Live From Alabama..........Squirrel!!

It's a special day - a double dip of postings. Why? Because we have late-breaking news with a live report from the ground in Alabama from none other than the reknowned T. Squirrel. If you want to get right to the earlier post with the NFL Wildcard weekend picks, click here. Otherwise I'll turn the floor over to Squirrel.................. (I've added the pictures independently from his story)

Greetings from Alabama- Roll Tide! First things first, did the rest of the nation hear the song.. "I'm gonna open up a can-a ala freaking bama" jamming all night long? If not, start listening as you read...http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X6S4ic2mdL0

As ya'll yankees know, I'm not from here, nor am I an Alabama football fan, not that I have anything against Bama, I just don't really care, so that gives me an unbias platform to work from here. I happen to be spending the week of the national championship game in Alabama, so I thought I'd mingle with the locals for the game. --Disclaimer.. I don't really have any interesting stories anymore. I'm married and love my wife and baby on the way-- but,it was the party that almost never happened.

Its cold (17 degrees) and snowing here. Forecast showed maybe a 1/2 inch of snow for the area.... therefore, the news showed people buying generators and had segments about how to drive in snow, police telling people to stay off the roads, etc. That means that the city was shutting down, literally. My training on thursday ended at noon and friday is cancelled. The pre-game happy hour was at the local lounge, where I had one miller lite, which was one beer for every space heater they were using to heat the joint. Nevermind there is no snow accumulation and never was, but it was falling from the sky, so round up the kids and hide in the basement.

We called around and found an open food and spirits serving shack, (complete with heat and electricity) just a few miles down the road, so here we go. The venue was Heroes sportsbar in Anniston, Alabama. I do like being in the south, other than badly needing a meal that isn't fried chicken. There are bountiful college co-eds here, as we have in the midwest.. but they talk with such a southern drawl that it makes you think, not only are they cute, but they must be really stupid, which must be very attractive for the young collegiate male looking for a friend. Good talent was observed, and I love the braided pigtails, seen in -three- young ladies at the bar.. thats a real nice suprise, Clark, because the rest of the US doesnt see this outside of the 20 something halloween special in a skirt. Ladies, you've all done it, so shut your yaps.

I'll leave most of the game analysis to professionals like Trent, but a few in-game comments. Rough start. That was probably one of the most miserable opening drives ever, and nice fake punt interception on fourth and 1/4 field. Nobody stressed down here, it was early.. fan focus was on eating and drinking. Even when the star quarterback Colt McCoy, who may carry Texas to national glory, goes down, I expect to hear the crowd start chanting "shoot em like a horse" or other compassionate messages, but the opponents were quite cordial. Perhaps it was just because he jumped off the field without a Rod Tidwell style knockout drama on the turf. But here comes the Tide. Ingram scores the first TD for Bama, which puts them ahead 7-6 and heres comes the country jam.. I'm gonna open up a can-a alafreaking bama!! what the hell is that song? Evidently, I was the only one who didn't know, because it was like being in a damn barn.. boot stomping, yelping, (ala kramer and joe dimaggio), and singing along.

After a little morning research, i guess its a real song, see above. Doubled it down on those speakers for a defensive big man TD on the shovel pass int?? open up a can-a...!!! Fans must have gotten awfully nervous in the 4th after the freshman qb took it to the skies and made it close, but just as soon as the potentially winning texas drive was getting started, they opened up a can-a one more time. YEEEEE-Haw! And for my final Alabama pop-culture reference, picture me as the lady laying on happy gilmore's car ... "Mister Mister, GET ME OUTTA HERE!"

T. Squirrel

Degenerate Friday - Wildcard Weekend!!

Congrats to Alabama on their national championship. I was all set to run another picture or five of Colt McCoy’s girlfriend, but instead you’ll have to deal with a picture of the Alabama elephant. Can anyone explain to me why “Crimson Tide” is equated to an elephant? I mean, the school is in the south, and based on a random sampling of SEC girls (google Florida Gator girls or Tennessee Vols girls, etc.) their fans are nowhere near elephants. Pretty sure the injury to McCoy just adds more questions about his pro potential. Yes, he’s won more games at QB than anyone in history, but what does that mean? Second on that list is David Greene from Georgia and he’s now playing quarterback for……..exactly. I think he’ll be lucky to be drafted in the third round because he reminds too many people of Chris Simms or Major Applewhite. And to the credit of freshman Garrett Gilbert, he settled down and brought the Longhorns back into the game, but was still owned by the Alabama defense when it mattered the most. Mark Ingram is now the 4th guy to win the Heisman and the national championship on an undefeated team, joining Charles Woodson (foreshadowing for later), Tony Dorsett and Matt Leinart.

