The Best Point Guard to Never Win an NBA Title?

While watching the Suns take a commanding 2-0 lead in their series with the rapidly aging Spurs, a couple of things came to mind. First, “Los Suns” on the Phoenix jerseys. I get their support for the large predominantly Mexican immigrant population in Arizona and rallying against the immigration legislation. I couldn’t care less about the Suns politics. But is putting Spanglish on your jerseys helping or hurting the cause? I took 4 years of Spanish in high school, and a semester in college, so I have a pretty decent understanding of the language. “Sun” in Spanish is El Sol. The Suns would then be translated to Los Soles. So why in the world did the Suns have “Los Suns” on their jerseys? Who was the genius who came up with that? That’s like your buddy at Qdoba at 3 in the morning asking the guy behind the counter for “tres burritos with cheese-o, senor!” It’s humorous and offensive at the same time. Is that what the Suns were going for?

The second thing that crossed my mind was whether Steve Nash was the best point guard in NBA history without an NBA title. In my opinion, here are the top 4 point guards to have never won an NBA title:

4. Allen Iverson
Iverson was a dynamic scorer and changed the overall culture of the NBA. Unfortunately he was a horrid teammate and extremely mercurial and immature. His ability to get to the paint at his size was unmatched by anyone before or after him. He won an MVP award and got to the NBA Finals once, to go with his 4 scoring titles and 3-time 1st team All-NBA. He also was in the top 10 in the league in turnovers 7 times in 13 seasons and only shot 42% from the floor and 31% from beyond the three point line. He’s like Megan Fox – controversial and enjoyable to watch in small doses, but you can’t win a title or have a blockbuster movie with them.

3. Steve Nash
Nash can light up a scoreboard with his scoring or his passing and like Meg Ryan, has actually gotten better with age. He has bested his career scoring average in all 6 seasons since he turned 30, and led the league in assists 4 times in those 6 years. He ranks 8th all-time in assists and has a career assist to turnover ratio just below 3. He’s a two-time league MVP, but has never been able to get his team into the NBA Finals. The only real knock on Nash and what keeps him from topping this list is his defensive deficiencies. He is about as effective defensively as a turnstile to enter the subway, you can go right through it or jump over it and there’s nothing the turnstile can do. Yet with his creative offense and ability to change the overall pace of any regular season game, he is one of the best point guards of all-time.

2. Jason Kidd
Kidd has never been a prolific scorer and not a strong shooter, yet his all-around skills are what moves him just ever so slightly ahead of Steve Nash. Kidd is a great passer and rebounds better than any point guard to have ever played the game. When he was younger, he was a one-man fast break with his potential to rip down a rebound and instantly be out leading the fast break. Unfortunately as he has aged he has slowed considerably, and his defense and ability to get out on the break have declined significantly. Yet his basketball intelligence remains high and his court vision is on par with Nash and the guy at the top of this list. Like Maria Menounos, a ton of talent, but can only carry a show or a team so far before they top out and no one pays attention.

1. John Stockton
The recency effect almost led me to put Nash and/or Kidd ahead of John Stockton, but once I started looking at the stats, it was actually a tougher decision to not make this just a one person list. He holds the league all-time record for assists and led the league 9 consecutive seasons between 1987 and 1996. Over his 18 year career, he averaged just over 13 points per game and 10.5 assists per game, with an assist-to-turnover ratio of 3.7. He was also extremely durable, only missing 22 games over an 18 year career, playing every game in all but two seasons. He also led the Jazz to the NBA Finals twice and would have a title if it weren’t for that guy in Chicago with a penchant for gambling, smoking cigars and crushing the spirits of everyone that rooted against the Chicago Bulls. Like Heidi Klum, she is the best but you might forget until you break out the stats and watch the highlight tapes.

Tuesday Rambling - Amare Stoudemire

The NBA trading deadline is this Thursday afternoon and typically the deadline results in a few minor trades, and a few trades of guys that retired 3 years ago but resign for an insane salary and allow themselves to be traded to make the salaries involved work (see Keith Van Horn and potentially Wally Szerbiak this year). While the Knicks appear to be excited about getting the corpse of Tracy McGrady, the only real big name that may be traded is Amare Stoudemire of the Phoenix Suns. There are teams that want Stoudemire, teams that the Suns want to trade him to, and teams where Stoudemire would like to be traded. Is he really worth it? And how will it work out with the likeliest team to get him?

