these teams to go undefeated – and almost none of them have any real knowledge since they haven’t done it.

And Mercury Morris, you attention-grabbing-idiot, there are two teams, and they’re on your doorstep, ready to jack you in the face like you’re Snooki from the Jersey Shore.

- Congrats to Mark Ingram for winning the Heisman. You’re now in the exclusive club that includes Gino Toretta, Jason White, Eric Crouch, Chris Weinke, Ron Dayne (that hurt to type), Danny Wuerffel, Andre Ware and Rashaan Salaam. And in other news, the Heisman winner has played in 8 national championship games……and lost 7 times. That’s not good news for Alabama. The only Heisman winner to take the title was Matt Leinart in 2004. Even though Suh, the defensive animal from Nebraska was the best player in the country, Ingram was the best, safe choice.

- The AFC playoff picture is about as messed up as the youngest kid from Family Ties, Brian Bonsoll. Does anyone remember that show for anything other than Michael J. Fox, his sister Mallory, the dad with the beard and Meredith Baxter Burney (who recently came out of the closet)? That could make for an interesting “where are they now” special. Anyway…..back to the AFC playoffs where Jacksonville, the Jets, Baltimore and Miami are all 7-6, tied for the last wildcard spot, and only one game behind the 8-5 Broncos. The Ravens appear to have the inside track, having all losing teams (Chicago, Pittsburgh & Oakland) remaining on their schedule, making them likely to get to 10 wins. The Jags stink, and have the Colts on Thursday, followed by New England (in Foxboro) and Cleveland. That’s 8-8 at absolute best. The Jets have Atlanta, Indy & Cincy, which makes it unlikely they’ll get better than 8-8. And the Dolphins have Tennessee, Houston & Pittsburgh, which I think puts them in line for 9-7. Denver looks likely to get to 10 wins, with Oakland and Kansas City sandwiched around Philly. Based on those schedules, it looks like Denver and Baltimore are most likely to get in.

- Speaking of Baltimore, how impressive has Ray Rice been this year? He’s second in the league in total yards per game (behind Chris Johnson of the Titans), averaging more than 130 yards/game. The guy has been impressive running and receiving and has moved into the discussion of the top 5 running backs in the league.

- Tiger Woods is taking an indefinite leave from golf. That’s in his best interest, so good luck to him in trying to save his marriage and family. Yikes. My guess is that he will not be seen or heard from until 2011. The PGA is scrambling to find another cursing, temper-tantrum-throwing dominant force to lead the tour…….or maybe they’re just going to highlight John Daly’s loss of 100 pounds and ridiculous pants.

HATE

- It’s December. Time for holiday cheer, foreigners cramming into Rockefeller Center, the Chargers winning football games and the Cowboys losing football games. This December has the potential to be absolutely crushing for Dallas, after losing two tough games to the Giants and Chargers; they have to face the Saints and a resilient Redskins team – both on the road. Then they get Philly at home to end the season, and thankfully that game takes place after the calendar turns over to 2010. The real lesson learned has nothing to do with the calendar and everything to do with the Cowboys: they’re just not that good. Romo is a middle of the pack quarterback, their receivers are not explosive, their offensive line is not dominant at all, and their defense is adequate. That is not a recipe for success. Oh, and I forgot to mention that their coach is a better fit as Santa’s helper in the local mall than he is a fit as an NFL coach.

- Tough gambling moments of the weekend: (1) The Cowboys touchdown with 2 seconds left gained a push as the Chargers were favored by 3, and (2) if the Pats could have punched it in for a late TD (Maroney was tackled at the 6 at the two minute warning) instead of taking a few knees to run out the clock, they could have gotten the cover against the Panthers.

- Cue up Dennis Green…….the Bears are who we thought they were. And Jay Cutler is exactly who we thought he was. A brash, strong-armed quarterback with big moxy when thing are going well, but pouts when they aren’t. He’s good enough to make some spectacular plays to keep you in a game, but then he’s bad enough to make some terrible mistakes that cost you the game that he kept you in. And that’s what he did (again) against Green Bay, throwing a horrid interception in the second half (his second of the day), leading to the winning score. He leads the league with 22 picks, and looks likely to keep that dubious title since Jake Delhomme won’t be playing again this season.