Using the momentum of calling the national championship game correctly, let’s dig right into the matchups this wildcard weekend for the NFL. No, it doesn’t feel cheap to cash that Bama ticket after the McCoy injury. Tila Tequila should feel cheap for posing for photos a few days after her fiance dies. Gambling winning should never feel cheap – cash that ticket!! I’m feeling good and expecting to go unbeaten throughtout the playoffs. Following last weekend’s 9-0 mark in the early games, why not shoot for the perfect 11-0 record in the playoffs?

BENGALS (-2.5) over Jets

Two trains of thought here: (1) A rookie QB on the road and (2) everyone has bought into the Jets as the click to pick. Even as I type this, I’m losing my conviction in the pick, but I will not waffle. The Bengals are playing horrible, but the teams have almost equally strong run games and strong defenses. The Jets have the top rushing attack, but the Bengals are 9th in the league in rushing. The Jets are 31st in passing and the Bengals are 26th. The difference is that Carson Palmer is capable of making a big play if needed, and he has the receivers in Ochocinco and Coles that will not drop the ball (that’s a shot at you Braylen Edwards). I expect Mark Sanchez tobe as stable as Mariah Carey accepting an acting award when he’s playing on the road in cold, snowy and windy conditions with the Cincy crowd pumped up to try and help the Bengals win their first playoff game in 20 years. I’m also a strong believer that when all of the media and public jumps on one team, go the other way. The Jets ARE built for the playoffs with a great running game and great defense. But like I just said, those are also the strengths of the Bengals.

Eagles (+4) over COWBOYS

Andy Reid is 7-0 in opening round playoff games. Wade Phillips is 0-4 in the playoffs. Romo has never won in the playoffs. There are just too many trends here to ignore. I still do not understand why the Eagles decided not to blitz last weekend, but you can bet they will be bringing as much pressure as The Situation at closing time in the Jersey Shore clubs. The Cowboys still have to overcome the pressure of winning a playoff game (like you haven’t heard a million times they haven’t won a playoff game since 1996), and if the Eagles get an early lead, expect the crowd in Jerry’s Palace to also feel that pressure.

PATRIOTS (-3) over Ravens

Losing Wes Welker will haunt the Patriots in the later rounds against the Chargers or Colts. It will not haunt them as much against the Ravens as Julian Edelmann is a “Mini Me” version of Welker. Ravens supporters will point to the game earlier this season in Foxboro when there were a handful of questionable calls and a dropped pass from Mark Clayton that kept Baltimore from walking out with a victory. However, Brady was not fully healthy and his accuracy was suffering and the Ravens secondary was not in as bad of shape as it is now with a hobbled Ed Reed. Also add in the Patriots are 8-0 at home this year, and 8-0 in the playoffs at home under Belichick/Brady. And the Ravens needed to beat the Lions, Bears and Raiders late in the year just to get to 9-7. That’s enough for me to lay the points with the Pats.

Packers (+1) over CARDINALS

The Cardinals do not match up well with the Packers. They played in the 3rd preseason game (the one where starters play at least until halftime) and the Packers exploded for a 38-10 halftime lead. Then last week, given the Cardinals resting players early, the Packers exploded for a 33-0 lead. The attacking Packers defense can give Warner fits, and having the defensive player of the year in Charles Woodson to shadow Larry Fitzgerald tips the scales even further. Side note: Darrell Revis is a great shut-down corner, but he IS NOT the Defensive Player of the Year. Woodson is a complete player that tackles, covers, blitzes, intercepts and returns INTS to the house. Revis does not do that….yet. Back to the game…..Rodgers will be able to continue to hit big plays on the Cardinals secondary, especially with a banged up Rogers-Cromartie. I want to find a way to temper my expectations for Green Bay in this game and the only thing I can think of is that it is Rodgers first playoff game and the Cardinals have experience and “streak-ability” on their side. That won’t be enough for the Cards and to quote Jay-Z….”It’s on to the next one” for the Packers.