The Suns would like to trade Stoudemire to Philadelphia for Andre Iguodala but the 76ers have no plans to make that deal. Amare would like to be traded to Miami, where he keeps an off-season home. Yet the Suns are not interested in Michael Beasley, which is the core of the offer the Heat are making. The Suns are in alignment with my thoughts on Beasley that he is not the type of player you want to build a franchise around. Beasley is like Nicole Eggert from her days on Charles in Charge – good enough to draw some attention as a side character or among other stars (she was on Baywatch with Pam Anderson), but could never carry a show by herself. The Golden State Warriors are trying to get involved by offering Corey Magette, but it appears that their best shot is to be the third team involved in a deal. The most likely landing spot for Stoudemire appears to be Cleveland, which has offered young JJ Hickson and the corpse of Zdrunas Illgauskas. (Random side note – I rode an elevator with Big Z in a hotel in Boston before opening night of the 2008-09 season. I asked if he was ready for the season and he grunted and said “It’s such a long and dragging season – I’m already looking forward to the all-star break.”)

So why would Cleveland give up the young and improving Hickson to get Amare, possibly without a contract extension? I’m not really sure. I have to make the disclaimer that I have not watched a complete Suns game in years. I don’t really understand the appeal of Amare. He is a great athlete and a ferocious dunker. But does that make him a great basketball player? Does that make him worthy of a max contract? He has impressive stats – 21.2ppg and 8.6 rpg this season, which is close to his career averages. Then again, Megan Fox has impressive stats, but it all falls apart when she has to act or open her mouth. Amare shoots nearly 55% from the field and averages over a block a game. Yet watching the highlight package that ESPN shows when they discuss the trade rumors, every single shot is either a dunk or a layup crashing to the rim off a great pass from Steve Nash. John Hollinger of ESPN has in his scouting report that he is a good outside shooter, yet quotes his shooting percentage at only 46% on jump shots. I also did a youtube search for Amare highlights and everyone only focuses on his dunks. Granted, those are the plays that tend to make highlight reels, but if you do a search for Barkley highlights or Malone highlights, you will see some jumpers, some fadeaways, and some lay-ups.

The other question is how effective Amare will be when he’s not playing with the incredible passing of a Hall of Fame point guard in Steve Nash. Getting passes from a shot-happy point guard like Mo Williams will not lead for nearly as many reckless crashes to the rim. Add to that the concern of Amare playing with Shaq, because that did not work very well during the 2008-09 season in Phoenix, when Amare’s numbers were down nearly 4 points and a rebound a game. If Amare was such a foundation for a team, wouldn't the Suns be interested in signing him to an extension rather than trading him?

At the end of the day, why are the Cavs so interested in a guy that is not a complete player, who needs a new contract and will be playing in a system not the most conducive to his talents? Because LeBron said so. King James is interested in playing with Amare and the Cavs are willing to do any and everything to try and keep him happy enough to resign with the Cavs this summer.

Tuesday Ramblings - Awards Show!

The Oscar Nominations came out today which means people with even more free time than me will be trying to argue whether computer generated 3-D is more impressive than movies set in reality with people doing mostly realistic things. I haven’t seen Avatar – yes, I’m one of the 5 who haven’t – and I don’t have any desire to see it. The whole 3-D thing is not of interest to me, and I’m not a science fiction fan, with the exception of Star Wars, so I probably will never see it.

Anyway, so how do I link that to today’s post? How about handing out some awards for the NFL Playoffs thus far? Sure, why not? And since we’re holding our own awards show, I’ll make sure to invite Katy Perry to the show, just for entertainment for you. You’re welcome.

Best Performance – Male: Peyton Manning – QB Colts

This one is more of a slam dunk than Jerry Rice being elected to the Hall of Fame on Saturday. Manning went through two of the toughest defenses in the league in Baltimore and the Jets on his way to the Super Bowl. Even if the Ravens and Jets were the #5 and #6 seeds, they were the most physical teams in the playoffs, and Manning was masterful in dissecting them. The only thing left for him to do is to claim the Lombardi trophy on Sunday night. He’s marching his way up the list of all-time quarterbacks (as we discussed last week).

