Thursday Thoughts - Theme Songs for the Final Eight NFL Teams

Before we get to today’s collumn, I have to come clean. I used a performance-enhancing substance all during high school, college, and continue to use it on many Friday, Saturday and Sunday mornings to help recover from hangovers. It was Gatorade. What? You don’t think that’s a performance-enhancing substance? Then you didn’t hear The General, Bobby Knight, discussing Mark McGwire. That was the dumbest comment I’ve heard since the Miss Teen USA pageant in 2007.

So there are a ton of stories about teams using some cheesey song as their motivational theme song in almost every sports. The 2005 Chicago White Sox used Journey’s “Don’t Stop Believin” to celebrate their success. The Red Sox use “Sweet Caroline” to rally their crowd before the bottom of the 8th inning every game. And of course, the University of Wisconsin gets the Camp Randall football stadium going crazy at the end of every 3rd quarter by blasting “Jump Around.” Therefore I determined that each of the 8 teams remaining in the NFL Playoffs needs a theme song for the team and their fans to rally around. A few rules: (1) It has to be an old song, (2) it has to be cheesey, and (3) it has to be fitting for this year’s team and playoff run. Starting in the NFC………………

New orleans Saints: Wilson Phillips – “Hold On”
The Saints have just been holding on ever since that Monday night game when they blew out the New England Patriots. They limped to the finish line after winning their first 13 games and they need the motivation of that chubby girl rolling around on the beach reminding them to hold on. And can’t you see Jeremy Shockey belting this out in the locker room? I think they've had complete makeovers and don't look as awkward now, but when they wrote and performed this song, I'm not sure what they were thinking - why is she wearing that hat?

Minnesota Vikings: Bill Withers – “Just the Two of Us”
This one is perfect for Head Coach Brett Favre and his assistant Brad Childress. Well, I guess it also could be Brett & running back Adrian Peterson if we want to keep the focus on the field, but I think it’s a better fit for Chilly & Brett. I mean, the Vikings can only go as far as Favre takes them, and that means they need their coach and quarterback to be on the same page, holding hands and belting out this Bill Withers classic. Did you know Bill Withers also sings “Lean On Me” and “Ain’t No Sunshine”? Never heard of the guy before, but those are some classic songs. And well, a picture of Bill Withers is pretty dull, so let's not waste our time there. Instead, let's go with a picture of Megan Fox from her recent ads for Armani. I think I'm on my way to buy something Armani immediately. Or maybe just buy a DVD of one of her movies, you know they're on clearance.

Dallas Cowboys: Hootie & The Blowfish – “Hold My Hand”
Even though Hootie is a self-proclaimed Dolphins fan, the opening lyric of this song makes it the rallying cry for the entire Cowboys season. “With a little love, and some tenderness We'll walk upon the water We'll rise above this mess With a little peace, and some harmony We'll take the world together…” The Cowboys have removed the drama of T.O. from their locker room and have focused on a team mentality with Tony Romo spreading the ball all over the field. And since Hootie has transitioned over to country music, the Dallas fans will be comfortable when this song is played in Jerry’s Palace.

Arizona Cardinals: Rod Stewart – “Forever Young”
While another over-the-hill quarterback has gotten the spot light most of the season, now that it’s playoff time, the old man in Arizona deserves the spot light. Kurt Warner is among the best playoff quarterbacks in history, and he proved it again last week against Green Bay. The guy is forever young and has a 9-3 record in the playoffs during his career. His accuracy and command of the offense have been impeccable in the playoffs and are the only reason he’s in the conversation for the Hall of Fame. And I’m trying to avoid making the comparison between his wife’s new hair and Rod Stewart’s hair but you can judge for yourself.

In the AFC………………….

Indianapolis Colts: Kenny Loggins – “Danger Zone”
The Colts entered the Danger Zone when they decided to pass on a shot at a perfect season and rest their starters. And they’re facing a Ravens team that would have beat the Colts in Indy during the regular season if their kicker had made a chip shot field goal. Now they enter the playoffs without the momentum they had built in the first 14 games of the season, and they’re going to need the same motivation that Kenny Loggins provided for Tom Cruise so he could sit on a couple of phone books in the cockpit to see out the front window and become a Top Gun pilot. Can’t you imagine Peyton putting on the aviator sunglasses and singing along?