The (Burger) Kings of the NFL

Mike Shanahan has been hired to bring a Lombardi trophy back to the Washington Redskins. Mike Holmgren was hired to do the same in Cleveland. Both guy have a big name, Super Bowl victories and adoring media heaping praise and expectations upon them. Holmgren was given the title equivalent to “Grand Poobah” with the power to hire (and fire) a GM and head coach, and ultimately control all player personnel decisions, much like the roll Bill Parcells has in Miami. Shanahan has been given the title of “Executive Vice President” in addition to head coach, meaning he as the final authority on all personnel decisions (cue the Office Space quote: “So what is it that you would say you do here, GM Bruce Allen?”). But there is no reason to expect great success from either guy, and not because of the situations they are entering. Both men are extremely overrated, and have failed when given the power they so craved. Both the Redskins and Browns franchises paid dearly for the big name and expect results that they likely will not see.

MIKE SHANAHAN

Shanahan was known as “Coach Teflon” in Denver because no matter how many mistakes he made, he was always able to lean on those back-to-back Super Bowl titles with John Elway and Terrell Davis. A hefty majority of his success can be tied to the three year stretch from 1996-98, when he went 39-9 (.813 winning percentage) during the regular season and 7-1 in the post season. Then John Elway retired, Davis got hurt, and starting in 2002 he made a power play to get final say in all personnel matters.

Outside of that 3 year run, his record is 107-89 (.546), which is still above Ray Rhodes or Romeo Crennel, but he was 1-4 in the playoffs during those 11+ seasons. The biggest anchor to his coaching success? His GM skills. He was so arrogant and stubborn he thought he could win with Jake Plummer and Brian Griese, and believed he would be able to harness Maurice Clarett - drafting him about 8 rounds too early, and there are only 7 rounds in the draft. He also signed multiple defensive linemen from the Cleveland Browns - linemen who had failed on a horrendous team - and somehow believed they would not be lazy and slow in the thin air in Denver. Among his other notable draft failures were Jarvis Moss and Ashlie Lelie.

Again, my point is not that he’s a bad coach. It’s that he’s a bad personnel guy. And yet Daniel Snyder and the Redskins were all too eager to whip out his wallet and give Shanahan full control over the football operations. It’s as confusing to me as why he always has that orange tinge to his skin - does he own a tanning bed like Pauly D from the Jersey Shore? It’s not that sunny in Denver.

MIKE HOLMGREN

As for the Big Show Mike Holmgren, he was given hired as the football guru in Cleveland to turn around the franchise that has 2 winning seasons since being reincarnated in 1999. They have blown the #1 pick in the draft twice on Tim Couch & Courtney Brown (later signed by Mike Shanahan to fix Denver’s defense). So now they have their football guy - a guy with a Super Bowl ring and 3 Super Bowl appearances - to get things corrected and bring the franchise back to its hey-day when they would get knocked out of the playoffs by John Elway or a crushing fumble every year. But is Holmgren really the right guy to make personnel decisions? Like Shanahan, Holmgren is a great coach, but he does not have aa strong track record with power/personnel.

He had tremendous success in Green Bay as the head coach, utilizing the players that legendary GM Ron Wolf would provide him with - Brett Favre (also Mark Brunnell, Ty Detmer, Matt Hassel beck & Aaron Brooks - all of whom were NFL starters for multiple years), LeRoy Butler, Santana Dotson, Reggie White, Desmond Howard, Keith Jackson, Andre Rison, & the best o-line in the NFL, etc. He then moved on to Seattle (costing the Packers the ‘97 Super Bowl to Shanahan’s Broncos by shortchanging his preparation as he prepared for the move to the Pacific Northwest. Yes, I‘m still bitter) where he was given the ultimate power over everything football.
Holmgren was the coach and GM with the Seahawks from 1999 until 2002, when he was fired from the GM position, but retained as the coach. Interestingly enough, the lone Super Bowl appearance with the Seahawks came in 2005, 3 years after Holmgren lost his personnel power. Coincidence? During his 4 year run as King of Seattle he had 6 first round picks, with only Shaun Alexander and Steve Hutchinson being impact players. His big risks and misses included Koren Robinson, Jerramy Stevens and Chris McIntosh. After he lost his GM title, the team drafted Marcus Trufant, Ken Hamlin, Michael Boulware and Lofa Tatupu, all key players on that Super Bowl team.

So in the end, Cleveland and Washington need to temper their expectations a little and know that they paid for big name great coaches. Unfortunately for Cleveland, only one of them is coaching. And both of them have their hands in the personnel cookie jar, which hasn’t worked out very well in the past.

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Given the news about Warren Beatty’s bedroom “success rate” together with Tiger’s tales and the legendary Wilt number - no, not the 100 point game, this is a pretty funny take on the Biggest Studs out there. Here’s the best excerpt: “There should be an adjusted OPS+ type formula. Degree of difficulty is huge. Being an absolute dictator (Castro), having women paid to have sex with you (Ron Jeremy) or being in a rock band whose apex came at the height of the hard drugs era and before AIDS (Gene Simmons) is like being a left-handed pull hitter in Yankee Stadium.”

