Weekend Hangover - Love/Hate

LOVE

- We discovered the key to life at brunch yesterday with a group of friends. We decided that if you want the world to be your oyster, you really only need to have three talents: (1) be good at charades, (2) be good at shotgunning beer, and (3) be good in bed. I mean, if you have that, I think the world is your playground. And that discussion may or may not have taken place after our 5th cocktail. So there’s your roadmap to success, now get out there and practice kids!

- Mark Sanchez is now tied for the most playoff wins by a Jets quarterback with two. Drew Brees has the only wins in Saints playoff history. That gives you a sense of two of the franchises that will be playing in the conference championship games this weekend. The other two quarterbacks have slightly more playoff experience – maybe you’ve heard of them? Favre and Manning.

- The Colts probably should have knocked the Jets out of the playoffs before they got in. Karma brings the Jets back to Indy with a renewed sense of confidence and momentum. You have to believe the Bengals and Chargers are wishing they would have played the Texans rather than Rex’s hard-charging Gang Green.

- Brett Favre is playing better than he ever has in his entire career. He has 37 touchdowns and only 7 interceptions including the playoff game. The first touchdown pass he threw to Sidney Rice could not have been placed in a better spot if Favre was right next to him. I’m pretty sure he was singing “Just the Two of Us” in the locker room after the game. Well, maybe not. But he is playing better than even when he was going to back-to-back Super Bowls with Green Bay.

- Reggie Bush may have finally realized how to play in the NFL. The guy is a great athlete and he may have finally figured out that he has the ability to lower his shoulder and just plow forward on some plays and use his incredible video game moves on other plays. He played with a purpose and ran over Cardinals defenders on some occasions and stopped and cut on a dime for the next move. There was one screen pass where he caught the ball, and put on the brakes and cut back, leaving two Arizona defenders diving at air. If he can play like that, not only will the Saints have a great chance at winning the Super Bowl, but he will have a better chance of getting a big payday when his contract is up. And maybe we’ll finally talk about him for something other than his girlfriend.

HATE

- The Chargers choked. And not just Nate Kaeding for missing 3 field goals. Phillip Rivers was not clutch and Norv Turner lived up to his awful reputation in big games. Why did he go with an onside kick? Had he kicked it deep, on that 4th and 1, the Jets would have been deep in their own territory and would have had to punt. Once again, Norv proved that he does not have what it takes to take a team to the championship.

- Can we please stop the retirement talk as soon as a team loses in the playoffs? Kurt Warner, LaDanian Tomlinson, Ed Reed, etc. all may have played their final games. Give them some time to let their emotions calm down, let their bodies heal up a little, and let them talk with their families. Then again, if you’re Kurt Warner, maybe you need a job to keep you out of the house and away from that hair. (And the streak continues) They’ve all been great players, give them time to figure out what they want to do.

- Keith Brookings is a clown. Yes, it was aggressive that the Vikings threw the ball on 4th down with 2 minutes left in a blow out. Yet we celebrate the players for playing hard the entire game – that includes the last two minutes. So the Vikings did exactly that – they played to the final whistle. And Brad Childress can only coach his team. If the Cowboys are not able to stop the Vikings, that’s a Cowboy’s problem, not a Vikings problem. You’ve been getting your ass handed to you all day long, Keith. Don’t compound it by trying to talk to the Vikings bench and spouting off to the media after the game. You sound like a whiny little biyatch. If I didn’t know better, I would have thought I was watching Grey’s Anatomy because you were whining more than Ellen Pompeo.

- Think Arizona is looking for a defensive coordinator today?

- C’mon Brett you pansy. Crying in the post game presser after WINNING the game? A blow out game at that. Honestly – you’re such a drama queen. Grow up.

Degenerate Friday!! Divisional Playoffs

First, let me say thanks to Jimmy Traina of Sports Illustrated for linking to yesterday’s story on NFL Theme Songs in his AM Hot Clicks which drove a tremendous amount of traffic to the site. Let’s keep the momentum going and don’t forget to sign up on the facebook fan page, become a follower of the site (on the lower right hand side of this page) or subscribe to the RSS feed.

Speaking of songs, yesterday I’m waiting in the subway station and there is an old Mexican man playing the guitar and wailing about some woman that left him. After that lovely song ends, he breaks out into a pretty good rendition of “Happy Birthday” - which kind of sounded like a mash up of "Happy Birthday" and "LaBamba". Only he’s singing happy birthday……to himself. He belts out “Happy Birthday to Meeeeeee! It’s Saturday. Saturday – I’m 77.” Then finishes the song and lets everyone know that his mother died in 1977 and he’s turning 77 years old on Saturday. I’m not sure how any of that is connected, or even why this story is relevant. It just seemed comical that he was singing happy birthday to himself.