San Diego Chargers: The Rolling Stones – “(I Can’t Get No) Satisfaction”
No matter what the Chargers do, they are always an afterthought relative to the Colts, Saints or Vikings. Yet the Chargers have won 10 straight games and have the most potent offense in the league as the only team to score a minimum of 20 points in every game this season. Phillip Rivers had a tremendous season, but was a distant afterthought in the MVP voting. Norv Turner has been a joke his entire head coaching career in the playoffs so we’ll see if he can change that perception and get the satisfaction of some respect with some playoff success.

New York Jets: R. Kelly – “I Believe I Can Fly”
Coach Rex Ryan really has his team believing they can do absolutely anything. At this point, he’s been right, so if he told them they could fly, there is a pretty good chance at least a handful of them would jump off the roof of the practice facility. The Jets believe they can fly by grinding it out on the ground and occassionally airing it out on play action……before Braylen Edwards drops it. I think it would be worth paying admission to see Rex sing this song to his team in the lcoker room.

Baltimore Ravens: Michael Jackson – “Beat It”
The Ravens have found success by beating the snot out of teams on the ground, similar to the Jets. The Ravens also have the guys on defense with Ray Lewis, Ed Reed and Terrell Suggs that will beat up the offense of opponents. The line that is the most applicable to how the Ravens play from the classic MJ song is “They’ll kick you. They’ll beat you. They’ll tell you its fair.” And we can all agree that seeing Ray Lewis in that awesome red zipper jacket would bring the team together to be able to win the next couple games on the road. And Joe Flacco and Ed Reed would have to be the guys behind Michael who engage in the knife fight…………trying to avoid the easy Ray Lewis knife jokes……….

So there you have it…….and apologies in advance for putting all those songs in your head. They will be there the rest of the day. The Hootie song has stayed with me since I decided to use it……..and I can’t shake it.

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The Knicks claim they lost their game in Oklahoma City the other night because the hotel they stayed in was haunted. The legend is that a woman had an affair with the owner, then jumped from the 10th floor window with their baby in her arms. So of course Eddy Curry stayed on the 10th floor and only slept 2 hours because he spent most of the night in Nate Robinson’s room. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. I think the Knicks have more reason to blame the ghosts of Isiah Thomas, Stephon Marbury and Allan Houston for their losses than some ghost in Oklahoma City.

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Last add – please send this along to your family, friends or anyone else that might be entertained by it. I appreciate your support and reading the site regularly. Come back each day for more random ramblings on sports and other topics. Thanks.

Lane Kiffin is An Ass

I have no affinity for Tennessee on any level. In fact, I probably dislike the state due to a speeding ticket last summer. I drove to Nashville for a wedding, and on Sunday morning, I’m headed back to NY, tired, head hurting, and facing a 13 hour drive. So Barney Fife of the Tennessee State Police pulls me over going 82 in a 70 mph zone. Give me a break dude, it’s 12 over. Anyway, he gives me the ticket and tells me to call the number on the back of the ticket in 10 days to find out how much the fine is. What? Why is there not a simple system that tells you, 12 over = $100. Move on. No, out here, the hillbillies need to consult with their cousin/wife – the only one in the county with at least a 7th grade education – to figure out how much they can stick you with. So after ten days, I call. No response. I call 3 times that day and leave 3 messages within 5 days. On the advice of Hildo, I google the citation # and find the table of fines in Kingston, Tennessee. It starts at 15 over and $150. I didn’t even make the minimum threshold. So I send them a check for $100 with a note that I called 10 times, no one called me back and according to their website, I am now clear. A month later I get a letter from MaryJoeMarieBettySueBobbby Hicks, the city clerk, saying I still owe $100 because the fine was $200. Assclowns.

Anyway, that was a really long intro to prove that I don’t really like Tennessee. Yet I like Lane Kiffin less. Kiffin is the douchebag who obviously has the gift of persuasion and he definitely learned a thing or 10 about taking the money and running from his mentor, Pete Carroll. (side note: Pete – give up the “right situation” act about taking the Seahawks job. You and Mark McGwire really believe that everyone else is an idiot when the reality is you’re more transparent than Ashley Greene in a body paint bikini. Back to your regularly scheduled rant on Lane Kiffin.) Kiffin was the defensive coordinator under Carroll at USC and somehow parlayed that into a gig with the Raiders. That was the same Raiders job that Steve Sarkisian (the USC offensive coordinator) turned down before Kiffin took the payday despite never having been a head coach at any level. To absolutely no ones surprise, Kiffin rubbed his rich older players the wrong way and he couldn’t control them the same way he could control poor young guys at USC (at least they were poor until they became stars at USC and then were given houses for their family – Reggie Bush, or cars – Joe McNight). He butted heads with the owner and as crazy as Al Davis is, he’s the boss. If you want to keep your job, you can’t publicly call out the guy who signs the checks. So after one horrid year, he was canned and bashed in the most bizarre press conference I’ve ever seen by the Crypt Keeper, Al Davis.