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I still like Alabama tonight to win the national championship and cover the spread. It’s a great storyline to have Colt McCoy (and his talented girlfriend) go out a champion after his incredible college career. Yet Texas does not have the offensive line to give Colt the time he needs. Colt said it himself, already telling his offensive line the game is on them and if they give him time, they will win. I also think the Alabama quarterback Greg McElroy is still underrated and will play smart enough to bring home the title. Expect him to then get drafted a little higher than he should - remember Brodie Croyle? - and end up as a career back up in the NFL.

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Final NFL Power Rankings - Jersey Shore

It’s time for the final installment of the NFL Power Rankings. And this week’s rankings are going to be full of fist-pumps, hair poofs, fake tans, cases of hair gel, fake boobs, and wife-beater tank tops. Those things can only mean one thing…….Jersey Shore. The much-maligned show from MTV where they take reality television to lows that no one thought were possible. Yet, much like a car crash, it’s hard to look away. I mean, at the end of the day, it is entertaining.

The Ronnie Category

Ronnie is the big meathead - they’re all meatheads, but Ronnie is the biggest - with the faux-hawk haircut and aversion to wearing a shirt. He is from the Bronx, and makes the statement in his opening “You never fall in love at the Jersey Shore” and yet by the end of the first episode, he’s entered a relationship with one of his housemates and she’s meeting his parents. Overall, Ronnie - the creator of the “Ron-Ron Juice” cocktail - is thus far the least out of hand guy on the show, and the leader of the group. The teams in this category are the biggest teams with the best chances to go all the way to the championship.

1. Chargers (last week: 1) - The hottest team in the league and for the first time in years, the inevitable LT injury won’t cripple the team.

2. Colts (2) - Any team with Peyton Manning calling the shots has a great chance, but they have to be fearful of the Colts & the Patriots. I don’t buy that crap about how they only won the Super Bowl the year they didn’t rest their starters - if they lose, it’s not because of resting their starters.

3. Vikings (8) - They rebounded well and will not have to play any more games outdoors unless they get to Miami for the Super Bowl. They are the biggest threat in the NFC.

4. Saints (4) - New Orleans has a week to try and regain the momentum they let go with 3 straight losses. They might need some Ron-Ron Juice to get the party started.

5. Packers (6) - The engine is clicking on all cylinders right now, they catch a break with Boldin unlikely to play and they may be the most dangerous team in the NFC not in Minnesota. Would it be sweet revenge to knock off Favre and the Vikings? Kind of like if the Situation somehow swoops in and steals Sammi back from Ronnie?

6. Cowboys (10) - This team has more uppers and downers than the medicine cabinet of a Hollywood starlet or shampoo heiress (too soon?). So after a couple of big wins, we’re all back on the bandwagon, right? Until they lose to the Eagles and Wade Phillips gets booted out of town.

7. Patriots (7) - They do have “Wes Welker Light” in Julian Edelmann, but they will miss one of the best WR in the game. Do you realize Welker had 123 catches in barely over 13 games? They might beat the Ravens, but don’t expect them to beat the Chargers in San Diego.

The Jenni “J-Woww” Category

This girl is a serious firecracker…..well, a firecracker with two watermelons strapped to the front of it. She is a party girl and a complete animal, stating in her intro “after I have sex with a guy, I will rip his f#ckin head off.” Okay then. After watching a few episodes, it’s obvious that she is a complete freak, but at the same time, she’s not a bad person.

Basically, these teams are like J-Woww, they are entertaining and can put on a show, but they have some fake parts that give you legit concerns about their staying power.

8. Cardinals (5) - Matt Leinart is thrilled to be in the J-Woww category - he’s about to invite her to Arizona for the game.

9. Eagles (3) - That was a scary loss last week, where the offense was exposed and the defense was eaten alive. We’ll see how they rebound, but it seems unlikely that this team suddenly grew a pair to allow them to win on the road.

10. Ravens (11) - They have the type of team that can advance in the playoffs with a strong running game and strong defense. Yet they have a tough matchup in Foxboro this weekend.

11. Jets (15) - I would bet J-Woww, a Long Island native, is a Jets fan. Yet, she’s probably never played football or even went for a run because she would give herself two black eyes.