Best Supporting Performance – Female: Kim Kardashian

Whatever she did to motivate Reggie Bush before the playoffs started seemed to work. Whether the alleged threat of marriage to Kim was a motivator or not can be debated, but something got into him against the Cardinals and he looked like that guy with an extra gear that he was during his career at USC. Kim will be at the Super Bowl this weekend, and I’m sure that we’ll be treated to numerous shots of her up in a luxury box, wearing her Saints gear and rooting for her own ring to match Reggie’s Super Bowl winning ring.

Best Director: Rex Ryan – NY Jets

The outspoken, rotund coach of the Jets got his team to believe that they were the best team in the playoffs and advanced further than no one but him thought was possible. While he fell short of the ultimate goal of getting to the Super Bowl, he had a rookie quarterback, a rookie running back and a wide receiver who couldn’t catch the ball. He was basically the equivalent of that guy who made Napoleon Dynamite – a cast of nobody actors and actresses that somehow turned into one of the funniest movies of the decade.

Worst Best Performance: Adrian Peterson – RB Vikings

Another slam dunk that is almost as sure of a bet as whether there will be fireworks in Chicago between perpetually angry Mike Martz with his perpetually pouting quarterback, Jay Cutler. Peterson busted off over 100 yards and 3 TDs against the Saints, yet all anyone wanted to talk about was his penchant for fumbling. He is on the verge of losing his standing as the best running back in the league. If they gave out this award in movies, Megan Fox would win every year. There is no worse actress who still gets roles in bad movies.

Fastest Deterioration from a Franchise QB to a Mediocre Game Manager: Carson Palmer – QB Bengals

This was a guy that in his 2nd through 5th year in the league averaged 4,000 yards and over 28 touchdowns per season. Yet this year he barely threw for over 3,000 yards and in the playoffs against the Jets, he threw for 146 yards. What happened? I get the knee injury which cost him a full season of trying to get back to full strength but he doesn’t even resemble the same strong-armed quarterback with a pocket presence that he was when he came into the league. This would be the Jennifer Lopez award for someone that gained attention with one aggressively cut dress, and continues to try and convince people she’s talented, when we all know the truth.

Best Performance Blowing Team’s Chances: San Diego Chargers

So, you’re getting ready to play the best defense in the league in the divisional playoff game on your home field. How would you stay focused? Get a little extra film session in to make sure you are ultra-familiar with the Jets extensive blitz packages? Spend some quality time with your family to relax and allow yourself to conserve energy? Or head over to the Pure Platinum club and get boozed up with strippers? Yeah, we know what the Chargers chose, and that couldn’t have helped prevent them from choking against the Jets.

Biggest Disappointment – Team: New England Patriots

Before this season, there were a couple of things that appeared carved in stone: You don’t beat Bill Belichick and Tom Brady in New England during the playoffs. You don’t bet against Bill Belichick and Tom Brady in the playoffs. You don’t question any decisions by Bill Belichick on the field. All of those came crashing down this year, from the failed 4th and 2 against the Colts, Brady looking awful in the playoffs and the Patriots bowing out after losing at Gillette Stadium. It will be interesting to see where they go from here. Basically, they’re Jennifer Anniston after Friends ended and she was in a couple of poor movies like Rumor Has It. Are the Patriots going to bounce back and like Jen, look better with age?

Most Expected Meltdown that Somehow Surprised Us But Should Not Have: Philadelphia Eagles

Let’s see, we have the worst clutch quarterback with a winning record and the worst clutch playoff coach in history going on the road against a divisional rival. And this same team had already lost in Oakland earlier in the year. Yet somehow we were convinced that the Eagles might actually have a chance against the Cowboys? Andy Reid and Donovan McNabb have made careers of collapsing in the playoffs and coming up short in big moments. Yet somehow the Eagles tempt us like John Mayer with all of the starlets in Hollywood (& now Nashville as it is rumored he’s seeing Taylor Swift). And it ends the same way, tears and disappointment.

Best Dramatic Performance: Cardinals beating Packers in Overtime

This was the best game of the playoffs, without question. There were a ton of blow outs in this year’s playoffs, but this one was not one of them, despite the Cardinals jumping out to a 21 point lead early. There were huge plays, controversial calls and non-calls, and tremendous performances from both quarterbacks. Obviously as a Packer fan, the result was crushing for me, yet taking the fan side of things and putting it aside, this game was beyond entertaining to watch.