Now that the public service announcement and story hour are over, let’s get to it. This is a huge weekend with good matchups in the NFL Divisional playoffs. After being wrong in all four games during the wildcard weekend, it’s time to double it up in the divisional round and make some money……..ummmm, if gambling were legal. Each game needs a title, so they’re given one of the movies that won Best Picture during the past decade.

Standard disclosures: picks are for recreational purposes only, spreads from the NY Post, home teams in caps, etc.

The Departed (2006 Winner)
Cardinals (+7) over SAINTS
This game has an all-star cast of offense, from Kurt Warner, Larry Fitzgerald and Beanie Wells to Drew Brees, Marques Colston and Jeremy Shockey. The over/under is at 57, so Vegas expects another shoot out, which is pretty much what most of The Departed turned into. The difference between the movie and this game is at the end of the game, the old man in charge won’t end up dead. I see Kurt Warner being able to carve up the Saints secondary and the Cardinals playoff experience comes into play as they are not bothered playing in the loud Superdome. History says two road teams win during the divisional round, and here’s one of them. If the Vikings win, this would set up a geezer show down in the NFC Championship. And mark it down, this is the first time I've mentioned Kurt Warner without making fun of his wife for looking like Annie Lennox of the Eurythmics and then getting a make over to more resemble a woman....or Rod Steward. Dammit, I guess my streak continues.

A Beautiful Mind (2001 Winner)
COLTS (-6.5) over Ravens
This just refers to Peyton Manning’s intelligence and ability to make adjustments. Although it could also compare the tempers of Ray Lewis and Russell Crowe – keep knives away from Ray-Ray and cell phones away from Russell. Baltimore will be trying to slow the game down with their running game, playing keep away from the Colts offense, yet Manning proved against the Dolphins, he doesn’t need the ball very often to be dangerous. The biggest problem the Ravens will face is that they do not have a cornerback who can run with Reggie Wayne, which could provide him with a few opportunities for deep passes. I’m a little nervous about laying this many points in a game I expect to be close, but I expect the Colts to come out ready to play and ready to put points on the board. If the Ravens need to pass to keep it close, Joe Flacco is not ready on the road.

Million Dollar Baby (2004 Winner)
CHARGERS (-7) over Jets
Rookie quarterback Mark Sanchez is the Million Dollar Baby in New York, and well, we all know how the movie ends……spoiler alert……the Million Dollar Baby doesn’t make it. It’s going to be a similar ending for Sanchez in his homecoming to the West Coast. The Jets running game will be able to shorten the game, but they won’t be able to put up enough points to keep up with the Chargers. San Diego invades Revis Island with an army of giant receiving threats, with both WRs and Antonio Gates over 6’5”. That will allow them to go up and over the top of Revis and the other members of the Jets secondary. If the Jets fall behind, they don’t have the ability to score quickly. This is the one game this weekend where I could see it getting out of hand and being over by half time. Side note – they couldn’t have found a better actress to for the part than Hilary Swank – she scares me. I mean, she played a boy in “Boys Don’t Cry” and then she was a female boxer and then shows up at the awards shows trying to look hot. She’d be better off showing up wearing a tux.

No Country For Old Men (2007 Winner)
VIKINGS (-3) over Cowboys
Based on the movie title, it would appear I should be picking against the old man, Brett Favre. The Cowboys come to town as hot as any team in the league and Brett has never beaten the Cowboys in the playoffs (remember his only Super Bowl winning year, Kerry Collins and the Panthers upset the Cowboys). Yet the Vikings play well at home, and will be able to physically beat up the Cowboys – something the Eagles and Saints couldn’t do during the Dallas winning streak. As long as Favre can control his ego and doesn’t try to force the ball down field, Minnesota will outlast the Cowboys. And it also builds up the expectations and the hype even more for when Favre throws 4 interceptions in the NFC Championship and joins Gary Anderson among infamous Vikings playoff failures (Anderson didn’t miss a FG all season and then missed a chippy in the 1998 NFC Champsionship when the Vikings lost to Atlanta).