12. Bengals (9) - Like the Eagles, they failed to show up for a game they wanted to win at the start. Didn’t Carson Palmer used to be a prolific passer?

The Mike “The Situation” Category

I am thoroughly entertained by the guy because he claims his abs are so ripped they are a situation. I mean, the guy is a complete scumbag, illustrated perfectly by his reaction after Snooki gets punched in the face. He’s right behind the guy that punches her, and he just stands there and doesn’t do anything, and then when the group is all going home, he’s outside trying to get some random skank to come home with him. Really? Way to be a friend. In addition to being a stripper before coming on the show, I’m pretty sure the guy would try to hook up with a mop if it had a hole. The Situation is much like these teams in that they try to pretend that they are a ladies’ man (contender) but in the end, they struck out from scoring a playoff birth.

13. Panthers (14) - Carolina finished the season strong, but their “Situation” is Jake Delhomme. His ability to turn over the ball is a situation.

14. Texans (13) - Congrats on the first winning season in franchise history. Your prize? No playoffs and your offensive coordinator is leaving for Washington to coach under his father.

15. Falcons (17) - Congrats on the first consecutive winning seasons in franchise history. Your prize? A seat on the couch for the playoffs.

16. Steelers (12) - A leaky offensive line, poor secondary, and a brittle star safety are all part of the situation in Pittsburgh. Letting go of Bruce Arians is the first step in addressing their problems.

17. Titans (16) - Will Jeff Fisher attempt to get out of town if the Cowboys lose and Wade gets canned?

18. 49ers (20) - They got to 8-8 and what does that get them? The same number of girls that The Situation has landed so far - none.

19. Dolphins (19) - Parcells has this franchise pointed in the same direction and has found himself a quarterback in Chad Henne.

The Angelina “Jolie” Category

Jolie came out of the gates with her guns blazing, wearing a skimpy outfit and calling herself the “Kim Kardashian of Staten Island” in her intro. Umm, lady, you are nowhere near Kim Kardashian. And as soon as she got into the mix of the show, we found out she was a lazy, spoiled, c#ck-blocking biyatch. My favorite quote from her was “I’m a bartender, I do great things.“ What does that even mean? Pretty sure that sums up your life. Random side note - she moved in with her stuff in a garbage bag. And when she got kicked out of the house for failing to show up for work, she left with her stuff in the same garbage bag. Seriously? You couldn’t borrow some luggage or a duffel bag at worst? And then you kept the garbage bag to pack your stuff back up to go home? Oh, and we haven’t even covered the issue that her boyfriend whom she breaks up with was some married guy. She is a train wreck.

20. Broncos (18) - Started off the season with a bang - 6-0. Then crashed and burned to an 8-8 finish. More concerning is the state of the franchise: the star WR hates his coach and they don’t have a legit quarterback on the roster.

21. Giants (21) - Ditto the Broncos comment, substituting 5 for 6 wins to start the season. They were weak mentally and worse physically on defense.

The Sammi “Sweetheart” Category

Sammi is the only cast member who is actually from New Jersey. She may be the most normal looking girl in the house, which is kind of like being the tallest midget. She starts out the show “vibing” on The Situation but by the end of the episode is shacked up with Ronnie, and has fallen for him. A complete change of heart for the self-proclaimed “sweetest bi#ch you’ll ever meet.” What does that even mean?

22. Browns (24) - Mangini somehow seemed to have righted the ship and has the support of the team that is left in the locker room. Will Holmgren keep him for one more year and then move himself into the coaching chair?

23. Bears (23) - Fans started the year in love with Jay Cutler, and much like Sammi have had a change of heart. Lovie Smith will be kept as coach since the owners are cheaper than a south side Polish immigrant, but they cut out almost everyone underneath him.

The Vinnie Category

Vinnie is the prototypical mamma’s boy on the show. Pretty dull guy overall, he hasn’t been a leader in any of the skank-chasing, and he seems to show up for work on time. His one contribution thus far has been the demonstration on fist-pumping.

24. Jaguars (22) - We were saved from this horrendous team being in the playoffs thankfully. Now we have to see if the team is sold, if they draft Tim Tebow, and if anyone will care.

25. Bills (25) - Another boring franchise with a ton of holes. Will Bill Cowher be desperate enough to get back into coaching to go to Buffalo? He probably should because each year the shine on that 2006 Super Bowl gets less shiny.