He then somehow parlays that public failure into the head coaching job at Tennessee, one of the premiere fan bases in the SEC. He uses the Pete Carroll model of recruiting great athletes regardless of whether they have the academic capacity or maturity to handle college. He committed a minimum of 6 NCAA infractions during his one year, and also had to dismiss players from the team due to their off the field problems. On top of all that, he tried to tweak the tail of Urban Meyer’s recruiting practices at Florida. Lane, Urban wouldn’t even hire you to get him coffee. He has national championships and Heisman winners at Florida. You have never had success. Remember those great USC teams? Defense was their problem – not the offense with Matt Leinart, Reggie Bush, LenDale White, Steve Smith & Mike Williams. So while on the field the Volunteer team improved during his one year, his off the field issues make it a tumultous tenure at best.

Yet, there must be something that Lane Kiffin has in his ability to smile and say the right things to your face that these places keep hiring him and believe him. He obviously can recruit - look at the guy’s wife as a prime example of his ability to convince someone that has no business being with him to buy what he’s selling. He definitely outpunted his coverage there. He’s the epitome of what’s wrong with the college coaching carousel, and also the perfect picture of a snake oil salesmen. Beware USC – you have a guy who will get your fan base excited, but there are fires in the building, and Lane loves to jump at the next payday instead of ever facing the music.

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Tough break (literally) for the Wisconsin hoops team losing Jon Leuer to a broken arm. That will be a crushing blow to a team that needs his ability to score from the post and step out and knock down three’s. Without Leuer, the Badgers don’t have anyone capable of drawing attention in the post which opens up Bohannon, Taylor and Hughes from beyond the arc. While I like Keaton Nankovil’s hustle and rebounding ability, he will not command any attention from opposing defenses. The Badgers will struggle against very good defensive teams the next time through the league like Ohio State, Michigan State and Purdue.

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Tuesday Ramblings - No S#it.

Before getting to the headlines that should surprise no one………I’m a big Packer fan, but obviously not as big as this guy. I watched the game but if I didn’t know better, I would have thought he was responsible for the defensive game plan or something…….

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Mark McGwire admitted to using steroids. No S#it. That’s almost as surprising as when I heard NBA players like to gamble and own guns. Why is this even a story? We knew with absolute certainty that he did steroids – look at the picture. Not just that his arms more than doubled, but look at the size of his head post steroids. It’s the same story as Sammy Sosa or Barry Bonds. Why does the media continue to shove it down our throats as if we really care any more? Mark obviously wants to get the A-Rod/Andy Pettite treatment now that he has admitted it so he can be loved in his role as hitting coach in St. Louis and eventually get elected to the Hall of Fame. We all know many, many baseball players during the 90’s used steroids. It was pitchers on steroids. It was hitters on steroids. Hell, managers may have been on steroids for all we know. We have to just footnote the era and move forward – we can’t go back in time and undo the records – they happened, we all watched and enjoyed it and the media reported on it with excitement. Last quick add – did you see the interview he gave on MLB Network? How much botox does he have in his face? His neck is all wrinkled and old, yet his face is perfectly smooth and doesn’t move even when he’s faking those tears. Let’s just move on.

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USC is struggling to find a coach to replace Pete Carroll. No S#it. So if you see a house with a ton of smoke coming from the roof and the former owner is running out of the house and laughing on his way to the bank, should you just head inside and call it home? The USC athletic program, both basketball and football particularly, is burning down due to repeated NCAA infractions. No current coach in a decent situation is going to leave that situation for USC. The only one who will? Jack Del Rio of the Jacksonville Jaguars, whom theJags would like to fire but are so financially strapped that they can’t. This could be a “get out of jail free” card for both Del Rio and the Jags.

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ABC’s “The Bachelor” show is heavily “steered” and creates story lines to build drama. No S#it. For those of you that have wives, girlfriends or secret obsessions with the show, the following link contains spoilers about the current season. So be warned but feel free to use it to win wagers of any amount against your wives, girlfriends or friends. Unfortunately, it does not contain pictures of Rozlyn, who was at the center of the supposed scandal and kicked off the show. But again, why would we be surprised that they stage/force many of the women to make these over the top statements of how in love they are with the midget pilot?

