Getcha Popcorn Ready!

With camps getting started all over the NFL, it’s time to turn more and more of our attention to Lord Football. And I will not be wasting any space on whether or not the league’s biggest diva will or won’t play (we all know he’s coming back, but not until he plants enough doubt with his personal mouthpiece, Chris Mortensen of ESPN, so that in case he fails, he has some built in excuses). What other stories are of interest? Dez Bryant refusing to carry Roy Williams’ pads and then backing off because he “didn’t know it was a tradition” with the Cowboys? More boring than the drama surrounding The Bachelorette, Ali. And as Tim Cowlishaw of the Dallas Morning News perfectly pointed out – if that’s the ‘Boys big problem, they are going to have a great season. Instead, we learned today that Terrell Owens had signed on to play with the Bengals this season. Well, Cincy – Getcha Popcorn Ready!!

I may be as crazy as the Timberwolves GM, but I actually think this could work very, very well for the Bengals. If Owens can keep his ego in check, he has a chance to put up really good numbers on a team that has the potential to be a factor in the playoffs. Here are the reasons it will not implode:

1 – Carson Palmer
No quarterback in the league has dealt with more “entertainers” at the wide receiver position than Palmer. His main target has been the always-entertaining Chad Ochocinco, and previously he was teamed up with the always-outspoken T.J. Houshmandzadeh. Palmer is as well-prepared as any quarterback in the league to block out egos and just try to make plays. While his numbers were very pedestrian as he came back from missing most of 2008 with an arm injury, he remains a cerebral quarterback and if his arm strength returns, he could be the comeback player of the year.

2 – The Fit
Owens is not nearly as fast as he once was, and he does not have the most reliable hands in the league, but he has the potential to find quite a few openings with Ochocinco stretching the field and rookie TE Jermaine Gresham attracting the attention of linebackers or safeties. It has the potential to fit the same way Katy Perry fits in a bikini – snug and very flattering.

3 – Owens’ Maturity
Has T.O. really matured? It’s hard to say, but despite his previous track record of being an enormous headache, he was very tame last season. Despite playing for a horrendous Bills team with quarterbacks that were more useless than Carrie Underwood in a Chelsea bar, Owens did not ruffle feathers. He posted his weakest season totals since he was a rookie, yet he was almost a model citizen. Has he realized that winning is more important than his diva act? Perhaps. Or was it just but on the back burner until he had the proper spotlight to promote himself? I want to believe that he will be entertaining, yet will play hard and not be a locker room cancer.

4 – The Competition
The AFC North should be extremely compelling this season, with Baltimore, Cincinnati and Pittsburgh all eyeing the division title. Yet the Ravens are dealing with a banged up secondary – particularly Ed Reed. The Steelers could find themselves in a hole early without Big Ben under center, and their defense was not as strong in 2009 as typical Pittsburgh defenses. Add that to the very young secondary in Cleveland and the Bengals look to have a very good chance to improve upon their poor 26th ranked passing offense.

Owens will no doubt form the most entertaining wide receiver combo with Chad Ochocinco, and when you add Antonio Bryant to the mix (whatever short time he is healthy), the Bengals could have a very potent passing offense that could help to balance the Cedric Benson-led running game. That could make the Bengals very dangerous, so you better getcha popcorn ready.

Weekend Hangover - Love/Hate

LOVE

- Training Camp starts!! As much as I enjoy baseball, the boys of summer cannot compete with the grid iron in the fall. As camps start, there will be a ton of talk about position battles, who wants a new contract, what rookie is picking up the game quickly (once the rookies other than Dez Bryant finally start signing), and what aging veteran looks like he ran out of gas. Predictions will be made based on last season and hopes of a new season, and then finally in another month, real games will start to be played. And this morning the month-long heat and humidity in New York finally broke and the air had just the slightest chill to it…..almost like mother nature even decided to give a little head nod to football.

- The intriguing contract situation between Tom Brady and the Patriots. The Pats have always been ruthless in dealing with aging veterans, allowing players to walk or trading them instead of paying them large contracts. And yet, Brady has been the face of the franchise for the past decade and has been a great company man, taking below-market contracts to allow the team more flexibility to sign other players around him. Well, coming off some injuries and being likely in the second half of his career, Tommy had his Don Draper realization (great episode of Mad Men last night) that it’s time to own who he is and take what is rightfully his. There is almost no chance that Brady will hold out or cause any ripples because the guy loves to play football, but it will be interesting to see how the team handles the situation. Also keeping a close eye on the contract will be Peyton Manning, who can take the Brady contract to the Colts and say “This plus 10% is our starting point” next season.