Thursday Thoughts - Theme Songs for the Final Eight NFL Teams

Before we get to today’s collumn, I have to come clean. I used a performance-enhancing substance all during high school, college, and continue to use it on many Friday, Saturday and Sunday mornings to help recover from hangovers. It was Gatorade. What? You don’t think that’s a performance-enhancing substance? Then you didn’t hear The General, Bobby Knight, discussing Mark McGwire. That was the dumbest comment I’ve heard since the Miss Teen USA pageant in 2007.

So there are a ton of stories about teams using some cheesey song as their motivational theme song in almost every sports. The 2005 Chicago White Sox used Journey’s “Don’t Stop Believin” to celebrate their success. The Red Sox use “Sweet Caroline” to rally their crowd before the bottom of the 8th inning every game. And of course, the University of Wisconsin gets the Camp Randall football stadium going crazy at the end of every 3rd quarter by blasting “Jump Around.” Therefore I determined that each of the 8 teams remaining in the NFL Playoffs needs a theme song for the team and their fans to rally around. A few rules: (1) It has to be an old song, (2) it has to be cheesey, and (3) it has to be fitting for this year’s team and playoff run. Starting in the NFC………………

New orleans Saints: Wilson Phillips – “Hold On”
The Saints have just been holding on ever since that Monday night game when they blew out the New England Patriots. They limped to the finish line after winning their first 13 games and they need the motivation of that chubby girl rolling around on the beach reminding them to hold on. And can’t you see Jeremy Shockey belting this out in the locker room? I think they've had complete makeovers and don't look as awkward now, but when they wrote and performed this song, I'm not sure what they were thinking - why is she wearing that hat?

Minnesota Vikings: Bill Withers – “Just the Two of Us”
This one is perfect for Head Coach Brett Favre and his assistant Brad Childress. Well, I guess it also could be Brett & running back Adrian Peterson if we want to keep the focus on the field, but I think it’s a better fit for Chilly & Brett. I mean, the Vikings can only go as far as Favre takes them, and that means they need their coach and quarterback to be on the same page, holding hands and belting out this Bill Withers classic. Did you know Bill Withers also sings “Lean On Me” and “Ain’t No Sunshine”? Never heard of the guy before, but those are some classic songs. And well, a picture of Bill Withers is pretty dull, so let's not waste our time there. Instead, let's go with a picture of Megan Fox from her recent ads for Armani. I think I'm on my way to buy something Armani immediately. Or maybe just buy a DVD of one of her movies, you know they're on clearance.

Dallas Cowboys: Hootie & The Blowfish – “Hold My Hand”
Even though Hootie is a self-proclaimed Dolphins fan, the opening lyric of this song makes it the rallying cry for the entire Cowboys season. “With a little love, and some tenderness We'll walk upon the water We'll rise above this mess With a little peace, and some harmony We'll take the world together…” The Cowboys have removed the drama of T.O. from their locker room and have focused on a team mentality with Tony Romo spreading the ball all over the field. And since Hootie has transitioned over to country music, the Dallas fans will be comfortable when this song is played in Jerry’s Palace.

Arizona Cardinals: Rod Stewart – “Forever Young”
While another over-the-hill quarterback has gotten the spot light most of the season, now that it’s playoff time, the old man in Arizona deserves the spot light. Kurt Warner is among the best playoff quarterbacks in history, and he proved it again last week against Green Bay. The guy is forever young and has a 9-3 record in the playoffs during his career. His accuracy and command of the offense have been impeccable in the playoffs and are the only reason he’s in the conversation for the Hall of Fame. And I’m trying to avoid making the comparison between his wife’s new hair and Rod Stewart’s hair but you can judge for yourself.

In the AFC………………….

Indianapolis Colts: Kenny Loggins – “Danger Zone”
The Colts entered the Danger Zone when they decided to pass on a shot at a perfect season and rest their starters. And they’re facing a Ravens team that would have beat the Colts in Indy during the regular season if their kicker had made a chip shot field goal. Now they enter the playoffs without the momentum they had built in the first 14 games of the season, and they’re going to need the same motivation that Kenny Loggins provided for Tom Cruise so he could sit on a couple of phone books in the cockpit to see out the front window and become a Top Gun pilot. Can’t you imagine Peyton putting on the aviator sunglasses and singing along?