- Looks like Randy Moss is ready to resume his role of Bad Santa this year in New England. The guy is a freak of an athletic talent but as soon as he feels even the slightest bit of disappointment or that he has been mistreated, he packs it in. He’s like the little kid on the playground who tries to make up his own rules and then decides that he’s going to take his ball and go home as soon as things don’t go his way. Tom Brady is making the right decisions to just throw to Wes Welker on almost every pass play. Moss is treating the Pats season the same way he treated the goal post in Lambeau Field when he was a member of the Vikings.

Degenerate Friday!! Week 10 - The Muppets

There is a reason the casinos are so large in Vegas. The guys in Vegas that put out the spreads know what they’re doing. There have been 128 games in the NFL this season (not including last night’s SF-Chi game), and there have been 2 “pick ‘em” spreads. Of the other 126 games, there have been 63 times when the favorites have covered the spread, and 63 times when the underdog covered. A perfect 63-63 record. Impressive. Not as impressive was my record last week, going 6-7 for my second consecutive under .500 week. Time to regroup and have a better week.

Quick – someone get Jay Cutler to an eye doctor. No, he didn’t get hit in the eye last night, but he must be color blind. 5 Interceptions, including 2 in the red zone? Ouch. In the past 2 seasons, he has 9 INTs in the red zone, more than double the next closest QB. He makes more poor decisions than Shawn Kemp and Travis Henry combined.

But before I get to the, Sesame Street had its 40th anniversary this week. I wanted to break the games out by characters, until I started to realize how many of those crazy sesame street muppets are out there! I mean, in addition to the major characters like Bert & Ernie, Big Bird, Oscar the Grouch, Grover, Elmo, and Cookie Monster, there is Count von Count, Snuffleupagus, Barkley the Dog, Telly, Guy Smiley, Herry Monster, The Honkers and Mumford the Magician. And I’m not even mentioning the humans on the show, Mr. Hooper, Susan, Gordon, Luis or Maria.

So before getting to this week’s picks, I have to put a clip to my personal favorite Sesame Street skit, with Grover explaining the meaning of “near” and “far.” I’m not really sure why it sticks in my head, it originally aired before I was even born, but it still makes me laugh. Maybe it just reminds me of how we used to tire my little brother out by challenging him to run around the house while we timed him to see if he could beat his own “personal record” – mind you, we didn’t have a stop watch, and weren’t really timing him. We just wanted him to get tired and leave us alone. He was 16.

So while thinking of kids programs, it led me to The Muppets Show. This week’s games are broken down to muppets characters, and there are a lot of characters, so I had to leave some out, like Scooter, Beaker, Dr. Bunsen, the Swedish Chef, and Rizzo the Rat.

Standard weekly disclosures…….recreational use, home team in CAPS, spreads from the NY Post, etc.

The Miss Piggy Category
Did anyone ever realize that the most popular female on the show was a portly pig!!?!? What is up with that? Also reminds me of a story……we were going out for a friend’s older brother’s bachelor party. I was the youngest guy there, and lost a bet before we went out resulting in whenever the bachelor finished his drink, I had to yell out “I wanna meet Miss Piggy tonight!” Amazingly, that didn’t work very well as a pick up line. I’d say it ranks right below another line I heard slurred once by my brother-in-law….. “Are you leaving?” To which the girl said, “Yes.” And she walked out.

Chiefs (+1.5) over RAIDERS
No matter how much lipstick you put on this pig of a game, it’s not attractive. Raiders beat the Chiefs in Kansas City, but the Chiefs are no longer dealing with the Larry Johnson distraction and have added Chris Chambers to pair up with Dwayne Bowe. How long can the Raiders continue to dance with Tom Cable? Until he punches Al Davis? As long as they continue to believe that JaMarcus Russell is a bonafide NFL quarterback, they will not be able to string together any sort of consistent play. His QB rating is equal to his completion percentage, and neither is above 49 - that is absolutely horrendous. He is the pig, and Al Davis continues to try and pile on the lipstick. The Raiders will likely get Darren McFadden back this week, but it won’t be enough to mask Jamarcus Russell.