- Loved seeing Andre Dawson get inducted to the Hall of Fame. The Hawk was among my favorite players growing up. Growing up a Brewers fan when the Brewers were in the AL, it made it okay to be a Cubs fan in the NL. And with almost every Cubs game on WGN – most during the day – it was easy to root for guys like Dawson, Ryne Sandberg, Shawon Dunston and Lee Smith, even if they never did win. Dawson went in as an Expo, which is a good thing considering there are no other Expos in the Hall of Fame and with the franchise moved, there likely will never be another.

HATE

- Talk about the looming lockout in the NFL. We get it. The owners want lower salaries for the players. The players don’t. Of course they’re going to argue over it and threaten to have no football next season. In the end, they’ll work it out because both sides know their meal tickets get punched when the games are played on the field. Even if there is a lockout, we’ll survive. College football will still be there, and hell half the players in college are getting paid more than the league minimum anyway, so it’s barely even amateur sports.

- The Angels pretty much stole Dan Haren from the Diamondbacks, and it does not start the baseball trading season with a bang. The Angels are still 6 games behind Texas in the AL West and even with Haren are unlikely to make up the ground on the strong-pitching Rangers. Yet it was still a good trade for them, not giving up many prospects and trading a middle of the rotation guy for Haren who has the stuff to be a top of the rotation guy. The Diamondbacks just pulled a Betty Draper and managed to find a replacement, but one not nearly as interesting as the stud they originally were working with.

Degenerate Friday! 2nd Half Predictions

Since my baseball futures bet of the Mariners went so well in the first half of the season, I figured I’d make some predictions for the second half of the season. I mean, I believe I wrote that the addition of Milton Bradley combined with the veteran leadership of Ken Griffey Jr. would carry the M’s offense. Yeah, that didn’t work out all that well – it’s hard to lead when you’re sleeping in the clubhouse and retiring before the all-star break, and it’s hard to provide offensive punch when you’re taking time off for mental instability. Anyway, let’s hope my second half thoughts can burst on the scene like Jen Brown – the next Erin Andrews chosen to be the ESPN sideline princess during college football season. She seems to have all the assets, understands her role and judging by her outfit at the ESPY’s, is not afraid of the limelight.

AL Playoff Teams:
AL East: Yankees
AL Central: Twins
AL West: Rangers
AL Wildcard: Red Sox

It’s a pretty boring picture in the AL, without many surprises. The Yankees have the best team in baseball, with a pitching staff capable of carrying them through even without their potent offensive line up. It’s a bad sign when you know that they will be involved before the trading deadline and all they are looking for is middle relief or set up help in the bullpen. It’s like having the assets of Brooklyn Decker and only having to worry about finding the right dress for the ESPY’s to showcase her talent – it’s not really fair to anyone else around.

The Red Sox have been fighting the injury bug all season and the continued absence of Dustin Pedroia will hamper the offense as they try to stay with the Rays for the wildcard. If they can get him and Josh Beckett back healthy and effective, they will reel in the Rays and pass them for the last playoff spot. The Sox pitching with Lester, Lackey and a healthy Beckett could make them a nightmare in the playoffs if they can qualify.

The Twins will be able to outlast the Tigers & White Sox in the Central and the Rangers will run away the west with the addition of Cliff Lee. Lee can carry the Rangers to the AL Championship Series and gives them a fighting chance with his dominance of the Yankees. Unfortunately the Yankees veterans will prove too much for the Rangers, despite the playoff experience of Lee & Vladamir Guerrero.

Divisional Round:
Yankees over Twins
Rangers over Red Sox

AL Champ: Yankees over Rangers


NL Playoff Teams:
NL East: Braves
NL Central: Reds
NL West: Rockies
NL Wildcard: Mets

The Braves made a smart trade getting rid of the immensely talented but mercurial Yunel Escobar for Alex Gonzalez. In Bobby Cox’s final season, the team is all pulling in the same direction and can’t afford the distraction of the often-disinterested shortstop. With the return to health of Jason Heyward and Nate McClouth, the Braves offense will be able to match their strong pitching and hold off the Mets and Phillies for the division crown.

The Reds have been among the surprises in baseball this season. While they had the talent to compete, no one knew if the youth would finally come through. They are much like the 2008 Brewer team in that they have a young core of talent that should be able to carry them, but they could definitely use an extra pitcher to give them the leverage to hold off the Cardinals. They should try to get involved in the Roy Oswalt sweepstakes, yet it might be more difficult to get a division foe to trade with than it would be to get a Vegas VIP hostess job without frontcourt enhancements.