San Diego Chargers: The Rolling Stones – “(I Can’t Get No) Satisfaction”
No matter what the Chargers do, they are always an afterthought relative to the Colts, Saints or Vikings. Yet the Chargers have won 10 straight games and have the most potent offense in the league as the only team to score a minimum of 20 points in every game this season. Phillip Rivers had a tremendous season, but was a distant afterthought in the MVP voting. Norv Turner has been a joke his entire head coaching career in the playoffs so we’ll see if he can change that perception and get the satisfaction of some respect with some playoff success.

New York Jets: R. Kelly – “I Believe I Can Fly”
Coach Rex Ryan really has his team believing they can do absolutely anything. At this point, he’s been right, so if he told them they could fly, there is a pretty good chance at least a handful of them would jump off the roof of the practice facility. The Jets believe they can fly by grinding it out on the ground and occassionally airing it out on play action……before Braylen Edwards drops it. I think it would be worth paying admission to see Rex sing this song to his team in the lcoker room.

Baltimore Ravens: Michael Jackson – “Beat It”
The Ravens have found success by beating the snot out of teams on the ground, similar to the Jets. The Ravens also have the guys on defense with Ray Lewis, Ed Reed and Terrell Suggs that will beat up the offense of opponents. The line that is the most applicable to how the Ravens play from the classic MJ song is “They’ll kick you. They’ll beat you. They’ll tell you its fair.” And we can all agree that seeing Ray Lewis in that awesome red zipper jacket would bring the team together to be able to win the next couple games on the road. And Joe Flacco and Ed Reed would have to be the guys behind Michael who engage in the knife fight…………trying to avoid the easy Ray Lewis knife jokes……….

So there you have it…….and apologies in advance for putting all those songs in your head. They will be there the rest of the day. The Hootie song has stayed with me since I decided to use it……..and I can’t shake it.

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The Knicks claim they lost their game in Oklahoma City the other night because the hotel they stayed in was haunted. The legend is that a woman had an affair with the owner, then jumped from the 10th floor window with their baby in her arms. So of course Eddy Curry stayed on the 10th floor and only slept 2 hours because he spent most of the night in Nate Robinson’s room. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. I think the Knicks have more reason to blame the ghosts of Isiah Thomas, Stephon Marbury and Allan Houston for their losses than some ghost in Oklahoma City.

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Last add – please send this along to your family, friends or anyone else that might be entertained by it. I appreciate your support and reading the site regularly. Come back each day for more random ramblings on sports and other topics. Thanks.

Tuesday Ramblings - Why Notre Dame Can't Win

So I missed in my Monday Hangover mentioning Notre Dame losing to Navy in South Bend on Saturday. It was another black eye for Charlie Weiss and the once proud program. The seat is once again getting very warm under the rather large posterior of the coach, who is becoming more prickly with each loss. But the question is whether Weiss is really at fault for the continued decline of the once proud and dominant program. Or is it possible that Weiss is facing headwinds that will keep the program from ever being able to push above that of a mid-tier Big Ten program?

I - Academics

It is a known fact that Notre Dame actually makes its student-athletes adhere to strict academic standards. Not only do they have stringent requirements to get accepted to the school, they make you attend class and get a degree. That obviously has a huge impact on recruiting and the ability to get the best athletes to don the golden dome helmet. Notre Dame has a graduation success rate of 95%, while Florida (68), Texas (50), USC (54) or LSU (54) were at or below the overall D-1 football average of 67%. What schools that are on par with Notre Dame? Stanford (93), Northwestern (92), Boston College (92) and Duke (92).

How can you honestly expect the Fighting Irish to be able to compete with schools that cater to kids that will leave school early, or would never qualify to attend strong academic schools? They can’t. So if Notre Dame insists on maintaining their academic integrity, they will not be able to attract these great athletes that have less intelligence than Megan Fox. The Notre Dame football players are not angels, but you don’t hear about guys like LeGarrette Blount (punching a Boise St player) or Brandon Spikes (eye gouging) or even JaMarcus Russell (lazy) at Notre Dame.

II – Recruiting Disadvantages

Notre Dame used to be the premiere football program in the entire country. Recruiting used to be as simple as, (a) Do you want to play for a national championship? (b) Do you want to be on national television every week? and (c) Have you seen Rudy and Touchdown Jesus? As long as you had the credentials, everyone wanted to play for Notre Dame. Things have changed tremendously, a big part of that is the continued explosion of 24 hour sports networks, and large television contracts with every major conference. That NBC contract used to be a primary recruiting tool to show high school kids that you’ll be seen on television which would increase your draft prospects. That is no longer the case as the Big Ten has its own network and a contract with ESPN, the SEC has a large contract with ESPN and CBS, and so on and so on. All of the games are on television and players will be found and will be covered if they have the talent to play in the pros. In addition, the increased draft coverage from the sports networks and the talking heads all over television and radio make sure that players from any school will be discovered.