Thursday Thoughts - Theme Songs for the Final Eight NFL Teams

Before we get to today’s collumn, I have to come clean. I used a performance-enhancing substance all during high school, college, and continue to use it on many Friday, Saturday and Sunday mornings to help recover from hangovers. It was Gatorade. What? You don’t think that’s a performance-enhancing substance? Then you didn’t hear The General, Bobby Knight, discussing Mark McGwire. That was the dumbest comment I’ve heard since the Miss Teen USA pageant in 2007.

So there are a ton of stories about teams using some cheesey song as their motivational theme song in almost every sports. The 2005 Chicago White Sox used Journey’s “Don’t Stop Believin” to celebrate their success. The Red Sox use “Sweet Caroline” to rally their crowd before the bottom of the 8th inning every game. And of course, the University of Wisconsin gets the Camp Randall football stadium going crazy at the end of every 3rd quarter by blasting “Jump Around.” Therefore I determined that each of the 8 teams remaining in the NFL Playoffs needs a theme song for the team and their fans to rally around. A few rules: (1) It has to be an old song, (2) it has to be cheesey, and (3) it has to be fitting for this year’s team and playoff run. Starting in the NFC………………

New orleans Saints: Wilson Phillips – “Hold On”
The Saints have just been holding on ever since that Monday night game when they blew out the New England Patriots. They limped to the finish line after winning their first 13 games and they need the motivation of that chubby girl rolling around on the beach reminding them to hold on. And can’t you see Jeremy Shockey belting this out in the locker room? I think they've had complete makeovers and don't look as awkward now, but when they wrote and performed this song, I'm not sure what they were thinking - why is she wearing that hat?

Minnesota Vikings: Bill Withers – “Just the Two of Us”
This one is perfect for Head Coach Brett Favre and his assistant Brad Childress. Well, I guess it also could be Brett & running back Adrian Peterson if we want to keep the focus on the field, but I think it’s a better fit for Chilly & Brett. I mean, the Vikings can only go as far as Favre takes them, and that means they need their coach and quarterback to be on the same page, holding hands and belting out this Bill Withers classic. Did you know Bill Withers also sings “Lean On Me” and “Ain’t No Sunshine”? Never heard of the guy before, but those are some classic songs. And well, a picture of Bill Withers is pretty dull, so let's not waste our time there. Instead, let's go with a picture of Megan Fox from her recent ads for Armani. I think I'm on my way to buy something Armani immediately. Or maybe just buy a DVD of one of her movies, you know they're on clearance.

Dallas Cowboys: Hootie & The Blowfish – “Hold My Hand”
Even though Hootie is a self-proclaimed Dolphins fan, the opening lyric of this song makes it the rallying cry for the entire Cowboys season. “With a little love, and some tenderness We'll walk upon the water We'll rise above this mess With a little peace, and some harmony We'll take the world together…” The Cowboys have removed the drama of T.O. from their locker room and have focused on a team mentality with Tony Romo spreading the ball all over the field. And since Hootie has transitioned over to country music, the Dallas fans will be comfortable when this song is played in Jerry’s Palace.

Arizona Cardinals: Rod Stewart – “Forever Young”
While another over-the-hill quarterback has gotten the spot light most of the season, now that it’s playoff time, the old man in Arizona deserves the spot light. Kurt Warner is among the best playoff quarterbacks in history, and he proved it again last week against Green Bay. The guy is forever young and has a 9-3 record in the playoffs during his career. His accuracy and command of the offense have been impeccable in the playoffs and are the only reason he’s in the conversation for the Hall of Fame. And I’m trying to avoid making the comparison between his wife’s new hair and Rod Stewart’s hair but you can judge for yourself.

In the AFC………………….

Indianapolis Colts: Kenny Loggins – “Danger Zone”
The Colts entered the Danger Zone when they decided to pass on a shot at a perfect season and rest their starters. And they’re facing a Ravens team that would have beat the Colts in Indy during the regular season if their kicker had made a chip shot field goal. Now they enter the playoffs without the momentum they had built in the first 14 games of the season, and they’re going to need the same motivation that Kenny Loggins provided for Tom Cruise so he could sit on a couple of phone books in the cockpit to see out the front window and become a Top Gun pilot. Can’t you imagine Peyton putting on the aviator sunglasses and singing along?

San Diego Chargers: The Rolling Stones – “(I Can’t Get No) Satisfaction”
No matter what the Chargers do, they are always an afterthought relative to the Colts, Saints or Vikings. Yet the Chargers have won 10 straight games and have the most potent offense in the league as the only team to score a minimum of 20 points in every game this season. Phillip Rivers had a tremendous season, but was a distant afterthought in the MVP voting. Norv Turner has been a joke his entire head coaching career in the playoffs so we’ll see if he can change that perception and get the satisfaction of some respect with some playoff success.