The Statler & Waldorf Category (the old guys in the theatre)
These are my favorite muppets characters, just sitting back and ridiculing everyone. These are a couple games that will give them plenty of things to watch, mock and then laugh histerically. Great job to start teaching kids at an early age that old people are crazy and can say whatever they want. What is the age when it becomes okay to just say the most ridiculous things? I can’t wait to get to that age, so I can just spew idiocy all the time……….wait, I basically do that now.

Buccaneers (+10) over DOLPHINS
This is just too many points for an offensively challenged team like the Dolphins to cover. I still think the Bucs have not turned the corner despite beating the Packers last week. They stink, but they are a little better now that Josh Freeman brings some athletic ability and moxy to the offense. Unless Ted Ginn returns a couple more kicks, the Dolphins won’t be able to blow out the Bucs.

TITANS (-6.5) over Bills (LOCK OF THE WEEK)
The Bills get Trent Edwards back, but lose T.O. for the game. Not that it matters, as the Bills offense is pathetic. The Titans have turned things around since getting blown out by the Patriots. Chris Johnson leads the league in rushing and gets another weak opponent to show off his “running from the cops speed!” (thanks Gus Johnson for that call).

The Fozzie Bear Category
Fozzie was the stand-up comedian, yelling “wakka-wakka-wakka” after every bombing joke. He was there for laughs, and not just at that stupid hat and bow-tie he always wore. These games should be laughers as well, pitting some of the top teams against the worst teams in the league.

VIKINGS (-16.5) over Lions
The Vikings are coming off their bye, and the Lions are coming off blowing a 17 point lead on the road. Brett Favre said he spent the bye week hunting and doing his daughter’s homework. The homework was probably more difficult than putting up points on the Lions. Coach Childress will likely have plenty of time to rest Favre’s balky groin in the second half of this one.

Saints (-13.5) over RAMS
The Rams are coming off of their bye and the Saints are coming off another game where they let an inferior team build a lead before blowing them out. This one has the potential to be more of a laugher than any of Fozzie’s jokes. The Rams best chance is that the Saints are looking forward to their week 10 match up with the Patriots.

CARDINALS (-8.5) over Seahawks
The Cardinals have quietly looked pretty impressive since their slow start, and with the exception of that game against the Panthers, their passing offense has been very efficient. The Seahawks don’t do anything well, but aren’t extremely poor either. They have been outscored by their opponents 95-44 in their 3 road games this year.

The Gonzo Category
Gonzo was known as a weirdo and regularly referred to as a “whatever” because no one ever knew what species he was. He was basically a stunt lunatic, always trying to perform amazing feats and making a fool of himself. These games also don’t fit squarely into any other category as they have some decent teams and some teams that are not very good.

Ravens (-11) over BROWNS
The old Browns come to Cleveland to take on the new Browns on Monday night, and the fans in Cleveland have threatened to show up late as a protest to the pathetic nature of the new Browns franchise. Cleveland has scored 5 offensive touchdowns all season, which is only 2 less than the Saints DEFENSE has scored. The Ravens secondary has been weak, but the Browns can’t take advantage of it.

Broncos (-3.5) over REDSKINS
The Redskins couldn’t score with Clinton Portis, what are they going to do without him? The Broncos get to take a breather after losing two tough games against good teams in Baltimore and Pittsburgh. Jim Zorn continues to be a muppet on the sidelines.

Falcons (-1.5) over PANTHERS
The Panthers have reestablished their running game, which has led to a minor revival – at least as much as you can when you’re 3-5. Carolina has the second-best rushing attack in the league, but will need some pass plays to be able to keep up with the Falcons offense. The Falcons have lost 3 respectable games (at New Orleans, at New England, and at Dallas) and are the better team.

The Kermit the Frog Category
Kermit was the love interest of Miss Piggy, and was always the sympathetic, intelligent leader of the group. I’m not really sure why a group that included a dog, a bear, a pig, etc. decided to all follow a skinny little frog. Anyway, in these games, the question is whether it’s easy being green.