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Bullets don’t kill a 700 pound black bear. No S#it.

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NBC went cheap by moving Leno to the earlier slot, then reversed course and has now pissed off Leno and Conan. No S#it. I watched the new version of the Leno show once and it was horrendous. It reminded me of a bad high school production with cheap sets, bad lighting and awkward segments. So getting rid of that show is logical. Since Conan took over the Tonight Show the ratings have been awful because Conan does not appeal to the general audience for the show – middle aged and older adults. Conan’s a snarky, arrogant d-bag whose humor relies on him being smarter than you. It would then seem extremely logical for NBC to move Leno back to his original time slot and bump Conan out of the way. Yes, they’ve handled it poorly and yes, someone will get fired for the failed experiment. Yet people are acting with extreme surprise and trying to make a story out of something where the proper response should have been: No S#it.

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I feign interest in a blizzard on Mount Kilimanjaro just to post a picture of Jessica Biel. No S#it. Why would we be surprised about this? I mean, there are legit questions like why is Jessica Biel climbing a mountain? Or why is the granddaughter of ocean explorer Jacques Cousteau with her? I guess it really doesn’t matter.

Wildcard Hangover - Love/Hate

I’m still in shock…..so we’re going to start with the hates this week. While I was typing that, Aaron Rodgers just got hit in the helmet again (and it didn’t get called) and WRs and TEs were streaking wide open all over Glendale, Arizona.

Hate

- That was an unreal game in Arizona. I don’t even know where to begin. As much as it hurt to lose as a Packer fan, it was an incredible game to watch. Green Bay got off to the worst start I’ve ever imagined, then fought all the way back including a great on-side kick call by Mike McCarthy, and lost in OT on a fumble recovery where there was a blatant “contact with the helmet” and “facemask” penalties that were not called. I’m not blaming the game on the officials….but I need to rant a little. It was one of the worst officiated games I’ve seen in a long time – Rodgers was contacted in the helmet at least 3 or 4 times that I can recall and never received the flag. Whether they were hard hits is irrelevant in today’s “protect the QB at all costs” NFL – it’s an automatic penalty…..unless the officials that called Sunday’s game are there. Add to that the offensive pass interference and the blatant holding of Cullen Jenkins (who was called for brushing Warner’s helmet) on Larry Fitzgerald’s second touchdown, and it was a very poorly called game on many levels. Yet in the end, if the Packers highly rated defense could have figured out a way to cover someone over the middle of the field, they would have ran away with the game. The officials didn’t cost anyone the game – the lack of defense was abhorrent.

Aaron Rodgers proved that he can step up for a big game and delivered while rallying his team with his calm and collected demeanor. And Kurt Warner was also out of this world, with more touchdowns than incomplete passes. It was the most amazing offensive football game I’ve ever seen.

- When I said I would go 11-0 in the playoffs…….maybe I actually meant 0-11. I went 0-4 this weekend. Ouch. The only real shocker game was the Ravens putting the beat down on the Patriots. Time to double down in the divisional games next week………….

- Paging Randy Moss…………Mr. Moss? The doctors are ready for your heart transplant. Obviously the heart that you used for your first years in New England has expired. Not sure what to think of the Patriots future coming off this game. Their aura under Belichick and Brady took a major hit by losing at home, and not just losing, but getting crushed. The team didn’t rally after getting punched in the mouth early by the Ravens. That was the biggest difference between the Pats and the Packers on Sunday. Both teams started the games horribly, yet the Packers were able to fight their way back.

- Can someone please explain to me what happened to Carson Palmer? I thought he was a strong-armed gunslinger who was always under control when he entered the league out of USC. He then took over the strong aerial attack of the Bengals, zipping the ball all over the field during their strong 2005 season. He then blew out his knee on the second snap of his first playoff game against Pittsburgh. And now he’s an immobile, inaccurate, noodle-armed game manager? I haven’t seen a strange transformation like this since it was discovered that former Playmate of the Year Victoria Silvstedt was a hooker.

- That announcing crew that did the Jets-Bengals game on Saturday was among the worst I’ve ever heard, and I grew up listening to Jim Paschke and John McGlockton stumble through Milwaukee Bucks games. NBC gave us a team of Tom Hammonds, Joe Theismann and Joe Gibbs that had never worked a booth together and they sounded like it. Gibbs had no idea when he should or shouldn’t talk, Theismann talks too much, and Hammonds is better on Notre Dame games, where no one cares. At one point after Mark Sanchez rolled out and threw a long TD pass, Hammonds incorrectly called it out of the wildcat format and Theismann went on a rant about how Brad Smith was a prolific passer at Iowa and that the Bengals should have been ready for him. While his comment was factually accurate, it was extremely inappropriate because Smith was not on the field!!! It was not a wildcat play and Sanchez had thrown the TD pass. Yet Theismann was so eager to hear himself talk about the one fact he researched that he didn’t take the time to see what was actually happening on the field. I spent most of the game praying Lawrence Taylor would make a surprise appearance in the booth.