New York Jets: R. Kelly – “I Believe I Can Fly”
Coach Rex Ryan really has his team believing they can do absolutely anything. At this point, he’s been right, so if he told them they could fly, there is a pretty good chance at least a handful of them would jump off the roof of the practice facility. The Jets believe they can fly by grinding it out on the ground and occassionally airing it out on play action……before Braylen Edwards drops it. I think it would be worth paying admission to see Rex sing this song to his team in the lcoker room.

Baltimore Ravens: Michael Jackson – “Beat It”
The Ravens have found success by beating the snot out of teams on the ground, similar to the Jets. The Ravens also have the guys on defense with Ray Lewis, Ed Reed and Terrell Suggs that will beat up the offense of opponents. The line that is the most applicable to how the Ravens play from the classic MJ song is “They’ll kick you. They’ll beat you. They’ll tell you its fair.” And we can all agree that seeing Ray Lewis in that awesome red zipper jacket would bring the team together to be able to win the next couple games on the road. And Joe Flacco and Ed Reed would have to be the guys behind Michael who engage in the knife fight…………trying to avoid the easy Ray Lewis knife jokes……….

So there you have it…….and apologies in advance for putting all those songs in your head. They will be there the rest of the day. The Hootie song has stayed with me since I decided to use it……..and I can’t shake it.

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The Knicks claim they lost their game in Oklahoma City the other night because the hotel they stayed in was haunted. The legend is that a woman had an affair with the owner, then jumped from the 10th floor window with their baby in her arms. So of course Eddy Curry stayed on the 10th floor and only slept 2 hours because he spent most of the night in Nate Robinson’s room. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. I think the Knicks have more reason to blame the ghosts of Isiah Thomas, Stephon Marbury and Allan Houston for their losses than some ghost in Oklahoma City.

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Wildcard Hangover - Love/Hate

I’m still in shock…..so we’re going to start with the hates this week. While I was typing that, Aaron Rodgers just got hit in the helmet again (and it didn’t get called) and WRs and TEs were streaking wide open all over Glendale, Arizona.

Hate

- That was an unreal game in Arizona. I don’t even know where to begin. As much as it hurt to lose as a Packer fan, it was an incredible game to watch. Green Bay got off to the worst start I’ve ever imagined, then fought all the way back including a great on-side kick call by Mike McCarthy, and lost in OT on a fumble recovery where there was a blatant “contact with the helmet” and “facemask” penalties that were not called. I’m not blaming the game on the officials….but I need to rant a little. It was one of the worst officiated games I’ve seen in a long time – Rodgers was contacted in the helmet at least 3 or 4 times that I can recall and never received the flag. Whether they were hard hits is irrelevant in today’s “protect the QB at all costs” NFL – it’s an automatic penalty…..unless the officials that called Sunday’s game are there. Add to that the offensive pass interference and the blatant holding of Cullen Jenkins (who was called for brushing Warner’s helmet) on Larry Fitzgerald’s second touchdown, and it was a very poorly called game on many levels. Yet in the end, if the Packers highly rated defense could have figured out a way to cover someone over the middle of the field, they would have ran away with the game. The officials didn’t cost anyone the game – the lack of defense was abhorrent.

Aaron Rodgers proved that he can step up for a big game and delivered while rallying his team with his calm and collected demeanor. And Kurt Warner was also out of this world, with more touchdowns than incomplete passes. It was the most amazing offensive football game I’ve ever seen.

- When I said I would go 11-0 in the playoffs…….maybe I actually meant 0-11. I went 0-4 this weekend. Ouch. The only real shocker game was the Ravens putting the beat down on the Patriots. Time to double down in the divisional games next week………….

- Paging Randy Moss…………Mr. Moss? The doctors are ready for your heart transplant. Obviously the heart that you used for your first years in New England has expired. Not sure what to think of the Patriots future coming off this game. Their aura under Belichick and Brady took a major hit by losing at home, and not just losing, but getting crushed. The team didn’t rally after getting punched in the mouth early by the Ravens. That was the biggest difference between the Pats and the Packers on Sunday. Both teams started the games horribly, yet the Packers were able to fight their way back.