JETS (-7) over Jaguars
Gang Green is coming off a bye week, and Rex gave the team 6 days off to regroup, which will be questioned if they don’t come out with fire. It hasn’t been easy to be green lately, but the Jets have the best rushing offense in the league and the Jags have given up almost 120 ypg, the fifth-worst in the AFC. Other than MJD, who leads the league with 11 TDs, the Jags have not played with any urgency or fire, and yet they are sitting at 4-4 and on the edge of the playoff picture.

CHARGERS (-1.5) over Eagles
Neither team has been very consistent, and even with getting Westbrook back, the Eagles will come up short after the cross country trip. The Chargers have seen the door open a crack for the NFC West title after the Broncos have lost 2 straight and know they need this game to keep up. Andy Reid and Donovan McNabb might be green with sickness after dropping another big game.

Rowlf the Dog
Rowlf was the classical pianist dog with the big floppy ears, always tagging along with the rest of the crew. Rowlf was originally performed by Jim Henson himself, and started as a sidekick on the Jimmy Dean show in the 60’s. I have no idea, but is that the same dude who now has those breakfast sausage links? The guy goes from having his own show to making breakfast sausages…….interesting. Anyway…..this game is the Barking Dog game of the week.

PACKERS (+3) over Cowboys
The Packers continue to have one of the worst offensive lines in history. The Cowboys are playing extremely well, coming off a win in Philadelphia. This game opened as a pick ‘em, and the Cowboy money has piled in, moving the line 3 points. When that much public money is running one way, I say run the other way. Woodson should be able to shadow Miles Austin (with safety help), and Al Harris and Roy Williams have the same speed – none. The Packers have their backs firmly against the wall, and they are lining up Mike McCarthy for execution. At home, they should come out firing.

The Animal Category
Animal was the lunatic drummer of the group that needed to chain himself to the drum set during performances because he got so out of hand. I’m not sure he could actually speak, just making grunts and yells, yet somehow everyone understood him. Animal’s performances remind me of one of my roommates in college after a rough patch with a girlfriend, when he came home, headed down to the basement (where Squirrel had a drum set), and proceeded to belt out the most anger-filled, stress-relieving drum solos in the history of music, followed by a primal scream to let everyone know he was done. These are the best games of the week, and will likely have similar emotional outbursts.

Bengals (+7) over Steelers
The Steelers are rounding into their championship form, having won 5 straight, and need this game to take control of the division. At the beginning of the year, what would have been the odds that the Bengals would sweep the Ravens and Steelers? 40-1? 50-1? Well, they are a win over the Steelers away from pulling off the feat, and putting a sleeper hold on the AFC North division. The Bengals won in Cincy when the Steelers didn’t have Troy Polamalu, and I think their defense will keep this one close enough to get the cover.

Patriots (+3) over COLTS
Another chapter in the Manning-Brady battle. These two teams seem to play every November in an epic game that will go a long way to determine the home field advantage in the AFC. The Colts are unbeaten, but have gotten a few breaks the past two weeks to stay that way. The Patriots started slowly, but are now looking like an offensive juggernaut. With the Colts secondary banged up – missing Bob Sanders, the Pats will spread the field and throw it all over the field. The Colts have found a way each week, but Brady will continue his mastery of Manning and the Colts – he’s 7-3 already.

Week 9 Hangover - Love/Hate

LOVE

- Thankfully we no longer have to worry about Iowa crashing the BCS championship. Losing to Northwestern? Ouch. While I don’t believe Ricky Stanzi is a great quarterback by any stretch, the guy is a gamer, and it’s obvious that the team is not the same without him. After he left the game with an ankle injury, the Hawkeyes had no chance. And yet they still can play their way to the Rose Bowl (where they will get demoralized by Oregon) by beating Ohio State.

- Congrats, Mr. & Mrs. Squirrel on a great wedding this past weekend. Great to catch up with everyone. And it was a classic Midwest wedding in that there was a mullet sighting, at least one guy wearing a short-sleeved shirt with a tie, and a few people that were as wide as they were tall (and at least a few of them were cops, so I should probably leave it at that). Oh, and of course, a polka.