LOVE

- Wisconsin fans are going to have to deal with the sting of the Packer loss, but the silver lining from the weekend was the Wisconsin Badgers basketball team knocking off unbeaten and #4 ranked Purdue at the Kohl Center. Bo Ryan continues to amaze me with his ability to put together an extremely competitive team every year no matter how many players graduate. He also has built a dominant home court advantage – going 130-10 in his career at the Kohl Center. Jordan Taylor and Jon Leuer are the sophomore foundation of a team that has tournament potential. Senior guards in Travon Williams and Jason Bohannon along with the scoring sophomore duo and stingy defense are a good recipe for post season success. I think Bo might be more underrated

- Mark Sanchez and Tony Romo were impressive in playoff wins. Both guys have been on serious roller coasters with the media, and both seem like pretty normal guys. Both QBs were in complete control during the games on Sunday and led their teams to much needed victories. It seems like both quarterbacks have the world by the tail right now. Or is it that they have the tail in the world? Either way, the bottom line is the Cowboys are always under the microscope and right now they look incredible as they head to Minnesota to try and knock off Romo’s childhood hero Brett Favre. Sanchez plays in the biggest fishbowl in the world in NY and faces an unbelievable amount of pressure. He’s the toast of the town – this week – but needs to follow it up with a strong game in San Diego to keep that praise.

- Time for the annual “Should we trade Donovan McNabb?” Circus to kick off. He’s a good quarterback as proven by his regular season success, but it is also extremely apparent that he does not have the ability to win the biggest games. He is not mentally tough (have I said that before?!?!) and is not a strong leader. If the Eagles truly want to make a Super Bowl run, they will need to get a dynamic quarterback to pair up with DeSean Jackson, McCoy, Maclin, and Celek. I don’t think they have that guy on their roster currently – sorry Kevin Kolb.

- The sound you heard late Saturday night was not your neighbor trying to haul a fat girl home for some action……..well, it might have been that. But the other sound you heard? The coaching carousel screeching to a halt after the Cowboys victory. If Dallas loses to Philly, Wade Phillips get canned, perhaps Jeff Fisher or Bill Cowher would take the job and the carousel would pick up some steam. Instead, Phillips secured his job, and Fisher’s only potential move would be to go to USC to take over after Pete Carroll heads to Seattle.

- Speaking of Turtleneck Pete………….do you think he saw the gas and matches next to his USC program that has become dry wood and ran for the hills as fast as possible? Facing potential probation or loss of scholarships due to the Joe McNight situation and the Reggie Bush problems still not fully settled, Pete decided to get out of town while his star still has light left. You can’t blame him, but you have to wonder about the Seahawks. Can we run down the list of college coaches that went to the pros and had success? Jimmy Johnson……..that’s it. The list of failures? Dennis Erickson (twice – once by the same Seahawks), Butch Davis, Nick Saban, Bobby Petrino & Steve Spurier. And we’re not even bringing up the fact that Carroll was a failure in his first NFL run with the Patriots and Jets. Something tells me Pete is taking this job as a highly paid sabbatical before returning to run another college program……much like Nick Saban did with great success leveraging his brief poor run with the Dolphins into a huge pay day in Alabama.

Live From Alabama..........Squirrel!!

It's a special day - a double dip of postings. Why? Because we have late-breaking news with a live report from the ground in Alabama from none other than the reknowned T. Squirrel. If you want to get right to the earlier post with the NFL Wildcard weekend picks, click here. Otherwise I'll turn the floor over to Squirrel.................. (I've added the pictures independently from his story)

Greetings from Alabama- Roll Tide! First things first, did the rest of the nation hear the song.. "I'm gonna open up a can-a ala freaking bama" jamming all night long? If not, start listening as you read...http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X6S4ic2mdL0

As ya'll yankees know, I'm not from here, nor am I an Alabama football fan, not that I have anything against Bama, I just don't really care, so that gives me an unbias platform to work from here. I happen to be spending the week of the national championship game in Alabama, so I thought I'd mingle with the locals for the game. --Disclaimer.. I don't really have any interesting stories anymore. I'm married and love my wife and baby on the way-- but,it was the party that almost never happened.