- Can someone please explain to me what happened to Carson Palmer? I thought he was a strong-armed gunslinger who was always under control when he entered the league out of USC. He then took over the strong aerial attack of the Bengals, zipping the ball all over the field during their strong 2005 season. He then blew out his knee on the second snap of his first playoff game against Pittsburgh. And now he’s an immobile, inaccurate, noodle-armed game manager? I haven’t seen a strange transformation like this since it was discovered that former Playmate of the Year Victoria Silvstedt was a hooker.

- That announcing crew that did the Jets-Bengals game on Saturday was among the worst I’ve ever heard, and I grew up listening to Jim Paschke and John McGlockton stumble through Milwaukee Bucks games. NBC gave us a team of Tom Hammonds, Joe Theismann and Joe Gibbs that had never worked a booth together and they sounded like it. Gibbs had no idea when he should or shouldn’t talk, Theismann talks too much, and Hammonds is better on Notre Dame games, where no one cares. At one point after Mark Sanchez rolled out and threw a long TD pass, Hammonds incorrectly called it out of the wildcat format and Theismann went on a rant about how Brad Smith was a prolific passer at Iowa and that the Bengals should have been ready for him. While his comment was factually accurate, it was extremely inappropriate because Smith was not on the field!!! It was not a wildcat play and Sanchez had thrown the TD pass. Yet Theismann was so eager to hear himself talk about the one fact he researched that he didn’t take the time to see what was actually happening on the field. I spent most of the game praying Lawrence Taylor would make a surprise appearance in the booth.

LOVE

- Wisconsin fans are going to have to deal with the sting of the Packer loss, but the silver lining from the weekend was the Wisconsin Badgers basketball team knocking off unbeaten and #4 ranked Purdue at the Kohl Center. Bo Ryan continues to amaze me with his ability to put together an extremely competitive team every year no matter how many players graduate. He also has built a dominant home court advantage – going 130-10 in his career at the Kohl Center. Jordan Taylor and Jon Leuer are the sophomore foundation of a team that has tournament potential. Senior guards in Travon Williams and Jason Bohannon along with the scoring sophomore duo and stingy defense are a good recipe for post season success. I think Bo might be more underrated

- Mark Sanchez and Tony Romo were impressive in playoff wins. Both guys have been on serious roller coasters with the media, and both seem like pretty normal guys. Both QBs were in complete control during the games on Sunday and led their teams to much needed victories. It seems like both quarterbacks have the world by the tail right now. Or is it that they have the tail in the world? Either way, the bottom line is the Cowboys are always under the microscope and right now they look incredible as they head to Minnesota to try and knock off Romo’s childhood hero Brett Favre. Sanchez plays in the biggest fishbowl in the world in NY and faces an unbelievable amount of pressure. He’s the toast of the town – this week – but needs to follow it up with a strong game in San Diego to keep that praise.

- Time for the annual “Should we trade Donovan McNabb?” Circus to kick off. He’s a good quarterback as proven by his regular season success, but it is also extremely apparent that he does not have the ability to win the biggest games. He is not mentally tough (have I said that before?!?!) and is not a strong leader. If the Eagles truly want to make a Super Bowl run, they will need to get a dynamic quarterback to pair up with DeSean Jackson, McCoy, Maclin, and Celek. I don’t think they have that guy on their roster currently – sorry Kevin Kolb.

- The sound you heard late Saturday night was not your neighbor trying to haul a fat girl home for some action……..well, it might have been that. But the other sound you heard? The coaching carousel screeching to a halt after the Cowboys victory. If Dallas loses to Philly, Wade Phillips get canned, perhaps Jeff Fisher or Bill Cowher would take the job and the carousel would pick up some steam. Instead, Phillips secured his job, and Fisher’s only potential move would be to go to USC to take over after Pete Carroll heads to Seattle.

- Speaking of Turtleneck Pete………….do you think he saw the gas and matches next to his USC program that has become dry wood and ran for the hills as fast as possible? Facing potential probation or loss of scholarships due to the Joe McNight situation and the Reggie Bush problems still not fully settled, Pete decided to get out of town while his star still has light left. You can’t blame him, but you have to wonder about the Seahawks. Can we run down the list of college coaches that went to the pros and had success? Jimmy Johnson……..that’s it. The list of failures? Dennis Erickson (twice – once by the same Seahawks), Butch Davis, Nick Saban, Bobby Petrino & Steve Spurier. And we’re not even bringing up the fact that Carroll was a failure in his first NFL run with the Patriots and Jets. Something tells me Pete is taking this job as a highly paid sabbatical before returning to run another college program……much like Nick Saban did with great success leveraging his brief poor run with the Dolphins into a huge pay day in Alabama.