- The Bengals are a virtual lock to make the playoffs and are potentially a threat to win the AFC. They’ve now swept the Ravens are 4-0 within the AFC North, which many thought was the best division in football. They pounded the Ravens with their running game, as Cedric Benson went over 100 yards against the supposedly tough and angry Ravens defense for the second time this season.

- As strange as it sounds, the Titans appear to be much better with Vince Young at QB. It’s not that he’s putting up magical yardage numbers, but the team is responding with him under center. He has a passer rating of 83 and is averaging less than 150 yards in his starts, but he ran for a TD as the Titans won their second consecutive game. Now here’s where it gets interesting for the owner, Bud Adams. If the team continues to win with Young, is Jeff Fisher more or less on the hot seat? He was the coach who went with Kerry Collins to start the season, and he was the coach who was reluctant to go to Young until the owner demanded that the former #3 pick get some playing time. Now that they are winning, his record looks better, but his error of not starting Young from the beginning looks more and more glaring.

- The Brewers traded JJ Hardy to the Minnesota Twins for young CF Carlos Gomez over the weekend. The move frees up Alcides Escobar to be the starting shortstop, and guarantees the team will not be resigning Mike Cameron, which frees up a considerable amount of payroll. If that money is used for much-needed starting pitching, I think it could be a great trade for the Brewers. They were not going to get much value for a .229 hitting SS that everyone knew the Brewers no longer wanted. And Gomez is a young player with vast potential, as he was one of the key cogs in the trade that sent Johan Santana to the Mets a few years ago. This gives the Brewers the potential to have an extremely fast and athletic line up with Escobar, Gomez and Ricky Weeks all able to put pressure on opposing teams with their running game. The real question is whether Ken Macha will utilize that speed or if he will continue to try and rely on the HR as the sole source of offense.

HATE

- Ladies and Gentlemen, please welcome your 2010 coach of the Green Bay Packers, Jon Gruden!!! There needs to be wholesale changes in Green Bay after this season. Ted Thompson and Mike McCarthy need to go. And the special teams coach should have been left in Tampa Bay to find his own way home. The team has talented players at the skill positions, but the game plan is about as exciting as watching Lauren Conrad on the Hills – nothing ever happens, and there is no creativity or excitement. The offensive line is worse than an average big ten team, but they don’t do anything to help Rodgers get rid of the ball faster – roll him out, stick with a 3 step drop, draw plays, etc. Tampa Bay sacked Rodgers 6 times and had 3 interceptions. This was a complete abomination and embarrassment, and a reason for a complete overhaul.

- How is that Jay Cutler experience working out in Chicago? About as well as Katherine Heigl’s movie career. The Bears were blown out by the Cardinals yesterday, and while Cutler hasn’t been the biggest problem, the team is in trouble. Has the team quit on Lovie Smith? Time for Chicago fans to start thinking about whether Luol Deng and the Bulls. Then the Bulls will fall out of contention by April, and false hope for the Cubs can begin again. The cycle continues……

- Does Mike Singletary’s “Mr. Furious” routine have an expiration date? Are we past it? It seems possible that he had his team too high to start the season and the team has regressed and went from 3-1 to 4-5. And Alex Smith definitely has not revived his career based on this week’s 3 INT performance.

- Not sure what to even say about this video from a women’s college soccer game. This is the dirtiest, most ruthless thing I’ve seen in a really long time. She should have been thrown out of the game at least 4-5 times.

Why It Must Suck To Be A Bears Fan

It is not debatable that it sucks to be a Bears fan. It is only debatable WHY it sucks to be a Bears fan. The football team in the city of broad shoulders has not excelled at the sport where broad shoulders should come in extremely useful.

So this is why it sucks to be a Bears fan…….