Its cold (17 degrees) and snowing here. Forecast showed maybe a 1/2 inch of snow for the area.... therefore, the news showed people buying generators and had segments about how to drive in snow, police telling people to stay off the roads, etc. That means that the city was shutting down, literally. My training on thursday ended at noon and friday is cancelled. The pre-game happy hour was at the local lounge, where I had one miller lite, which was one beer for every space heater they were using to heat the joint. Nevermind there is no snow accumulation and never was, but it was falling from the sky, so round up the kids and hide in the basement.

We called around and found an open food and spirits serving shack, (complete with heat and electricity) just a few miles down the road, so here we go. The venue was Heroes sportsbar in Anniston, Alabama. I do like being in the south, other than badly needing a meal that isn't fried chicken. There are bountiful college co-eds here, as we have in the midwest.. but they talk with such a southern drawl that it makes you think, not only are they cute, but they must be really stupid, which must be very attractive for the young collegiate male looking for a friend. Good talent was observed, and I love the braided pigtails, seen in -three- young ladies at the bar.. thats a real nice suprise, Clark, because the rest of the US doesnt see this outside of the 20 something halloween special in a skirt. Ladies, you've all done it, so shut your yaps.

I'll leave most of the game analysis to professionals like Trent, but a few in-game comments. Rough start. That was probably one of the most miserable opening drives ever, and nice fake punt interception on fourth and 1/4 field. Nobody stressed down here, it was early.. fan focus was on eating and drinking. Even when the star quarterback Colt McCoy, who may carry Texas to national glory, goes down, I expect to hear the crowd start chanting "shoot em like a horse" or other compassionate messages, but the opponents were quite cordial. Perhaps it was just because he jumped off the field without a Rod Tidwell style knockout drama on the turf. But here comes the Tide. Ingram scores the first TD for Bama, which puts them ahead 7-6 and heres comes the country jam.. I'm gonna open up a can-a alafreaking bama!! what the hell is that song? Evidently, I was the only one who didn't know, because it was like being in a damn barn.. boot stomping, yelping, (ala kramer and joe dimaggio), and singing along.

After a little morning research, i guess its a real song, see above. Doubled it down on those speakers for a defensive big man TD on the shovel pass int?? open up a can-a...!!! Fans must have gotten awfully nervous in the 4th after the freshman qb took it to the skies and made it close, but just as soon as the potentially winning texas drive was getting started, they opened up a can-a one more time. YEEEEE-Haw! And for my final Alabama pop-culture reference, picture me as the lady laying on happy gilmore's car ... "Mister Mister, GET ME OUTTA HERE!"

T. Squirrel

Degenerate Friday - Wildcard Weekend!!

Congrats to Alabama on their national championship. I was all set to run another picture or five of Colt McCoy’s girlfriend, but instead you’ll have to deal with a picture of the Alabama elephant. Can anyone explain to me why “Crimson Tide” is equated to an elephant? I mean, the school is in the south, and based on a random sampling of SEC girls (google Florida Gator girls or Tennessee Vols girls, etc.) their fans are nowhere near elephants. Pretty sure the injury to McCoy just adds more questions about his pro potential. Yes, he’s won more games at QB than anyone in history, but what does that mean? Second on that list is David Greene from Georgia and he’s now playing quarterback for……..exactly. I think he’ll be lucky to be drafted in the third round because he reminds too many people of Chris Simms or Major Applewhite. And to the credit of freshman Garrett Gilbert, he settled down and brought the Longhorns back into the game, but was still owned by the Alabama defense when it mattered the most. Mark Ingram is now the 4th guy to win the Heisman and the national championship on an undefeated team, joining Charles Woodson (foreshadowing for later), Tony Dorsett and Matt Leinart.

Using the momentum of calling the national championship game correctly, let’s dig right into the matchups this wildcard weekend for the NFL. No, it doesn’t feel cheap to cash that Bama ticket after the McCoy injury. Tila Tequila should feel cheap for posing for photos a few days after her fiance dies. Gambling winning should never feel cheap – cash that ticket!! I’m feeling good and expecting to go unbeaten throughtout the playoffs. Following last weekend’s 9-0 mark in the early games, why not shoot for the perfect 11-0 record in the playoffs?