The Padres have been a tremendous story during the first half of the year with a pitching staff that has kept them at or near first place most of the season. Yet the Rockies have been coming on as of late and all the experts seem to think they are still the team to beat in the NL West.

The Mets will also be heavily involved in the Roy Oswalt sweepstakes and may be the team capable of taking on his big contract. Also look for them to be there to get Ted Lilly from the Cubs. That addition of a pitcher combined with the return of Carlos Beltran, even if he is not at full strength, should be enough to hold off the injury-riddled Phillies for the Wildcard.

NL Divisional Round
Braves over Reds
Mets over Rockies

NL Championship: Braves over Mets

World Series: Yankees over Braves

Site Update & All-Star Thoughts

SITE UPDATE: I’ve officially re-entered the real working world this week, so there will be some changes to the schedule for posting on the site. The goal is to still put up 3 posts a week – The Weekend Hangover, Wednesday and Degenerate Friday. I plan on using a combination of the Kramer (TCB, Jerry – Takin’ Care of Business) and the Peter Gibbons from Office Space (I typically show up an hour late, sneak in the back door and then space out for a couple hours) to quickly move my way up the corporate ladder. Who am I kidding? I’ll be humping it for the man, just like everyone else. So wish me luck and expect posts at least three times a week.

All-Star Thoughts

- RIP Mr. Steinbrenner. From a few of the stories I read, he appeared to be nicer to the people he served (the city of NY) than he was to those he worked for. As a fan, you couldn’t ask for more as an owner – a guy who wanted to win and it didn’t matter what it cost him or who he offended as long as he won. As an employee, you couldn’t have a worse boss – an emotional, irrational and micromanaging nightmare. Yet he was able to put Gene Michaels in control during his two year suspension, and Michaels helped to lay the groundwork for the current Yankee title-winning core. Nothing like a great parody clip of “Big George” from Seinfeld to send him off.



- RIP Captain Phil from the Deadliest Catch on the Discovery Channel. I am not the show’s biggest fan, nor did I make sure to DVR every episode. But on the few occasions when I did see the show, it was always entertaining to watch him run the ship. He kept his crew loose and obviously cared about his sons, and he was definitely one hard working s.o.b. Good luck as the captain of that ship in the sky.

- The heat and humidity in New York the past week has been more insufferable than trying to keep up with Mel Gibson's latest psychotic tirade. Just walking down the street has me sweating like Travis Henry and Shawn Kemp on Father's Day.

- I can’t decide what is more annoying, the arrogance of Joe Buck, or the fact that he is so smug that he thinks he can make fun of himself for being arrogant. Listening to him announce the all-star game is insufferable as he reminds us all how smart he is and how great his life is. He has a great voice for announcing and had an amazing announcer of a father, but I wish he would just go away.

- The only redeeming quality of Joe Buck annoucncing? It is a reminder that football season is just around the corner. Training camps are typically running by the end of the month and opening day is just under 2 months away – September 12. And the start of the season will be interesting with many teams filling in for suspended stars…the Steelers and Roethlisberger, the Jets and Santonio Holmes, and the Chargers and Vincent Jackson. It sure will make fantasy football values interesting. Remember when everyone stayed away from Brandon Marshall because he was going to miss the first few games of the season? He then went on to produce awesome fantasy points the rest of the season.

Quick Hits on "The Decision"

What does it mean that LeBron signed in Miami?

- Cavs owner Dan Gilbert acted like a spurned teenage girl with an open letter to the Cavs fans that rips LeBron for being cowardly, narcissitic, etc. While it is understandable that he feels that way, it was not the best approach to lure other high profile players to come play for him in Cleveland. It would have been much better for him to simply state that he was disappointed in his decision, and believes it didn’t show loyalty, but that the Cavs are moving forward in trying to win a title. It is another example of a time when you’re wrong, even when you’re right.

- LeBron proved once and for all that he does not have that killer instinct that Jordan, Bird, and Bryant. He wants to be a second fiddle. This is the end of the “King James” nickname. From this point forward, he should be “Prince James” because he doesn’t want the crown. He is a freak of an athlete, but he doesn’t have that extra gear and that ability to completely take over a game. James doesn’t have that. He never did. And he never will. He has decided to be the glorified Scottie Pippen to Wade’s Jordan. Time to trade in that Batman jersey, LeBron and make sure they make a Robin costume in XL.