I. The Fan Base

First and foremost, it sucks to be a Bears fan because you are lumped together with the overweight, sausage-eating, baker’s-dozen-heart-attack-having, Ditka-loving group from Saturday Night Live. Talking about da bears and dem guys dat can’t win dat game against dat udder team. It’s not a pretty sight to see the passionate fans of Chicago watching their team come up short time and time again. And the fans are passionate, because let’s be honest, what else do they have to cheer for? The Cubs? Yeah, that “curse” from 1908 isn’t going to end anytime soon for the loveable losers that fill the stands with people who don’t know anything about baseball, but know that they want to be seen at the game. Oh, and they just declared bankruptcy, so do you really expect them to improve any time soon? No. The Bulls? Ever since Jerry Krause ran Jordan out of town, the team has been a laughing stock. Oh, and that was more than 10 years ago the last time the Bulls were relevant. The White Sox? Please. There are only a dozen people that know the White Sox play in Chicago and 2 of them are still on probation from their booze-fueled attack on the Royals first base coach a few seasons ago. The Blackhawks? They have a great, rich tradition of success, but no one outside of Canada cares about a sport where they call the jerseys “sweaters.” So the fans in Chicago have no choice but to have blind faith and hope for the Bears success.

II. The Ownership/Management

The McCaskey family controls about 80% of the team, and I don’t think you can question their passion for the team and for football. Unfortunately, the problem has been with hiring poor personnel people and messing up the roster. The McCaskeys hired Jerry Angelo as the GM in 2001, yet their coach at the time, Dick Jauron, had in his contract that he would get final personnel power, so their GM essentially had no authority. That’s like having Barney Fife as your town sherriff and replacing him with Aunt Bea!! Amazingly, that didn’t work out well, and Jauron was eventually fired in 2003. The personnel decisions from Angelo have been horrendous. Free agency and trades haven’t treated the Bears well, bringing in Brian Griese, giving up a draft pick for John Tait, and giving away Thomas Jones. The same Thomas Jones who led the AFC in rushing last year, and is 5th this year. And it’s not pretty looking at the first round picks since 2001: David Terrell, Marc Columbo, Rex Grossman, Michael Haynes, Tommie Harris, Cedric Benson, Greg Olsen and Chris Williams. He gave up Thomas Jones to give the job to Cedric Benson who was eventually cut before resurfacing with the Bengals, and is now 3rd in the league in rushing. Is there such thing as a Reverse King Midas? Jerry Angelo might be King Turd – everything he touches turns to a turd until they are out from under the Bears’ grip. Oh, and then there’s Kyle Orton……..

III. The Quarterback

Speaking of Kyle Orton, it deserves its own section. The Quarterback of the Chicago Bears, it doesn’t sound that complicated. Play caretaker for a team with a good defense and a predisposition to run the ball. Yet the Bears have not found a quarterback since Sid Luckman – and he retired in 1950. Yes, Jim McMahon won a Super Bowl in 1986, but he was not the key to that team like Walter Payton and the defense were. Fans want to have a quarterback to see as the face of the franchise. Bears fans have had the following guys as their quarterbacks: Mike Tomczak, Jim Harbaugh, Peter Tom Willis, Eric Kramer, Steve Walsh, Dave Krieg, Rick Mirer, Shane Matthews, Cade McNown, Jim Miller, Chris Chandler, Henry Burris, Kordell Stewart, Rex Grossman, Kyle Orton, Brian Griese, and finally Jay Cutler. I’ll take “Quarterbacks I will always bet against and will win much more than I will lose” for a million, Alex. The Bears threw in Kyle Orton along with first round draft picks to get Jay Cutler, and all Orton has done is lead the Broncos to a perfect 6-0 start with a passer rating over 100, good for 8th in the league.

I mean, Jay Cutler just signed a two-year contract extension yesterday. That’s a sign of how bad it’s been for the Bears quarterbacks. Five games, 10 TDs, 7 INTs and a rating under 87.0, and yet that is far and away better than anything they’ve seen before, so they wanted to lock him up as soon as possible. Your kid only got in a fender-bender during his first 5 weeks with his license and didn’t total the car, so you might as well upgrade him to a Bentley.