The other large recruiting disadvantage that Notre Dame faces is the oldest adage in real estate: location, location, location. Notre Dame is in South Bend, Indiana. There is nothing in South Bend, Indiana other than Notre Dame. Now Gainesville, Florida is not a bustling metropolis but it definitely has a few things that Notre Dame cannot offer: sunshine, beaches, and talented co-eds. (not that there aren’t pretty girls at ND – I have friends with beautiful wives that went there, but let’s be serious overall). Charlie Weiss brings in a recruit during the off-season and reminds him to bring his boots and coat, while they trek through the snow to show him the campus. That same 18 year old kid then flies to Gainesville, and Coach Meyer reminds him to bring his flip flops and sunglasses while they walk among palm trees and talented girls to get to the swamp. He then flies to LA, and meets with Pete Carroll, also under palm trees, also with talented co-eds, and Pete tells the kid to make sure he gets to Hollywood Blvd or Malibu before he heads out of town. Do you really think that kid is going to choose Notre Dame over those options?

III – Surreal Expectations

Every preseason, the pundits talk about how Notre Dame is improved, and will be battling for a BCS bowl berth. Every recruiting class for Notre Dame is ranked high because it’s full of highly recruited high school players. But it’s a circular argument in that the kids are ranked high because Notre Dame is recruiting them, and Notre Dame’s recruiting class is ranked high because the kids are highly ranked. It’s a flaw with the entire ranking of recruiting classes everywhere. In any event, Notre Dame is expected to battle for a national championship and a BCS bowl every single year, which puts a tremendous amount of pressure on a team that does not have the same talent level as the top teams in the country.

In the past 10 years, Notre Dame has had 10 players drafted in the first two rounds of the NFL draft. Compare that to Wisconsin (11), Michigan State (7), Iowa (9) and Washington (7). Now look at the number of 1st or 2nd round draft picks in the past ten years at USC (32), Ohio State (25), Florida (20) and Texas (19). The talent disparity is obvious, yet Notre Dame is perennially expected to compete despite an uneven talent level.

The alumni and the media continue to push Notre Dame expectations way above where they realistically should be based on their talent. Notre Dame will never have a season that is a surprise on the upside; it will only have surprises to the downside. That is an impossible situation for any coach to face. And at Notre Dame, it happens every single season.

Overall, Notre Dame is a strong academic school that produces solid football teams and solid student-athletes. Yet that does not appease the alumni that demand a return to the excellence of the past. Unfortunately, the team is facing a very steep uphill battle in order to consistently battle for national championships again.

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Did you see the dive/fall/landing of Javid Best of California getting to the house against Oregon State? It was a nasty, nasty fall after going up over the top, and getting crushed while up there. Thankfully it sounds like he was released from the hospital and will be able to resume playing in a few weeks after the concussion.
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Oregon reinstated their RB, LeGarrette Blount that punched a Boise State player after their season opening loss. I think it makes sense, as the kid has missed more than half of his senior season, and if the coach, athletic director and conference believe that he has learned his lesson, then let him play. And if the team was only reinstating him because the team had a shot at the Rose Bowl, they would have brought him back for the USC game or before losing to Stanford.
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The Chiefs cut Larry Johnson yesterday to complete a dramatic fall from grace for the former NFL stud. Johnson and Shaun Alexander are the primary examples to prove the curse of 300+ carries in one season. However, Michael Turner appears to be busting through that this season and has been getting better as this season has went on.
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Oh, and are we surprised that the Allen Iverson experiment in Memphis didn’t work out? Now it looks like he’s going to retire because he can’t handle coming off the bench. After 3 games, he’s had enough. Just another example of what a selfish d-bag this guy has always been, despite how dynamic he could be on the court.

NFL Power Rankings - Post Week 3

A couple quick thoughts before getting to the rankings after 3 weeks of football……

First, how freaky was the weight lifting accident with USC RB Stephon Johnson? Yikes – I guess this supports Squirrel’s anti-exercise regime. Thankfully it appears he’s going to survive and they think he could eventually play again.

Second, while there is no doubt Ron Artest is legitimately crazy, he is entertaining. Especially when he asks the TMZ guy if he talks to God.