The Nicole “Snooki” Category

She is the pudgy little troll on the show who announced “The party’s here” upon entering the house, then got hammered, semi-naked in the hot tub and passed out before the group could go out for the night. Oh, and then she got punched in the face by a dude. She is awkwardly orange, claims to have made the “poof” in her hair famous, and constantly waddling around trying to get some action from drunken dumbasses that will hate themselves in the morning when they sees the round mound of fun they brought home the night before.

26. Raiders (27) - Well, considering Tom Cable gave one of his coaches the “Snooki” treatment, they have to fit into this category. Something tells me Al Davis calls his coach “Tim” or “Jim” similar to how most of the housemates call Nicole “Snickers” or “Snicky.”

27. Redskins (26) - Wait, they aren’t keeping Jim Zorn? Knocked me on my tail when I heard the news. More on Mike Shanahan tomorrow, but let’s just say I’m not the biggest fan of a guy who has proved over and over again to be mediocre.

The Pauly D Category

Pauly is from Rhode Island and had never been to the state of New Jersey prior to the show. The guy packed a case of hair gel to make sure he had his “blow out” hairstyle ready for the Shore. Pauly is also the guy trying to get an up close examination of J-Woww’s snack trays, and he makes his move by showing her the piercing on his junk. Like Pauly spending 45 minutes on his hair, these teams spent time and money getting prepared for the big night out, bringing in a new coach. Yet in the end, they’re still here at the bottom, trying to get some girl with fake taters to look at his piercing.

28. Chiefs (30) - The Chiefs are boring - so more importantly, Randy Johnson retired yesterday. What is his legacy? The scary looking monster with a mullet who is among the all-time strikeout leaders? The guy who killed the bird with a pitch? Or the guy who yelled at the photographer in NY (great quote “Don’t talk back to me.”) after he signed with the Yankees? I think it might just be the mullet.

29. Seahawks (29) - Huge week for Wisconsin basketball starting tonight when the Badgers head to East Lansing to take on #10 Michigan State, and then Saturday they welcome #4 Purdue to the Kohl Center. A split in these games would be a victory for Bo and his squad.

30. Buccaneers (28) - They were supposedly considering letting Raheem Morris go to get Bill Cowher to coach them. Seems dumb considering they could have went after Cowher last year when they first gave Morris the job. What changed in one year?

31. Lions (31) - A two game improvement from last season got them, drum roll please…………..the second pick in the draft.

32. Rams (32) - They’ve won 6 games in 3 years. The Lions have won 9 games in that time.

Tuesday Ramblings

Gilbert Arenas and his Washington Wizards teammate Jarvis Crittenden pulled guns on each other in their own locker room after an argument about a gambling debt. Is any of this a surprise? The fact that Hayden Panttiere has boobs and that she’s dating boxing champion Wladamir Klitschko is a surprise. NBA players with guns in the locker room is not a surprise. But the one-liners or newspaper headlines are almost too easy……just a few samples:

Agent Zero and his not so secret weapons

Arenas is a Shooting Guard Gone Wild

Arenas takes the “Gunner” label to new levels

Agent Zero makes his case for the team to go back to the Bullets nickname

Arenas got confused playing at the Target Center in Minnesota

And so on, and so on, and so on. The story is just another example of how these athletes continue to test the levels of stupidity they can reach. These guys have the money, so your bodyguard, manager or your boys should be doing all of the gun carrying and driving after a night of downing Patron. That's the price they have to pay for being part of your celebrity athlete posse.

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While the Fiesta Bowl was entertaining to watch, I’m pretty sure it didn’t do anything to help the case for a playoff. Both TCU and Boise State would have been the Michael Spinks to Florida, Alabama or Texas’s Mike Tyson. They are good football teams but they do not have the athleticism, size or speed to truly play with the big boys. I loathe the current system of spread out bowl games (I almost forgot there were more games to play after a 2 day break), the playoff wouldn’t make a difference. Small schools with gimmicky offenses and trick plays (why are teams EVER surprised when Boise State fakes a punt??) may win one game against the powerhouses, but they would not be able to advance through multiple rounds of games. Can you see Boise State beating Georgia Tech and then following it up by beating Ohio State and then having to still beat Alabama in a championship? Neither can I. It’s kind of like Gwen Stefani - she’s not for everyone, and she’s not going to stack up against the most talented musicians or women, but she has her moments of brilliance and can be entertaining.

So until we have a better solution than a playoff - maybe a “plus-one” system where after the bowl games are played we have one final championship game? - we shouldn’t mess with the current system.