IV. Lack of Success

And finally, the biggest reason it sucks to be a Bears fan is that the Bears suck. They won the Super Bowl in 1986 (after the 1985 season), and since then, made one flukey trip in 2006, where they were demolished by the Colts. The Bears fans still rely upon that 1985/6 team for an identity, and idolized Coach Ditka, Walter Payton, Mike Singletary, and Richard Dent so much that they have failed to realize how poor the team has been in the past 20+ years. Oh, and Ditka is from Pennsylvania, not Chicago. The Bears are 5-9 in the playoffs since winning that lone Super Bowl, and have only won their division 3 times since 1991. The Monsters of the Midway are about as intimidating as the Baby Muppets. Even Paris Hilton realized that the Bears suck, and dumped Brian Urlacher because she couldn’t date someone that was more overrated than her.

Monday's Love/Hate

So there are many places to get more detailed recaps of all the NFL games on Monday mornings, so I’m not going to try and compete with Peter King, Michael Silver or Don Banks. Those guys watch more film and can provide insight from talking to guys in or at any and all of the games. Whether I agree with them or think they have a ridiculous East Coast bias (hello, Mr. King), they do a nice job of summarizing everything that happened. Instead, I’m just going to give a quick list of things I took from the weekend…..very simple, either they’re a “Love” or a “Hate”.

LOVE

- Superman just took off his Tim Tebow underwear…..and replaced them with Mark Sanchez underwear.

- The NFC North has the best collection of QBs in the league – without question.

- I strongly dislike the person Favre, but the player Favre still has some magic and he has a knack for the dramatic. The Vikings don’t win a game like that with a QB named Sage or Tavaris. Next Monday’s game against the Packers should be extremely interesting.

- Ballsy call by Belichick going for 4th & 1 from their own 24 in the 2nd half. The type of call that you can make when you have the fistful of rings like he does.

- Another week, another bunch of top10 college teams go down. Is Boise State really going to make it to the BCS championship? It’s too early to worry about it, but they have a fairly easy road there, they’re already #5, and many of the teams in front of them play each other, so are bound to lose at least 1 game.

- Peyton Manning is cementing his place as one of the best QBs of all time. He already has the one super bowl (as many as Favre), and his mastery of changing plays, directing late drives, etc. all while the team rebuilds his receiving corps is impressive. Loses a hall of famer in Harrison, and his replacement in Gonzalez, and he just shifts over to Dallas Clark, and a young guy in Garcon and doesn’t miss a beat. Despite resembling Herman Munster, and being a commercial whore, the guy is an amazing talent.

- Finally getting the baseball regular season over with and geting geared up for playoff baseball. Hopefully the pitching comes through and we get some of those classic 3-2 or 2-1 playoff games - yeah, I'm old-school like that.

HATE

- Hated the media trying to bait TO into a meltdown – he answered their questions and obviously didn’t want to say anything more. As much of a jackass as he has been in the past – get off his back, he answered the question how he wanted to answer it.

- Jim Zorn, please call your local real estate agent. You should put your house on the market. And if you need a prospective buyer, I suggest you get in contact with Mike Shannahan. Seems like the right fit for a team that needs some creative offense and a big name to keep the owner happy.

- Listening to the radio broadcast of the Pats game driving through New England – the Pats may have the worst radio announcers I’ve ever heard. No life in their voices, and for pass plays, every call started with “Direct snap to Brady….” And running plays all were “….slams it in there…..(3 second delay) ….(then tells us it was a 6 yard gain).” It was dull and lacked any description more than what you could get on the internet gamecast play-by-play.

- Having to admit that as much as I dislike Cutler’s baby antics, the guy has the right moxy to win in the NFL if he can keep the team behind him.

- So I have some venom Eric Mangini because I think he micromanages and doesn’t treat his team like adults – and I think there is no worse way to work than to have an over-bearing, condescending manager. But my feelings pale in comparison to this article about him.

- CNBC’s heavy focus on politics and losing focus on the markets/stocks. I know they’re very closely related and given the amount of government intervention in many industries, it’s somewhat oriented, but there’s CSPAN for coverage of Congressional hearings and every speech from Obama to another group of union workers. Fox Business channel has an opening if they can hire some better on-air talent.