On to the rankings, where this week, I’ve grouped the teams into five categories based on actors/actresses.

Tier I: Matt Damon Category – “How do you like them apples?”

The teams in this category are the class of the league, well-rounded and capable of success with their offense, defense and special teams – like Damon is successful in comedies (Ocean’s Eleven, Good Will Hunting), action (Bourne series) or drama (The Rainmaker)

1 – Giants (last week: 1) – Nothing changes after destroying a bad Tampa team without a whole bunch of defensive starters. While the Jets steal the headlines, Tom Coughlin’s boys just keep chugging along.

2 – Ravens (2) – Maybe the most well-rounded team in the league with a QB that looks like Bert from Bert & Ernie (credit to Mike Florio) really establishing himself as a weapon. The Good Will Hunting of the group – some good comedy, great story line, and an underdog story.

3 – Colts (4) – They almost make it look easy despite tough travel, losing WRs to injuries, etc. They’re like the movie Rounders – you can watch it over and over again, and you’re still impressed when Mikey busts KGB’s tell.

4 – Saints (3) – The Saints were The Departed last week – still dominant even though Brees allowed someone else (Pierre Thomas) to be the headliner. It will be a big test for the offense this week against the Jets.

5 – Vikings (6) – After the Favre miracle – the question was who gets the credit, Favre or Lewis? Who cares? It was an amazing play, and that old man can still make things happen…….sometimes good and sometimes bad.

6 – Jets (8) – They continue to make me look like an idiot with my preseason predictions for them, and Mark Sanchez isn’t a star-in-the-making, he’s already a star. Like The Rainmaker, underrated at the beginning of the year, and helped by a fat guy who talks as much as he eats – though Rex is double the height of Devito.

7 - Patriots (9) – They haven’t lost back-to-back games in 3 years – that’s an impressive streak. Flexed their running game muscles against the Falcons and now have another chance to make a statement against the Ravens.

8 – Chargers (10) – The Legend of Bagger Vance team in San Diego. A little inconsistent, and I probably wouldn’t stop to watch it flipping channels on a Tuesday night, and yet it’s not a bad movie/team. They seem to be finding their way without LT or Jamal Williams.

Tier II: Vince Vaughn Category – “I don’t want you to be the guy in the PG-13 movie everyone’s *really* hoping makes it happen. I want you to be like the guy in the rated R movie, you know, the guy you’re not sure whether or not you like yet.”

These are teams capable of getting to the Super Bowl if they can solve a minor problem that might hold them back. Highly entertaining teams – like Vince Vaughn, but they have limitations. Vince is a comedy legend, but struggled in anything else (Psycho & Clay Pigeons). Thankfully Vince recognized he’s best when he can freelance, and I’m hoping that’s what he does in Couples Retreat.

9 – Falcons (5) – Like Swingers, the best of the group, despite the Falcons ugly blip last week against the Pats (like the scene where Mikey continues to leave messages on the girl’s answering machine).

10 – Packers (11) – Couldn’t tell much after beating the Rams, but it seemed the game stayed close for too long. Overall talent of Rodgers, Jennings, Grant and Driver was too much for the Rams. This week will tell plenty going into the Metrodome to take on the Viqueens.

11 – Eagles (16) – They’re like The Break-Up – not just because the fair-weather fans are ready to dump McNabb after Kolb beats up a pathetic Chiefs team – but because they’re utterly unwatchable after the first 15 minutes – they’ve blown out the Panthers and Chiefs and been blown out by the Saints.

12 – 49ers (12) – Much like Dodgeball, they’re an underdog story. They beat the Vikings, but made the mistake of getting too conservative at the end and it left too much time on the clock for Favre.

13 – Bengals (18) – Sure seems like they’re the real deal and are only a fluke play against Denver away from being 3-0. Like Anchorman, they seem to grow on you the more you watch them – the defense is solid and the offense can score.

14 – Bears (19) – Got a very good win at Seattle last week, and now have a sneaky tough game against the “streaking” Lions.

15 – Steelers (7) – You have to believe they’ll straighten it out because they have an Old School coach. However, the Steelers had a serious hangover after their last Super Bowl, going 8-8 and missing the playoffs. Now, finishing .500 isn’t as bad as waking up missing a tooth with Mike Tyson’s lion in your bathroom, but missing the playoffs after winning the championship is ugly.