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USC was put on probation for the improper benefits that OJ Mayo received from boosters during his one year on campus. Memo to all coaches at USC: Stay away from great athletes named OJ that want to wear #32. They tend to bring trouble to Los Angeles. Mayo didn’t (allegedly) kill his ex-wife and her lover, then have his buddy lead the cops on a low-speed chase down the 405 in a white Bronco, and spend the next 15 years looking for the killer on golf courses all over southern California. Yet his brief time didn’t produce overwhelming success on the court and his off the court actions will cause a lasting headache for the entire program.

The only thing more contrived and bogus than the Obama Beer Summit with Henry Gates & James Crowley is NCAA probation. When a program violates the rules, the NCAA cracks down by making teams “vacate” victories during the time of the violation, takes away scholarships and bans

the team from the postseason. Who does this punishment actually affect? In many instances, the players that are the cause of the probation have left school early for the pros. The coaching staff has the ability to leverage the success they enjoyed with the violating player into a bigger, higher-paying job and leaves campus. So the people that have to pay for the violation are the new coaching staff and the players still around on the team who have lost a scholarship and the hope of postseason play.

And if those players want to transfer to a school with an opportunity to play in the postseason, they have to sit out a year after transferring. A coach who jumps programs doesn’t pay any penalty - after crashing the rental car into a tree, he walks away and heads to the bar to toast to his next big pay day. Yes, I’m talking to you, John Calipari or Jim Harrick. These guys crashed multiple programs (Calipari at UMass and Memphis, and Harrick at UCLA, Rhode Island and Georgia) and were continually given new programs to run. Bobby Knight may have been a prick and mistreated his players, but he was dead on when he said that he was glad he was no longer coaching because the game lacked integrity and John Calipari was the perfect example of that lack of integrity. Maybe the game would have been better off if John Cheaney (who is among the few coaches that look like their mascot - the Owls) had actually been able to carry out his threat on the then-UMass coach…………

Week 17 Hangover - Love/Hate

LOVE

- I have to believe that the Jim Zorn firing this morning probably went something like when Kramer got fired on Seinfeld…….

- The Big 10 finally showed up for bowl season. In addition to Wisconsin throttling Miami, Penn State beat LSU, Ohio State handled Oregon, and Northwestern should have beaten Auburn. After years of taking abuse for the conference losing all of its bowl games, the teams put up a pretty good showing. The ending of the Northwestern game was among the best overtime college football games I’ve ever seen (that didn’t have any real meaning) - losing the game on a fumble (then having it overturned), missing a tying field goal (then getting a first down and losing your kicker to injury on a roughing the kicker penalty), and finally losing the game by faking a 20 yard field goal because your starting kicker was injured. I’d say the fake field goal attempt probably ranked up there with the Diane Lane sex scenes in Unfaithful…..it fit in given the context of the situation, but it definitely hits you as shocking at the time and makes you rethink what you thought about her.

- Coaching will be the difference in the NFC playoffs. With both wildcard games in the NFC this coming weekend being rematches of games from Sunday, the difference will be the adjustments and strategy that the coaches make during the next week. That makes the Philly-Dallas game even more interesting because Wade Phillips is not known as a great strategy guy, and Andy Reid has a great history of choking in games that matter (see Sunday as example A).

In Arizona, Ken Whisenhunt will be tested to come up with a way to score points against the Packer defense, and find a way to slow down Aaron Rodgers. Mike McCarthy, this is your chance to show how well you can prep a team to get a road win and potentially set up a chance at Brett Favre in the divisional playoff round.

- Great gambling finish to the season for the Sports Addict, including a perfect 9-0 record in the early games on Sunday and a 12-4 record overall for the day. If I had just placed a sweet 9-team parlay bet with the early games, I could have racked up a nice 150-1 odds winning ticket…….
Oh, and of course, the only week I pick against the Packers and they come through big time in sending a message to the Cardinals what they will be bringing back to the desert next weekend.

HATE

- Eagles Coach Andy Reid must have told his team that Sunday was the beginning of the playoffs, because they switched from their powerful regular season team mode into the heartless, effortless Philly team that shows up every year in the playoffs. Donovan McNabb and company flopped like a European NBA star on a fast break. It at least makes for an interesting rematch next week when both teams try to shed their past playoff failures.

- What a pathetic showing by the Giants to finish the season the past few weeks. Tom Coughlin is probably going to keep his job based on his Super Bowl win from 2007, but after the way the team quit, you have to wonder if he and defensive coordinator Bill Sheridan should share a cab out of town. The Giants will have some major improvements to make before next season if they want to keep up with the young Eagles and the more talented Cowboys within the NFC East.