BENGALS (-2.5) over Jets

Two trains of thought here: (1) A rookie QB on the road and (2) everyone has bought into the Jets as the click to pick. Even as I type this, I’m losing my conviction in the pick, but I will not waffle. The Bengals are playing horrible, but the teams have almost equally strong run games and strong defenses. The Jets have the top rushing attack, but the Bengals are 9th in the league in rushing. The Jets are 31st in passing and the Bengals are 26th. The difference is that Carson Palmer is capable of making a big play if needed, and he has the receivers in Ochocinco and Coles that will not drop the ball (that’s a shot at you Braylen Edwards). I expect Mark Sanchez tobe as stable as Mariah Carey accepting an acting award when he’s playing on the road in cold, snowy and windy conditions with the Cincy crowd pumped up to try and help the Bengals win their first playoff game in 20 years. I’m also a strong believer that when all of the media and public jumps on one team, go the other way. The Jets ARE built for the playoffs with a great running game and great defense. But like I just said, those are also the strengths of the Bengals.

Eagles (+4) over COWBOYS

Andy Reid is 7-0 in opening round playoff games. Wade Phillips is 0-4 in the playoffs. Romo has never won in the playoffs. There are just too many trends here to ignore. I still do not understand why the Eagles decided not to blitz last weekend, but you can bet they will be bringing as much pressure as The Situation at closing time in the Jersey Shore clubs. The Cowboys still have to overcome the pressure of winning a playoff game (like you haven’t heard a million times they haven’t won a playoff game since 1996), and if the Eagles get an early lead, expect the crowd in Jerry’s Palace to also feel that pressure.

PATRIOTS (-3) over Ravens

Losing Wes Welker will haunt the Patriots in the later rounds against the Chargers or Colts. It will not haunt them as much against the Ravens as Julian Edelmann is a “Mini Me” version of Welker. Ravens supporters will point to the game earlier this season in Foxboro when there were a handful of questionable calls and a dropped pass from Mark Clayton that kept Baltimore from walking out with a victory. However, Brady was not fully healthy and his accuracy was suffering and the Ravens secondary was not in as bad of shape as it is now with a hobbled Ed Reed. Also add in the Patriots are 8-0 at home this year, and 8-0 in the playoffs at home under Belichick/Brady. And the Ravens needed to beat the Lions, Bears and Raiders late in the year just to get to 9-7. That’s enough for me to lay the points with the Pats.

Packers (+1) over CARDINALS

The Cardinals do not match up well with the Packers. They played in the 3rd preseason game (the one where starters play at least until halftime) and the Packers exploded for a 38-10 halftime lead. Then last week, given the Cardinals resting players early, the Packers exploded for a 33-0 lead. The attacking Packers defense can give Warner fits, and having the defensive player of the year in Charles Woodson to shadow Larry Fitzgerald tips the scales even further. Side note: Darrell Revis is a great shut-down corner, but he IS NOT the Defensive Player of the Year. Woodson is a complete player that tackles, covers, blitzes, intercepts and returns INTS to the house. Revis does not do that….yet. Back to the game…..Rodgers will be able to continue to hit big plays on the Cardinals secondary, especially with a banged up Rogers-Cromartie. I want to find a way to temper my expectations for Green Bay in this game and the only thing I can think of is that it is Rodgers first playoff game and the Cardinals have experience and “streak-ability” on their side. That won’t be enough for the Cards and to quote Jay-Z….”It’s on to the next one” for the Packers.

The (Burger) Kings of the NFL

Mike Shanahan has been hired to bring a Lombardi trophy back to the Washington Redskins. Mike Holmgren was hired to do the same in Cleveland. Both guy have a big name, Super Bowl victories and adoring media heaping praise and expectations upon them. Holmgren was given the title equivalent to “Grand Poobah” with the power to hire (and fire) a GM and head coach, and ultimately control all player personnel decisions, much like the roll Bill Parcells has in Miami. Shanahan has been given the title of “Executive Vice President” in addition to head coach, meaning he as the final authority on all personnel decisions (cue the Office Space quote: “So what is it that you would say you do here, GM Bruce Allen?”). But there is no reason to expect great success from either guy, and not because of the situations they are entering. Both men are extremely overrated, and have failed when given the power they so craved. Both the Redskins and Browns franchises paid dearly for the big name and expect results that they likely will not see.

MIKE SHANAHAN

Shanahan was known as “Coach Teflon” in Denver because no matter how many mistakes he made, he was always able to lean on those back-to-back Super Bowl titles with John Elway and Terrell Davis. A hefty majority of his success can be tied to the three year stretch from 1996-98, when he went 39-9 (.813 winning percentage) during the regular season and 7-1 in the post season. Then John Elway retired, Davis got hurt, and starting in 2002 he made a power play to get final say in all personnel matters.