Tier III: Tom Cruise Category – “That’s right! Ice…..man. I am dangerous.”

These teams have the ability to play with the top teams in the league, but much like Tom Cruise, while entertaining at times, if they have to stand up, they just won’t be on the same level. Yet they still have a chance to put out a Mission Impossible on random weeks.

16 – Cowboys (13) – Beating an inept Panthers team and potentially losing another RB if Felix Jones can’t go for a couple weeks could hurt the best running team in the league. Like Valkyre, there was a ton of hype surrounding it, but people aren’t buying it.

17 – Broncos (17) – Much like Jerry Maguire, I need the Broncos to “Show me the money!” I still just don’t believe this team is that good, even though they are 3-0. However their schedule gets a little rough in the next couple weeks (DAL, NE, SD, BAL, & PIT), and I would think they’ll be happy to be 4-4 after that stretch.

18 – Texans (14) – Crushed my Lock of the Week against the Jaguars, continuing their rollercoaster of winning when they shouldn’t and losing when they should.

19 – Cardinals (21) – Kind of like Eyes Wide Shut – it’s sad and disturbing to watch Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman (he’s like 3 feet shorter than her), and it’s sad and disturbing to watch Kurt Warner get really old right before our eyes.

20 – Seahawks (23) – From Days of Thunder, “Rubbing’s racing, Harry” – as the Seahawks are the walking wounded. I should drop them lower simply for those hideous lime green jerseys. What’s the deal with people in the Northwest (Oregon & Seattle) being okay with neon uniforms?

21 – Titans (15) – They want the truth, but can they handle the truth, which is they are 0-3, and it’s going to be a very uphill battle to make the playoffs. At what point do they have to consider playing Vince Young to see if he’s worth keeping for the future?

Tier IV: Megan Fox Category – I’m not even trying to put in a quote from her

She’s easy on the eyes until she opens her mouth. These teams are just generally disappointing and overhyped much like any movie Megan Fox is in. In case we forgot, we already have a crazy movie star with a great body and serious DSL’s – it is Angelina Jolie.

22 – Bills (19) – The inevitable TO meltdown is only a few more weeks away, though I applaud his efforts to not throw people under the bus anymore. Yet I still think the reason he’ll behave is that he’s on a one year contract and the only way to get paid next year is to be a good soldier this year.

23 – Jaguars (27) – MJD can carry them to a couple more wins, but this still isn’t a very good team.

24 – Dolphins (22) – I feel bad for Pennington after another season-ending injury, as he seems like a genuine hard-working guy. This is just not a very good team and without the surprise of the gimmick offense this year, the lack of talent is being exposed.

25 – Panthers (26) – The only Megan Fox movie I’ve heard of is Transformers, so guess it’s appropriate given Jake Delhomme has transformed from a reliable NFL starter to the butt of jokes. Blame the INTs against the Cowboys on whomever you want; it’s still 2 more INTs.

Tier V: Keanu Reeves Category – “I wish I could say something classy and inspirational, but that just wouldn’t be our style.”

Terrible. Nothing more needs to be said. The guy is a horrendous actor and these teams are an embarrassment.

26 – Lions (30) – Finally off the schnide, so I’m moving them to the top of the trash heap. Basically, they are the tallest midget of this group.

27 – Redskins (25) – They have a chance to drop even lower in the rankings after playing Tampa this weekend. It’s not a Keanu Reeves movie, but Dead Man Walking is the most appropriate since the odds of Jim Zorn making it past week 5 are almost non-existent.

28 – Raiders (24) – It’s like the Matrix in that everyone’s confused by what’s going on and yet, it’s someone entertaining in a pathetic way.

29 – Chiefs (28) – Todd Haley is as intense as Al Pacino in Devil’s Advocate, and it doesn’t appear to be driving his team to any success.

30 – Buccaneers (29) – After benching Fat Albert, maybe they should bring in Shane Falco, although Raheem Morris is no Gene Hackman.

31 – Rams (32) – They move up one spot by default to make room at the bottom for the most pathetic team in the league. The Rams still suck – pick any movie as a comparison – Sweet November, Feeling Minnesota, A Walk in the Clouds, etc – yeah, he’s made a lot of terrible movies.

32 – Browns (31) – Now the team has allegedly quit on Mangini, but why wouldn’t they? The Browns are like Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure – they haven’t been relevant since the late 80’s.