- The Broncos are in major trouble. So let’s see if we have this right. They start the year 6-0, then proceed to lose 8 of their last 10, their star WR has beef with his coach, and their QB does not look worthy of a long-term contract. So what exactly did Josh McDaniel accomplish this season? They threw up on themselves like many people on New Year’s, and their future looks worse than when McDaniels took over.

- What a strange NFL season where the top seeds in the NFC and AFC enter the playoffs on 3 and 2 game losing streaks, respectively. In addition, the 2 seed in the NFC enters having lost 3 of their last 5 games. I guess this will be the perfect year to determine whether momentum really comes into play in the NFL.

- You have to feel for Wes Welker, who blew out his knee in the first series on Sunday. It’s a crushing blow to the Patriots chances of advancing deep in the playoffs. I guess that’s the proof that the Colts need to confirm they did the right thing last week against the Jets.

- One last hate - the weather. It has been nut-rattling cold in the Northeast the past few days. Miserable.

Degenerate Friday!! Week 17 NFL Picks

New Year’s Resolution #3,217: Pick more games correctly. Last week was another .500 week with an 8-8 record.

New Year’s Resolution #3218: Figure out how to say “rural”


Say the word “rural” out loud a couple times in a row - how do you say it? Is it RU-ral? Rrrrl? Roorl? It’s just one of those words that sounds like you’ve just come from the dentist and your mouth is numb from Novocain whenever you say it. Just a window into my messed up mind while dealing with a solid hangover by eating pigs in a blanket and having a couple beers during the Rose Bowl. Oh, and someone tell Joe Paterno that he won the Capital One Bowl - pretty sure that old bastard has no idea.

Anyway, on to the week 17 NFL picks with plenty of games that could affect the playoff picture. It also has plenty of teams that will be playing their second stringers…..the guys who couldn’t land Megan Fox, but would have a pretty good shot with Ashley Greene. No categories this week because the only categories I can think of are the different drinks I had last night: wine, champagne, gin, tequila and beer.

Standard Disclosures: Recreational Use, Home Teams in CAPS, spreads from the Post, etc.


VIKINGS (-9) over Giants - Favre & company find solace back home against the banged up G-men.

JETS (-10) over Bengals - Cincy will be resting their starters and not showing anything they will use next week when they crush the Jets in a game that matters.


BILLS (+3) over Colts - If Indy didn’t play Peyton last week, why would you expect them to play him out in the elements in Buffalo? I just suggested betting on Brian Brohm…….that must be the booze talking.

PANTHERS (-3) over Saints - Panthers are playing as well as anyone, and even though the Saints would like to regain some momentum, they don’t want Julius Peppers dropping Drew Brees like Taylor Swift dropped that other Taylor dude from the Vampire Movies.


BROWNS (-1.5) over Jaguars - Hard to imagine a tyrant like Holmgren keeping a tyrant as Mangini for his coach, but has a coach ever been fired after a 4 game winning streak?


Eagles (+3) over COWBOYS - Dallas wants revenge from last year’s season ending thumping and can win the NFC East and have a chance to get a first round bye. Yet the Eagles are more talented and can secure the bye for themselves with a win.


Bears (-3) over LIONS - Lions give themselves a shot at the first draft pick by doing what they’ve done all year - get their rear ends kicked.


Patriots (+8) over TEXANS - The Texans are more desperate than the Pats, but Houston will not be facing the New England second string as long as they were hoping.


Steelers (Pick) DOLPHINS - Pittsburgh is angry and the Dolphins are not very good.


49ers (-7) over RAMS - St. Louis locks up Nebraska’s Suh by getting crushed again.


Falcons (-2.5) over BUCCANEERS - Tampa is playing better, but Atlanta has a chance to get their first consecutive winning seasons in franchise history.


CARDINALS (-3.5) over Packers - Arizona has an outside shot at a round 1 bye and the Packers are locked into their wild card slot. Green Bay will not want to show anything to a team they will likely play the following week.


BRONCOS (-13) over Chiefs - Kansas City is terrible. Even though Denver only has 3 healthy WRs, it will be enough to knock the Chiefs over.


RAIDERS (-10.5) over Ravens - Ravens lock themselves into the playoffs with a win, but after the cross country flight, they won’t dominate the plucky Raiders.


Redskins (+4) over CHARGERS - San Diego has less than nothing to play for which will allow them to win a close game over the hapless Skins. At the beginning of the year, it appeared Norv Turner had a better chance of being fired than Jim Zorn. Now Turner is likely the Coach of the Year.