- The Milwaukee Bucks benefit from the LeBron decision. The Bucks finished second in the Central division last season behind Cleveland. With the additions of Corey Maggette and Drew Gooden to go with resigning John Salmons, the Bucks look to have improved considerably during the off-season. The Bucks look to be in position to battle the improved Bulls (adding Boozer, a defensive coach and maturing Derrick Rose & Joakim Noah) for the Central Division title. The Bucks appear to be as deep as any team in the east, with talent on the bench to compliment the starters. Unfortunately they do not have the superstar to get the calls in crunch time, and that is what it takes to win in the playoffs in the NBA. The Bucks look poised to be a 50 win team that cannot get past the second round of the playoffs. Which is better than they have been in a while.

- Does the ESPN hype-machine have any boundaries? I mean, they were willing to drop any programming they had scheduled to do a 1 hour hype show to allow LeBron to rip out the hearts of the Cavalier fans in an extremely public forum. They then sat there and spent the first 20 minutes of the show bouncing around the same rumors and theories that have been out there for the past 2 months. It was a slurp-fest about how great LeBron is….even though he folded in every big game and never won a title. It was a new low for the World-Wide Leader in Sports.

- Since it is Degenerate Friday, my bet is that Miami will not win the NBA title next year. The Heat have 4 guys under contract currently, with 3 second round picks to add to the mix. They then have to add 5 players at the league minimum just to fill out the roster. They think that guys will be willing to take the league minimum “for a chance to win.” We’ll see how it plays out, but I don’t see crucial role players – guys like a Derek Fisher, Robert Horry or Bruce Bowen taking minimum contracts.

Durant Over LeBron

I am now rooting 100% more for Kevin Durant than I ever will for LeBron James. Just based on the actions of these two superstars in the past few days, Durant has surpassed King James in class, maturity and overall likeability. LeBron James is like Kristin Cavallari – all the physical tools and a tremendous amount of assets, but just doesn’t get it and spends all their time trying to be popular instead of focusing on anything important. Durant, on the other hand, is like Jessica Alba – again blessed with all the physical tools to dominate, but she just goes about her business without drawing too much attention to herself other than for just being insanely hot.

Yesterday LeBron announced that he would reveal his free agency decision on a one hour television special to be aired on ESPN. It is the most ridiculous, immature and attention-seeking thing I’ve ever seen. And on the other end of the spectrum is Kevin Durant, who quietly tweeted that he signed a 5 year contract extension to stay with Oklahoma City. No press conference. No television specials. No dog and pony shows requiring the Russian billionaire owner to come visit him. The one thing that the Durant announcement was dripping with? CLASS. Something LeBron obviously doesn’t understand, which is surprising for a guy with an image as closely manicured as his.

And my opinion is that Chris Bosh’s decision to join Wade in Miami rather than join James in Cleveland speaks volume about what other players throughout the league may think of King James. Even if James decides to join him in Miami, Bosh made the decision to join Wade and not to join James in Cleveland (via sign and trade). If James was as good of a teammate as is portrayed by the media, wouldn’t Bosh want to team up with him, even if it was in Cleveland? And by doing a sign and trade with Cleveland, Bosh would have been able to get an extra year and roughly $27 million more. Yet Bosh gave up that money to sign directly with Miami and play alongside Wade….and no one else. They have 4 guys under contract – including Wade & Bosh! Yet that was more appealing than joining James in Cleveland. Interesting?

Recruiting LeBron Through Caddyshack

With all of the media tripping over themselves to determine what each team’s recruiting strategy is for recruiting LeBron James, I think it’s pretty simple. And each team’s recruiting ploy can be described with a scene from Caddyshack.

Knicks – Ty Webb’s love song

The Knicks claim that LeBron is perfect for the big stage of New York – that he was born to love them. The Knicks were born to lick his face. They were born to rub each other…..you get the idea.

Bulls – Ty Webb Wisdom

The Bulls claim they provide James with the best opportunity to win now. Because much like a superstar without a ring is no superstar, a donut without a hole…is a danish.

Heat – We’re All Gonna Get Laid!

The Heat are trying to assemble 3/5 of the All-Star team in South Beach. And so the allure is the beach, the weather, and winning. Sounds like everybody is getting laid!

Nets – Play Through

The Nets are much like Carl Spackler – entertaining, definitely a loose cannon, and despite poor living conditions presently, the future looks bright. Once Spackler becomes head greenskeeper, he’ll move into a nicer place. But in the mean time, would you be surprised if the Russian owner provided James with something to smoke the bejezuz out of?

Clippers – Hey Smails – my dingy is bigger than your whole boat!

The Clippers, like Judge Smails boat, is very nice. They have some pieces in place to enjoy a nice sail together. Until Al Cervik’s yacht (aka the Lakers with Kobe at the controls) comes crashing in and reminding King James that their dingy is bigger than the King’s entire boat.