Outside of that 3 year run, his record is 107-89 (.546), which is still above Ray Rhodes or Romeo Crennel, but he was 1-4 in the playoffs during those 11+ seasons. The biggest anchor to his coaching success? His GM skills. He was so arrogant and stubborn he thought he could win with Jake Plummer and Brian Griese, and believed he would be able to harness Maurice Clarett - drafting him about 8 rounds too early, and there are only 7 rounds in the draft. He also signed multiple defensive linemen from the Cleveland Browns - linemen who had failed on a horrendous team - and somehow believed they would not be lazy and slow in the thin air in Denver. Among his other notable draft failures were Jarvis Moss and Ashlie Lelie.

Again, my point is not that he’s a bad coach. It’s that he’s a bad personnel guy. And yet Daniel Snyder and the Redskins were all too eager to whip out his wallet and give Shanahan full control over the football operations. It’s as confusing to me as why he always has that orange tinge to his skin - does he own a tanning bed like Pauly D from the Jersey Shore? It’s not that sunny in Denver.

MIKE HOLMGREN

As for the Big Show Mike Holmgren, he was given hired as the football guru in Cleveland to turn around the franchise that has 2 winning seasons since being reincarnated in 1999. They have blown the #1 pick in the draft twice on Tim Couch & Courtney Brown (later signed by Mike Shanahan to fix Denver’s defense). So now they have their football guy - a guy with a Super Bowl ring and 3 Super Bowl appearances - to get things corrected and bring the franchise back to its hey-day when they would get knocked out of the playoffs by John Elway or a crushing fumble every year. But is Holmgren really the right guy to make personnel decisions? Like Shanahan, Holmgren is a great coach, but he does not have aa strong track record with power/personnel.

He had tremendous success in Green Bay as the head coach, utilizing the players that legendary GM Ron Wolf would provide him with - Brett Favre (also Mark Brunnell, Ty Detmer, Matt Hassel beck & Aaron Brooks - all of whom were NFL starters for multiple years), LeRoy Butler, Santana Dotson, Reggie White, Desmond Howard, Keith Jackson, Andre Rison, & the best o-line in the NFL, etc. He then moved on to Seattle (costing the Packers the ‘97 Super Bowl to Shanahan’s Broncos by shortchanging his preparation as he prepared for the move to the Pacific Northwest. Yes, I‘m still bitter) where he was given the ultimate power over everything football.
Holmgren was the coach and GM with the Seahawks from 1999 until 2002, when he was fired from the GM position, but retained as the coach. Interestingly enough, the lone Super Bowl appearance with the Seahawks came in 2005, 3 years after Holmgren lost his personnel power. Coincidence? During his 4 year run as King of Seattle he had 6 first round picks, with only Shaun Alexander and Steve Hutchinson being impact players. His big risks and misses included Koren Robinson, Jerramy Stevens and Chris McIntosh. After he lost his GM title, the team drafted Marcus Trufant, Ken Hamlin, Michael Boulware and Lofa Tatupu, all key players on that Super Bowl team.

So in the end, Cleveland and Washington need to temper their expectations a little and know that they paid for big name great coaches. Unfortunately for Cleveland, only one of them is coaching. And both of them have their hands in the personnel cookie jar, which hasn’t worked out very well in the past.

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Given the news about Warren Beatty’s bedroom “success rate” together with Tiger’s tales and the legendary Wilt number - no, not the 100 point game, this is a pretty funny take on the Biggest Studs out there. Here’s the best excerpt: “There should be an adjusted OPS+ type formula. Degree of difficulty is huge. Being an absolute dictator (Castro), having women paid to have sex with you (Ron Jeremy) or being in a rock band whose apex came at the height of the hard drugs era and before AIDS (Gene Simmons) is like being a left-handed pull hitter in Yankee Stadium.”

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I still like Alabama tonight to win the national championship and cover the spread. It’s a great storyline to have Colt McCoy (and his talented girlfriend) go out a champion after his incredible college career. Yet Texas does not have the offensive line to give Colt the time he needs. Colt said it himself, already telling his offensive line the game is on them and if they give him time, they will win. I also think the Alabama quarterback Greg McElroy is still underrated and will play smart enough to bring home the title. Expect him to then get drafted a little higher than he should - remember Brodie Croyle? - and end up as a career back up in the NFL.

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